"Head of the State"
Well apparently, New Jersey has similar state laws to California about ousting the states Governor. However the amount of signatures needed is in the millions and the process from what I read in the Inquirer is quite harder than the process in California. Given the apathy of most this state I doubt it will its possible that we will see any celebrities running for Governor
I am too lazy too look up if I am remotely old enough to run for the head of the Garden State, however that didn’t stop me from making a list of things I would do to make your living conditions better in the state of New Jersey.
Here are a few things I was kicking around in my head the other day when I was supposed to be doing work.
Make it mandatory for all High School Seniors to travel to Lucy the Elephant in Margate.
Make the New York Giants change their name to the New Jersey Giants. They play in FREAKING New Jersey. What a bunch of posers.
Legalize same sex marriages. Ban marriages between people from North Jersey and South Jersey.
Cut taxes for everyone south of Trenton, and raise them for everyone North of Trenton.
Make Starview’s “buffalo wings” illegal.
Start a government funded Frisbee league.
Abolish all statuary rape laws.
Pass a mandate that Drew has to recite the pledge of allegiance when he awakes.
Fine any South Jersey bloggers who unjustly attack Duke
Pass a law in the state for schools to require a “Weird New Jersey” class.
Delcare November 10th Roy Scheider day. We will look the other way that he was born in NORTH Jersey.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Sunday, August 10, 2003
“Music by the HIGHway”
So an old friend of mine Royce called me out the blue this past week. Apparently, he is still alive and residing in New York State. Royce called to inform me that he would be breezing into the Delaware Valley for a few days and his band who he moved to New York with would be putting on two shows one in Cherry Hill and one in Philly.
It was really great to see Royce, because I only see him a few times a year (sadly I didn’t get my annual holiday visit this year) and when we hang out its like we just hung out the day before. Its never awkward despite not spending time together anymore. Royce one of my first friends that drove me around always amused me with his thinking outside the box, and his off beat sense of humor.
Anyway Royce had told me that he was playing at a place called Woodstock in Cherry Hill. I had never heard of what I figured was either a café or a bar. Where else would have a band play? Well apparently, it was actually a “Head Shop” before you go running for you hip-slang dictionary let me save you the trouble. Apparently, “Head Shops” are places where people buy drug related paraphernalia. The story main theme is weed and everything weed related. So anyone that knows me, realizes how out of place this makes me.
After I heard about it I half expected (and was a little creeped out) to see bongs hanging on walls and various other instruments people use to get “weeded up”. So Royce, Ryan, Lima Beanz and I arrive there to find that Royce’s bandmates were no where to be seen. So it gave me time to explore a “head shop” for the first time. I am either naïve or oblivious but I could not find anything that you could “put your weed in man!” Although I began picking up objects and trying to figure out how they could hide or store drugs. I honestly had myself convinced that the Simpsons Pez dispensers might have another use that I was unaware of. However now that I think of it its hard enough storing the candy in those darn things let alone dope. A friend of mine who recently made the wise decision to make his year long hiatus from the drug a permanent one (mad props) theorized you have to give a code word to get the “tools” used to get bowled over. Not unlike the ball washing place in Hi-Nella, however I only found evidence of an animal living there and a toilet only hidden behind a curtain made of beads. This place made me glad I never did drugs.
The store does proudly boast the biggest selection of incense on the east coast. Originally, they served as a way to over come the smell over simmering drugs, but now their main purpose it to apparently gag to death anyone that isn’t stoned. I think I’d rather smell my cat’s droppings than have someone permeate a room with that stench.
The store also sells magazines all about getting weeded up, soap made of hemp, and the largest collection of hideous shirts on the east coast. I can’t imagine anyone who isn’t blind or on drugs purchasing these eyesores. If I did purchase them I would shove them in a South Jersey landfill where they belong. While waiting for Royce’s MIA band members we met the owner of the store. She was a hippie woman well into her 50s. She told us to just call her “mom”. Why not everyone that worked there did, they seemed to have a lot of workers for place that was deader than Gregory Hines. I honestly think two people bought stuff the entire time we were there. Creepily enough it was seemingly a man and his daughter.
So eventually the band shows up in 70s style short bus, and the people to footwear ratio was more lopsided than Rob Arter walking out of South Philly bar. Mostly the band was mainly made up of long hair, bearded free spirits who were ready to put on a show despite having Ryan, Lima Beanz and I as their only audience members. One of the band’s trademarks is their alien puppets that take to the road with them. There are two of them, one female and one male. The female has two sets of breasts, and the male has a large black penis that flaps in the breeze. The two dolls were in poor shape, and “Mom” pitched in and sewed them right up. She made sure that large black penis was in tip-top shape for his big Philly show.
I was surprised when the band set up out side. Because there is a very small amount of land between the store and the always busy Route 70, and I imagine passing motorists must have thought it was odd. Especially since Mom did her sewing right out in the open sitting with the band. Eventually the puppets did do a little jig with out any self-consciousness about there genital being exposed.
The band played various songs, and are a grateful dead type of band. Not really my kind of thing, but you can tell they were good at their type of music. Each band member gelled well together and they seemed like they could easily feel where one another was going with the music. The songs melted into each other like ice cream on summers days. When they did try to explain the meaning of their songs, I was even more confused. Perhaps you have to be higher than the WPVI Channel 6 Zoo Balloon ( I have been waiting so long to reference that for some reason) to get on their wave length. Royce really got into it and seemed more entertaining than their actual front man. We left because we had to hit the road. The band seemed to keep on playing despite only a few people that were standing there. You see they would have played if not one person was there. Royce and his buddies would just jam on doing their own thing. Because that’s the way he lives his life.
Royce cares not for the cookie cutter ideal “good life” he is truly doing what he wants to do everyday. Playing music he loves. Some might say that Royce’s life is a tad bizarre, but heck you have to give him credit for not being shackled by such downers like a job he hates or doing what is mainstream. Rock on Royce!
So an old friend of mine Royce called me out the blue this past week. Apparently, he is still alive and residing in New York State. Royce called to inform me that he would be breezing into the Delaware Valley for a few days and his band who he moved to New York with would be putting on two shows one in Cherry Hill and one in Philly.
It was really great to see Royce, because I only see him a few times a year (sadly I didn’t get my annual holiday visit this year) and when we hang out its like we just hung out the day before. Its never awkward despite not spending time together anymore. Royce one of my first friends that drove me around always amused me with his thinking outside the box, and his off beat sense of humor.
Anyway Royce had told me that he was playing at a place called Woodstock in Cherry Hill. I had never heard of what I figured was either a café or a bar. Where else would have a band play? Well apparently, it was actually a “Head Shop” before you go running for you hip-slang dictionary let me save you the trouble. Apparently, “Head Shops” are places where people buy drug related paraphernalia. The story main theme is weed and everything weed related. So anyone that knows me, realizes how out of place this makes me.
After I heard about it I half expected (and was a little creeped out) to see bongs hanging on walls and various other instruments people use to get “weeded up”. So Royce, Ryan, Lima Beanz and I arrive there to find that Royce’s bandmates were no where to be seen. So it gave me time to explore a “head shop” for the first time. I am either naïve or oblivious but I could not find anything that you could “put your weed in man!” Although I began picking up objects and trying to figure out how they could hide or store drugs. I honestly had myself convinced that the Simpsons Pez dispensers might have another use that I was unaware of. However now that I think of it its hard enough storing the candy in those darn things let alone dope. A friend of mine who recently made the wise decision to make his year long hiatus from the drug a permanent one (mad props) theorized you have to give a code word to get the “tools” used to get bowled over. Not unlike the ball washing place in Hi-Nella, however I only found evidence of an animal living there and a toilet only hidden behind a curtain made of beads. This place made me glad I never did drugs.
The store does proudly boast the biggest selection of incense on the east coast. Originally, they served as a way to over come the smell over simmering drugs, but now their main purpose it to apparently gag to death anyone that isn’t stoned. I think I’d rather smell my cat’s droppings than have someone permeate a room with that stench.
The store also sells magazines all about getting weeded up, soap made of hemp, and the largest collection of hideous shirts on the east coast. I can’t imagine anyone who isn’t blind or on drugs purchasing these eyesores. If I did purchase them I would shove them in a South Jersey landfill where they belong. While waiting for Royce’s MIA band members we met the owner of the store. She was a hippie woman well into her 50s. She told us to just call her “mom”. Why not everyone that worked there did, they seemed to have a lot of workers for place that was deader than Gregory Hines. I honestly think two people bought stuff the entire time we were there. Creepily enough it was seemingly a man and his daughter.
So eventually the band shows up in 70s style short bus, and the people to footwear ratio was more lopsided than Rob Arter walking out of South Philly bar. Mostly the band was mainly made up of long hair, bearded free spirits who were ready to put on a show despite having Ryan, Lima Beanz and I as their only audience members. One of the band’s trademarks is their alien puppets that take to the road with them. There are two of them, one female and one male. The female has two sets of breasts, and the male has a large black penis that flaps in the breeze. The two dolls were in poor shape, and “Mom” pitched in and sewed them right up. She made sure that large black penis was in tip-top shape for his big Philly show.
I was surprised when the band set up out side. Because there is a very small amount of land between the store and the always busy Route 70, and I imagine passing motorists must have thought it was odd. Especially since Mom did her sewing right out in the open sitting with the band. Eventually the puppets did do a little jig with out any self-consciousness about there genital being exposed.
The band played various songs, and are a grateful dead type of band. Not really my kind of thing, but you can tell they were good at their type of music. Each band member gelled well together and they seemed like they could easily feel where one another was going with the music. The songs melted into each other like ice cream on summers days. When they did try to explain the meaning of their songs, I was even more confused. Perhaps you have to be higher than the WPVI Channel 6 Zoo Balloon ( I have been waiting so long to reference that for some reason) to get on their wave length. Royce really got into it and seemed more entertaining than their actual front man. We left because we had to hit the road. The band seemed to keep on playing despite only a few people that were standing there. You see they would have played if not one person was there. Royce and his buddies would just jam on doing their own thing. Because that’s the way he lives his life.
Royce cares not for the cookie cutter ideal “good life” he is truly doing what he wants to do everyday. Playing music he loves. Some might say that Royce’s life is a tad bizarre, but heck you have to give him credit for not being shackled by such downers like a job he hates or doing what is mainstream. Rock on Royce!
Friday, August 08, 2003
“Escape from Pennsylvania”
So LIZA and I went to Dorney Park a few days ago and had a good time despite some minor set backs. Apparently the people in the state of Pennsylvania’s tax money doesn’t really go into the highways all that much. I guess it’s a different culture out there, and they don’t really believe in signs that give you any indication what direction towns direction highways go when you are given the option for an exit. For the most part you are just dumped onto another highway for about 8 miles or so before you can even begin to attempt to rectify and wrong turn that you have made.
What made matters worse on the way there, that Map Quest seems to be under the impression that Dorney Park is located some where in someone’s backyard. Because if you follow the directions that we printed up you end up in a residential community. The theme park located in Allentown, Pennsylvania has one sign on one of the 3 or more highways that seemingly encircle the theme park. If you are in the actual town of Allentown you will notice they don’t bother to direct you in any way to the theme park. This is odd considering in this area we direct people to Wendy’s with a series of signs.
Seeing where as the town of Allentown makes Lawnside look like Stone Harbor I cant imagine why anyone would be in this town other than to go to the theme park. You would think such an obviously poverty strapped down would try to advertise their tourist attraction (we hype Clementon Park!). Dorney might want to make their new slogan SHhhhhhhhhhh. You can stop and ask the locals, be most of them are either just a confused as your or jerks who like to send people from South Jersey in the wrong direction.
Anyway, the trip was good. Our hotel room was nice and affordable, and the park had a lot to offer. Lots of great water rides (and despite Duke’s theory I didn’t see any kids pooping in it, although LIZA both & I considered peeing in the wave pool) some pretty decent roller coasters (although the one that was hyped to death I didn’t get on because it was closed. I guess its trend with me, the same thing happened at Hershey last year) and lots of ducks to feed.
The only trouble we had inside the park was bratty kids, and LIZA thinking it was wrong of me to shoot water at defenseless children. A stinky Mexican dude wore a see through black mess shirt and was annoying. Oh yeah and my A.D.D. kicked when we went down a body slide and I pretty much neglected every DO NOTs that they gave you to do. This resulted in me almost drowning and LIZA having to retrieve my water soaked corpse out of the water. I got up completely blinded and disoriented (since I didn’t not use the proper position) and got off on the wrong side of the slide which made the life guard angrily blow his whistle at me.
Going home proved more difficult when we managed to actually double the amount of time it takes to get from the park to LIZA’s house. I started out driving and we ended up just circling around the theme park again and again, seemingly merging on to highways that didn’t want us out of the Keystone state. By the time we ended up on route 100 (again they didn’t bother to tell us what towns were in what direction) which involved nothing but mountains and farms, I was about to start ragging so Liza took behind the wheel of the Tempo. We actually thought we were in good shape until I noticed we were heading West on an interstate and getting closer to Harrisburg. Again, your only option is to get off the highway and hope for the best. Sometimes it just put you on to just another highway giving you no indication what direction you were heading. It didn’t help that Mapquest told us too take the Scranton/Philadelphia exist which you couldn’t see unless you actually took another exit they didn’t tell you to take. Not to mention the fact that are actually two separate exists (which makes sense since one is west of Allentown and the other is East).
Part of me considered just giving up and starting a new life as a farmer. I would have to call up and tell everyone that I am a Quaker and starting a farm because the highways were too confusing and the people at Map quest are a bunch of jerks.
We had a good time though I am sure both my readers were really hoping I did. Well not Dan K who hates anyone to have a good time.
_________________
“While You Were Out”
Since I have gotten back I have learned
The Terminator is political figure now.
Arnold from Different Stokes is a political figure now.
Duke is involved with some girl either was or still is married.
Duke is a jerk
Royce is actually alive
Tom Tulish has a girlfriend
Sears Outlet hasn’t burned down yet.
There is a propane tank leaking in my yard
Jay’s beard has grown thick enough to that he could disguise himself as terrorist. Perhaps not the best idea if he plans to head north of the border.
So LIZA and I went to Dorney Park a few days ago and had a good time despite some minor set backs. Apparently the people in the state of Pennsylvania’s tax money doesn’t really go into the highways all that much. I guess it’s a different culture out there, and they don’t really believe in signs that give you any indication what direction towns direction highways go when you are given the option for an exit. For the most part you are just dumped onto another highway for about 8 miles or so before you can even begin to attempt to rectify and wrong turn that you have made.
What made matters worse on the way there, that Map Quest seems to be under the impression that Dorney Park is located some where in someone’s backyard. Because if you follow the directions that we printed up you end up in a residential community. The theme park located in Allentown, Pennsylvania has one sign on one of the 3 or more highways that seemingly encircle the theme park. If you are in the actual town of Allentown you will notice they don’t bother to direct you in any way to the theme park. This is odd considering in this area we direct people to Wendy’s with a series of signs.
Seeing where as the town of Allentown makes Lawnside look like Stone Harbor I cant imagine why anyone would be in this town other than to go to the theme park. You would think such an obviously poverty strapped down would try to advertise their tourist attraction (we hype Clementon Park!). Dorney might want to make their new slogan SHhhhhhhhhhh. You can stop and ask the locals, be most of them are either just a confused as your or jerks who like to send people from South Jersey in the wrong direction.
Anyway, the trip was good. Our hotel room was nice and affordable, and the park had a lot to offer. Lots of great water rides (and despite Duke’s theory I didn’t see any kids pooping in it, although LIZA both & I considered peeing in the wave pool) some pretty decent roller coasters (although the one that was hyped to death I didn’t get on because it was closed. I guess its trend with me, the same thing happened at Hershey last year) and lots of ducks to feed.
The only trouble we had inside the park was bratty kids, and LIZA thinking it was wrong of me to shoot water at defenseless children. A stinky Mexican dude wore a see through black mess shirt and was annoying. Oh yeah and my A.D.D. kicked when we went down a body slide and I pretty much neglected every DO NOTs that they gave you to do. This resulted in me almost drowning and LIZA having to retrieve my water soaked corpse out of the water. I got up completely blinded and disoriented (since I didn’t not use the proper position) and got off on the wrong side of the slide which made the life guard angrily blow his whistle at me.
Going home proved more difficult when we managed to actually double the amount of time it takes to get from the park to LIZA’s house. I started out driving and we ended up just circling around the theme park again and again, seemingly merging on to highways that didn’t want us out of the Keystone state. By the time we ended up on route 100 (again they didn’t bother to tell us what towns were in what direction) which involved nothing but mountains and farms, I was about to start ragging so Liza took behind the wheel of the Tempo. We actually thought we were in good shape until I noticed we were heading West on an interstate and getting closer to Harrisburg. Again, your only option is to get off the highway and hope for the best. Sometimes it just put you on to just another highway giving you no indication what direction you were heading. It didn’t help that Mapquest told us too take the Scranton/Philadelphia exist which you couldn’t see unless you actually took another exit they didn’t tell you to take. Not to mention the fact that are actually two separate exists (which makes sense since one is west of Allentown and the other is East).
Part of me considered just giving up and starting a new life as a farmer. I would have to call up and tell everyone that I am a Quaker and starting a farm because the highways were too confusing and the people at Map quest are a bunch of jerks.
We had a good time though I am sure both my readers were really hoping I did. Well not Dan K who hates anyone to have a good time.
_________________
“While You Were Out”
Since I have gotten back I have learned
The Terminator is political figure now.
Arnold from Different Stokes is a political figure now.
Duke is involved with some girl either was or still is married.
Duke is a jerk
Royce is actually alive
Tom Tulish has a girlfriend
Sears Outlet hasn’t burned down yet.
There is a propane tank leaking in my yard
Jay’s beard has grown thick enough to that he could disguise himself as terrorist. Perhaps not the best idea if he plans to head north of the border.
Monday, August 04, 2003
“Tucker at the Link”
Well last night was the biggest night in Philadelphia since the sequel to Mannequin started shooting. The building in which the Eagles will call home until the machines kill us all was host for its first event a Soccer game! The building named after a company no one cares about has already been dubbed the Link.
It was the Red Guys vs the Tan Guys, and judging by the way the soccer fans were yelling these teams were good ones. It took me awhile to realize that we were rooting for the Red Guys who won. I read about the game, and it was apparently like a pre-season game. That might not seem too meaningful, but I also heard the losing team all has to go see the movie Gigli.
I get to write this blog with first hand experience, because my Father and I went to see Soccer game and break the Link’s Cherry. The Crew was there too and if you read TERMINUS its amazing no one went to the hospital. Although according to Jenna’s blog I am no longer a crew-member. Being ousted for a next generation crew member?
Anyway, the stadium was absolutely amazing. The field was beautiful, the seats were extra comfortable (space wise too) with little cup holders for the fans, the view over the Philly skyline and Delware river were sweet and wide screen video scoreboards were the cherry on top. They people of the city of brotherly love got their moneys worth. Eagles fans are going to love the view which will be 10 times better than that other building.
Of course there were some minor bugs. My father and I had tickets for the 204 Section, which was incorrectly labeled by the stadium which lead to confusion for us and the employees of the Link. Eventually we figured out that we were in the wrong seats and had to move over to the corner a bit. Unfortunately from the one corner (the real 204) of the field was a bit obstructed. I also heard they ran out of beer (which thankfully didn’t get bloody), French Fries, and the free soda may or may not have been a myth.
I also would like to mention how moronic Eagles fans are, and I don’t understand why people give Flyers fans a hard time. Here are some dumb things said by Eagles fans on 6 10 WIP (sportsradio). I would also finish this one blog by picking a bone (virtually) with Drew go to his comments on TERMINUS, under the Bush bashing title.
1. The stadium was too CLEAN
2. Everyone was just walking around and looking at stuff at the stadium. He was annoyed by this. What a moron. What did he expect?
3. Actually chanted EAGLES for no reason. These are the same idiots who call in April to talk about “The Birds”. These people are jerks.
4. Soccer shouldn’t be played at the Link. Why are we against bringing world class soccer to the city again? Do you know how many people came from far away, and likely spend money on hotels etc. Its great for the City. I am all for a wider sports venue just over the bridge.
5. Tom Cruise went to Cherry Hill East.
6. Because Soccer never caught on in America is because we are just a bunch of jerks. Honestly why does that come off as arrogance? Golf and Hockey are widely accepted and sure as heck weren’t invented in the States. How in the person or persons, animal, intimate object, or lack of a superior beings’ name can you say this is an example of American arrogance? If anyone does anything about the fan base of the sport, over seas they know they obsess to a dangerous level about the sport anyway. Resorting to trying to murder players on teams, and huge riots that make our American ones look tame. Maybe we rejected this sport because of all the crazy uncivilized stuff that goes along with it. Besides that I think its just horribly boring (not to mention hard to market and throw in commercials) sport to watch. Its not like it isn’t one of the most popular sports to play in this area. How many people played soccer? Almost everyone because it’s a cheap sport to play. In South Jersey its huge. My father is head of the South Jersey Hall of fame. It just doesn’t fit into American culture all that well at a spectator sport. However if it will ease tensions across the globe and prevent another terrorist attack we should all get Season Tickets to the Charge, or the Kixx. Anything to show our sensitivity. In fact I would also like to mention now that maybe, we should have gone to all those Yahoo Serious movies back in the early 90s. Lets try to get that big harried lovable louse a comeback special before we hurt any feelings Australians or give a Kangaroo an inferiority complex.
Hard core Eagles fans are idiots. Oh yeah Royce called me earlier today. Not that has anything to do with the Link.
Well last night was the biggest night in Philadelphia since the sequel to Mannequin started shooting. The building in which the Eagles will call home until the machines kill us all was host for its first event a Soccer game! The building named after a company no one cares about has already been dubbed the Link.
It was the Red Guys vs the Tan Guys, and judging by the way the soccer fans were yelling these teams were good ones. It took me awhile to realize that we were rooting for the Red Guys who won. I read about the game, and it was apparently like a pre-season game. That might not seem too meaningful, but I also heard the losing team all has to go see the movie Gigli.
I get to write this blog with first hand experience, because my Father and I went to see Soccer game and break the Link’s Cherry. The Crew was there too and if you read TERMINUS its amazing no one went to the hospital. Although according to Jenna’s blog I am no longer a crew-member. Being ousted for a next generation crew member?
Anyway, the stadium was absolutely amazing. The field was beautiful, the seats were extra comfortable (space wise too) with little cup holders for the fans, the view over the Philly skyline and Delware river were sweet and wide screen video scoreboards were the cherry on top. They people of the city of brotherly love got their moneys worth. Eagles fans are going to love the view which will be 10 times better than that other building.
Of course there were some minor bugs. My father and I had tickets for the 204 Section, which was incorrectly labeled by the stadium which lead to confusion for us and the employees of the Link. Eventually we figured out that we were in the wrong seats and had to move over to the corner a bit. Unfortunately from the one corner (the real 204) of the field was a bit obstructed. I also heard they ran out of beer (which thankfully didn’t get bloody), French Fries, and the free soda may or may not have been a myth.
I also would like to mention how moronic Eagles fans are, and I don’t understand why people give Flyers fans a hard time. Here are some dumb things said by Eagles fans on 6 10 WIP (sportsradio). I would also finish this one blog by picking a bone (virtually) with Drew go to his comments on TERMINUS, under the Bush bashing title.
1. The stadium was too CLEAN
2. Everyone was just walking around and looking at stuff at the stadium. He was annoyed by this. What a moron. What did he expect?
3. Actually chanted EAGLES for no reason. These are the same idiots who call in April to talk about “The Birds”. These people are jerks.
4. Soccer shouldn’t be played at the Link. Why are we against bringing world class soccer to the city again? Do you know how many people came from far away, and likely spend money on hotels etc. Its great for the City. I am all for a wider sports venue just over the bridge.
5. Tom Cruise went to Cherry Hill East.
6. Because Soccer never caught on in America is because we are just a bunch of jerks. Honestly why does that come off as arrogance? Golf and Hockey are widely accepted and sure as heck weren’t invented in the States. How in the person or persons, animal, intimate object, or lack of a superior beings’ name can you say this is an example of American arrogance? If anyone does anything about the fan base of the sport, over seas they know they obsess to a dangerous level about the sport anyway. Resorting to trying to murder players on teams, and huge riots that make our American ones look tame. Maybe we rejected this sport because of all the crazy uncivilized stuff that goes along with it. Besides that I think its just horribly boring (not to mention hard to market and throw in commercials) sport to watch. Its not like it isn’t one of the most popular sports to play in this area. How many people played soccer? Almost everyone because it’s a cheap sport to play. In South Jersey its huge. My father is head of the South Jersey Hall of fame. It just doesn’t fit into American culture all that well at a spectator sport. However if it will ease tensions across the globe and prevent another terrorist attack we should all get Season Tickets to the Charge, or the Kixx. Anything to show our sensitivity. In fact I would also like to mention now that maybe, we should have gone to all those Yahoo Serious movies back in the early 90s. Lets try to get that big harried lovable louse a comeback special before we hurt any feelings Australians or give a Kangaroo an inferiority complex.
Hard core Eagles fans are idiots. Oh yeah Royce called me earlier today. Not that has anything to do with the Link.
Sunday, August 03, 2003
“The Voice is Silent”
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies.(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Stuck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something along those lines. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosion chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought my great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas Doll July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies.(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Stuck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something along those lines. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosion chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought my great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas Doll July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
“The Voice is Silent”
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Struck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something to that effect. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosionsm chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought me great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Struck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something to that effect. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosionsm chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought me great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Saturday, August 02, 2003
"Stadium Goes Down, Baby Comes Out"
Veterans Stadium sits at the corner of South Philly as it always did. The sun rises on the vacant building and pigeon scavengers through discarded soft pretzels from the previous night’s events. The building stands as it always has ready to be pumped full of fans. Hooting and hollering for the good old baseball team the Phillies. The sun will soon bet setting on the life of the Veterans Stadium.
Meanwhile in South Jersey, Jenna sits on the couch at Duke’s apartment as she always did. Inside her an infant child grows, a living and breathing organism. Swimming, kicking and punching and will soon be out grow his or her surroundings. Baby Beanzie increasing is in size and getting stronger. The sun is rising on his or her life.
Veterans Stadium a creaky old building worn down by years gone by has out grown it’s purpose. The building stands in the Philadelphia skyline for now, but its time in the filthy air of the city of brotherly love will soon be over. The building will be broken apart and the pieces will be distributed all over the place. Pieces here and pieces there. The buildings final chapter has arrived, perhaps the final chapter will include some glory for the Phillies before the final page is printed. Maybe the story will leave all the Phillies fans grinning ear to ear.
Baby Beanzie will soon come charging through into the first pages of the story of his or her life. Born into the filthy South Jersey air into a world full of Featherless Chickens, lack of jobs and constant war. Born and ready to make his or her mark on the world. Soon Jenna’s big stomach will be gone and her and Lima Beanz’s first kid will be pooping constantly and looking amazingly at his or her’s surroundings. Likely to leave Jenna grinning ear to ear, because as she told me recently she is extremely excited about getting to see and hold her kid. Who can blame her its such a late part of the pregnancy and its almost time to ready to be a mom! From what I am told they got some really cool stuff, and they only have had on side of their family’s baby shower so far. With very little time left I imagine Lima Beanz’s family shower can’t be too far off. With all the time and excitement his parents must be feeling about being first time grandparents I am sure its going to be a big one. Lima Beanz might be excited too, I think it appears that he refuses to shave until the big day though, so its hard to see him smiling underneath all that manly facial hair.
Soon Veterans Stadium will gone. It will just remain in pictures and us old people when we tell people how things used to be. Back in the day when the Eagles and Phillies resided in the same stadium and all the football players that came to down tore their knees up on the horrible surface.
One story ends, one begins. They both will happen with in the same month of each other or so. The two events coincide. Criss-cross. Baby Beanzie is born, Veterans Stadium is destroyed. Criss-cross. Time is surely against one and for the other. It won’t be long now before the deafening constant screams of another infant child are heard or the sound of a steal ball smashing apart concrete fills echoes through the air.
Veterans Stadium sits at the corner of South Philly as it always did. The sun rises on the vacant building and pigeon scavengers through discarded soft pretzels from the previous night’s events. The building stands as it always has ready to be pumped full of fans. Hooting and hollering for the good old baseball team the Phillies. The sun will soon bet setting on the life of the Veterans Stadium.
Meanwhile in South Jersey, Jenna sits on the couch at Duke’s apartment as she always did. Inside her an infant child grows, a living and breathing organism. Swimming, kicking and punching and will soon be out grow his or her surroundings. Baby Beanzie increasing is in size and getting stronger. The sun is rising on his or her life.
Veterans Stadium a creaky old building worn down by years gone by has out grown it’s purpose. The building stands in the Philadelphia skyline for now, but its time in the filthy air of the city of brotherly love will soon be over. The building will be broken apart and the pieces will be distributed all over the place. Pieces here and pieces there. The buildings final chapter has arrived, perhaps the final chapter will include some glory for the Phillies before the final page is printed. Maybe the story will leave all the Phillies fans grinning ear to ear.
Baby Beanzie will soon come charging through into the first pages of the story of his or her life. Born into the filthy South Jersey air into a world full of Featherless Chickens, lack of jobs and constant war. Born and ready to make his or her mark on the world. Soon Jenna’s big stomach will be gone and her and Lima Beanz’s first kid will be pooping constantly and looking amazingly at his or her’s surroundings. Likely to leave Jenna grinning ear to ear, because as she told me recently she is extremely excited about getting to see and hold her kid. Who can blame her its such a late part of the pregnancy and its almost time to ready to be a mom! From what I am told they got some really cool stuff, and they only have had on side of their family’s baby shower so far. With very little time left I imagine Lima Beanz’s family shower can’t be too far off. With all the time and excitement his parents must be feeling about being first time grandparents I am sure its going to be a big one. Lima Beanz might be excited too, I think it appears that he refuses to shave until the big day though, so its hard to see him smiling underneath all that manly facial hair.
Soon Veterans Stadium will gone. It will just remain in pictures and us old people when we tell people how things used to be. Back in the day when the Eagles and Phillies resided in the same stadium and all the football players that came to down tore their knees up on the horrible surface.
One story ends, one begins. They both will happen with in the same month of each other or so. The two events coincide. Criss-cross. Baby Beanzie is born, Veterans Stadium is destroyed. Criss-cross. Time is surely against one and for the other. It won’t be long now before the deafening constant screams of another infant child are heard or the sound of a steal ball smashing apart concrete fills echoes through the air.
Friday, August 01, 2003
“The Article Where Tucker Writes About Wawa, but Can’t Think of an Article Title”
So somewhat recently I was at the Sterling Wawa I had purchased a Daily News and pack of gum. They were impulse items after tapping MAC machine. LIZA and I were going to the casinos that night, and oddly enough, the register seemed to know my destination for the night. It made CHA CHING sound, like the many quarters, I would lose later that night. I figured perhaps it was a cash registers with eerie powers that would accurately predict the customers night.
It wasn’t until I went there again when I started hearing laser sounds as I was being rang up. Bleep, bleep, bleep. It sounds like something out of a bad Sci-fi movie. Some other confusing and equally high pitch sounds follow. Apparently, this is part of the new fancy technology that Wawa is getting themselves into. I have a few theories on what reasons they have for this. Perhaps an inside peak on what went on at the marketing meetings.
1. They want people to have fun why they are spending money.
2. They want to annoy the living piss out of their employees
3. They are giving us Cancer
4. The “laser” sounds make us spend more, and grab other items.
5. I have gone totally insane and there are no laser sounds
6. The machines are starting to give warning signs about their rise to power
7. It’s the government trying out “Alien” technology
So somewhat recently I was at the Sterling Wawa I had purchased a Daily News and pack of gum. They were impulse items after tapping MAC machine. LIZA and I were going to the casinos that night, and oddly enough, the register seemed to know my destination for the night. It made CHA CHING sound, like the many quarters, I would lose later that night. I figured perhaps it was a cash registers with eerie powers that would accurately predict the customers night.
It wasn’t until I went there again when I started hearing laser sounds as I was being rang up. Bleep, bleep, bleep. It sounds like something out of a bad Sci-fi movie. Some other confusing and equally high pitch sounds follow. Apparently, this is part of the new fancy technology that Wawa is getting themselves into. I have a few theories on what reasons they have for this. Perhaps an inside peak on what went on at the marketing meetings.
1. They want people to have fun why they are spending money.
2. They want to annoy the living piss out of their employees
3. They are giving us Cancer
4. The “laser” sounds make us spend more, and grab other items.
5. I have gone totally insane and there are no laser sounds
6. The machines are starting to give warning signs about their rise to power
7. It’s the government trying out “Alien” technology
Thursday, July 31, 2003
“Inside the Trunk”
So I decided to prevent the tempo (my car) from reaching the level of neglect as Duke’s apartment and cleaned out the interior earlier today. This was an exciting way to start my vacation let me tell you.
The car had become quite an embarrassment, several half drank beverages littered the car from various trips to the beach. I also came across many water-damaged items from one of the dozens of times I nonchalantly left my widows down during torrential downpours. These items ranged from a program for my graduation, to mildly important car documentations. I also had a rather large of worthless receipts, and a two-week-old Daily News.
After sucking up all the dirt on the inside of the car I decided that it was time to clean the trunk out for the first time in I don’t know how long. I started by removing the duck blanket used for the beach. I discovered I likely have enough sand in my trunk to justify requiring beach tags for anyone who goes for a spin in the tempo.
I also discovered some severally damaged textbooks that from Rowan that I never sold back. Marketing, Advertising, and Public Relations. They are no going in transit to decay next to the ORIGINAL seats of Veterans Stadium in a South Jersey landfill somewhere. If you want the Public Relations book you can purchase it at the Rowan bookstore. It costs more than a Lobster Dinner. If you have trouble finding it look under the fiction section. If it isn’t there it can certainly be found on the worthless major shelf. Highly recommended for anyone that doesn’t want to land a job were you are actually paid a salary.
I also found an ice scraper that had been buried in the back during the entire brutal winter that just passed. It was truly like looking through times in my life. There was a hanger in there from god knows when. There was Derek Plante’s autograph from one of the first NJF’s and the birth of the Skatezone. Its value rivials the PR book. I also found some random pieces of metal that may or may not be important to my car. A long piece left over from when I got rear ended in 2000.
I found Ed’s old email, a Spanish flash card for the park. It must have been during the time when I actually tried learning the language. However, the best find was an items that I brought over from my old car, the escort. I am sure it made sense to me why I did it at the time. The first item was a bottle of cologne from Dan K. that he left in my first car after a night out at Hot Shots. It was before Dan K. met his girl and we were undoubtly on the prowl I am sure. Of course, our inept pool playing and jokes no one thinks is funny but us would have likely scared them off anyway. The other item it as Peanut crunch bar. This item dates back to my street hockey playing days at Sterling. It was from Junior Year. Making it six years old. I am surprised it didn’t stand up and slap me in the face.
So I decided to prevent the tempo (my car) from reaching the level of neglect as Duke’s apartment and cleaned out the interior earlier today. This was an exciting way to start my vacation let me tell you.
The car had become quite an embarrassment, several half drank beverages littered the car from various trips to the beach. I also came across many water-damaged items from one of the dozens of times I nonchalantly left my widows down during torrential downpours. These items ranged from a program for my graduation, to mildly important car documentations. I also had a rather large of worthless receipts, and a two-week-old Daily News.
After sucking up all the dirt on the inside of the car I decided that it was time to clean the trunk out for the first time in I don’t know how long. I started by removing the duck blanket used for the beach. I discovered I likely have enough sand in my trunk to justify requiring beach tags for anyone who goes for a spin in the tempo.
I also discovered some severally damaged textbooks that from Rowan that I never sold back. Marketing, Advertising, and Public Relations. They are no going in transit to decay next to the ORIGINAL seats of Veterans Stadium in a South Jersey landfill somewhere. If you want the Public Relations book you can purchase it at the Rowan bookstore. It costs more than a Lobster Dinner. If you have trouble finding it look under the fiction section. If it isn’t there it can certainly be found on the worthless major shelf. Highly recommended for anyone that doesn’t want to land a job were you are actually paid a salary.
I also found an ice scraper that had been buried in the back during the entire brutal winter that just passed. It was truly like looking through times in my life. There was a hanger in there from god knows when. There was Derek Plante’s autograph from one of the first NJF’s and the birth of the Skatezone. Its value rivials the PR book. I also found some random pieces of metal that may or may not be important to my car. A long piece left over from when I got rear ended in 2000.
I found Ed’s old email, a Spanish flash card for the park. It must have been during the time when I actually tried learning the language. However, the best find was an items that I brought over from my old car, the escort. I am sure it made sense to me why I did it at the time. The first item was a bottle of cologne from Dan K. that he left in my first car after a night out at Hot Shots. It was before Dan K. met his girl and we were undoubtly on the prowl I am sure. Of course, our inept pool playing and jokes no one thinks is funny but us would have likely scared them off anyway. The other item it as Peanut crunch bar. This item dates back to my street hockey playing days at Sterling. It was from Junior Year. Making it six years old. I am surprised it didn’t stand up and slap me in the face.
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
“Tucker’s Goals"
I am going on vacation for week and some days starting Wednesday night 9:30 ish. I am setting myself some goals. We can all see if I actually meet any of them. I hope to clean up.
1. Go to Dowrny park with LIZA, and have a good time. Also not to scream like a little girl or piss myself on any of the scary roller coasters.
2. Hang out at Rich and Rob’s apartment in Collingswood
3. Send out 10 resumes
4. Go to a baseball game, whether it be Riversharks (never been) or a Phillies game (doubtful due to the fact they are on the road most my vacation)
5. See if I can get drunk Keith to come out of his almost half of a year hiatus.
6. Go power sailing
7. Go fishing and hopefully actually catch something.
8. Watch movies with Drew and than over analyze them to the point that we prove we are both complete nerds by dissecting an entertainment form to make us sound intelligent.
9. Go to a little place called Starview Diner
10. Go to the beach
11. Convince Lima Beanz and Jenna to name their child Vern
12. Talk about going to New York City, actually make an effort to get a big group of people to go (an excited about it) touring the big apple, then not actually go.
13. Go swimming in my pool between rain showers.
14. Do something “cool and adventurous” with Steve.
15. See TRAP practice
16. Eat a good hoagie
17. Get a Crew miniature golf night going.
18. Call Tom Tulish
19. Wash the Tempo
20. Enjoy my time with LIZA before she starts school again
21. Become blood brothers with my best friend Lima Beanz.
Okay so I am not serious about the last one, but I am open for suggestions what would be a good use of my free time. As long as its with in reason you can email me suggestions and perhaps I will blog about the event. Of course no one ever emails me with anything for this blog.
I am going on vacation for week and some days starting Wednesday night 9:30 ish. I am setting myself some goals. We can all see if I actually meet any of them. I hope to clean up.
1. Go to Dowrny park with LIZA, and have a good time. Also not to scream like a little girl or piss myself on any of the scary roller coasters.
2. Hang out at Rich and Rob’s apartment in Collingswood
3. Send out 10 resumes
4. Go to a baseball game, whether it be Riversharks (never been) or a Phillies game (doubtful due to the fact they are on the road most my vacation)
5. See if I can get drunk Keith to come out of his almost half of a year hiatus.
6. Go power sailing
7. Go fishing and hopefully actually catch something.
8. Watch movies with Drew and than over analyze them to the point that we prove we are both complete nerds by dissecting an entertainment form to make us sound intelligent.
9. Go to a little place called Starview Diner
10. Go to the beach
11. Convince Lima Beanz and Jenna to name their child Vern
12. Talk about going to New York City, actually make an effort to get a big group of people to go (an excited about it) touring the big apple, then not actually go.
13. Go swimming in my pool between rain showers.
14. Do something “cool and adventurous” with Steve.
15. See TRAP practice
16. Eat a good hoagie
17. Get a Crew miniature golf night going.
18. Call Tom Tulish
19. Wash the Tempo
20. Enjoy my time with LIZA before she starts school again
21. Become blood brothers with my best friend Lima Beanz.
Okay so I am not serious about the last one, but I am open for suggestions what would be a good use of my free time. As long as its with in reason you can email me suggestions and perhaps I will blog about the event. Of course no one ever emails me with anything for this blog.
Monday, July 28, 2003
“Dan K. Goes Legit ”
Dan K. finally came to his senses and put a ring on the finger of his long time girlfriend his past weekend. Dan has been with Jessica since the summer after we graduated highschool (1998). That is an insanely long amount of time by my standards. I cant even imagine. I think that’s even longer than he has had that festering foot fungus which may or may not be slowly devouring his foot.
It’s about time Dan realized she might be part of a select few that will put up with his miserable persona and constant black cloud that he drags around with him everywhere he goes. Jessica certainly put up with quite a bit over the years. Dan even dedicated a day in which he purposely avoided contact with her. It was Friday nights that became known as No Jessica Fridays, or NJF. Dan and the entire crew (before the infamous yet vague falling out) would go out to dinner and spend insane amounts of money. Most times we would than go to a bar, and Dan would tell us why no girls want to hook up with us and point out all our faults until we all wanted to die.
Dan plans to wed in October 2004 which give him slightly over a year to google search his wedding plans. I am predicting perhaps the first ever chat room bachelor party in this history of the free world.
I see very little of Dan K. these days due to his pure hatred for humanity. Despite the fact that he has lived the life of a married man for about four years its still big news that is finally going to make it legit. It seems just like yesterday Dan K was trying to glue me to my seat in grade school. I am happy for him and hope his marriage is a long and healthy one. I am sure all my readers who mostly only know him in his cartoonish form in Tucker's World are happy for a complete and total stranger.
I am not supposed to make this public knowledge but he plans to ask Drew to be his best man when they go out to the bars tonight. Maybe if I have time I will come up with a quick list of classic Dan K. stories. Unfortunately there are very few recent ones, since he is bunkered down in his apartment praying that the world will end soon.
Dan K. finally came to his senses and put a ring on the finger of his long time girlfriend his past weekend. Dan has been with Jessica since the summer after we graduated highschool (1998). That is an insanely long amount of time by my standards. I cant even imagine. I think that’s even longer than he has had that festering foot fungus which may or may not be slowly devouring his foot.
It’s about time Dan realized she might be part of a select few that will put up with his miserable persona and constant black cloud that he drags around with him everywhere he goes. Jessica certainly put up with quite a bit over the years. Dan even dedicated a day in which he purposely avoided contact with her. It was Friday nights that became known as No Jessica Fridays, or NJF. Dan and the entire crew (before the infamous yet vague falling out) would go out to dinner and spend insane amounts of money. Most times we would than go to a bar, and Dan would tell us why no girls want to hook up with us and point out all our faults until we all wanted to die.
Dan plans to wed in October 2004 which give him slightly over a year to google search his wedding plans. I am predicting perhaps the first ever chat room bachelor party in this history of the free world.
I see very little of Dan K. these days due to his pure hatred for humanity. Despite the fact that he has lived the life of a married man for about four years its still big news that is finally going to make it legit. It seems just like yesterday Dan K was trying to glue me to my seat in grade school. I am happy for him and hope his marriage is a long and healthy one. I am sure all my readers who mostly only know him in his cartoonish form in Tucker's World are happy for a complete and total stranger.
I am not supposed to make this public knowledge but he plans to ask Drew to be his best man when they go out to the bars tonight. Maybe if I have time I will come up with a quick list of classic Dan K. stories. Unfortunately there are very few recent ones, since he is bunkered down in his apartment praying that the world will end soon.
Friday, July 25, 2003
"Tucker Takes a Stand"
I am going to use my blog no one reads to defend some movies I loved that everyone else hates. Trust me I could write an entire blog dedicated to this.
The Beach (2000)
Many people boycotted this movie because of Leonardo DiCaprio, and if you look at the poster you might have thought it was a chick flick. After Titanic was made it was as if “This Boy’s Life”, and the “Basketball Dairies” never existed. However with most sheepish movie watchers they cant recall anything that was released before without having a tie in with a fast-food restaurant for its release.
The hordes of hot young girls that came out to see this Leo film hated it, because he played bit of a prick. The movie explored the dark side of humanity, and dealt with violence, betrayal, drugs, murder and exploited paradise. The scenery of the film is worth a visit alone especially if you have one of those HDTV thingies.
The basic premise revolves around a traveler (Leo) who meets up with a French couple who have a map to this supposed hidden beach. Once they get there they find a miniature civilization inhabiting it. However paradise isn’t all its cracked up to be, and it doesn’t help that Leo makes googly eyes at the French chick. To make matters worse some weeded up friends Leo made before seating sail show up uninvited and draw too much attention to the hidden beach when they stop off to frolic in a bunch of hemp plants.
Could you still enjoy paradise and keep it a secret if it meant betraying someone who loves you? Letting someone die a painful death so you can fish and play volleyball all day? Don’t this people ever get sun poisoning?
Okay I really didn’t make the movie sound all that amazing but the movie really does explore how humanity is underneath it all. Its tendency to exploit the pure, and how each person is ultimately out for themselves despite putting up phony front to lead on that they are better people. Pay attention to how the movie’s tone shifts three times, and wonderfully so.
Ironically (or shamlessly) to date this is the only Danny Boyle (not the defenseman for the Lightening) movie that I liked. The most Americanized mainstream of them all with a Hollywood a celebrity in the lead. However I would take Leo over Ewen any day(not in a gay way). Poor Leo got a bad rap from Titanic. Guys should get over their homophobia and check out some of his work.
Superman III (1983)
Richard Donner who directed the first in the series was fired before Superman II was finished filming. So Richard Lester was hired to finish the film and credited with directing it despite only shooting about 30 percent of the movie. The fallout from the producers was so bad that Gene Hackman refused to shoot anything for Lester, and Margot Kidder returned highly disgruntled. Both actors were “punished” by being written out of the third installment of the man of steal with Lester again in the director’s seat. Lois Lane (Kidder) was only at the start and very end of the film, so Lana Lang (clarke’s highschool love interest) was brought back into the storyline. Hackman was gone all together and a new character Ross Webster (played by B-actor Robert Vaughn) was the villain playing a rich guy who was evil.
Lester for whatever reason decided to crank the camp level up in this one big time. The movie certainly didn’t take itself as seriously as the first two. I might even offer suggestion to skip the “slapstick” opening credit sequence which was way out of place and horribly unfunny (unless your 6).
The fact that Richard Pryor joined the cast for III didn’t sit well with most fans of the first two movies. Espeically since he pretty much the films central character, and go almost more screen time than Superman himself. Christopher Reeve and Pryor have little screen time together, because there seem to be two separate stories going on here that don’t run into each other until the climax of the film. On one hand we get to see an unemployed Pryor realize he is better at computers than Dan K. Hemphill and hack into every computer he can get his hands on. He steals every half penny he can find and puts into his account (like in Office Space). Of course he buys a nice car and draws far too much attention to himself, So his EVIL boss wants him to use computers to control the weather,send oil tankers to the middle of the ocean for no reason to drive up gas prices, and find out the how to make Kryptonite to try to keep Superman from meddling in their plans. Eventually he gets to make the “ultimate” computer which starts to become a living organism. Kind of like DEATH BY MACHINES. I love the scene when Pryor is there for a fight ofter the gasoline shortage. Watching the gradual corruption of his character should have been played on more.
Meanwhile Clark Kent goes back to Smallville to write about his high school reunion. He finds time to take Lana and her kid out for picnics while stopping fires, and saving her kid from getting mowed over. Pretty productive trip. The best part of the film is when Pryor finally finds out how to make Kryptonite (sort of he makes up part of its components). Instead of killing him his new form makes Superman into a SUPERJERK. He would rather hump than save people from falling to their death. He doesn’t shave, and goes drinking in the middle of the afternoon.. How can you not get a kick out of when he flicks peanuts at the liquor bottles? He also breaking messing up Oil tankers and landmarks that would land him in the terrorist card deck. Eventually the good and evil split and its Superman vs Clark Kent which makes for some trippy scenes, and some of Reeves best work in the serious playing the two different characters at once. This effect is done pretty well for 1983.
I will admit the movie was PR tactic to make people forget Pryor had recently set himself on fire smoking crack (his burn scars are evident in early scenes). I also wish Richard Lestor wasn’t such a cornball and stopping the story for jokes. There should also be a law against featuring video games shamlessly (I wanted to hurt Lester for this) trying to play it off part of the film. Scenes like Pryor falling off a huge skyscraper and just shrugging it off (we were all worried about Lois in part I that high up!), creepy sexual energy looming in the air, poor cinematography, a watered down music score, random goofy jokes inserted, and referencing a deleted scene should have been corrected before it took flight. Sure, it resulted in the death of the franchise for the most part, and I should like it given the back-story of the film, but it’s a fun ride.
A side note, Richard Donner actually directed Richard Pryor in the far whackier “The Toy”.
The Frighteners (1996)
Okay I would watch anything with Michael J Fox. I always thought he had the ablitly to make a mediocre film watchable with his likeable and often humorous screen presence. The movie For Love or For Money worked mainly because his ablitiy to get an audience to root for him, and his dry comic timing.
This movie was hated mostly because it had more plot holes than my blog has typos. Also because it was a lot darker in nature for most Fox fans. Directed by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings guy) the first half of the film is almost like a comedy despite the goolish opening. Fox plays a con man who can see the living dead after a car accident years ago. He teams up with some friendly ghosts to set up a scam. They hunt people, he comes and rids them of the “evil” presence. Fox has a death wish would seem, and drives with less car than Lima Beanz from Top Dog that one night.
However all is not well, because an evil sprit known as the sole collecter comes to town. He is dressed as the reaper and wants to take peoples souls away. He can also kill the living dead (people can choice to be free roaming aberrations apparently instead of heaven or hell for a couple of years anyway). So everyone is in danger including Fox and his ghost friends. The soul collector starts getting amusement by taking out people people when Fox is around. He always knows whose number is up next, because he can see numbers on their heads.
Add a minor love story, a horribly over bearing creepy FBI agent, a insane woman who went on a killing spree with her boyfriend as a teen and her crazy mother and you got yourself a busy movie. It’s a fun dark ride, and it might bother you too much to figure out some of the logic here and there. I honestly think there was enough material here for AT LEAST two films. The movie moves at such break neck speed that I want it to stop and answer some questions about the concept of the spirit world. I want to see the dead getting a choice to walk around on earth. I wanted to see more of the Con-man routine before all hell broke loose. I wanted to know why Fox’s ghost chasers could age. I wanted to know what Fox’s charcters diet was because he takes a licking and keeps on ticking in this flick!
I remember seeing this movie in theaters with Royce and Ryan who both hated it. I had to pretend I hated it too, when I really liked it. I rented it when it came out on video, taped it off the Stars network years ago, and even bought the DVD for my girlfriend who must be the other person who liked it. I am not usually one to go for this kind of movies, but these one is too fun with all the wall rippling demons for me to dislike. Than again the only Woody Allen movie I saw was the TV one that Fox did.
I think this movie can be defined as a “thrill” ride. I also liked the way the movie went from comedy to dark thriller. If you don’t find all the haunting scenes creepy, the flashback scenes in the hospital are sure to get you.
Sadly the last time we ever get to see Fox in a lead. Also a great music score by Danny Elfman.
The Cable Guy (1996)
Perhaps it was director Ben Stiller coming off as too condescending telling us that too much tv is a bad thing. Perhaps it was how much Jim Carrey made for this movie. Perhaps his core audience couldn’t travel down a dark road with him. Perhaps the story line of a lonely guy obsessing over making a new friend and going to extremes was a better premise for a thriller than a dark comedy. Even though the film almost becomes a thriller at one point. Everyone thinks this movie is bad. Its list on DVD empire under the what were they thinking bin. The Simpsons made a joke about how it almost ruined Jim Carrey’s career. Jeesh! I have to really stand up for this one! I put my movie snob reputation on the line for this one!
Mathew Broderick plays the straight man wonderfully off of Carey. Broderick and the always underrated Jeff Daniels are the only ones that could play off of him. In different fashions granted. Broderick is having lady problems and has to get his own apartment. When his cable guy comes to hook him up he takes a liking to Broderick. The Cable Guy (who never learn his real name) desperately needs a new friend and Broderick could use distraction from his heartbreak, even though he thinks the cable guy is a bit odd. Right from the start the Cable Guy starts jumping steps in the friendship of two dudes, he is already buying him stuff, jumping in on his weekly basketball games, and calling him his best friend. However when Broderick starts getting too creeped out and puts the Cable Guy down on his priority list for his career and girl things get hairy. This is after of course delightfully dark sequences involving Medevil Times in North Jersey, and a hauntingly funny karaoke night. He tries way too hard to be a friend and even is clearly deranged.
Things get out of control and the Cable Guy befriend his girl, which makes everyone think Broderick is the crazy one for not liking him. The only one that is suspicious is good old Jack Black, Broderick’s friend from work who eventually uncovers the Cable Guy’s dark past despite being dicked over the whole movie. How could anyone not like the a movie with porno password in it? Didn’t anyone else find the Ben Stiller sub plot funny? Am I the only one who actually laughed during this movie? Owen Wilson barely could keep a straight face in the darkest part of the movie when he The Cable Guy beats the crap out of him in public bathoom. Watch his face closely.
In addition to a unique story line, we get one of the best mid-90s soundtracks in a film, some actual innovative shots for a comedy and a fairly decent pay off at the end. I don’t think I could have liked the film if Broderick had not gotten to take a swing at the Cable Guy. This movie is great and I will defend it till the day I die. Wait...is that a robot on my front lawn? He sure looks friendly I am going to go see what he wants!
:::end transmission::
I am going to use my blog no one reads to defend some movies I loved that everyone else hates. Trust me I could write an entire blog dedicated to this.
The Beach (2000)
Many people boycotted this movie because of Leonardo DiCaprio, and if you look at the poster you might have thought it was a chick flick. After Titanic was made it was as if “This Boy’s Life”, and the “Basketball Dairies” never existed. However with most sheepish movie watchers they cant recall anything that was released before without having a tie in with a fast-food restaurant for its release.
The hordes of hot young girls that came out to see this Leo film hated it, because he played bit of a prick. The movie explored the dark side of humanity, and dealt with violence, betrayal, drugs, murder and exploited paradise. The scenery of the film is worth a visit alone especially if you have one of those HDTV thingies.
The basic premise revolves around a traveler (Leo) who meets up with a French couple who have a map to this supposed hidden beach. Once they get there they find a miniature civilization inhabiting it. However paradise isn’t all its cracked up to be, and it doesn’t help that Leo makes googly eyes at the French chick. To make matters worse some weeded up friends Leo made before seating sail show up uninvited and draw too much attention to the hidden beach when they stop off to frolic in a bunch of hemp plants.
Could you still enjoy paradise and keep it a secret if it meant betraying someone who loves you? Letting someone die a painful death so you can fish and play volleyball all day? Don’t this people ever get sun poisoning?
Okay I really didn’t make the movie sound all that amazing but the movie really does explore how humanity is underneath it all. Its tendency to exploit the pure, and how each person is ultimately out for themselves despite putting up phony front to lead on that they are better people. Pay attention to how the movie’s tone shifts three times, and wonderfully so.
Ironically (or shamlessly) to date this is the only Danny Boyle (not the defenseman for the Lightening) movie that I liked. The most Americanized mainstream of them all with a Hollywood a celebrity in the lead. However I would take Leo over Ewen any day(not in a gay way). Poor Leo got a bad rap from Titanic. Guys should get over their homophobia and check out some of his work.
Superman III (1983)
Richard Donner who directed the first in the series was fired before Superman II was finished filming. So Richard Lester was hired to finish the film and credited with directing it despite only shooting about 30 percent of the movie. The fallout from the producers was so bad that Gene Hackman refused to shoot anything for Lester, and Margot Kidder returned highly disgruntled. Both actors were “punished” by being written out of the third installment of the man of steal with Lester again in the director’s seat. Lois Lane (Kidder) was only at the start and very end of the film, so Lana Lang (clarke’s highschool love interest) was brought back into the storyline. Hackman was gone all together and a new character Ross Webster (played by B-actor Robert Vaughn) was the villain playing a rich guy who was evil.
Lester for whatever reason decided to crank the camp level up in this one big time. The movie certainly didn’t take itself as seriously as the first two. I might even offer suggestion to skip the “slapstick” opening credit sequence which was way out of place and horribly unfunny (unless your 6).
The fact that Richard Pryor joined the cast for III didn’t sit well with most fans of the first two movies. Espeically since he pretty much the films central character, and go almost more screen time than Superman himself. Christopher Reeve and Pryor have little screen time together, because there seem to be two separate stories going on here that don’t run into each other until the climax of the film. On one hand we get to see an unemployed Pryor realize he is better at computers than Dan K. Hemphill and hack into every computer he can get his hands on. He steals every half penny he can find and puts into his account (like in Office Space). Of course he buys a nice car and draws far too much attention to himself, So his EVIL boss wants him to use computers to control the weather,send oil tankers to the middle of the ocean for no reason to drive up gas prices, and find out the how to make Kryptonite to try to keep Superman from meddling in their plans. Eventually he gets to make the “ultimate” computer which starts to become a living organism. Kind of like DEATH BY MACHINES. I love the scene when Pryor is there for a fight ofter the gasoline shortage. Watching the gradual corruption of his character should have been played on more.
Meanwhile Clark Kent goes back to Smallville to write about his high school reunion. He finds time to take Lana and her kid out for picnics while stopping fires, and saving her kid from getting mowed over. Pretty productive trip. The best part of the film is when Pryor finally finds out how to make Kryptonite (sort of he makes up part of its components). Instead of killing him his new form makes Superman into a SUPERJERK. He would rather hump than save people from falling to their death. He doesn’t shave, and goes drinking in the middle of the afternoon.. How can you not get a kick out of when he flicks peanuts at the liquor bottles? He also breaking messing up Oil tankers and landmarks that would land him in the terrorist card deck. Eventually the good and evil split and its Superman vs Clark Kent which makes for some trippy scenes, and some of Reeves best work in the serious playing the two different characters at once. This effect is done pretty well for 1983.
I will admit the movie was PR tactic to make people forget Pryor had recently set himself on fire smoking crack (his burn scars are evident in early scenes). I also wish Richard Lestor wasn’t such a cornball and stopping the story for jokes. There should also be a law against featuring video games shamlessly (I wanted to hurt Lester for this) trying to play it off part of the film. Scenes like Pryor falling off a huge skyscraper and just shrugging it off (we were all worried about Lois in part I that high up!), creepy sexual energy looming in the air, poor cinematography, a watered down music score, random goofy jokes inserted, and referencing a deleted scene should have been corrected before it took flight. Sure, it resulted in the death of the franchise for the most part, and I should like it given the back-story of the film, but it’s a fun ride.
A side note, Richard Donner actually directed Richard Pryor in the far whackier “The Toy”.
The Frighteners (1996)
Okay I would watch anything with Michael J Fox. I always thought he had the ablitly to make a mediocre film watchable with his likeable and often humorous screen presence. The movie For Love or For Money worked mainly because his ablitiy to get an audience to root for him, and his dry comic timing.
This movie was hated mostly because it had more plot holes than my blog has typos. Also because it was a lot darker in nature for most Fox fans. Directed by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings guy) the first half of the film is almost like a comedy despite the goolish opening. Fox plays a con man who can see the living dead after a car accident years ago. He teams up with some friendly ghosts to set up a scam. They hunt people, he comes and rids them of the “evil” presence. Fox has a death wish would seem, and drives with less car than Lima Beanz from Top Dog that one night.
However all is not well, because an evil sprit known as the sole collecter comes to town. He is dressed as the reaper and wants to take peoples souls away. He can also kill the living dead (people can choice to be free roaming aberrations apparently instead of heaven or hell for a couple of years anyway). So everyone is in danger including Fox and his ghost friends. The soul collector starts getting amusement by taking out people people when Fox is around. He always knows whose number is up next, because he can see numbers on their heads.
Add a minor love story, a horribly over bearing creepy FBI agent, a insane woman who went on a killing spree with her boyfriend as a teen and her crazy mother and you got yourself a busy movie. It’s a fun dark ride, and it might bother you too much to figure out some of the logic here and there. I honestly think there was enough material here for AT LEAST two films. The movie moves at such break neck speed that I want it to stop and answer some questions about the concept of the spirit world. I want to see the dead getting a choice to walk around on earth. I wanted to see more of the Con-man routine before all hell broke loose. I wanted to know why Fox’s ghost chasers could age. I wanted to know what Fox’s charcters diet was because he takes a licking and keeps on ticking in this flick!
I remember seeing this movie in theaters with Royce and Ryan who both hated it. I had to pretend I hated it too, when I really liked it. I rented it when it came out on video, taped it off the Stars network years ago, and even bought the DVD for my girlfriend who must be the other person who liked it. I am not usually one to go for this kind of movies, but these one is too fun with all the wall rippling demons for me to dislike. Than again the only Woody Allen movie I saw was the TV one that Fox did.
I think this movie can be defined as a “thrill” ride. I also liked the way the movie went from comedy to dark thriller. If you don’t find all the haunting scenes creepy, the flashback scenes in the hospital are sure to get you.
Sadly the last time we ever get to see Fox in a lead. Also a great music score by Danny Elfman.
The Cable Guy (1996)
Perhaps it was director Ben Stiller coming off as too condescending telling us that too much tv is a bad thing. Perhaps it was how much Jim Carrey made for this movie. Perhaps his core audience couldn’t travel down a dark road with him. Perhaps the story line of a lonely guy obsessing over making a new friend and going to extremes was a better premise for a thriller than a dark comedy. Even though the film almost becomes a thriller at one point. Everyone thinks this movie is bad. Its list on DVD empire under the what were they thinking bin. The Simpsons made a joke about how it almost ruined Jim Carrey’s career. Jeesh! I have to really stand up for this one! I put my movie snob reputation on the line for this one!
Mathew Broderick plays the straight man wonderfully off of Carey. Broderick and the always underrated Jeff Daniels are the only ones that could play off of him. In different fashions granted. Broderick is having lady problems and has to get his own apartment. When his cable guy comes to hook him up he takes a liking to Broderick. The Cable Guy (who never learn his real name) desperately needs a new friend and Broderick could use distraction from his heartbreak, even though he thinks the cable guy is a bit odd. Right from the start the Cable Guy starts jumping steps in the friendship of two dudes, he is already buying him stuff, jumping in on his weekly basketball games, and calling him his best friend. However when Broderick starts getting too creeped out and puts the Cable Guy down on his priority list for his career and girl things get hairy. This is after of course delightfully dark sequences involving Medevil Times in North Jersey, and a hauntingly funny karaoke night. He tries way too hard to be a friend and even is clearly deranged.
Things get out of control and the Cable Guy befriend his girl, which makes everyone think Broderick is the crazy one for not liking him. The only one that is suspicious is good old Jack Black, Broderick’s friend from work who eventually uncovers the Cable Guy’s dark past despite being dicked over the whole movie. How could anyone not like the a movie with porno password in it? Didn’t anyone else find the Ben Stiller sub plot funny? Am I the only one who actually laughed during this movie? Owen Wilson barely could keep a straight face in the darkest part of the movie when he The Cable Guy beats the crap out of him in public bathoom. Watch his face closely.
In addition to a unique story line, we get one of the best mid-90s soundtracks in a film, some actual innovative shots for a comedy and a fairly decent pay off at the end. I don’t think I could have liked the film if Broderick had not gotten to take a swing at the Cable Guy. This movie is great and I will defend it till the day I die. Wait...is that a robot on my front lawn? He sure looks friendly I am going to go see what he wants!
:::end transmission::
Thursday, July 24, 2003
"Empty Seats"
This next season there will be a few different players on the ice for the Flyers, and there will be two new people seating in the seats formerly reserved for my father and I. After 30 something years my family is no longer a season ticket holding family to the Philadelphia Flyers.
I was supposed to get the tickets in my name at one point. However I couldn’t make my dad bare the financial burden against his will for another year waiting for me to be able to afford the tickets. I can’t blame not being entustatic to shell out close to 5 grand to see a team who isn’t remotely close to getting a Stanley Cup. I was supposed to keep on the tradition, but not anymore.
Its not impossible to get season tickets again years down the line since many people are giving up their season tickets. We do plan to pick out some games and purchase tickets to a see certain teams play. However we don’t have to eat 3 pre-season games anymore which aren’t even offered at a discounted price, and we don’t have to waste a night in Philly seeing the Blue jackets play Philly. Someone else can shell out that money to pay Leclair to skate around in a daze now. I guess part is me is glad. I am fearing the new "marketing" plan to make the game more "exciting" for the fans that will take place next season. I mean I go for the hockey, not for some lame ass commercial for a company disguised as a game. I can imagine its going to be annoying.
It will certainly be strange not owning tickets anymore, however that’s the changing face of fans at professional sports. There are more tools that got their tickets for free from a company than there are people who actually give a damn anymore. There were more empty seats at the games last season than any season I can remember. Pretty sad for a team that used to have a waiting list for season tickets.
Many player union people honestly think they are having a work stoppage in 2004, so I guess I can also make this serve as a pre-emptive middle finger to the NHL. Perhaps one day, me and other crew members can split the bill for season tickets, I honestly don’t see this team going anywhere for at least 5 years.
So long section 215. So long fat guy that spills over into my chair. So long annoying kid that sits behind me. So long two drunk chicks that pay no attention to the game. So long FU center.
This next season there will be a few different players on the ice for the Flyers, and there will be two new people seating in the seats formerly reserved for my father and I. After 30 something years my family is no longer a season ticket holding family to the Philadelphia Flyers.
I was supposed to get the tickets in my name at one point. However I couldn’t make my dad bare the financial burden against his will for another year waiting for me to be able to afford the tickets. I can’t blame not being entustatic to shell out close to 5 grand to see a team who isn’t remotely close to getting a Stanley Cup. I was supposed to keep on the tradition, but not anymore.
Its not impossible to get season tickets again years down the line since many people are giving up their season tickets. We do plan to pick out some games and purchase tickets to a see certain teams play. However we don’t have to eat 3 pre-season games anymore which aren’t even offered at a discounted price, and we don’t have to waste a night in Philly seeing the Blue jackets play Philly. Someone else can shell out that money to pay Leclair to skate around in a daze now. I guess part is me is glad. I am fearing the new "marketing" plan to make the game more "exciting" for the fans that will take place next season. I mean I go for the hockey, not for some lame ass commercial for a company disguised as a game. I can imagine its going to be annoying.
It will certainly be strange not owning tickets anymore, however that’s the changing face of fans at professional sports. There are more tools that got their tickets for free from a company than there are people who actually give a damn anymore. There were more empty seats at the games last season than any season I can remember. Pretty sad for a team that used to have a waiting list for season tickets.
Many player union people honestly think they are having a work stoppage in 2004, so I guess I can also make this serve as a pre-emptive middle finger to the NHL. Perhaps one day, me and other crew members can split the bill for season tickets, I honestly don’t see this team going anywhere for at least 5 years.
So long section 215. So long fat guy that spills over into my chair. So long annoying kid that sits behind me. So long two drunk chicks that pay no attention to the game. So long FU center.
Monday, July 21, 2003
“Gassing Geese”
They say its because of South Jersey’s love for nice golf courses, various ponds, and larger acres of polished lands that have persuaded Canadian Snow guess to be not so Canadian. Maybe its because we as South Jerseyans refuse to “not feed the waterfowl”. Maybe they just like pooping on our 24 hour dinners, or the taste of contaminated water. Maybe they wanted to be considered American Geese so people would not associate them with Tom Greene. Whatever reason many Geese don’t bother to migrate anymore. They just pretty much stay here all year around. Pooping and eating the food we throw at them.
Brigantine a shore resort just to the North of Atlantic City is number one on the list of disgruntled South Jersey towns who want to geese to get the flock out of here. The state of New Jersey tired to discourage the public from feeding them, because it encourages them to stay, and poop on our belongings. The used fireworks an attempt to spook them. They even contracted a guy that used collies to try to chase them out of public parks. That didn’t work all that well.
So just recently 450 Canadian Geese were gassed to death. Of course treating the little waddling birds like Iraiqis has the animal lovers in an uproar. However, the division of Fish and Wild Life of the FBI approved this feathered genocide. They don’t think there is enough food to go around for all the birds this fall.
I still haven’t figured out how they gassed all these geese.. I wonder if they dressed up a decoy duck to look all hot like Elmer Fudd used to do to hunt Daffy.
Another technique is smashing eggs before the ducks can be born. Sounds like a horrible job. However before you start smashing eggs in hopes the state will show its gratitude by lowering your car insurance I must warn you, you have to be licensed to squish the eggs. The state looks to raise the number of ducks on the death list this fall in attempts to thin the population. So if there is a duck in your neighborhood that you have named, you might want to tell him to fly to Delware or something.
If you think it’s a mean thing to make the ducks meet the reaper, you might want to consider the fact that their crap creates disease. Also I have a source that says they are trying to actively obtain enriched uranium.
They say its because of South Jersey’s love for nice golf courses, various ponds, and larger acres of polished lands that have persuaded Canadian Snow guess to be not so Canadian. Maybe its because we as South Jerseyans refuse to “not feed the waterfowl”. Maybe they just like pooping on our 24 hour dinners, or the taste of contaminated water. Maybe they wanted to be considered American Geese so people would not associate them with Tom Greene. Whatever reason many Geese don’t bother to migrate anymore. They just pretty much stay here all year around. Pooping and eating the food we throw at them.
Brigantine a shore resort just to the North of Atlantic City is number one on the list of disgruntled South Jersey towns who want to geese to get the flock out of here. The state of New Jersey tired to discourage the public from feeding them, because it encourages them to stay, and poop on our belongings. The used fireworks an attempt to spook them. They even contracted a guy that used collies to try to chase them out of public parks. That didn’t work all that well.
So just recently 450 Canadian Geese were gassed to death. Of course treating the little waddling birds like Iraiqis has the animal lovers in an uproar. However, the division of Fish and Wild Life of the FBI approved this feathered genocide. They don’t think there is enough food to go around for all the birds this fall.
I still haven’t figured out how they gassed all these geese.. I wonder if they dressed up a decoy duck to look all hot like Elmer Fudd used to do to hunt Daffy.
Another technique is smashing eggs before the ducks can be born. Sounds like a horrible job. However before you start smashing eggs in hopes the state will show its gratitude by lowering your car insurance I must warn you, you have to be licensed to squish the eggs. The state looks to raise the number of ducks on the death list this fall in attempts to thin the population. So if there is a duck in your neighborhood that you have named, you might want to tell him to fly to Delware or something.
If you think it’s a mean thing to make the ducks meet the reaper, you might want to consider the fact that their crap creates disease. Also I have a source that says they are trying to actively obtain enriched uranium.
This blog written by Dan K, was removed from Tucker's World. Was it the blunder of a certain blogger, or did the Government try to squish his warning and decredit him! FIGHT THE FUTURE DAN K!
"Death by Machines"
The end is near.
Set your alarm clock Keith, because in a few short years, relatively speaking of course, the human race will be a distant memory. We will become nothing more than a fireside chat for some advanced race capable of self-preservation, unlike us. It's in our nature to destroy ourselves.
Am I worried? No. Because you can't change what is so obviously going to occur. You can't change human nature.
I do worry for some of the potential readers of this blog though. It must be nice to live out your lives wearing rose colored glasses, constantly lying to yourselves that you'll die of old age instead of a cataclysmic event of horrible burning death. This is precisely the reason why I'm putting serious thought into leaving my six figure job and becoming a vagabond, wandering the Earth on drugs until the day of reckoning comes. I take some blame in this as well, as it would appear Dustin Kopala has had it figured out all along. Only at age 23 do I really see what's going on behind the scenes.
Think of how far we've come in this "Information Age". Even 20 years ago, a blip on the map of time, we can do things now that people 20 years ago would have bet their lives would never be possible. Go back a little farther, to the early 1900's. You most likely would have been put in a straight jacket if you told someone in a few decades we would have landed on the moon and traveled through "outer space" in little space ships. Tell those same people that if you "mix a little of this and a little of that" you could eradicate half a million people within seconds. Black Magic? Wizardry? Mike Price with a spellbook? Not all, it's the "evolution" of mankind.
Call me a naysayer, call this doom and gloom, I don't care. The problem stems from the average human not fully grasping just how far we've come in the past 20 years. Those who do can see this coming a mile away. Funnily enough, I don't think all of this will come about by some foolish terrorist on a suicide mission. I believe it will start with something positive. Perhaps humans will figure out a way to create a completely articifically intelligent learning computer. I'm not talking about that fucking robotic dog Sony made that can fetch the newspaper either. I'm talking about a system that needs no human interaction, ever. A system that can not only think, but a system that can learn. A system that feels no emotion, only action and reaction. A system that will base its thoughts and processes on something humans have never been, self preserving. Some will argue that such a thing is impossible and that it's inherently flawed because such a system will be designed by a human. While an effective argument, I believe it's a shortsighted one. Programming and such is predominately designed around mathematics. Mathematics, arguably, is a perfect science. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. I don't even want to speculate on its potential uses in science, exploration, or the military, but it's very real. Humans will eventually be replaced by machines. It's already happening all around the world at an alarming rate, but nobody seems to care. The people profiting from it sure don't mind. The people designing it sure don't mind. It's the mindless sheep who feel the effects the most, yet they sit back and accept it because it's all they know how to do.
In a not to distant future we're going to live in a world controlled and operated by self sufficient, self preserving robots. By the time we've realized what has happened, it will be much too late. The self-preserving robots will realize what we're trying to do and we, mankind, will become the enemy. That's all she wrote folks.
Does that sound far fetched? It sounds about as crazy as flying spaceships in outer space and walking on the moon if you ask me.
Think about the days when the end of the world prophecies stemmed from events outside of our control, such as a burning hellfire sent by God to cleanse the Earth, or a great flood, or getting hit by an enormous meteor, or the sun burning out. Do you hear such predictions anymore? I don't.
The writing is on the wall. It's been on the wall for years, yet there are still those that choose to ignore it. You're part of the problem.
Eventually all of this ignorance will come to a head and everyone will die in a blaze of scorching death that some robot realizes is the ultimate answer to the hellish disease that is man. What would man do? We'd pass the blame to the robot.
This ain't Terminator 3 people, the human doesn't get to walk out of the movie theater at the end of the day.
-Dan K.
"Death by Machines"
The end is near.
Set your alarm clock Keith, because in a few short years, relatively speaking of course, the human race will be a distant memory. We will become nothing more than a fireside chat for some advanced race capable of self-preservation, unlike us. It's in our nature to destroy ourselves.
Am I worried? No. Because you can't change what is so obviously going to occur. You can't change human nature.
I do worry for some of the potential readers of this blog though. It must be nice to live out your lives wearing rose colored glasses, constantly lying to yourselves that you'll die of old age instead of a cataclysmic event of horrible burning death. This is precisely the reason why I'm putting serious thought into leaving my six figure job and becoming a vagabond, wandering the Earth on drugs until the day of reckoning comes. I take some blame in this as well, as it would appear Dustin Kopala has had it figured out all along. Only at age 23 do I really see what's going on behind the scenes.
Think of how far we've come in this "Information Age". Even 20 years ago, a blip on the map of time, we can do things now that people 20 years ago would have bet their lives would never be possible. Go back a little farther, to the early 1900's. You most likely would have been put in a straight jacket if you told someone in a few decades we would have landed on the moon and traveled through "outer space" in little space ships. Tell those same people that if you "mix a little of this and a little of that" you could eradicate half a million people within seconds. Black Magic? Wizardry? Mike Price with a spellbook? Not all, it's the "evolution" of mankind.
Call me a naysayer, call this doom and gloom, I don't care. The problem stems from the average human not fully grasping just how far we've come in the past 20 years. Those who do can see this coming a mile away. Funnily enough, I don't think all of this will come about by some foolish terrorist on a suicide mission. I believe it will start with something positive. Perhaps humans will figure out a way to create a completely articifically intelligent learning computer. I'm not talking about that fucking robotic dog Sony made that can fetch the newspaper either. I'm talking about a system that needs no human interaction, ever. A system that can not only think, but a system that can learn. A system that feels no emotion, only action and reaction. A system that will base its thoughts and processes on something humans have never been, self preserving. Some will argue that such a thing is impossible and that it's inherently flawed because such a system will be designed by a human. While an effective argument, I believe it's a shortsighted one. Programming and such is predominately designed around mathematics. Mathematics, arguably, is a perfect science. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. I don't even want to speculate on its potential uses in science, exploration, or the military, but it's very real. Humans will eventually be replaced by machines. It's already happening all around the world at an alarming rate, but nobody seems to care. The people profiting from it sure don't mind. The people designing it sure don't mind. It's the mindless sheep who feel the effects the most, yet they sit back and accept it because it's all they know how to do.
In a not to distant future we're going to live in a world controlled and operated by self sufficient, self preserving robots. By the time we've realized what has happened, it will be much too late. The self-preserving robots will realize what we're trying to do and we, mankind, will become the enemy. That's all she wrote folks.
Does that sound far fetched? It sounds about as crazy as flying spaceships in outer space and walking on the moon if you ask me.
Think about the days when the end of the world prophecies stemmed from events outside of our control, such as a burning hellfire sent by God to cleanse the Earth, or a great flood, or getting hit by an enormous meteor, or the sun burning out. Do you hear such predictions anymore? I don't.
The writing is on the wall. It's been on the wall for years, yet there are still those that choose to ignore it. You're part of the problem.
Eventually all of this ignorance will come to a head and everyone will die in a blaze of scorching death that some robot realizes is the ultimate answer to the hellish disease that is man. What would man do? We'd pass the blame to the robot.
This ain't Terminator 3 people, the human doesn't get to walk out of the movie theater at the end of the day.
-Dan K.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
"Price Party Post-Game"
Lady Byng
To the person who did the most for the party.
Mike's MOM!
Rob Carson Award
(To the best all around Dude)
Rob Arter: Rob played beer bong, got a girls number, actually mingled with others, and went swimming. So he partipcated in everything the party had to offer.
The Damon Kopala Award
Given to the dude who has the most success with the lady's. Anyone with a GF already is obviously excluded. Keep in mind I am sure stuff went on I don't know about.
Price himself for being naked in the pool with his girl (in a creepy moment for everyone else) and leaving every now and than to um do naughty stuff presumably.
The Mickey Mantle Award.
For the person who got he drunkest. Keep in mind I left at like 1:30- 2:00. It was close bettween Lima Beanz and Allen. However when Allen was being chased by a shirtless dude in a Benny Hill type fashion it put him over the top. They also ended up on the ground together fake fighting. Also he could barely stand or make any sense by the end of the night. Chris Arter was damn close when I left though to taking the crown.
Lady Byng
To the person who did the most for the party.
Mike's MOM!
Rob Carson Award
(To the best all around Dude)
Rob Arter: Rob played beer bong, got a girls number, actually mingled with others, and went swimming. So he partipcated in everything the party had to offer.
The Damon Kopala Award
Given to the dude who has the most success with the lady's. Anyone with a GF already is obviously excluded. Keep in mind I am sure stuff went on I don't know about.
Price himself for being naked in the pool with his girl (in a creepy moment for everyone else) and leaving every now and than to um do naughty stuff presumably.
The Mickey Mantle Award.
For the person who got he drunkest. Keep in mind I left at like 1:30- 2:00. It was close bettween Lima Beanz and Allen. However when Allen was being chased by a shirtless dude in a Benny Hill type fashion it put him over the top. They also ended up on the ground together fake fighting. Also he could barely stand or make any sense by the end of the night. Chris Arter was damn close when I left though to taking the crown.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
"Blurred"
For some odd reason Tucker's World now like looks like some sort of vision chart. It makes you feel like you had a few beers when you read it now because its all blurry. I have no idea whats going on. Who knows it will still be in this condition as you are reading this. However it looks completely different. I assure you I didn't foolishly mess with the HTML this time. I learned my lesson months ago.
Perhaps Lima Beanz is getting mad with all the bad press he gets here. God knows he has enough free time to try to take down Tucker's World.
Maybe its what Mosco refers to as "Stealth".
Perhaps it's Dan K Hemphill sending a worm into Tucker's World to rip apart. Maybe the Laurel Springs gas leak has spread here (see Can You Smell That Smell?), and I am high on fumes.
Maybe this is justification to invade another country!
For some odd reason Tucker's World now like looks like some sort of vision chart. It makes you feel like you had a few beers when you read it now because its all blurry. I have no idea whats going on. Who knows it will still be in this condition as you are reading this. However it looks completely different. I assure you I didn't foolishly mess with the HTML this time. I learned my lesson months ago.
Perhaps Lima Beanz is getting mad with all the bad press he gets here. God knows he has enough free time to try to take down Tucker's World.
Maybe its what Mosco refers to as "Stealth".
Perhaps it's Dan K Hemphill sending a worm into Tucker's World to rip apart. Maybe the Laurel Springs gas leak has spread here (see Can You Smell That Smell?), and I am high on fumes.
Maybe this is justification to invade another country!
“Tell Me Why...”
There are a few things that are bothering me that I want to get off my chest. Tell me why everytime I am ready to go into my pool it starts to rain.
Tell me why the echelon mall finally decided to utilize their sign, only to have it covered by shrubbery at the place where most people are likely to be stopped at a red light to read it.
Tell me why Charlie’s Angels sequel has made so much damn money, when the first one sucked. Heck I don’t know anyone that actually liked the first one.
Tell me why my parents only turn their cell phones on to make calls.
Tell me why Nathan’s in the mall can get away with selling food called “Lobster Bites” when they are clearly not made of actual lobster.
Tell me why I can’t stop saying “you know” while at my job.
Tell me why the NHL seriously expects a strike 2004
Tell me why I have to wait 50 years between Sopranos Seasons.
Tell me why Big Fantastic and Trap practice but never play for the public. Maybe they should start charging cover charges to their practices.
Tell me why its taking me so long to finish my movie trilogy
Tell me why Drew’s nickname Puma never caught on.
Tell me why I want to know where Mosco gets information he simply replies STEALTH
Tell me why Dan is surprised that the US has chemical weapons in Alabama, when we used them in Nam, and nuked cities in the past. Its been public knowledge as far as I can recall.
Tell me why I am not in my nice warm bed!
There are a few things that are bothering me that I want to get off my chest. Tell me why everytime I am ready to go into my pool it starts to rain.
Tell me why the echelon mall finally decided to utilize their sign, only to have it covered by shrubbery at the place where most people are likely to be stopped at a red light to read it.
Tell me why Charlie’s Angels sequel has made so much damn money, when the first one sucked. Heck I don’t know anyone that actually liked the first one.
Tell me why my parents only turn their cell phones on to make calls.
Tell me why Nathan’s in the mall can get away with selling food called “Lobster Bites” when they are clearly not made of actual lobster.
Tell me why I can’t stop saying “you know” while at my job.
Tell me why the NHL seriously expects a strike 2004
Tell me why I have to wait 50 years between Sopranos Seasons.
Tell me why Big Fantastic and Trap practice but never play for the public. Maybe they should start charging cover charges to their practices.
Tell me why its taking me so long to finish my movie trilogy
Tell me why Drew’s nickname Puma never caught on.
Tell me why I want to know where Mosco gets information he simply replies STEALTH
Tell me why Dan is surprised that the US has chemical weapons in Alabama, when we used them in Nam, and nuked cities in the past. Its been public knowledge as far as I can recall.
Tell me why I am not in my nice warm bed!
Thursday, July 10, 2003
“Name that Kid!”
Here are some suggestions for the name of Lima Beanz’s and Jenna’s first kid to be born in a couple of months. The Countdown has begun! Time to give Baby Beanzie a name!
Galvatron
Fox Ridge (where love blossomed)
The Next “One”
The Russian Rocket
Lima Beanz Jr. (LBJ)
Mary-Kate
Ashley
Christian
Joy (what Jay’s parents felt when they realized their son wasn’t gay)
Vegal
Aaron
DAMON
Nelson
EMO
Rivers
Harvey
Pavel
Francis-Ford
Here are some to confuse the child’s future teachers
Jamar
Rahem
Brahem
Ming-yeng
I hope that helped them out in an attempt to find a name. Anyone with any suggestions? Email them here!
Here are some suggestions for the name of Lima Beanz’s and Jenna’s first kid to be born in a couple of months. The Countdown has begun! Time to give Baby Beanzie a name!
Galvatron
Fox Ridge (where love blossomed)
The Next “One”
The Russian Rocket
Lima Beanz Jr. (LBJ)
Mary-Kate
Ashley
Christian
Joy (what Jay’s parents felt when they realized their son wasn’t gay)
Vegal
Aaron
DAMON
Nelson
EMO
Rivers
Harvey
Pavel
Francis-Ford
Here are some to confuse the child’s future teachers
Jamar
Rahem
Brahem
Ming-yeng
I hope that helped them out in an attempt to find a name. Anyone with any suggestions? Email them here!
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
"From Here to Liberia"
Well I have been busy or flat out too lazy to update Tucker’s World in a week. It is an unwritten rule that most bloggers don’t do much around a holiday. Even the ones that hate holidays.
Well see what is going in the world today. A man killed his girlfriend, two kids and himself in a neighboring town to where I live. Some dude in the mid-west shot up his work killing last I heard 8 people. An Oaklyn teen (another near by town) was arrested because he planned to carry out a killing spree involving the people who wronged him over there years. Apparently, he was really into video games and wanted to mimic a car jacking like in Grand Theft Auto, and botched the job. This lead the police to his larger plan. They found a hit list and several weapons. He is profile sounds just like Dan K, he was reportedly. Nice to know what friendly world we live in. That could have been really ugly and it would have happened literally close to home.
What else, oh we might be sending troops to yet another country. Liberia has been having a civil war for ten years but now for some reason its our time to step in there. It always works out great when we get out hands in the middle of a civil war! I am sure that the side whose ass we kick won’t spawn terrorists I am sure the side we aid won’t demand us to rebuild their country even if we save their ass. Either way Americans will die again.
Oh and if sticking our nose into their business doesn’t piss people off, Bush took care of that. If you were dazing at fireworks, or ogling Mrs. Stratford this past weekend, or like me grabbing candy intended for children at parade you might have missed this one. Bush told terrorists to BRING IT ON. I guess he was trying to boast out great our arm forces are (they are easily the best in world history) but that was a tad too much. That sounds like something JR would have said before a Rangers came, not the president of our country. It makes it sound like Bush is saying, WHAT ELSE YOU GOT!
Perhaps he is confident we can stop anything from happening now. Say what you want about Bush, but his admiration has done an excellent job of nabbing terrorists. I just don’t know what he was thinking. I don’t really want to see terrorists out do September 11th thank you very much. So why egg them on like a bully. Even if it doesn’t inspire attacks on our soil, it might give our enemies extra incentive to see what they are capable of.
I have a friend who might be going to Afghanistan at the end of the summer. People all over still have loved ones there in Iraq, I am sure they aren’t comfortable with an Iraqi thinking to himself. Bush said to bring it on. Lets be all that we can be can kill more American soldiers.
That comment, was just about as irresponsible as buying seats from the soon to be destroyed Veteran’s Stadium instead of a crib for a soon to be born child.
Well I have been busy or flat out too lazy to update Tucker’s World in a week. It is an unwritten rule that most bloggers don’t do much around a holiday. Even the ones that hate holidays.
Well see what is going in the world today. A man killed his girlfriend, two kids and himself in a neighboring town to where I live. Some dude in the mid-west shot up his work killing last I heard 8 people. An Oaklyn teen (another near by town) was arrested because he planned to carry out a killing spree involving the people who wronged him over there years. Apparently, he was really into video games and wanted to mimic a car jacking like in Grand Theft Auto, and botched the job. This lead the police to his larger plan. They found a hit list and several weapons. He is profile sounds just like Dan K, he was reportedly. Nice to know what friendly world we live in. That could have been really ugly and it would have happened literally close to home.
What else, oh we might be sending troops to yet another country. Liberia has been having a civil war for ten years but now for some reason its our time to step in there. It always works out great when we get out hands in the middle of a civil war! I am sure that the side whose ass we kick won’t spawn terrorists I am sure the side we aid won’t demand us to rebuild their country even if we save their ass. Either way Americans will die again.
Oh and if sticking our nose into their business doesn’t piss people off, Bush took care of that. If you were dazing at fireworks, or ogling Mrs. Stratford this past weekend, or like me grabbing candy intended for children at parade you might have missed this one. Bush told terrorists to BRING IT ON. I guess he was trying to boast out great our arm forces are (they are easily the best in world history) but that was a tad too much. That sounds like something JR would have said before a Rangers came, not the president of our country. It makes it sound like Bush is saying, WHAT ELSE YOU GOT!
Perhaps he is confident we can stop anything from happening now. Say what you want about Bush, but his admiration has done an excellent job of nabbing terrorists. I just don’t know what he was thinking. I don’t really want to see terrorists out do September 11th thank you very much. So why egg them on like a bully. Even if it doesn’t inspire attacks on our soil, it might give our enemies extra incentive to see what they are capable of.
I have a friend who might be going to Afghanistan at the end of the summer. People all over still have loved ones there in Iraq, I am sure they aren’t comfortable with an Iraqi thinking to himself. Bush said to bring it on. Lets be all that we can be can kill more American soldiers.
That comment, was just about as irresponsible as buying seats from the soon to be destroyed Veteran’s Stadium instead of a crib for a soon to be born child.
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