Sorry for the delay in posts...for that you get a double-header. Sadly more people will read this post than watched the World Series.

“The Secret Life of Ralphie Cifaretto”



Sometimes when a tv show or a movie becomes popular and you don’t realize that some of the actors had done previous movies that you have seen. Like it took me awhile to realize that Josh Hartnett who has had much success of late, was the kid in the AWFUL Halloween H20. I didn’t realize till I flipped pasted the USA broadcast premier of the ultra-dark Nicolas Cage flick 8 Millimeter that Tony Soprano and “The Machine” were one in the same. I mean when I first tuned into The Sopranos, I didn’t even recognize him from anything.


I learned to accept that one. But I was totally blown away after reading an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer profiling Joe Pantoliano who plays Ralphia Cifartetto has been in many movies I have seen before. He appeared in such movies as Bad Boys, and the Fugitive. I guess small roles that I don’t recall. But when I read he was in last year’s Memento I could not imagine who he was in the film. Since it had such a short cast I figured he had to be Teddy. The sleazy friend of the lead character of the movie, but he was bald and looked nothing like Ralphie. Clearly the paper had mad an error.


Well I looked up on the IMDB and they were right. Apparently, he wears the best damn wig on tv. He has really short gray hair, and is almost bald. He did however really grow up in North Jersey and his step-dad might have been connected. I can’t get over that it is the same actor! I guess in a world of featherless chickens anything is possible.


“Snow Business”

Sleet is being said on my TV right now, and so is wet snow. Of course it is in regards to the Pocono’s. However, it was reported as close as Mullica Hill today. Philly might see some wet snow this weekend. The last several winters have been really mild. In fact I am pretty sure we skipped winter last year. The one snow “storm” that hit South Jersey was a distant memory when it hit over 50 degrees the next day.


This fall however seemed a bit on the chilli side, at least to this cold weather loving south jerseyan. So when I checked the Fox Philadelphia Weather page as I usually do I decided to drop an email to Rob Guarino. I did this as a loyal service to my readers (both of them) and because I am a huge dork.


Since I heard El Nino was returning after a brief hiatus for this winter I knew that something crazy was going to happen this winter. Honestly in the same article that I read in the Courier-Post they said it would be really mild, but ended by saying it could also be wet and wild. So lets see. It will either be really cold and wet or warm and dry? Well…I could have told you that. So, anyway I sent him an email asking him if the cool fall could have anything to do with a colder winter. Also to clear up what the right call was for the return of El Nino. I also pressured him to predict the total amount of snow fall in our region this winter. Something he has not done on TV or on his webpage as of yet. THEREFORE, YOU HEARD IT AT TUCKER’S WORLD FIRST!


Here is the response he wrote me.


BOTH CALLS ARE RIGHT AT THIS POINT AND YES THE FALL WEATHER IS VERY IMPORTANT TO WINTER. OCEAN TEMPS DROPPING UNLIKE LAST YEAR.


LOOK FOR 15-22" OF SNOW THIS SEASON. BELOW AVG. BUT BETTER THAN LAST YEAR.


--ROB GUARINO
FOX WEATHER


Don't expect NBC 10's John Bolaris to tell us we will be up to our eyeballs in snow this year, at least not from a Philadelphia affliate. He is leaving NBC 10 at the end of November (sweeps month of course). The popular weatherman known for banging lots of hot chicks and dating Lauren Hart (Gene Harts daughter) for 4 years made an ass out of himself a few winters ago. He predicted for the storm of the century, and all we got was wet snow and some wind and it was like 50 degrees. He literally got 3,000 death threats e-mailed to him. He will leave for NYC to be back and already might have a job at a CBS affliate. I doubt Howard Eskin can cock block him that far away.


Also my friend Duke who claims to be in touch with the weather is predicating a cold possibly snow filled winter. But we once had to convince him to use Soap.

Here is a short story that I wrote a few years ago. Some of you read it back than. But as Dennis Miller used to say. It is not a rerun but an encore presentation!

A M E R I C A N MONKEYS

It seemed like the day I decided to take my own life that the weather some how knew. It was fitting what was to be my last day on Earth was one of those extremely dark days when you began to wonder if the sun still existed. I guess it didn’t even matter where I stood now. Standing in the dark, damp subway station. Finally my train pulled up and I got in. Not a moment too soon either the stench of the urine in the subway was particularly strong that night.

I took the first seat. The train was quite full for such a messy night. The only reason I was out in this mess was to say goodbye to my friend Peter. Peter and I had grown up together, although I haven’t seen him too much these days since he went to school in the city. When I got there some spaced out guy who I have met before greeted me, I think his name was Darren, or Jared, or something one of those names you don’t hear that often. He told me Peter had gone to his girlfriend’s house for the weekend. I couldn’t believe it . I couldn’t even get my most important goodbye in. To top it all off it reminded me that I was dumped a month ago. I guess I wouldn’t had been that big a deal if it hadn’t been so close to me flunking out of college. I can’t look back. I’m going to do it tonight.

Looking around the train I was on I wondered why it was frowned abound to take your own life. In fact, society would be much better off with out some of my fellow passengers. For example, the fat man two seats ahead of me. I mean this guy must have been without exaggerations 600 pounds. I don’t understand people like him, you would think when he broke 400 he would have decided to lay off the Twinkies. The man’s rolls of fat jiggled as the train moved. It was jiggling almost in perfect timing with the metal squeezing sounds the train made.

As my eyes scanned the car I found another cancer to society. Miles Peterson, I graduated high school with him. We were good friends for the first two years or so, he was acutally kind of a quiet geek type. However, one day he decided to pretend he was a bad ass. He started wearing chains, dressing differently, calling everyone YO. What really pissed me off was that everyone but Peter and me seemed to have bought it at the time. He became one of the most popular guys in school. He would tell me every Monday about the girls that he would get laid by. I never understood girls. I guess that’s why Gina left me.

I clinched a bottle of aspirin in my hand. It was shoved way down deep in my pocket. I figured that’s the way to go. It’s going to be tough enough for whoever discovers my body. No need for me to add to the horror by putting a bullet through my skull and having them not only see my dead body but my brains scattered all over the room.

When the doors opened again to let the next wave of passengers in and a fresh dose of urine air, Miles spotted me. He got up and walked towards me swinging his arms like he would turn around and hit anyone who gave him crap. Its funny I still see that quiet kid he used to be. He used to have a Ducktales lunchbox our first year of high school. Not only was it odd for a kid that age to still have a lunchbox, but to have one with a cartoon on it made it even funnier. He sat down across from me.

“How you been Yo?” he shouted loud enough to make sure everyone knew he was cool.

“ I have been”
You would think with the blatant roll of the eyes I gave him he would have gotten the hint.

“Where you working these days? he asked.
“Ralph’s market.”

“Still? What are you up to about 4 bucks an hour?” he asked followed by a fake laugh.

“About that.”
Now notice I didn’t ask him anything about his life. However, he saw fit to tell me anyway.

“I’ve been working for the Central Federal Computer Data. Its easy cash. Because, I know my shit so well. I get on the phone and sell people software and shit. I even go to their homes to help fix problems. I make commission on selling them a warranty from our company. I’ll go in there and scare the crap out of them by telling them horror stories of all the viruses going around. Not only do I get them to buy warranties and make commission, but I exploit the real dumbasses. I’ll run a disk in their computer and charge them 50 bucks telling them they are protected from all the newest viruses. Although it doesn’t even do that. It just runs through the files. Its totally meaningless.”

I started pretended in my mind to punch him and throw him into the wall of the train. I always make stuff up in my mind when I’m bored As I looked around the train I was amazed to see this incredibly sexy woman about my age sitting, alone. As Miles rambled on and on, I began to think maybe I could postpone my plans for the night and make a new friend. She had straight dark hair and a low cut red tank top on. Peter once lent me a book about how men and woman get together. The one theory was the monkey theory. That if two people were forced to stay in the same spot for a long period of time they would end up having sex. Like monkeys in a cage at a zoo. I got out of my seat while the train still moved. I figured I had at least thirty minutes until we reached Stewart Street, which was my stop. She wasn’t going anywhere. Might as well go out with a bang. I always wanted to put that monkey theory to a test.

My first move to make and impression on her wasn’t very good. I kinda fell into the seat next to her. I wondered if Miles was still talking.
Our eyes met. I had to say something other than hello. That would be pretty lame. I took notice of her wearing shorts.
“Aren’t you cold?” I asked. Although one look at her tank top gave me the answer to that question. I didn’t want to look, so I sent my eyes to look at the chair in front of me. There was a bunny sticker on the back of the seat in front of me. I just sat and looked right at it.

“Yeah well it’s always hot where I work so my boss let’s me wear shorts. She’s cool like that” I turned back facing her just to see her smile after she said that. I saw her big brown eyes widen. She has such a nice smile, that it made me feel guilty about all the sinful things I thought of her while crossing that train.

“Melissa’s my name but call me Missy” she extended her soft little hand.

“I’m James.” We shook hands. “So where do you work?”

“American Bagels you know on 45th and market?”

“Oh yeaaaah” I lied.

“Do you want one?” she asked she leaned over to get a bagel out of the bag sitting on the floor. My eyes went straight back to the bunny. I took the bagel and wrapped it up and set it on my lap for later. I wanted to talk to her, but not about me. I’m sure she wouldn’t want to hear about me going to school to become a doctor and failing. Or how everyone seemed to have better luck than I do, even guys like Miles who didn’t deserve it. Or that if this train wasn’t moving so slow, that I would be downing a bunch of pills right now.
“Where you heading?” I asked.

“Back to my apartment in Amesbury.”

“That must be so cool to be out on your own. I mean my parents drive me nuts. Everybody has it better than me. What made you finally decide to get out?”

“Actually my parents are dead”

No where in that monkey book did it mention about what to say after that.

“I’m really …”

“When I was ten my mother was killed in a drunk driving accident. My father was never the same. Six years later I came home from school to find my father lying on the kitchen floor. He was dead of a heart attack. I sat there holding him waiting for the ambulance. But I knew he was gone. I could feel it. I have some relatives down south, and a grandmother in a home. But I have been on my own since I was sixteen its been me and my Little sister. I work at the bagel place and take classes when I can. I’m not going to be there my whole life. I’ studying to become a vet I love animals”

When I first saw her I could only think about what she would look like naked. Now I couldn’t. I just thought about holding her when she was crying and holding her in sense to say it wasn’t fair that she was dealt a lousy hand in life. But its amazing when I looked at her she didn’t seem defeated. In fact, she had a look of total confidence when she told me where she saw herself. I placed my hand on hers for a second. She looked back and pointed with her head. She pointed right to Miles.

“Friend of yours?” she asked.

“Far from it”

“He comes in my work a lot. Her asks me to go clubbing with him every time. I just keep telling him no but he doesn’t listen. I told him to his face one time that I didn’t like him,but he still comes.”

Speaking of the devil. He came to us as the train had reached his station. He walked up to say goodbye. Or so I thought. He just looked at her.

“ I see you are talking to my boy Jimmy over here,” he said, hitting my shoulder. But it was the way he said it like I didn’t have a chance in hell with a girl like her that pissed me off. “Maybe I’ll stop in and see you tomorrow Missy.” As he finished that sentence missy and I both noticed the enormous piece of snot hanging out his nose. It was funny how he was trying to put me down in front of her, and he had a ten-foot booger clinging for dear life to a nose hair. When he left, we both broke into laughter. I hadn’t laughed that hard in I don’t know how long.

“Its funny most girls are into Miles big time,” I said once I caught my breath.

“Yeah there are a lot of naive girls that I could see buying into his act. I guess he sees other guys get girls who act that, and he figures he my as well pretend to be like them. Instead of actually being himself. I mean he may live a happy life with girls he dupes. But he isn’t honest with himself. I can even tell that. I guess his act is just his way of taking the easy way out.” I realized the irony of her comment as I clinched the aspirin bottle once again.

Before I knew it we arrived at Stewart station I got up. I realized what I slid on when I came over. It was little red plastic monkey, with two hook arms. It looked like it was from one of those barrel of monkeys from when I was a kid.

“Oh how cute,” she said. “ My little sister gave me them for Christmas one year. She said she liked the way that one monkey would always hold on with all his might to keep the other from falling.”

“Thanks,” I said softly. I think she thought I ment the for the bagel.

I gave her the monkey and told her goodbye. I stepped out of the train. I thought about doubling back and getting her number. Instead, I took the aspirin and threw it as hard as I could, and took a bite of the bagel. It was sweet.

“Jersey Girl”

There is a good chance that many of my readers (okay maybe 2 of them) have no idea that major movie stars are bouncing around in the tri-state area. Kevin Smith director of such watermark 90’s flicks as Chasing Amy, Clerks and Mall Rats, is currently making his next movie Jersey Girl in our own Garden State.

The movie which wraps production next Wednesday boasts two major Hollywood stars in Ben Affleck and J-Lo, who are apparently now GETTING IT ON! I am not sure if their love blossomed over cheese steaks or not. In addition Kevin Smith favorite Jason Lee, American Pie’s Jason Biggs (recently sighted in a Philly club), George Carlen, Liv Tyler and the fat guy from Dumb and Dumber will appear in the flick, and have been in the area to shoot parts of the film.

Most of the Jersey filming was done in Paulsboro. The town is supposed to be central Jersey though. The movie also has scene that was filmed right in the Berlin diner. The Silver looking one right on the White Horse Pike. Since the movie was to take place in the winter, the tree sitting out side was stripped of its leafs. You can actually still see it if you drive past.

Scenes in Philly are supposed to be NYC, such as the Hard Rock Café, because its obviously cheaper to film there. The people of Paulsboro were so delighted to get some press that, they named a street after Kevin Smith. As of this week there is officially a Kevin Smith Way in the town of Paulsboro.

I’m told people have been cool when people have been asking them for autographs. Sadly its about the biggest thing movie wise to have come here in a long time. This girl that writes for the Daily News became so obsessed with Ben Affleck being around, that she wrote about one time about voice mails that he left her. She also took paper space to tell him where to get soup and cheese steaks.

You will have to wait till fall of 2003 to nudge your friend and say. Hey I know that place! I have no idea what the plot is about. Maybe it is about a girl that comes back from college to work a crappy retail job and make half the garden state fall in love with her. I didn’t see any Puerto Rican cast members in the cast list though. Don’t worry loyal viewers she NEVER reads my blogg, no matter how many times I tell her to. So no harm will come on to thee!


Other movies that I know of filmed in Philly:

Rocky
Fallen
Mannequin
Mannequin 2: On the Move
Philadelphia
Witness (parts of)

You know how sometimes when you tune into a talk show you like, and there is a guest host. This is kinda like that. Im too tired, and busy to write anything today, so I have cut and pasted Ryan's thoughts on modern day life in the suburbs. It was actually a paper he did in 1999 (was it really that long ago?). Its pretty interesting though.

"Suburbia"


“Turn right at the Golden Arches and hang a left at Sal’s Pizza, go down two traffic lights, and that will bring you to Winding Way.” Are those the direction to you house? If not, I’ll bet they’re pretty close. That’s how it is in the suburbs. Middle class suburbia, which I am and always have been a part of, has become in recent years a predictable and patterned society in which almost any town in the US can be moved to another part of the country and fit right in. There are fewer and fewer distinguishing features in these suburban towns that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. I know we all have grown very accustom to our food markets, fast food restaurants, and video rental stores, but its gotten to the point to where they all seem to be in the same order and the some distance apart from each other.

Suburbs are a product of the city and country. They are a breeding ground for contact zones. Mary Louise Pratt defines contact zones as “social spaces where cultures meet, clash, and grapple with each other, often in contexts of highly asymmetrical relations of power, such as colonialism, slavery, or their aftermath as they are lived out in many parts of the world today”(Pratt 530). These zones have become so abundant in suburbia, it is almost as if there are no contact zones but just contact.

Suburbia was a new concept in the early 1950’s. It seemed to be a perfect mix of city and country. The suburbs had the food stores and restaurants of the city without the inconvenience of bumper to bumper traffic to get to them. They had the clear skies and quiet nights of the country, but had not without the occasional carnival or celebration to break the silence. The houses were just far enough apart to where you can have your personal space but close enough to where you would be able to visit your neighbor without having to travel 5 miles. They definitely had the best of both worlds. Now that they have become a world of their own, I’m not sure if those “bests” are even there anymore.

Today, it’s a little different. First, another question. How many times have you gotten lost in a development? People think it is easy to get lost in the sea of cars and buildings that is the city. They also picture getting lost on that never-ending dirt road in the country. These both are true, however, the suburbs are now just as easy to get lost in. Let’s start with where the houses are: developments. The idea behind developments is that all of the houses are designed almost identically. They all look the same! Maple St., Oak St., Washington or Lincoln Blvd., Yale or Harvard Ave., it doesn’t matter.

On the other side of my town, there is a development and I get lost everytime I go in there. It is a maze of split level houses with bushes, basketball nets in the driveway, and American flags hanging outside front doors. If I get lost in my own town, what chance do I have in another one?

Then once you get out of the development, you have to find the thrift store and Marco’s Italian Eatery. Is it two lights past Evesham Ave. or three? Do I go right at the Wawa or stay straight? These are the suburbs of today. They aren’t a bad place to live in, they are just a little monotonous. Sure, there’s a lot to do, but its all pretty much the same.

Another thing that brings out the similarity of suburbia is the seasons. With spring there is gardening. Make sure your daffodils and tulips are in the ground and ready to bloom. Memorial Day comes around and its bar-b-que time. When you really think about it, everyone is doing the same thing. Dad is grilling burgers and dogs while mom is fixing potato salad. The neighbors bring the apple pie.

Summer rolls around and it’s the town swim club for passing those long days away. As August gets under way, it’s time to get to the mall for those back to school sales. Football and soccer tryouts occupy the kids while raking leaves and painting the shed occupies the parents.

Halloween is always nice as long as no one gets lost trick or treating in their own neighborhood. Thanksgiving is a chance where we can visit our relatives in a suburb out of state and not be too impressed.

Now the days are colder and the snow is falling. Santa is at the mall, along with the rest of the civilized world and the kids are making some extra cash shoveling driveways and sledding down the hill behind K-Mart.

It is pretty common knowledge that changing schools is a nerve-racking experience. This is true but to different degrees. If a student from a city comes into a suburb to a new school, the change may be overwhelming at first. But when they come from just another suburb, the transition is much smoother.

In her article “Arts of the Contact Zone,” Pratt discusses two different kinds of cultures. There is the conqueror and there is the conquered. What forms a contact zone is the blending of these two cultures. Languages, traditions, among other customs are given and taken from both sides. Pratt uses a quote from Guaman Poma’s New Chronical and Good Government to give an example of “a conquered subject using the conqueror’s language to construct a parodic, oppositional representation of the conqueror’s own speech.” In essence, this is an example of how a contact zone is created from two cultures, a conqueror and a conquered. The common ground here is language. The Andeans dream of the Spanish bringing them gold and silver from Peru. When they end up brining nothing, the Andeans say something to express their feelings of disappointment in a “parodic” manner.

In this particular case, the result of the contact zone is negative. The Spanish were depicted as a higher power in Puman’s book. The second half, which is called “Good Government and Justice,” “combines a description of colonial society in the Andean region with a passionate denunciation of Spanish exploration and abuse”(Pratt 533). The Andeans were being decimated “at a genocidal rate” (Pratt 533).
In the case of the suburbs, however, it is positive. As time went on, views of suburban life from city and country inhabitants become somewhat negative. The stereotypes began to form. For starters, there are the snobbish, lazy twenty and thirty-somethings living at the mall and coffee shop slash bookstores. Then there’s the high schoolers with their own car (but can’t parallel park since they never have to) who drive to the mall and spend hours walking its floor without making a single purchase and sometimes not even entering a store, are among some of the many. I’ll admit that I am guilty of the latter along with a countless number of my peers. That’s what’s happening in these towns. The mall, bookstores, Taco Bell, and Blockbusters are the things to do.

With the contact zones of the Spanish and Andeans, the Spanish were the dominant culture. It is hard to say which culture is the dominant and which is the conquered when talking about the suburbs. If I had to choose, and I pretty much do, I’d say that the city has had a bigger impact than the country has. Many of a big American city’s qualities can be found in suburbia. Today, there IS bumper to bumper traffic. Ever since that multiplex cinema and new deluxe Shop Rite went up across the street from each other, there’s gridlock pretty much anytime of the day. And as far as roads go, they always need fixing. When one gets fixed, another is shut down. This creates detours, which create more traffic, which creates a mini city, if you will. Because of this, those in the country have similar perceptions of suburbians as the city residents do, but for the opposite reason, since they are on the other end of the spectrum.

Autoethnography, transculturation, critique, collaboration,
Bilingualism, mediation, parody, denunciation, imaginary
Dialogue, vernacular expression-these are some of the literate
arts of the contact zone.(Pratt 536).

Miscomprehension, incomprehension, dead letters, unread
Masterpieces, absolute heterogeneity of meaning-these are
Some of the perils of writing in the contact zone.(Pratt 536).

Pratt said this referring to literature but these terms also fit the way we live in communities. As I said before the suburbs aren’t a bad place to live in, they just have become barren. Not barren in the literal sense, but in the overall feeling they give off. They are all I have ever lived in and don’t mind them at all. I’ll probably continue to live in them as I get older. I’m sure there are many people who live in cities and in the country who will agree that there habitats are all the same. It’s just that the suburbs were the new way. They were the mixture of two extremes. Now they have just become an extreme of their own.

"Monday Morning Blues"

The alarm goes off. Your feet hit the floor. The most possible time to exist bettween you and your weekend stands in front of you. You are almost getting yourself killed for a parking spot on campus. Perhaps your going to a job you hate. Perhaps your going off to grad school. Most likely your running into traffic of some sort. Listening to your morning show of choice, trying to ease back into the work week.

But lets face it, some times life can just be mundane. Like I have and pretend I care about my customers, or that I am doing work at my internship. You know you will be asked to perform tasks you would rather not do. I know that I would rather just go home, lay down on my bed face down and close my eyes. Lay there in total slience with out a soul around and pretend I don't exist. But there is one thing that will get you through it all. And know its not beer.
IT is simply this.
http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatten.swf

When Monday blues have gotten you down. Just close your eyes, and think of these people. Think of that man with the black glasses and the beard. Think about how happy they are to be singing the Hat Baby song. Think of the haunting song. Think of the dance. Think of all the fingers pointing at the guys hat. Think of all the floating hands.

Hum the song all day. This will certainly cure the blues.

"Sweet Avril"

Oh my sweet Avril. I saw you rocking on the MTV last night. You were bouncing up in down with your little tie flapping all around. Your wear that black makeup around your eyes ever so seductively.

You belt out those words of yours. Singing and rocking as hard as you can. You make that cute little face, and do that little kick.

I see that smile, your enjoying your moment in the sun. Sticking it to all those kids in school that laughed at you. Making your millions.

But I see a certain sadness in your eyes, but dont worry! Look no farther. I may not make a lot of money, I may not be a cool punk or skater like you. But I will love every square inch of your young body. And your music charged by your passion. You little Canadian all full of spunk.

Sweet, Sweet Avril.

I know you could easily make a fist, and throw a punch and kick my ass. But I don't buy that hard ass girl routine. I know you just need some sweet loving from a blog writing college super senior. Of course you and I can only be together when im a sleep curled up in a little ball.


Sweet Avril, if only you were fat, not rich, and drunk. Perhaps you would be in my league.

Oh Sweet Avril...see you in a few mintues when I drift off to dream land!

"Six Theories on the Sniper”


Call him the Suburban Sniper, or the Beltway Killer call him whatever you want. Unless you live under a rock you know what I am talking about. Although one of my readers had no idea that we had a problem with our economy so maybe some of you don’t know what I am referring to. All the major news outlets have been covering this story 24/7. Even if nothing happens for 23 of those hours. So just from hearing co-workers, students and other random people’s view I am going to put some theories here.


Theory # 1
The killers are a high school couple sort of like Natural Born Killers the early years. There is a video game out that once your done the level the phrase “ I am God” appears. The same phrase left on a tarot card at a crime scene. So perhaps they got their training from hours and hours of playing video games. Since, I don’t play video games I don’t know the title of this one. I just know the basic premise is to try to kill people with a bullet. I know Duke always has games where you just randomly kill people.

Why it’s unlikely
I can not imagine that a high school student would be so accurate. Especially they last one, had to have been done by a skilled marks men. This theory is pretty much dead in the water, although the video game part is intriguing.



Theory # 2
Vietnam vets would tell you, that when a hitman took someone out a tarot death card was placed. This would make sense because snipers of that time were some of the best that ever lived. Just ask Martin Riggs. A free beer will be given to the first person to e-mail me who Martin Riggs was.


Why It is unlikely:
There is a good chance the card was planted by some random person for kicks and giggles. Plus, it only happened once.


Theory # 3
A disgruntled ex-cop. They only reason that this theory exists is again because of how accurate the shootings have been. The only reason that I think it wouldn’t be, is because I think they would have been able to figure out who the hell it was by now. The person obviously lives in the area.


Theory # 4

The shootings are Al-Quida related. A person who claims to have seen the shooter (Monday Night) claims that he had “Olive colored” skin. Quite a few of the shootings took place at gas stations. Supposedly the new post Bin Laden ( I happen to agree with the theory he was blown to bits last December) Al-Quida would like to go after the economy. Surely, people being afraid to leave their house would result in less spending. Making Americans feel unsafe, every minute of the day seems like something the good old Al-Quida would do.

Why it is unlikely:

I am honestly starting to think this one might the closest to the truth. However, I would think that other cells would get in on this in order to raise more hell all over the country. I mean supposedly, there are cells all over. But if this guys name is Bukeerahek-em Muhamand- Abul I would not at all be surprised.


Theory # 5

There are two sets of killers. They are in a competition based on the video game, or at least similar to the video game. That would explain why people have claimed to see different vehicles leaving the scene of the crime. I would imagine each shooter would have a driver too. Maybe they get extra points for killing a kid.


Thoery # 6

Dan K. Hemphill has gotten fed up with all the “Sheep” and has decided its his job to thin the heard. Thin the herd of those who pretend to have fun. Thin the herd of those who stand in line in front of him at Wawa whose mere mannerisms cause him annoyance. Thin the herd of people who still use the VCRs. Thin the heard of the flock people who conform to the norm. Live by obligations. Those who go to the funeral of their girlfriend’s dead grandmother. Those who still have analog cable.
Think about it. When was the last time any of my readers saw the man? Did he even really move to MainStreet? His mother used to use tarot cards, and on many occasions he spoke about his disgust for humanity.


Why it is unlikely:
Dan K would never put that kind of mileage on his car. Also his eye sight’s about as good a 75 year old man.


As I type it the local police led by a Forrest Whitaker look alike, have instructed scared citizens to zigzag their way around. This way the sniper can’t take you out. You may look like a total ass walking down the street like a drunk, but I guess you would be a harder target. Also, I am still waiting for the liberals to say that pulling people over in white vans is profiling, and in violation of people’s civil rights. Wonder if he will strike tonight.

“The Unhappy Meal”

I am pretty sure that McDonald’s is using subliminal messages in their latest commercials. As many of my readers know I’m currently interning in Pennsauken. Luckily, there are many food options for me during my lunch break. I usually go to this “grease truck” called Jimmies, where you can get a lot of good food for cheap prices. Burgers, cheese steaks, wings, spicy sausage sandwiches, etc. you name it!

Anyway last week I week, when I woke up all I could think of was McDonalds. The minute I woke up, I thought of that little burger with the odd tasting pickle, and strange blend of cheap cheese and warm ketchup. Well it was raining, which made me write off Jimmies entirely. Despite the fact that their burgers are pretty good. I had golden arches dancing in head all morning.

While I waited in the line, I decided to up the anti and go with the classic Big Mac. Yep Keith…eer uh. Tucker was having a Big Mac Attack! I placed my order, and got it the # 1 and got the big size. MMMM can’t wait to eat it! I remember when my parents took me there as a kid, how great it tasted. I wanted to experience that flavor again.

Sadly, the Big Mac was given to me before I got my change from my 20. Never a good sign if you want a fresh burger. I mean I know its fast food and all, but. I sat down in solitude (my imaginary girl friend is pissed at me and didn’t meet me for lunch this time). Apparently, Big Macs have dwarfed in size since the last time I ordered one. I think they tried to put an abundance of lettuce in order to make up for the lack of meat. I took a bite, and it was lame. No taste at all, and the fries were even blander. I sat there thinking. I knew I hated McDonalds, so why the hell did I come here? I never enjoy my meals here. The MC tasty is okay, but I am not even sure they make them anymore. I recall vowing never to go back there again several times. Why did I think about how good it would be all day? Did they use some sort of mind control on me? I mean my desire for their food was pretty intense.

Speaking of intense, later that night while I was watching the Simpsons I felt a horrible feeling in my stomach. Despite the fact that I had not seen that particular episode in awhile I could not hold out any longer. I had to crap bad. I think the discharge that shot out that night could have been clocked faster than a Al Maclinnis slap shot. Not once, or twice, but three times in the matter of an hour I filled the toilet. The kind of crap that makes the entire toilet water look like thick chocolate pudding. It was something out of Dumb and Dumber I tell you. Sound effects and all, it was night a pretty sight, sound or aroma my friends. I am not sure that their meat is still made from cows. I am leaning towards kangaroo or pigeon. Regardless it did not stay in my body long.

I am not a scientist, so I can’t say for sure that the Big Mac was the cause of it all. It all fairness it was 6 hours after the fact, but its all I had all day long. So I will make them the scape goat, for first suckering me in again to eat bad food. Secondly, making me miss two simpsons I had not seen in a long time. So if you see Ronald McDonald in your travels this week fellow readers, kick him in the balls for me. When he is crying for mercy on the cold hard ground before you kick his ribs in, ask him where the Frig do you go to sign up for the Flyers Power Play Payoff.


Quick thoughts:
Apperently I missed a hell of a 3rd period Saturday night. And if you want to check out the coffin Dan K. has picked out for his ultimate demise. Go here.
http://w3.one.net/~spungy/wallpaper/arscasket.jpg
Last I heard he was touring Maryland, and Virginia gas stations.
Also I think last Night's Curb Your Enthusiasm( usually really funny) will likely be a topic of Monday morning conversation. The show made light of terroristic attacks and came off as pretty tasteless.

"New Age Hockey"

The new look NHL arrived earlier tonight. The game is new and improved!
The down time should be less, because players will have just 5 seconds to take the face-off. This doesn’t allow teams to have time to decide what lines to put on the ice. In days of old teams would take about 40 seconds trying to match up lines. A method made famous by Roger Neilson.

In addition, the obstruction will supposedly be cracked down on again. I know we have heard this one before, but this time the are policing the referees. If they don’t call the clutching and grabbing which make the defensive trap possible, than they might be sent to officiate AHL games. I guess this mean that we will only hear a lot less Bon Jovi than we did last season.

Of course, the stupid net is there too. What how the announcers try to tell you how great it is. In addition, how necessary it is despite the fact that fans are already complaining. Last I checked Gary Thorne was not shelling out 80 bucks or more for front row seats.

My favorite change is the one that regards the All-Star game. They deiced to go back to East vs West. Hopefully this an early hint that the days of playing in the Olympics are over. Hopefully the game will open up and scoring will be up.


At the same time Theo Flurey is still a drunk (why the hell did the black hawks make him a replacement for tony Amonte?). Mark Messier is still playing. I guess the more things change…..

"Crash,Crash,Crash"


Gonna, work on this brochure for my class at school. Wait, the computer is running really slow….here comes an hour glass. Surely it will go away soon. Nah. The buttons they do nothing .There goes the whole network!! I can’t get anything done. I thought maybe I could get this project done today.

No way, cause Keith’s computer is going to crash, crash, crash


At the internship;, time to do some work for the good old Food Bank of South Jersey. Let us see here, just load up the program. Sorry the computer is performing an illegal operation. None of the programs are going to open at all. Nothing to do again. Maybe this guy will help. Nope he just stares blankly at the computer and pretends he knows what he is doing.. Everyone thinks they are a freaking tech all of the sudden. Wait, I think we figured it out. Nope.

No way, cause Keith’s computer is going to crash, crash, crash.


Time to sign on the Internet for a little leisure time. Wait it won’t let me on something about the modem. Time to go on and update Tucker’s world though…nah, the hour glass is back. Can't update the blog cause…


Keith’s computer is going to crash, crash, crash.

"The Trouble with Roman"


Flyers backup goalie Roman Cechmanek almost got his head taken off during warm-ups last spring before the final game. His teammates didn't appreciate him pulling himself out of the previous game and skating to the center ice yelling at them in a foreign language. Cechmanek was tired of his team letting up break away after break away up. The next game Brian Boucher played, but the Flyers were ousted from the post season anyway.


Flash forward to a few months later, and Boucher has been traded, and Cechmanek is our number one goalie. The only problem is he didn't really iron out anything with the players who were irate with him. He showed up to camp late, and has had little or no focus. He has been lit up in the preseason and had a major problem with rebounds. His focus has been so bad people already are wondering if we traded the wrong goalie. Boucher is several years younger, and always had a better attitude.

Back up Robert Esche seems like he wouldn't mind taking the number one job over. Its a long season, and he is likely to get his shot. But from what I hear he is mediocre at best. This means the season will end in a debate about which one of the Flyers goalies suck the least. Here we go again..sigh......


"“Hypocrisy: The Lost Thought”


I got distracted while writing my last post, and forgot to bring up a good point. Al Gore also has been criticizing Bush for the threat of war on Iraq. This from a man who had no problem with letting American troops go to Bosnia for no good reason. Not only that they were sent in totally unprepared, and accomplished nothing. I haven't met a person who could even justify why we sent troops there in the first place, but the objective certainly wasn't met. But those events were cheerfully swept under the rug during the happy go lucky 90's. I none of my readers out there are suffering from a case of the Mondays!

In order to graduate in December I have to submit a form to the offices at Rowan University by October 14th. Perhaps when the deadline passes I will just innocently shrug my shoulders and tell them New Jersey deadlines are meaningless. I doubt this will go to well.

“Hypocrisy”


For years since I started paying attention to the political world all republicans have been described as liars and only look out for the rich. There have been many examples to lead you to believe that people who think this are simply hypocrites.


One such example is in the garden state (soon to be renamed the Comcast Sate) with Torricelli backing out. The main reason for him dropping out of the race was that the Democratic Party could simply not get away with lying anymore. If he had not slipped in the polls, you can bet your right testicle his cronies would have had no problem with letting an openly corrupt man represent New Jersey. When they realized the race seemed over they put pressure on him to resign. Now even though the deadline has passed to submit your candidate it was ruled by the state yesterday that it was cool if they put up another candidate. The democrats are going to foot the bill for the new ballots, but what about all the Republican’s now useless literature with Torricelli’s name on it?

I guess its’ cool the race will be more interesting now( if the US courts allow it) , but is that a reason to over throw the law? Just because it would really suck to see a man run against someone who is not running. The democrats could have just been a real pain in the ass, and said write in the vote for our new candidate. This would most likely disgruntle poll workers, and turn into a disaster. Maybe they should just vote for none of the above, like Richard Pryor instructed in “Brewster’s’ Millions”

Most the people who moaned about the Florida debacle in the 2000 year are unlikely to tell you that the panel was mainly democrats, and two of them contributed to the “Torch’s” campaign. These same people think the Dubbya’s brother rigged the voting machines. This would have been a brilliant idea but it would have required a time machine. The machines were done in the same confusing fashion long before the 2000 election, but that’s another story.

Torricelli is a democrat so is supposed to be a people person right ? (Not to be confused with the Philadelphia Daily News: The People Paper) Well instead of apologizing to the people of New Jersey for being corrupt he told us several times how great he was and how many things he accomplished. Save it for the book “Torch”. I only hope the investigations continue.

Meanwhile in a speech not too far away, former vice president Al Gore spoke his mind. Gore’s tirade about Bush knowing about 9/11 is about as fresh as the latest Mathew Perry vehicle. Apparently, Gore thinks since Bush who was an owner of a baseball team and governor of Texas at the time should have acted on Bin Laden. Who ever was vice president during a time period when most the red flags were flown certainly should not have to do anything. Bush was in office for 6 months when America was attacked. No one ever mentions that. Or since Clinton thought that Americans were at such a risk, why he didn’t use one of his million dollar speeches to open everyone’s eyes about the looming threat. I look forward to Gore actually saying something new. I would like to know where the lock box is 2 years later. I m not saying Bush didn’t drop the ball he did.

I admit when republicans make gaffs like I did on here before. I do not even consider myself a republican. I certainly would not want to be a hypocrite. I know there is a great deal going on out there that I am ignorant to. I hate how when republicans over turn a law it is abuse of power, and when democrats do this (how is this not looking out for their own personal interests?) it’s a bunch of honest to goodness fellows fighting for the justice for all.

“Radio Head”


For those of you that don’t know nor care about Torricelli ( go to http://terminusblog.blogspot.com/ for additional comments) or like one person the Courier-Post interviewed in the after math of Tuesday’s events this blogs for you.

As I was driving to my internship this morning I heard some of the best talk radio I have heard in years. Tuned to the Y-100 morning show with Preston and Steve I heard a cute and sexy voice for their guest. I was surprised when I realized it wasn’t some Hollywood bimbo pitching a new movie. I was even more surprised when I heard the woman openly talk about what she did for a living.

The girl talked about how she would blow anyone for 20 bucks. So I’m not sure that this makes her a hooker technically, but obviously this is not legal. She hangs out in chat rooms for men to seek her out and makes a descent living. She services anyone that wants it. 20 bucks is all she charges.

She said she got into the business not for the money, but for the pure love of going down on a man. It is her passion and what she wants to do with her life. I am not sure what her guidance counselor had to say about this, but I bet when she left his office he had a smile on his face. Preston asked how many she has done in one night and she told him 20. She has to take 15 minute breaks, and downs lots of beer to make …the…er…. discharge go down smoother.

This interview went on for a good 20 minutes or so non-stop. She told about how she is does get checked for STDS a few times a year. She also spoke passionately how dedicated she is to give the best performance possible. Some of her clients are simply husbands’ whose wives no longer have any interest in that form of pleasure. Lots of them have girlfriends, but she doesn’t care. One time she got punched in the back of the head and almost thrown out of a car. She doesn’t care about meeting random people off the internet, because it is all about her work. She loves it.

One time she was having intercourse with her boyfriend (she is single now) in the middle of the Sea Side Heights boardwalk and got caught by a cop. She offered her services to the police officer in order to get them out of trouble. The cop declined, but let them go. What a good sport.

In the day in of over payed baseball players, and movie stars making crappy movies for millions of dollars it is uplifting to hear a story like this. A mere 20 bucks to make someone’s day, or even month. She spoke with such passion about her job that it made me wish I could find something I cared about that deeply. She even inspired a woman to call up and inquire about being her assistant. What an amazing and special indivual excuse me….I have…..something in my eye……..

"Torricelli Peaces Out !"

In a surprise move yesterday Robert Torricelli decided he would drop out of the Senate race. For those of you who don't read newspapers or are not currently in South Jersey (like Price who apparently has been an avid reader of Tucker's world) Torricelli got himself in a pickle.

He accepted money, suits, jewlery for his girlfriend and other presents from a Mr. Chang (what the heck is first name?) a wealthy businessmen and political operator. Common sense would say these gifts would result in political favors from the “The Torch”. But if you ask Torricelli about the gifts he will say, “what gifts??” and innocently shrug his shoulders. If he were innocent, why would he resign? Not to mention its in volition of the Sentate rules.

In the last few weeks, Torricelli has fallen behind republican candidate Douglas Forrester. Despite this many loyal democrats said they would vote for him not matter why to regain control of the house. The same democrats who accuse Republicans of always just looking out for their rich friends (little known fact the 2000 Census defined rich as anyone that makes as much or more than Dan K. Hemphill. It is true look it up!) The same democrats who call for campaign finance reform. The same people that are also witch hunting this type of corruption. The same liberals who want to see a two party system were willing to cast their vote just for someone who will look after their interests, no matter at what cost. The hypocrisy amazes me.

I’m not saying what Torricelli has done is the worst thing ever in the history of politics. I am not dumb enough to think it doesn’t happen more often than we hear about it. However, he was caught red handed and Mr. Chang now rots in jail. It would have been a disgrace to let the man win office (the blinded state of New Jersey likely would) with his dirty laundry out in the open. He even tried to fight a memo from being released to the public. A memo that put the final nail in his coffin. It would send a message, not only don’t we care if you break the rules, but we don’t care if we read about it in the paper everyday. Of course, this is important because it will likely swing the house in the republican favor, so I guess I can see why they are mad. In his press conference, he lied about what happened. Since his career’s over I would have liked to see him come clean He said he was sorry to Clinton. Clinton could have easily gotten away with this one.

Now the problem gets even messier. The law states that the democrats are way past their deadline to submit a new candidate for this election. It is a strange condition to a certain extent, but it is a law. The democrats will fight to over turn the law. Not to mention the fact that many people over seas from the Garden State have already voted via absentee ballets. They have already accused the Republicans over being vicious for bring up the law. Although, anyone who with a brain would have brought up this law. I might not even vote, cause I know nothing about the Republican candidate. If I don’t learn anything, than I won’t vote. I certainly don’t care what letter is next to a canidate’s name.If he was doing something illegal its not worth me missing Home Improvement reruns to wait in line and vote. Some people on the other hand will vote for anyone with a certain letter next to their name. Whether that candidate is Mickey Mouse or Negative Mickey Mouse.

“Boys and Girls”

The chapter I am reading for my Social Problems class right now covers women and their inequality. It discusses several examples about women weren’t always allowed to vote and they get paid less for doing the same type of jobs.
It also discussed about that men are stronger women are physically stronger now than they were years ago. That’s nice in all, but men will always be the dominant gender physically when it comes to humans. Although I am certain many women could kick this Blog author’s butt.

If you remember in high school, the fastest runners were usually all guys. As I was running the track at Sterling (my old high school), today in a feeble attempt to get in shape it brought back memories of my gym days. I recalled how running may have been one of the only events I didn’t shy away from in gym.

I recalled many a times when it was “baseball” season that I’d pray for a Nor’easter so we would get to walk around and shoot baskets or play hockey with those Q-tip thingies. Most of the time during my “physical education” I spent learning that I was not a very good athlete. However by the time I realized that being moderately good at some sports you just have to practice and be brave about being bad at first the girls all sprouted breasts and gym became a social affair. I’m not sure hiding an erection when some hottie in front of you is stretching wearing insanely short shorts with a white t-shirt actually burns any calories.

So you get to the awkward age where image is everything and when you have to do athletic tests in front of the whole class you seem more conscience of what people are thinking than your actual task. Not to mention the class was so large your lucky if you got a chance to participate in the class wide events. Even the heavier set girls would sit out events or avoid having to do anything to ward off snickers. So, why have co-ed gym classes when it just encourages lack of participation.

Having the class separate into sexes makes sense, because there is less of distraction when the kids hit the point that exercise is important is usually the same time good old puberty starts. It would have certainly made me more comfortable trying to figure out how to whack a tennis ball around with out some hot shot trying to make me look bad in front of the smoking hot DALE girls. Or perhaps stopped me from yelling at girls who didn’t feel like paying attention during street hockey month. Many girls at this age are more worried about looking good and not sweating (of course as always there are a few exceptions) which disturbs any kind of team game. If they were just amongst their own it would let teachers have more one on one focus time on students.

Maybe this is why Americans are so fat (aside from all the greasy food) because gym class for the most part is ineffective for over half the students for 12 years. Of course, the gifted athletes got something out of it. However, having the sessions separated would have likely resulted in the athletic kids’ spirit and abilities rubbing off on the others. Than again those short shorts were pretty coo and some punk who always find senseless violence funnier (ex: hurling a volleyball at some one for no good reason and knocking their glasses off). Oh yeah, and I never found one girl that was impressed that I could get an 8 on the V seat reach. Sadly, my only moment of glory in all my years of gym.

“The Fans in the Plastic Bubble”


Last season the NHL and its’ fans were shocked and saddened when a little girl was killed after being hit by a puck. In a freakish event, the puck deflected off another fan and hit her in the side of the head. She seemed to have just been hurt first and actually left her seat on her own legs. Later that night she died in the hospital.

The tragedy cast a dark cloud over the remaining days of the Blue Jackets’ season. The tragedy also resulted in the NHL mandated nets on the ends of the rink. Everyone at the time was all about it of course they needed nets .000000000000000000000000001 % of all people that have attended a hockey game have been killed by a flying puck.

Now I do not mean to come off mean spirited here. I realize that a human life was cut short sadly days before the young girl’s birthday. However, what occurred was simply a freak accident. People are more likely to die in car crash traveling to the game, than meeting the reaper via a flying frozen piece of rubber.

It would not be a big deal if it did not affect the game at all. However, after viewing the Flyers first televised preseason game I wonder how well the NHL thought this idea through. I had read that the net (black in color because supposedly it reflects less light) would not show up on television; of course having a communications background and being a cynic, I had my doubts.

Every time the action swung behind a net and CSN switched to the end camera the net was blatantly visible. The net also appeared many times on replays. However, the net would vanish on some shots without switching camera angles. Perhaps the camera operators must focus immediately when the shot is thrown to them. When a camera has an object in front of the camera will focus on that image. I have yet to experience the game in person. Plus I don’t sit behind the nets anyway.

Okay, the annoying interference with the viewers at home might seem superficial, but at the very least the FU center has a problem on their hands. Either the net has to be adjusted or the referees will have more problems than calling clutching and grabbing. Twice tonight, the puck hit the net and fell back into play. Both times the referee did not notice for several seconds. Just imagine how more wild regular season games can be, and how many times the puck will be sent back to the ice.

Perhaps the net simply needs to be tightened, but it just goes a long with a trend where we play everything too safe. Little kids that simply want to go for a bike ride have to dress up like Storm troopers or your a bad parent. I thought part of being a kid was getting bumps and bruises. Kids can’t play dodge ball anymore at school, because it could hurt feelings.

What will happen if a baseball kills a baseball fan? It is a terrible thing that the girl was killed, but a net won’t bring her back. Anytime you leave the house you run the risk of dying in a freak accident. Maybe we should just all walk around in big plastic bubbles, perhaps I am just going to hell for writing this post. I will say hi to Hitler for everyone.

p.s. I am in love with a girl that works at the local Rite Aid, but that has nothing to do with this post.

"Playing God"

Mel Gibson who has had much mainstream success with the Lethal Weapon movies, Braveheart, Ransom and most recently last summer's mega hit Signs has an unusual project lined up next. Gibson plans to direct a movie currently title Passion, about the last 12 hours of the life of Jesus Christ.

Since he comes across as a somewhat religious person and his last role even dealt with faith doing this doesn't come as a surprise. However he plans to have the entire movie done in two ancient tongues Latin and Aramaic. Both languages are pretty much dead today. If that isn't odd enough as of right now, there will be no subtitles either. This will certainly frustrate anyone trying to sell this movie not only US audiences, but the ever important foreign market. This doesn't sound like a movie Warner Brothers will want to invest time or money into, however Gibson sees it as a chance to do something different.

"For me that's more real and hopefully I'll be able to transcend language barriers with filmic storytelling," Gibson said.

Shooting will switch between the famous Cinecitta studios just outside Rome and cave-riddled Matera in southern Italy. Gibson who holds church services entirely in latin in his CA home in Latin seems pretty passionate about the film.

"Many people have told the story but ... it's like looking at it from the wrong end of the telescope....No-one wants to touch something in two dead languages. They think I'm insane, maybe I am,"

Jim Caviezel who stared in The Count of Monte Cristo and High Crimes will portray Jesus. I have never seen either of these movies, so I have no idea if that is a good choice. Gibson who can play anything from a villain (Pay Back), to a suicidal hero (lethal weapon) to warm hearted father with a touch of depression (The Patirot, Signs) is not likely to actually appear in the movie.

I'm currently enrolled in a film class, and are viewing silent movies. These movies had to rely on actor's body language (many times having to be cartoonish in order to convey emotions) having your entire cast using words movie audiences won't understand seems to be along the same lines. Granted Gibson will have the luxury of actual dialogue to express emotion and anyone going to see the movie is likely to be familiar with the story of Jesus. However unless the movie is amazingly directed audiences are likely to be alienated by the film.


Most Underrated Gibson Movie:
Conspiracy Theory

ps. I have figured out how to edit posts after I have put them up on Tucker's world. So now you can leave comments about the mistakes I make (not that I will correct most of them, I even managed to screw up the title of the last blog when it was first posted.) on my nonexistent comments link. Seriously feel free to email me. Im also touched that Drew pointed his TERMINUS readers to check out "War...What is it Good For?"

"War... What is it Good For?

Well this topic could not go unreported on Tucker’s world any longer. Seeing as where it has dominated the news for weeks. President Bush (Mr. Bush for you ABC news viewers) wants to squash Iraq like a bug. However, the UN is not as fired up about this idea and neither are a lot of the other countries in the world. Granted some of them close the Iraq might not be too comfortable about speaking publicly about it and could possibly aid us later down the line. But with all the talk and hype what happens the next couple of months will certainly have a long-term impact on this country.


Now I am not in the FBI and I don’t work for the New York Times so I’m not in the circle of trust that the president is in. So I know my opinion is based on just what I can read in the papers (excluding some extreme liberal columnists who seem to know all the facts). However, one of the reasons why I postponed addressing this topic on this site, is because I honestly didn’t know if we should “Attack Iraq”. I was honestly hoping that Bush would have pulled an “ace” card when he met with the UN recently. Saying “YEAH THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” I thought he would provide concrete evidence that Iraq is a real threat. It was the same old song and dance though. However people that think that Saddam is about as harmful to the US as Ryan’s pug are being naive. It’s a amazing people could still be 100 % on a subject like this post 9/11. . We did for no good reason let our weapon inspectors leave Iraq a few years ago. That basically put us in this position. Although there is not concrete evidence linking Saddam to AL- Quida, he does gas his open people, kill anyone who gets in his way and had his own son murdered. He did reportedly meet with high-ranking Al-Quida members on occasion, and gives money to families of suicide bombers (notice I didn’t say homicide).


The war on terror is not as black and white as people would like it to be. One thing I hear over and over again in the media and on TERMINUS (I’m still hurt that I’m not on the sites I like column.) is that Bush has made the war on terrorism complicated. It has often being compared to the war on drugs…okay I can see the logic there. However it is not as if Bush made this complicated. It is simply a complicated situation. Something that can’t be ignored or just nonchalantly forgotten about. Look at what just happened in Buffalo this week. This war on America is far from over. I have heard reports that Al-Quida are hiding out in Iraq. It’s hard to believe everything you hear though. However, I honestly think that Bin Laden has been dead and gone for several months now. I would not be surprised if the government already knows this. If terror cells are being trained in Iraq, than we must go in there.

If you weed a garden you can either use a weed whacker, and let it grow back. Or you could pull it out by the roots so it doesn’t come back. The 2nd choice is a bigger pain in the ass, but more effective. Iraq will let us in to inspect there weapons (in a few days oddly) but only at certain places. That’s like letting your suspicious girlfriend check your apartment, but not your bedroom.


On the flip side there is a pretty good chance that Saddam is just minding his own business and only has intentions of blowing up and killing people in the middle east. Perhaps he has weapons of mass destruction (not Lima Beanz’s muscles) and will only use them in the even of a US attack. If this is the case all hell is likely to break lose in the next year. Perhaps the US has grown paranoid and too imperialistic and an attack on a country that has not invaded anyone (at least not recently) or attacked us first could turn the whole middle east against us. Bush has come across a tad too aggressive when addressing the issue lately ( not to mention making an fool of himself botching up a famous saying as seen on the Daily Show). An article in the Philly Daily News a few months back pondered if we were in world war III since Sept 11th (some even debate the cold war was world war III making this one IV, but that’s kind of a stretch.). If Iraq and the US start going at it will might be less of a debate. I certainly don't want american troops to die unless this war has to be fought. I know several people who are likely to see action if this war does happen.

So Bush can go in there, crush Saddam and piss a lot of people off. Or maybe we just cool off. Maybe no war happens at all. But maybe one morning when your drinking your morning coffee, to your horror when you turn on the news you realize that perhaps we should have done something. Perhaps you will think how could we be asleep at the wheel again? How many more innocent people must die before we learn our lesson to ante up and prevent another Sept 11th? The blood certainly wouldn’t be on Bush’s hands. But that of all the critics.

I still have no certain what we should do. I would feel a lot more comfortable and be able to get behind the war effort if an “ace” card was provided. Not that I’m a bleeding heart liberal now these days, but I haven’t been sold on the whole plan just yet. But all the trash talking we did it almost seems like we are obligated to take action. That would be a mistake if we don’t have that “ace” card. I’m glad the only decision I have to make is what to get at Starview. However in this case you can’t have Bar B Q sauce and honey mustard.

“Defending Mr X”



My social problems professor is a lawyer by trade and a woman. By law she has to be a liberal I’m pretty sure. She still practices law and recently told us a story. I guess the point was to make use think “outside the box” or perhaps she just wanted to impress us.

Anyway as the story goes like this; there is this guy who has the reputation of being one of the “most dangerous” criminals ever to be locked up in South Jersey. She never revealed his name, so I obviously couldn’t do any further research. However, she did tell us how joined at gang at age 12, and it was pretty much down hill from there.

Mr. X apparently is the top dog in the prison world, because he has connections all over the country (and I believe Mexico.). Some how some way, he would get people to do what he wanted. Mr. X was supposedly one of the biggest drug dealers in the country, and had a long list of crimes including murder. When he was finally arrested for the final time it ended in a blood gun fight between him and federal agents. He killed several of them. He also admitted to committing horrible crimes for almost no reason (my professor was vague on this point its likely he was referring to cold blood murder of those that wronged him he was also supposedly a rapist)

One day out of no where my professors’ law firm got a letter from him, despite the fact he was not supposed to be contacting anyone. The letter written by Mr. X was asking for legal defense against the jail that he was residing in.

Apparently, poor Mr. X was not being treated fairly. Since Mr. X was such a dangerous person (or law following challenged) he was in cell by himself. When the mean old guards would come to give him his meal they had to slide it through a slot. But the guards apparently thought it would be funny to slide it in so hard that it would fall on the floor. Poor Mr. X could not touch his food after this happened so he begin to lose weight and his health declined.

Now if picturing poor Mr. X ( if you really want to he is a big Mexican guy with tattoos all over his body) with a single tear rolling down his face looking at his over turned peanut butter and jelly sandwich makes your blood boil than you might not want to read on. It seems the guards had some insensitive things to say to Mr. X too. What makes it worse is that although the jail requires him to get three showers a week the guards only took Mr. X for a wash down once a week! Now I don’t know what else was claimed in the letter she didn’t say everything, but she did say MOST of what was there turned out to be true.

She got the pleasure of talking to him one on one, and she refereed to him as a bad person. However, she did aid him in successfully winning the lawsuit against the prison for mistreatment of Mr. X. She also told us how he learned to trust her and poured his heart out. He talked about how his kids were falling on the wrong side of the tracks and how it upset him. I can’t imagine who’s fault that is. Seeing as where Mr. X murdered federal agents, robbing someone of a spouse, sibling, or child he should be glad if all that happened to his fried chicken between the kitchen and the jail cell was it hitting the floor.


I guess on paper in the law world the court made the right decision. But logically anyone with his track record doesn’t doesn’t deserve to complain about such conditions. I certainly would even turn a blind eye to the occasional beating by the guards. Seeing as where he is likely to spend the rest of his life in jail. However, I guess that makes me a mean spirited conservative who is out to destroy everyone’s civil rights for no good reason.

“ Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Arter”

Earlier this fall ( or summer for some) Christopher Brandon Arter left the confines of his cozy Somerdale home in South Jersey to seek higher education in the great (and horse manure smelling) state of Pennsylvania. Many wondered how the wide-eyed innocent Arter child would adapt to his surroundings. Many believed that he would certainly knock the socks off the competition (he knocked them off the admissions board I’m told).

So recently I sat down (virtually) with Chris and had a candid interview not only about his experiences so far, but his future, love, Iraq, and his bizarre dreams.


Keith: Hey, Chris...everyone wants to know how you like school so far? You are missed in south jersey, and my readers would like to know how your experience has been

Chris: well, honestly, I don't like school so far. It has been a month, and there is not one thing I particularly like about school

Keith: Do you feel like your learning anything musically?

Chris: no, nothing. There is no musical instruction

Keith: what do you think of the people there?

Chris: I don't like the vast majority of people here

Keith: What do you miss about south jersey the most?

Chris: You Keith

Keith: can I print that ? It sounds pretty gay.

Chris: well honestly keith, I miss the worst parts of south jersey more than I like the best parts of Annville PA. There is nothing on campus here. It is boring Campus is surrounded by farms. so there is no reason to leave campus

Keith: There are rumors that you are depressed. Is there any truth to that?

Chris: Yes. I am extremely depressed. I have been offered anti-depressant drugs, but I have declined. I don't want to be tricked into liking this place.

Keith: Who offered you drugs?

Chris: oh its nothing big my roommate is clinically depressed
Keith: Arent most music people crazy?

Chris: I don't know If by music people you mean musicians
I am a musician and I am going crazy.

Keith: So you basically see this place as an evil empire?

Chris: Evil empire? I don't think this place dominates anything. Except my entire life at this moment

Keith: What two words would you use to describe your college experience thus far?

Chris: Grave and … hmmm
(after long pause)

Keith: Mistake?
Chris… Pathetic…yes a big one (mistake)

Keith: What is the highlight of being out there so far?

Chris I don't know. I have not been myself lately

Keith: I know the feeling.

Chris: no one here knows who I am. Even the people I see everyday
I don't want these people to know who I am. I want them to forget about me and move on

Keith: Do you make any attempt to make friends?

Chris: no I am different from everyone here. Everyone here has some common ground with everyone else whether its musical taste or playing ability you know?

Keith: have you been having your trademark dreams lately?
Chris: death dreams. yes mostly killing myself and small children

Keith: I hope your kidding

Chris: Yes …: About the children


Keith: man

Chris: I woke up with a long cut on my wrist. I wondered if i was so frustrated my subconscious tried to kill me in my sleep

Keith: this is a dark interview. Do you have anything happy to say?

Chris: I have not been happy in a long time not since before Bob {Hale} almost died because we thought
“ ya he's cool to drive”
Keith: What do you think about TRAP. Rich’s new band.

Chris: I think they suck!!! I'm just kidding… I don't know Ii never heard them I think its a nice idea
Keith: Are you going to have to give Rich a beat down and steal the studio over when you return to south jersey?

Chris no. I'm going to be in so much debt. I might have to hock all my sh*t but its worth it to get the f*ck out of here. .Did you know this school is $27,000 a year?

Keith: HEY HEY I don't think you can say some of those words Tucker's world!

Chris: I am sorry

Keith Its cool ….no one is reading anyway.

Keith: What school would you rather go to?
Chris: University of the Arts or Rowan they're both good. U arts is probably better
for music.
Keith: Rowan’s mascot is an owl or a "prof" as it were

Chris: Well than Rowan it is

Keith: That is how the suckered me

Keith: What bands are out there that you respect?

Chris: bands that I respect I respect the Black Crowes.. I thank drew for that
I really really like them

Keith: They broke up Chris.

Chris: Whatever than nobody

Keith: Did you like that song lickin that they did?

Chris: I thought it was a weak song , but I liked it anyway

Keith: I thought I was easily one of the worst songs ever made.

Chris: It’s a free country

Keith: Any future plans for BF?

Chris: well there is a gig in October on Columbus day
at the Pontiac on south street. I'm looking forward to it

Keith: Have you written any new songs?

Chris: NO, I have no motivation to write songs

Keith: What about shear boredom and missing Somerdale?

Chris: I'm sure I'll have a good one soon
Keith: who do you like better Rich or Rob?

Chris: whoa there

Keith: (laughing)

Chris: I can't answer that I love them both I could tell you which one I've killed more often in my sleep…. Rich I don't know if that means I love him or hate him though. I had a dream last night that I killed both Rob and Rich. I woke up saying to myself. I did it again.

Keith: What do you think about us going into Iraq?

Chris: I don't understand it honestly. So the guy has some mean nasty weapons
I'll bet we have the same ones and ones that are 10,000 X's worse
the difference between us and Iraq is that we might actually use them

Keith: How are you making a long distance relationship work?

Chris: a lot of instant messenger. I bought a web cam. I watch a lot of porno
Phone…. I love dana. you know that. I honestly haven’t wanted to get to know any girl better in the past 4 years I say get to know better like I'm not gay. I see a nice looking girl and I look I and think that's nice
you know just like every other person on the face of the earth but I have absolutely no interest in any one who is not Dana. nor can I generate interest I can't fake interest. I am incapable of flirting

Keith: What was the best thing you have eaten out there?

Chris: I had pizza hut yesterday that was good I don't eat much
I think i may be losing weight but I don't have a scale

Keith: What do you think about Ryan cutting his hair?

Chris: I think he looks like a penis he should not have done it people who aren't me give in to the hair cut urge too easily.

Keith: where do you see yourself in two years Chris Arter?

Chris: drinking in a bar with my head on the bar


Keith: Have you cut your hair yet?

Chris: no, very dirty but I will be very satisfied with my life.

Keith: What do you think should be done about the slumping economy and diminishing job market?

Chris: everyone should go out and buy something buy like more than they usually do but not so much that they are poor just indulge themselves a little its healthy its an unhealthy mind set to always be saving for that rainy day that may never come but there is a looming rainy day until you spend that money I don't know. I'm not an economist

Keith: Is there anything you would like the readers of Tucker's world to know?

Chris: I am coming home and i am staying there I hate everything … everything It's not so much home sick as it is here sick this place makes me sick It makes me want vomit
Keith: wow

Chris: I sob sometimes when I think of the situation I left to be in this one

Keith: like tears coming down your face? crying like a school girl?
Chris: I get restless when I think too much I sit up straight and fidget and twitch and swear to no one but myself because I can't stand it No..its just like a cough. with sadness in it just one at a time I'm not bawling my eyes out of course its only been 1 month I will be here for another and then another and then another.

Keith:
Thank You for your time Chris. I’m’ sure my readers will use the comment feature for feedback. Good luck the rest of the way.