I t“All You Need is Love!”


Thank you for everyone voting for the story of the year. The winner by a hair is the story of the two lovers Jay and Jenna. To get the full understanding of perhaps why this story may have struck a cord lets take a journey back my fellow readers….come let us go back in time.

Once there was this boy who carried around a bag of lima beans from place to place. A behavior so particular that it earned him the nickname Lima Beanz by his classmates. Lima Beanz dreamed of one day becoming wrestling coach for young boys. He admired the sport’s homoerotic roots and thrill of boys forcefully trying to get one another flat on their backs. Lima Beanz grew up and went away to college and made no friends, because nobody liked him.

Once there was this girl who grew up not to far from Lima Beanz. She was the girlfriend of a pastor’s son. However, she grew up too and went away to a different college, dated some guys and fell in love with her volley ball coach. Therefore, she decided to kick the pastor’s son to the curb, sending him to a period of private hell and misery.

One sweltering South Jersey summer day the boy and girl crossed paths. Ryan and I whitnessed the start of it all. You see Jenna was on a “break” from her new beau giving the chance to meet other guys that summer while come for school. That day her and Lima Beanz touched lips for the first time. Lima Beanz had to throw out his scientific theory he had worked on his whole college career that girls had “coodies”. It didn’t matter that girls found him repulsive and offensive when he openly degraded them anymore (is he spoke to them at all). It didn’t matter that most girls were turned off about him claiming to be the smartest man alive and God. He didn’t need them.

Because he loves her.

Each summer like the shobies to the jersey shore Jenna came to Laurel Springs. Each summer they did the dance of love under the summer sky. Each time she returned to school she would pull the wool over eyes of her dimwitted farmer boyfriend. While he checked to make sure each chicken was in the coop she quietly shed tears on her pillows.

Because she loves him.

One Summer she did not return, like the summer when the shoobies stayed away from Wildwood due to a sewage leak (thankfully a long time ago and since cleaned, New Jersey and You Perfect Together! ) she stayed away from Laurel Springs for the most part that summer. This didn’t dishearten the now retired scientist. He knew she would have a ring on her finger from him one day. Lima Beanz had ring of his on when he finished college. He spent most of that year sleeping till 4 pm, and sinking into debt. He worked sporadically after getting his education for a couple of years. His one boss even fired him cause he didn't like him. That didn’t bother him one bit.

Because he loves her.

Jenna moved back when school was done. With in weeks she forgot the farmer like Hollywood forgot C. Thomas Howell. She was back to locking lips with now more muscular Lima Beanz. Lima Beanz of course had done little maturing since he was a boy. At the same time Jenna decided to date guy after guy after guy after guy after guy after guy. Even Rich Arter for Christ sakes! Eventually she decided to kick the farmer to the mill. After a creepy sexual love triangle was displayed at Drewiebe 2002-bie (don’t ask) which made everyone who witnessed it uneasy and ready to vomit in Drew’s backyard. Luckily people only urinated in his pool. Despite her roster of love interests Lima Beanz was there like a loyal (or stupid) basset hound. (2 votes) She would always return to him though no matter who or how many guys she was seeing.

Because she loves him.


Over the years few girls were fooled by Lima Beanz outward looks. Though many become disgusted when they got know him as a person he had a few chances. One girl invited him to a Super Bowl party for a guarantee lay. He opted to spend the day with dudes make sloppy Joes. Another hottie (over rated actually) girl wanted him bad, despite seeing him vomit. Instead of rebounding from that foul, he fumbled. I think I just mixed up 3 sports in that sentence. Good thing no one reads Tucker’s World. Anyway…Lima Beanz even botched up a hook up with Russian Vixen.

Because he loves her.

After dating the equivalent of the population oh Hi-Nella Jenna decides on the day people observe the birth of Christ (sorry drew) that Lima Beanz is her man. She needs a man that who is chronically unemployed., enjoys farting in public places, still finds amusement in playing the penis game while approaching his mid-twenties, checks outs his own body, makes jokes about the events of Sept. 11th, picks on Drew, fears a cigarette smoking man, has blatant repressed homosexual tendencies, is a little girl about his hair, wants retards dead, hated by the vast majority of society including Ryan’s father, has little or no money, has no respect for property of other people, leaves idle cars ignored for months on end, shares a room with this brother, has less ambitious drive than Ryan has a sex drive, socially retarded when talking to authority figures and votes for the same story of the year as her.

Because she loves him.

The odds are stacked against him and their relationship is more controversial than Bush Administration’s relationship with Enron (despite the fact Clinton had an similar relationship) . Jay might only have a pocket full of lima beans and an empty wallet. But he has key to Dukes apartment for nice romantic evenings, and a key to Jenna’s heart. Despite Lima Beanz knowing for years that she is “The One” to the mockery of his peers, and critics pointing out Jennas fickle cold heart and neither them having the job they want everything is going to be okay.

Because all you need is love.


“Rich Men, Poor Men”

I still am not sure about the whole tax cut, because I simply don’t know enough about the economy to know if it will fix the situation. Unfortunately, it is not something I can write strongly about and state a side just yet.

One point of the tax cut (as I understand I could be wrong) would be to cut back on taxing money earned in the stock market, and than cutting back on it when it is passed down after death. I want read more about it before I make an intelligent comment about it. I tried reading TERMINUS but most of it went over my head, and I think it might be more opinion than fact. I would like to see how Drew would fix the economy since he seems to know ahead of time that this tax plan won’t work. I don’t mean that in a mean way. I want him to make up a plan.

Anyway before I get off topic and start talking about gay sheep or comparing people I know to basset hounds again let me get to something that resembles the title of this article. The tax cut has generated belly aching again that I can understand to a certain extent but I don’t really side with. It is a bellyache that has been around since cavemen had more rocks than other cavemen. It will be here when Smell You Later replaces goodbye (Simpsons reference for you people with lives), but I am sick of it.

I’m talking about people picking on the rich just because they are rich. Granted people some people did shady things go earn their green. Granted rich people can be stuck up ( I experienced this before) and not want to associate with blue collar people and can be pricks about the company they keep. But there are a lot of mid income pricks and low income pricks who hate people unlike them just as much. Just work in retail for awhile. I don’t see many people in the middle class hanging out with homeless people. Most people don’t even feel sorry for them, I feel sorry for very few of them. Not that I am a prick. I am aware of the poverty problem. Actually I am currently gathering clothes I don’t wear for good will.

Anyway, people bitch about the tax cut saying rich people are getting too much money back. Do you know why they are making a lot more money back than the majority of the demographics of this webpage? Before you say special interests read this comparison. Let us say Tom Tulish and I go to Best Buy. Tom buys an X-Box, and I buy an Avril Lavigne CD. The next day I let Tom read The Philadelphia Daily News when I am done with it, and so he can ignore merchandise being wheeled out. After reading the people paper for awhile he comes across a flyer for Best Buy offering 10 % everything. Because we know how to bitch out retail employees ( I would never do this though) we go back there and demand them to honor the discount. Tom makes back more money than I did because he spent more than I did.

If I actually had a full time job, I would not expect the government to hand me more money back than Dan K would get. I have not gone through the mundane details to see if either of us would get money back this time around. Of course, I would have to work full-time, but even if I did I wouldn’t make much at my current job to merit a truckload of green. Yes, obviously I need money more than Dan since he makes 70 times more than I do. However, it is not about that. It’s about giving money back that was taxed on the money you earned right?

I don’t want to see the gap between poor and the rich widen anymore as much as the next guy. But I don’t have distain for the rich. I don’t feel they owe me anything. If anything I admire the likes of Bill Gates, Ted Turner, John Rockafeller, and Milton Hershey. Granted it would be hard to give money back to the deceased but do you know why you know all these people and they are rich? Because they freaking earned it. All of them worked hard, or had the smarts to foresee the next big thing coming down the white horse pike. For every rich asshole, there is an honest good-hearted man like the late Dave Thomas. Heck when the stock market was booming in the mid-90s people got rich simply from reading about the market and GASP reading a newspaper. I only hate them, because I am like DAMN why didn’t I think of that!

Not everyone can be rich in a capitalistic society. We need the poor to do mundane jobs, and so the democrats can pay them for their votes. If rich people want to manipulate and take advantage of the weak and lazy than so be it. That is just survival of the fittest that exists in every society. They are also providing them with jobs and stuff to buy. It would have been swell if my ancestors hopped on the Oil bandwagon early last century. The people that were smart enough hard working enough and dedicated enough can pass down their loads of cash from generation to generation now (and the government will tax that too so even after you meet the reaper you pay Uncle Sam). So people with “Old Money” can be stuck up I don’t think its their job to close the poverty gap if they don’t want to. Anymore than if I should give a dollar to some drugged up homeless guy ( home dwelling challenged) if I don’t feel the need.


People who scoff the rich act like America is the only place that has class problems. Our poor people’s living conditions are that of envy in some countries where living to 30 is an accomplishment. As much as I get annoyed that most the Indian gas attendants can't understand what the heck I am saying, you have to admire their balls. Not in a gay way of course, but they found a hole in the system and exploit it.

I just graduated college and I feel like Tim Robbins in the Hudsucker Proxy. I am not really sure what my ticket to ride is going to be yet (hopefully there is one) but I don’t want to fully blame others if I spend my life in retail. Granted the economy is the worst in 3 decades making the job search a big fat bitch. I know part of it is who you know and it would help if I had a distinct dream. I would rather blame myself for not having enough direction. Despite that blaming the man on the moon and people who are richer than you is the American way.

I am not saying everyone can just get money and fortune by simply WANTING. You need a marketable skill if you are out to just make money. Some people would rather just follow their hearts and that’s cool. Those people are usually the most good-hearted and the glue of society. But if your out to join the top 1 % if you have and idea, an concept, a product that people will want or need, some sweat, hard work, elbow grease, showing no fear, and a way to sell it than you deserve every cent you earn. If the government decides they take too much money from EVERYONE what you earn and want to be fair about it you should get back based on what you earned. Not what you think you are owed. So instead of scoffing the rich, maybe read about how they did it.

"Tucker Looks Back at the Movies of 2002 & Blogs About Them! ”

Well here are the movies that I saw in 2002..ones off this list like the Harry Potter sequel and Lord of the Rings sequel I didn’t bother to see since I never saw the originals. They are in sort of order of releases some I rented others I saw in theaters. I am going to give them a rating. I am most likely going to do this in at least two parts. . This post may seem longer than most….but read it anyway!
½ Star = BRUTAL
*=Awful
*1/2= bad
**= it was OKAY
**1/2= good
***1/2= really good
****= AWESOME MUST SEE OF THE YEAR


Frailty: **
Uneven, but engaging tale of demons! The film is basically about two brothers who had a dark past. Their father thought they were a family chosen to slay demons. Was he out of his GORDE or his the last in the line of defense between good and evil? Now that the kids are grown up is it time to follow in their dads footsteps? The movie was the first film Bill Paxton directed. If you like creepy tales its worth a rental because it will keep you guessing. Certainly a step above some recent attempts in the genre

National Lampoon’s Van Wilder * * ½

Some jokes work some jokes fail miserably. The guy who plays Van Wilder has good comic timing and plays the role well. Van is a cool guy who helps out dorks instead of picking on them like in most college comedies. The movie should have tried too hard at times, and should have keep with the witty dialogue instead of resorting to dog seaman jokes that resulted in many people leaving the theater.Although the huge testacies jokes worked. Since Van is such a cool character its certainly hard to HATE this film. Good one to sit around with some beers and buddies. Good eye candy too.


Spiderman **

The movie is loyal to the original comics that started the series. But watching the film I realized what cheap clone Spiderman is of Superman. Even parts of the film seemed airlifted from Richard Donner’s superior Epic Superman: The Movie. Such as scenes when his father figure gave him advice before dying, being a misfit in high school, having to chose between saving innocent people and his loved ones, the hero going from a small town to a big city, and working for a newspaper.

The first act of the film is good which is important to make the second act work in a film like this. Unfortunately, the movie seemingly derails and becomes too campy. Why the heck does Green Goblin have a beef with him anyway? At least Lex Luthor had a reason in the film, when he figured Superman was on to his restate scam (it a lot cooler than it sounds), and I know that Superman had some major plot holes..but come on. I know it’s a comic book movie but….

The main problem was Spiderman was simply a horribly done CGI, and I felt like I was watching a playstation game not a movie. I don’t recall Spiderman changing form and size as much as he did while navigating against obviously fake backgrounds. I don't hate movies just on effects, cause I can watch movies with dated effects either. However Tobey McCguire didn't really even play Spiderman that much. Again Superman looked bad in some scenes flying against a map painting ..but this was bad. Why do we keep insisting that we master this form of special effects. Give me models and puppets in day.

Some cool explosions and feel good heroism, and I guess we are supposed to be impressed when Macy Gray shows up in cameo role. If you want to see any Spiderman movie see this one, cause the sequels are likely to be campier and crappier. Spiderman’s love interest is a shallow bitch.


Panic Room ***

Well executed thriller that has to make you care about the characters and has to be well-acted the film succeeds in both efforts so that’s why the movie works. The movie’s basic plot has a mother and um..either son or daughter I don’t forget I just couldn’t tell are locked in a room designed to keep out the bad guys.

They don’t resort to home alone tactics, but there are actually a few laughs generated by the dreamy (who said that?) Jared Leto (or is it Ledo?). I don’t want to say too much about the movie though cause I saw it a long time ago and don’t want give anything away. Certainly a movie most people can agree on so if you look to rent something with a person who you usually don’t agree on films with…its neutral enough for most people to have a happy blockbuster night.

Insomnia: **

A well directed, occasionally slow thriller about a man tracking a killer in an artic town. One of the people that I saw this with said it was one of the worst movies they ever saw. I have to disagree with that statement! Not that I am going to hang the poster of the film on my wall anytime soon but its worth seeing at least once.

The movie is well directed with some good sequences, like Al Pacino jumping on ice chunks after the over acting Robin Williams was certainly one of the better chases scenes of the year. However most of the film doesn’t really stay with you. To be honest I don’t even remember why Robin Williams killed anyone for if he even did. I am pretty sure Hilary Swank was in it.

I don’t usually gripe when movies are too long, cause I think that’s a lame thing to say about movies. However it could have used some trimming especially scenes that were repetitive that’s what they make the deleted scenes on DVDs for.

Mr Deeds *

I saw this movie after happy hour with some friends; needless to say the first half of the movie was a lot funnier. Maybe Sandler can’t pull off mindless whackiness off anymore like he did in the mid 90’s. with The stupid but Billy Madison or the overrated but popular Happy Gilmor.

The film could have been better if it would just sit back and tell the story without sidetracking for supposed comic sequences that seem out of place and for the most part are not funny. Even Sandler films regulars embarrass themselves. Good comedy could have just been done by playing the movie straight like Big Daddy kinda did.

Sandler plays a bit more bright waterboy, but making him borderline retarded doesn’t seem necessary. Since they are handed the fish out of water bit thanks to the plot. Sandler is all cartoonish than we are supposed to care about his broken heart. Some actresses just shouldn’t do comedy and Ryder is just awful. The film also manages to waste the talents of Peter Gallagher who is underrated and certainly has better comic abilities than what you see here.

Mr. Deeds made money, but Sandler better find a new bit. I wanted REALLY wanted to see Punch Drunk Love, because Sandler is supposed to be really good in his first serious role. But I never got around to seeing the flipping thing.

MIB II *

The pug is funny. The movie is dumb. The plot swaps Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith’s roles comically from the first one. Jones who shows up late in this oddly short film has to be re trained by Smith. So basically the two actors get paid millions to stare at a blue screen. The plot in the first one was remotely intresting this plot just sucks.

This movie’s only purpose is to put faces on Taco Bell cups. But if you do see it…try not to laugh at the pug singing along to “Who Let the Dogs Out?” just try!

This film made my brain hurt. Thank God (sorry drew) it only takes a lasts about 80 minutes or less before the credits roll and we hear the new Will Smith song. NOD YOUR HEAD!

Signs *****

Its freshly out on DVD so go rent it, although you missed out on a good theater experience! The movie is heartwarming, funny, thrilling (me and several friends hearts were literally pounding), dramatic, and just flat out fun!

Everything in this film works, except that random army guy. Almost perfectly directed and acted. Mel Gibson plays the role well, and I enjoyed the spiritual undertones of the film. The movie proves the age old old point that most the time its what you DON’T see that makes a film like this effective. But since computers out there have the ability of doing cool animation (not believable live action mind you) will be subjected to more CGI mania next year I am sure.

This movie was one of the few that I have recalled to live up to its hype. Although I think the makers are disappointed, that no one started a trend wearing the hats in the film.

More movies to come…also look for a COMCAST update, the story of the year, and various other current events to be pondered.