"Hockey Armageddon"
Hockey Armageddon is looming. I have been reading my annual NHL preview book and it seems almost every writer is feeling very pessimistic about the collective bargaining agreement (CBA) to take place in September of 2004. Some speculate the players and owners are so far apart that there might not be a 2005-6 let alone a 2004-05. Many think that the sky is falling and the lockout is expected to last longer than the one almost a decade ago. I really don’t like what I am hearing.
In one corner we have NHL commissioner Gary Bettman who’s current situation could easily mirror that of the captain of the titanic. The commissioner has seemingly passively stood by as his world continually looms closer to destruction. First off the product on the ice isn’t nearly as entertaining as it was 5 years ago let alone the last time they had a work stoppage. The clutch and grab in the neutral zone has snuffed a good deal of the excitement out of NHL hockey. Bettman has promised again and again to crack down on obstruction but everyone knows its an empty threat. After saying for the 5th time that he was serious last season it he was going to come down on the referees he backed off drastically and by the time Christmas rolled around the obstruction was back to the level it had been the previous seasons. I used to say to non-hockey fans with the right match up, I could sit them down and make them watch one or two games and have them hooked instantly on the sport. I actually turned lots of my friends on to the wonderful sport, but honestly now I don’t think I could convert a non-fan to a fan if I paid them. I have trouble watching an entire game now sometimes.
In the other corner we have Bob Goodenow the head of the players union. Despite the fact that Bettman hasn’t insisted upon it, you can bet your Gordie Howe jersey that he wants a salary cap or at the very least a luxury cap. Goodenow flat out refuses to accept a salary cap for his camp. Apparently he was out of town when the Buffalo Sabres and Ottawa Senators went belly-up financially last season. Luckily a bored billionaire purchased Buffalo and the NHL took over the Senators temporally and the franchise seems to be back on their feet for right now. THE NHL NEEDS A SALARY CAP, I REPEAT THE NHL Needs a salary cap.
Without a salary cap this problem will only snowball and many other teams will suffer similar fates. There is simply isn’t enough kind hearted millionaires or money in the league to bail out franchises that annually lose money. What might be a common ground is a Luxury Tax (I believe the NBA has this) it is basically a payment system x amount of money over a certain amount spend on one player will go into supporting the small market teams. I guess kind of like hockey welfare. NHL players granted play a lot more games but it doesn’t make sense to me that their average players make more than the average football players. The NFL (which has a salary cap) is a money making machine, where as more than half of the NHL teams lose money each year. Players that literally score 20 goals are year have multi-million dollar contracts. There seems to be zero chance at this point of the players giving into a salary cap. Better chance of John Leclair being a 50 goal score again I am afraid. Utterly ridiculous.
There is a laundry list of things that the two sides have to agree on before they come to an agreement. Some don’t even make sense to me at all. For example players want to broaden the definition of the term revenues. They want to get a piece of the action from the concessions, advertising, luxury suites and parking money. I don’t see how this could work since most of these things are owned by different companies who get the money for it. For example the majority of the parking for the Flyers is privately owned and has nothing to do with Comcast of the Flyers. The players would also like to see the age that a player can be unrestricted free agent lowered from 31 to 28. There is also talk about shaving the regular season from 82 to 72.
It gets even worse folks. The NHL ABC/ESPN deal expires at the end of this season. So they are going to try to negotiate with a possible non-existent product? Seeing where some markets NHL games barely beat out arena football games, its going to be a tough sell. What about the players contracts if a season doesn’t exist? Does that count as a year on their contract? Will the ESPN have to pre-empt their nights ahead of time only to have to put on Bass masters marathons?
I hate to sound like a broken record, but it even gets worse for the NHL. In order to make this point I have to give you a brief hockey history lesson. In the 1970’s a rival league formed called the World Hockey Association (WHA) and although they were mocked for their orange pucks (hey better on tv right?)and the fact their franchises were constantly folding or relocating they did give the NHL a run for their money during that decade. They managed to bring over some of the biggest names in hockey at the time, from Bobby Hull, to Bernie Parent to Mr. Hockey himself Gordie Howe not to mention countless others. The WHA finally bit the dust in 1979, and their survivors the Hartford Whalers (now the Carolina Hurricanes), Winnipeg Jets (Phoenix Coyotes now), Quebec Nordiques (Colorado Avalanche), and the Edmonton Oilers (the only WHA team that stayed put) landed in the NHL. Heck old 99 himself started out with Oilers (technically the Huston Areos who basically sold him to the Oilers) when they were the in the WHA.
Curiously enough the WHA is coming back! The 2003-045 season will mark the first season of the WHA2. It starts in 60 days or so with only a handful of teams, but could easily double in a year if enough intrest is sparked. The ball has started rolling for such a movement. Bobby Hull is back as the commissioner of the WHA2 which plans to offer a high level alternate professional hockey league. Entertainment for the whole family they boast. Hmmm. They ran an ad in the Hockey News soliciting franchises if anyone is interested. Now one thing they got against them is some of the major cities simply have no room at the inn. The closest I see a WHA franchise coming to my home is Atlantic City. They would have to either work out a deal with the Bullies or oust them. Because every other rink in this area that could hold such an event is owned by the Flyers in some capacity. I don’t see a fledging league being able to construct their own buildings so they will have to go through markets and see where they can blow the dust off the old stadiums. Winnipeg is close to becoming a team of the WHA2. Other candidates include Pittsburgh, Hamilton, Québec City, Nova Scotia, Saskatoon and Vancouver in Canada, and Chicago, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Minnestoa (close to filling the papers), Hartford(RETURN OF THE WHALE?), Pittsburgh (big mistake), Los Angeles and Milwaukee (they are actually crazy about hockey out there). I am not sure if they could actually steal teams from the American Hockey League (the AHL, the NHL’s minors where the phantoms play)or not. The AHL is suffering a bit from overload after taking the International Hockey League (IHL) refuges when their league folded a few years back. If an NHL team goes belly up this year could WHA2 team jump in their grave? There already seem to be some doubling up going on here in some fairly big markets.
Orlando Seals, Jacksonville Barracudas, Miami Manatees and Macon (Georgia) Traxx were
pulled out of the Atlantic Coast Hockey League (REALLY REALLY Minor League)by owner David Waronker for the WHA2 already. The league plans to have 16 player rosters, more teams the second season at least, and eventually expand into Europe. They come right out on their website and mention their attention is to rock the NHL again. This ain't no IHL or AHL who just sits and lovingly watches the NHL, the WHA is out for round 2. Unlike the XFL's challenge to the NFL that leasted one season the WHA2 is going against a wounded opponent.
The owners might like the WHA2 to get some publicity because it will make the players start sweating bullets if the WHA2 takes off. How can they stop them from drafting players from college and the juniors to play in the 2003-04 season or 2004-05 season? Can Players just refuse to report to team if they are offered something by the WHA? Or will the WHA just make their draft before the NHL and take anyone they want? The NHL certainly doesn’t own rights to college students and junior hockey players. Could some NHL players just say screw it and abandon ship? Brett Hull in the twilight of his career might want to play two more seasons. Maybe he will play his final season in the WHA and help his father out who he recently reconciled with. He has been openly critical about the NHL’s policies and seemingly sides with what the owners have to say. Things got a little out of hand last time the there was a lockout. The Devils owner said to HELL with the small market teams, and Chris Cheilos made a comment about crazy fans doing something to Gary Bettman or his family. It was taken by many as indirect threat. Some players who might have two years left are likely to just walk away from the mess, including Steve Yeserman, Jeremey Roenick, Mark Recchi, Hasek, and Chelios himself to just say screw it and never come back to the NHL, especially if an entire season falls through.
So the WHA2 could jump on players that don’t get resigned at the end of the year, heck there are quite a few that never got signed this summer. Again it raises the question how valid a contact is for a league that never goes back to work. The world cup will still go on unaffected by the CBA, and you be sure players such as Peter Forseberg will just go back to their native countries and play for them. Some people think Peter arguably the best player in the league (sorry Clarkie) will never come back if he plays an entire year over there.
Of course we have a year to see how things pan out. I am actually the first person to even throw in the who WHA2 theory(Can I will let you now the first time I see a writer steal my theory.), but I am sure I am not going to be the last. They went for the NHL’s jugular in the 70’s, why not do it again? The timing is perfect. What is better this time is they have a clean slate and not as much BS to make up new rules. They can design the rules to make it almost impossible to use the trap. Perhaps implement some drastic different meanings for the lines on the rink that the NHL is afraid to do(and rightfully so). Again, maybe its speculation, may the Bob Goodenow’s head isn’t screwed on right, perhaps his shoes are on too tight, and he might just might come to his senses and avoid a lockout. So there isn’t much we can do about the pending NHL Armageddon it’s controlled by people far richer than us, who care less about the game than we do. For now try to enjoy the sport and put it out of your mind, try to enjoy whatever pureness of the game remains in this day in age. Try to forget that every players makes more in two shifts than some people do in a several years. Engulf yourself in the wonderful world of hockey, just keep your eye on the falling sky and look out for ORANGE PUCKS!
Friday, September 05, 2003
Thursday, September 04, 2003
"Mosco Signs Off"
Now the Blog Square is down to a triangle. John Mosco has decided that its time to hang up the old keyboard after 429 days. This leaves Jenna and Mindless, Tucker's World, and TERMINUS as the three remaining crew blogs.
John's blog was the first one that I recall being up. He was by far the most advanced blogger, because he actually used images on his site. He was also the first to have a comments section.
I urge the people that actually read his page to go back and revisit the link and read some of his classics. I don't know if it gets any better than "Match Made in Hell" I don't know awards are given out for blogs but he should get one. Other articles usually had nothing to do with anyone I ever knew. I am sad I will not be able to hear why the Rangers Suck. John was unavailable for contact, which means he wasn't signed on when I posted this.
Maybe the blogging bubble is about the burst or something. Speaking of blogs look back here for some good old fashion hockey talk soon.
Now the Blog Square is down to a triangle. John Mosco has decided that its time to hang up the old keyboard after 429 days. This leaves Jenna and Mindless, Tucker's World, and TERMINUS as the three remaining crew blogs.
John's blog was the first one that I recall being up. He was by far the most advanced blogger, because he actually used images on his site. He was also the first to have a comments section.
I urge the people that actually read his page to go back and revisit the link and read some of his classics. I don't know if it gets any better than "Match Made in Hell" I don't know awards are given out for blogs but he should get one. Other articles usually had nothing to do with anyone I ever knew. I am sad I will not be able to hear why the Rangers Suck. John was unavailable for contact, which means he wasn't signed on when I posted this.
Maybe the blogging bubble is about the burst or something. Speaking of blogs look back here for some good old fashion hockey talk soon.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
"I hate the sun with a passion. I don't know what it is about rainy miserable days that make me so damn happy, but I absolutely loathe the sun." ------ Dan K. Hemphill
"What Summer?"
Well this summer was certainly different for me. It was the first summer that I had a girlfriend which allowed me to do things that would be considered strange if I did it alone or gay if I did it with one of my supposed heterosexual friends. I honestly can say I had a fun time at the Amish Market, and enjoyed BUILDING A BEAR. Liza also managed to reintroduce me into the video game world. Of course I stick to the more silly gamecube type games and the sport games Liza hates. It was a good of time as any to help Mario save the world since it rained more days than South Jersey has diners. We had a lot of fun this summer together.
For some reason it just never really felt like summer though. Maybe it was the fact that we had very few heat waves. Maybe I spent too much time answering the same 10 questions in my dead end depressing job. Maybe it was the dismal weather that kept me from going to the beach more than once and only managing to get into my pool a handful of times. Perhaps it’s the fact that the crew is on life support, and only seem to live off people returning to town. From Steve’s brief return to South Jersey before ultimately defecting to the evil North Jersey, Price the War Veteran, Royce who came out of no where to return to the ever popular Mosco returns that never come close to the hype. Once or twice a month Ryan would show up. He seemingly had 24 hour practice and gigs all summer long and disgust for crew members that would rival Dan K.
Some summer standards were there. I mean Lima Beanz sat around and refused to work, nothing says summer like Lima Beanz being off of work 24/7. I can't blame the weather makes you want to sleep all day and not do anything.
I think I recently realized what it was though. When the summer ends for me now it just ends. There is no change of pace, no more back to school, nothing to break up the mundane routine passing of each day. Just the same, even if I had landed a descent job by now, the change of the seasons mean nothing more than what the trees look like when your speeding past them to go to work. At best the indicate what you have to wear, and what sporting events you can catch on tv for the little bit of free time you allow yourself.
Luckily for all of us humanity might come to an end soon. Scientists think a Meteor will hit earth in 2014 and if it hits us just about right the Earth will be destroyed for the most part. I wonder if its overcast in purgatory.
"What Summer?"
Well this summer was certainly different for me. It was the first summer that I had a girlfriend which allowed me to do things that would be considered strange if I did it alone or gay if I did it with one of my supposed heterosexual friends. I honestly can say I had a fun time at the Amish Market, and enjoyed BUILDING A BEAR. Liza also managed to reintroduce me into the video game world. Of course I stick to the more silly gamecube type games and the sport games Liza hates. It was a good of time as any to help Mario save the world since it rained more days than South Jersey has diners. We had a lot of fun this summer together.
For some reason it just never really felt like summer though. Maybe it was the fact that we had very few heat waves. Maybe I spent too much time answering the same 10 questions in my dead end depressing job. Maybe it was the dismal weather that kept me from going to the beach more than once and only managing to get into my pool a handful of times. Perhaps it’s the fact that the crew is on life support, and only seem to live off people returning to town. From Steve’s brief return to South Jersey before ultimately defecting to the evil North Jersey, Price the War Veteran, Royce who came out of no where to return to the ever popular Mosco returns that never come close to the hype. Once or twice a month Ryan would show up. He seemingly had 24 hour practice and gigs all summer long and disgust for crew members that would rival Dan K.
Some summer standards were there. I mean Lima Beanz sat around and refused to work, nothing says summer like Lima Beanz being off of work 24/7. I can't blame the weather makes you want to sleep all day and not do anything.
I think I recently realized what it was though. When the summer ends for me now it just ends. There is no change of pace, no more back to school, nothing to break up the mundane routine passing of each day. Just the same, even if I had landed a descent job by now, the change of the seasons mean nothing more than what the trees look like when your speeding past them to go to work. At best the indicate what you have to wear, and what sporting events you can catch on tv for the little bit of free time you allow yourself.
Luckily for all of us humanity might come to an end soon. Scientists think a Meteor will hit earth in 2014 and if it hits us just about right the Earth will be destroyed for the most part. I wonder if its overcast in purgatory.
Sunday, August 31, 2003
“The Girl in Tucker’s Cell Phone”
So Liza lives roughly 20 minutes from my house and lately I have been listening 610 WIP lately at night on my way there. I have never gotten on the show in my life, but have tried after Flyers games quite a few times. Its simple just push star 610 and you are good to go. I would always be on hold.
Anyway I tried calling in again recently, and when I call much to my surprise a girl answered the phone just saying simply hello. I was thrown off seeing as where I expected someone to say this is 610 Sportsradio. She asked me who I was and I said I was Keith. There was dead silence. I figured I some how dialed the wrong number and got embarrassed and hung up. When I checked my out going calls though it said * 610.
A week later thinking it was just some strange thing, I tried again. Again the same young sounding girl answered. Again I got all embarrassed and hung up. This time the girl called me back, and I didn’t pick up the phone since I didn’t know how to explain the situation. Than she called back, so I figured I would answer it and make it clear to the girl I wasn’t some crazy stalker. Oddly enough her number shows up. She asked me who I was and I explained the problem. Although at this point since she got my voice message this time she knew my full name anyway.
Its like 905 number I think. I know it was a local cell phone exchange. I apologized. to her and said I had no idea how I was getting her instead of a radio station. Oddly enough if you checked my call log it was * 610 going out and her number coming in, the two were nothing alike.
I guess I can’t chime in ever because all I get is some random chick. I have no idea how or why something like this could happen. Its very bizarre. I wonder if anyone else keeps getting this poor girl. Maybe Drew should call it up and pretend and meet the chick for a blind date or something. Maybe he can ask her what the hell she is doing in my cell phone.
So Liza lives roughly 20 minutes from my house and lately I have been listening 610 WIP lately at night on my way there. I have never gotten on the show in my life, but have tried after Flyers games quite a few times. Its simple just push star 610 and you are good to go. I would always be on hold.
Anyway I tried calling in again recently, and when I call much to my surprise a girl answered the phone just saying simply hello. I was thrown off seeing as where I expected someone to say this is 610 Sportsradio. She asked me who I was and I said I was Keith. There was dead silence. I figured I some how dialed the wrong number and got embarrassed and hung up. When I checked my out going calls though it said * 610.
A week later thinking it was just some strange thing, I tried again. Again the same young sounding girl answered. Again I got all embarrassed and hung up. This time the girl called me back, and I didn’t pick up the phone since I didn’t know how to explain the situation. Than she called back, so I figured I would answer it and make it clear to the girl I wasn’t some crazy stalker. Oddly enough her number shows up. She asked me who I was and I explained the problem. Although at this point since she got my voice message this time she knew my full name anyway.
Its like 905 number I think. I know it was a local cell phone exchange. I apologized. to her and said I had no idea how I was getting her instead of a radio station. Oddly enough if you checked my call log it was * 610 going out and her number coming in, the two were nothing alike.
I guess I can’t chime in ever because all I get is some random chick. I have no idea how or why something like this could happen. Its very bizarre. I wonder if anyone else keeps getting this poor girl. Maybe Drew should call it up and pretend and meet the chick for a blind date or something. Maybe he can ask her what the hell she is doing in my cell phone.
Thursday, August 28, 2003
“Poop & Taxes”
Well for the two of you that have this website bookmarked on your computer it has been a long time since anything new has been posted here. The reason for that is because my computer was being upgraded for the past few days, leaving me with no internet access. My computers’ colors are now sharper and it makes a louder machine like noises so it must be better! I also finally got rid of Windows 98! So for the next few days I am going to try to update this place a bit more than usual to get back into the swing of things here.
Now that I am back on the Internet (Internet, eh stroking chin) its time to tackle a story I wanted to for awhile. As Drew would say its long past due.
Well our Governor who never meet a tax he didn’t like recently decided to make hotel and lodging taxes ridiculous. Keep in mind this money is going to fund the arts and theater of New Jersey. Why these tools can’t sit outside their theater with a tin-cup and beg for money is behind me. The following is fresh of the New Jersey Hotel and Lodging Association
Recently enacted legislation (P.L. 2003, c. 114) imposes a 7% State Occupancy Fee on the rent for every occupancy of a room in a hotel, motel or similar facility in most New Jersey municipalities, between August 1, 2003 and June 30, 2004. For occupancies on and after July 1, 2004, the Fee is reduced to 5%. A hotel/motel is a building regularly used and kept open for the lodging of guests, including bed and breakfasts, inns, etc. The State Occupancy Fee is imposed on the room rentals that are currently subject to the 6% New Jersey sales tax and is in addition to the sales tax.
So basically anyone who made their vacation plans in advance (most people do to get off of work) and slated their down time for the last month of summer are totally screwed. What the heck? Couldn’t they impose this tax after Labor Day? That would at least be fair. Or even December for that matter. The people who stayed in July didn’t have to pay this tax. Imagine how pissed off anyone from another state is who planned to go down the shore this place month. People budget their money ahead of time, and they are now shelling out boatload more of money since the taxes more than doubled. A 3 day weekend at a cheap motel could cost you 60 bucks in taxes easily. That doesn’t even include the town getting a piece of your wallet. Add another 1 % on if you stay in Newark or Jersey City, although I guess you have a death wish to stay in such miserable cities. Down the shore AC rakes in 1 % and Wildwood rakes in 3.15 %. Perhaps that money goes to drug dealers who want to start their own businesses.
I guess this plan may have been in the works behind the scenes for quite awhile perhaps they could not predict the months of rainy days that washed out profits for shore businesses. Or even all the sewer leaks that gave the Shore bad press this season. However you can’t tell me this isn’t going to encourage people to go to say Ocean City MD, instead of NJ. Its bad enough both Cape May and Ocean City has poop floating in their waters this summer. Is there a poop tax on the horizon?
This extra tax money is money that was likely to be spend on a nice dinner, or on the boardwalk. So if people spend that money on taxes the businesses at the shore get hurt because of decrease in people, and tighter wallets for the people down there.
Apparently JIMBO never took a ride down 73 in our area to realize that there are a boat load of hotels just the other side of Philly. The industry is booming in that area, but now it will be less tempting for people staying in Philly to bother with booking a hotel in NJ.
So to sum up, since people don’t go see a production of the latest Sean O’brien plays, people going down the shore have to be rapped out the ass. How about throwing a benefit concert or something? Why are we punishing such tourists? Why are we punishing blue collar NJ residents who stash away for their summer vacation?
Next time anyone is in Oaklyn and driving past the Ritz theater (the one where plays are performed near the Arter brothers), tell them to shove their funding up their ass. I am not sure if they are actually receiving money from the state or not, but it would be pretty funny.
POOP!
Well for the two of you that have this website bookmarked on your computer it has been a long time since anything new has been posted here. The reason for that is because my computer was being upgraded for the past few days, leaving me with no internet access. My computers’ colors are now sharper and it makes a louder machine like noises so it must be better! I also finally got rid of Windows 98! So for the next few days I am going to try to update this place a bit more than usual to get back into the swing of things here.
Now that I am back on the Internet (Internet, eh stroking chin) its time to tackle a story I wanted to for awhile. As Drew would say its long past due.
Well our Governor who never meet a tax he didn’t like recently decided to make hotel and lodging taxes ridiculous. Keep in mind this money is going to fund the arts and theater of New Jersey. Why these tools can’t sit outside their theater with a tin-cup and beg for money is behind me. The following is fresh of the New Jersey Hotel and Lodging Association
Recently enacted legislation (P.L. 2003, c. 114) imposes a 7% State Occupancy Fee on the rent for every occupancy of a room in a hotel, motel or similar facility in most New Jersey municipalities, between August 1, 2003 and June 30, 2004. For occupancies on and after July 1, 2004, the Fee is reduced to 5%. A hotel/motel is a building regularly used and kept open for the lodging of guests, including bed and breakfasts, inns, etc. The State Occupancy Fee is imposed on the room rentals that are currently subject to the 6% New Jersey sales tax and is in addition to the sales tax.
So basically anyone who made their vacation plans in advance (most people do to get off of work) and slated their down time for the last month of summer are totally screwed. What the heck? Couldn’t they impose this tax after Labor Day? That would at least be fair. Or even December for that matter. The people who stayed in July didn’t have to pay this tax. Imagine how pissed off anyone from another state is who planned to go down the shore this place month. People budget their money ahead of time, and they are now shelling out boatload more of money since the taxes more than doubled. A 3 day weekend at a cheap motel could cost you 60 bucks in taxes easily. That doesn’t even include the town getting a piece of your wallet. Add another 1 % on if you stay in Newark or Jersey City, although I guess you have a death wish to stay in such miserable cities. Down the shore AC rakes in 1 % and Wildwood rakes in 3.15 %. Perhaps that money goes to drug dealers who want to start their own businesses.
I guess this plan may have been in the works behind the scenes for quite awhile perhaps they could not predict the months of rainy days that washed out profits for shore businesses. Or even all the sewer leaks that gave the Shore bad press this season. However you can’t tell me this isn’t going to encourage people to go to say Ocean City MD, instead of NJ. Its bad enough both Cape May and Ocean City has poop floating in their waters this summer. Is there a poop tax on the horizon?
This extra tax money is money that was likely to be spend on a nice dinner, or on the boardwalk. So if people spend that money on taxes the businesses at the shore get hurt because of decrease in people, and tighter wallets for the people down there.
Apparently JIMBO never took a ride down 73 in our area to realize that there are a boat load of hotels just the other side of Philly. The industry is booming in that area, but now it will be less tempting for people staying in Philly to bother with booking a hotel in NJ.
So to sum up, since people don’t go see a production of the latest Sean O’brien plays, people going down the shore have to be rapped out the ass. How about throwing a benefit concert or something? Why are we punishing such tourists? Why are we punishing blue collar NJ residents who stash away for their summer vacation?
Next time anyone is in Oaklyn and driving past the Ritz theater (the one where plays are performed near the Arter brothers), tell them to shove their funding up their ass. I am not sure if they are actually receiving money from the state or not, but it would be pretty funny.
POOP!
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
“End of Year One”
Roughly around this time last year is when I started this silly little web page. It was right before my last semester of college. Quite a bit has happened since I first published an article.
First off, socially pretty much all my friends were swinging singles. Okay lame singles. However, it’s not the case anymore. I was lucky enough to find Liza who for whatever reason puts up with me. Thankfully, she has been by my side since I graduated college. It has been a long and depressing job search since I finished classes. She has been supportive and the two of us have had a lot of great times together.
Meanwhile Ryan got back with his ex, and even Duke Mr. Antisocial is dating a cool chick right now. Lima Beanz who as Price would say held a candle for Jenna for a long time beat out the competition and won her over. In an unexpected turn no one could imagine last year, the two are starting a family together. They are connected for a lifetime. There is always Drew who shouldn’t get too down on himself. He made it through his first year of law school alive. I hope that he will become a lawyer, because I plan to live a life of crime if I don’t get out of Sears soon. I have to remind myself to ask him when I see him next if killing someone seeking student loan payments is against the law.
Meanwhile there are others like Steve who recently landed a teaching job. Dan K. who will be getting married in a little of a year, I hope his computers don’t grow jealous his wife. I fear Dan will name any kids they have after computer components. For whatever reason he keeps wishing that his company lays him off so I wish him all the luck in losing his high-paying job. The Old Mantis is still around. I am still not sure exactly what he does for a living, but I know it takes him a long time to go to work. Joe is going to be a vet in 4 years, and Rick had many humorous stories for us all.
Price had the most life changing experiences I would imagine just from the stories he gave us about what war is like. I cant even put into words how strange it was to hear about what he went through during the Iraq war.
I covered lots of events, some no one cares about. I have offered many slices of life from my warped mind, and almost every prediction I have ever made turned out wrong.
Drew and MosCOW already had blogs, and soon after that, Jenna started one. Each blog far superior to this one which makes me wonder how I managed to actually increase in readers over the past 12 months. I have taken lots of heat over my lack of proofreading skills, and slammed left and right for what I have written at times. I have provided many laughs both intentional and unintentional. I hope that I have given people something to look forward to checking on the Internet when they sign on. Even a reason to avoid work at their job. It is a chore to write sometimes, and I thought about canceling the blog once or two twice.
My original intention was to wrap up this experiment a year after I started; however, I decided to extend the life of Tucker’s World for the time being. If the end is near anytime soon I will certainly signal the ending for my readers to it does not hit them all at once. Thanks for reading both of you.
Roughly around this time last year is when I started this silly little web page. It was right before my last semester of college. Quite a bit has happened since I first published an article.
First off, socially pretty much all my friends were swinging singles. Okay lame singles. However, it’s not the case anymore. I was lucky enough to find Liza who for whatever reason puts up with me. Thankfully, she has been by my side since I graduated college. It has been a long and depressing job search since I finished classes. She has been supportive and the two of us have had a lot of great times together.
Meanwhile Ryan got back with his ex, and even Duke Mr. Antisocial is dating a cool chick right now. Lima Beanz who as Price would say held a candle for Jenna for a long time beat out the competition and won her over. In an unexpected turn no one could imagine last year, the two are starting a family together. They are connected for a lifetime. There is always Drew who shouldn’t get too down on himself. He made it through his first year of law school alive. I hope that he will become a lawyer, because I plan to live a life of crime if I don’t get out of Sears soon. I have to remind myself to ask him when I see him next if killing someone seeking student loan payments is against the law.
Meanwhile there are others like Steve who recently landed a teaching job. Dan K. who will be getting married in a little of a year, I hope his computers don’t grow jealous his wife. I fear Dan will name any kids they have after computer components. For whatever reason he keeps wishing that his company lays him off so I wish him all the luck in losing his high-paying job. The Old Mantis is still around. I am still not sure exactly what he does for a living, but I know it takes him a long time to go to work. Joe is going to be a vet in 4 years, and Rick had many humorous stories for us all.
Price had the most life changing experiences I would imagine just from the stories he gave us about what war is like. I cant even put into words how strange it was to hear about what he went through during the Iraq war.
I covered lots of events, some no one cares about. I have offered many slices of life from my warped mind, and almost every prediction I have ever made turned out wrong.
Drew and MosCOW already had blogs, and soon after that, Jenna started one. Each blog far superior to this one which makes me wonder how I managed to actually increase in readers over the past 12 months. I have taken lots of heat over my lack of proofreading skills, and slammed left and right for what I have written at times. I have provided many laughs both intentional and unintentional. I hope that I have given people something to look forward to checking on the Internet when they sign on. Even a reason to avoid work at their job. It is a chore to write sometimes, and I thought about canceling the blog once or two twice.
My original intention was to wrap up this experiment a year after I started; however, I decided to extend the life of Tucker’s World for the time being. If the end is near anytime soon I will certainly signal the ending for my readers to it does not hit them all at once. Thanks for reading both of you.
"The Book"
Since I have gotten a few emails about it. I will tell you that my father's book can be purchased online at amazon.com. The books is mainly a collection of letters that a distant realtive wrote while fighting the Civil War. Other information links the letters including side notes to famous events.
If you go to Amazon.com just type in Newton Colby and the book should come up. Its a bit more money than you would expect though. I doubt anyone that reads this will actually buy the book, but its cool to check out. Last I saw they only had two in stock, although I dont know how many they order from the publisher with a book like this.
Since I have gotten a few emails about it. I will tell you that my father's book can be purchased online at amazon.com. The books is mainly a collection of letters that a distant realtive wrote while fighting the Civil War. Other information links the letters including side notes to famous events.
If you go to Amazon.com just type in Newton Colby and the book should come up. Its a bit more money than you would expect though. I doubt anyone that reads this will actually buy the book, but its cool to check out. Last I saw they only had two in stock, although I dont know how many they order from the publisher with a book like this.
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Well I sat here after I realized an article I wrote for my blog dissolved on my computer somehow thinking how I didn’t really want to rewrite the article for a third time. Id figure it’s a good as time as any to address an issue some of my readers might have been waiting for. Before we get into it I am going to provide you with a quote.
"In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including Al Qaeda members, though there is apparently no evidence of his involvement in the terrible events of September 11, 2001. It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons. Should he succeed in that endeavor, he could alter the political and security landscape of the Middle East, which as we know all too well affects American security."—Hillary Clinton October 2002.
"The Blog Writer, The War and The President"
Well despite the fact President Bush landed on air craft carrier a few months back and told us that heavy military combat is over for the most part, almost (if we didn’t hit it already) 100 U.S. soldiers have died. So we are not exactly out of the desert yet. Unfortunately, this “War” isn’t going to be over anytime soon. Just because we do not have, 24-hour coverage for it anymore doesn’t mean there isn’t anything going on. Thankfully, for US soldiers, Saddam’s kids are gone which will weaken resistance. Its typical of us Americans to get easily distracted and who could blame us given the number of us out of work.
As you might know I voted for Bush back in 2000. I am in small percent of my friends that I am a registered voter. Heck I don’t know anyone other than Drew that actually voted in the last election. Since Bush has made some bold moves people always ask me what I think . Than they ask me if anyone ever told me I look like Ben Stiller.
Well one of Bush’s main reasons to go to war was because Iraq had supposed weapons of mass destruction. Many people thought it was true for years, just ask the Clintons who for what ever reason were never questioned about making similar claims to Bush. Bush’s vague claim was apparently based on forged documents. He later claimed regime change and freeing the Iraqi people were objectives a weeks deep. Well the Iraqi people despite living in post-war chaos are free however its too early to tell if any kind of stable “regime” is going to be able until things settle down out there. Things really seemed to fall apart when the media broke a story that Bush had made false claims about what Iraq was hiding.
"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."
First off let me clear up a common misconception the British government still stands by this claim so even if he were to say it today it wouldn’t technically by a lie. Yes, they still stand by that claim. This made people in an up-roar because of the previously mentioned forged documents provided by British intelligence. Tony Blair even came out publicly (although hardly mentioned in the US) and claimed the forged documents and the intelligence to back this claim were from separate reports. It makes sense since the forged document story had already been made public. So there is no official evidence that this claim can be filed under either category. It could be a cover-up, but than you would wonder why they have admitted to the pervious false information.
However, the US intelligence doesn’t have evidence to nod their head in agreement. In fact an early draft of the cited the US intelligence of making that claim but was changed. So at the very least Bush irresponsibly used “shady” information that could have gone either way. He likely wanted to include it in the State of the Union because it would be seen by more people than his run of the mill speech daytime on CNN opposite Jerry Springer.
Okay so did Bush have it out for Iraq from the start? Well I think George Clooney was some what right when he referred to the Bush team as a having policies similar to the Sopranos. I honestly do think the decision to go to war was decided long ago. I have many friends in the armed forces and a good number of them had almost exactly pinpointed the date the war would start a year in advance. So it was likely the year leading up to it with all the debating was just a song and dance for the American public. There is a reason why didn’t go after Saudi Arabia who has blatant ties to terrorists and September 11th., because they DO have nuclear weapons, and we are at an end game with them. So does Iran suposedly although many people think its not true. Than there is the always-popular North Korea who obviously has the nuclear capabilities to set many American Cities a blaze as they kindly put it. We don’t touch them because a war with them would pretty much mean the end of civilization With more and more countries having nuclear capabilities the US loses leverage.
So I think they knew Iraq was at best in the early stages of becoming a “made” country. So just like what happened to Joe Pesci in Goodfellas we took them out before they got their chance. So where are the weapons of mass destruction? A few theories think like many of the artifacts they were moved. Most likely to Syria in the weeks leading up to the war, and many others feel they were either dismantled ( mission accomplished I guess), or buried in the vast desert. Syria is supposedly “made” too. Although their conflicting reports that they could actually reach US soil. So far the most revealing think uncovered are old airplanes. Why they were buried pretty deep and I have no idea So its possible that chemical weapons are still buried out there. Sure if they had time to burry planes we didn’t care about why not a little antrhrax? Keep in mind I voted for Bush so throwing my arms up in the air and saying there are none doesn’t come as easily to me as others. On the other hand you would think if we have the technology to take a flea off the ass of a camel we could find traces of chemicals in the ground. Its been a year and the prospect of finding chemical weapons seem to be about as promising as my job search.
So was a Saddam threat to freedom loving Tucker? Was he a silent partner in September 11th? Well no hard evidence has been provided that he had anything to do with that horrible day. Well of course there are terrorists living in that country. That’s like asking if there are mosquitoes living in South Jersey. However their beef is mainly with Turkey. That is the country not the bird, although they might hate that featherless chicken since its started in Israel. They don’t want any peace treaties. They basically are the ones that blow busses and stuff up on CNN. So they are threat to Isreal Tucker I guess.
Now are we hypocrites for having chemical and biological weapons ourselves? To a certain extent we are. However, we are the police of the free world. How are we going to pull that off with sticks and stones. I am glad we have such weapons since we get called upon constantly to take care of things. Look at the Libya situation. Do you really thinking asking us to jump in is a coincidence? There is a reason why they don’t ask Canada to regulate.
Now are going to into Syria? I doubt first off it wouldn’t make sense militarily. WE have enough trouble in Afghanistan if you forgot about them, that is the country were most the “evil doers” from September 11th lived and we are still fighting enemy forces and losing American Soilders there too. Secondly, they shared some intelligence information with us after September 11th that helped us. The terrorists that hang out there for the most part are the ones that bother other people in other countries who aren’t us. So perhaps the weapons of mass destruction were sold to those guys with the funny names. Than of course they could turn around and sell them to al-Qaeda with a high mark up value. Than again this is just me speculating. We better hope there wasn’t any Weapons of Mass destruction in this case. However given the public knowledge of what Syria can do when push comes to shove, I doubt we will go in and find out and put our allies and ourselves at farther risk.
Now the big question one the one person’s mind who actually read this humor lacking blog (although it can be argued that is not unusual) did President Bush mislead us? Did he make Tucker regret he voted for him? Am I disappointed?
Well I think he mislead us to the point where I don’t think our only goal was to free the Iraqis. I think it was to get station in the middle east. To be able to keep a watchful eye on things and protect our interests. I think it was horribly wrong of Bush to act like the war was over, and he has made some blunders like the “Bring Them On” statement. I think the actual possession of “weapons of mass destruction” were a combination of Bush manipulating facts and figures. Although I guess telling us we were going to over throw a horrible person and free people goes over a lot better than, we are going to pick the best place in the middle east to set up shop. I think some misinformation may have been put out by others that didn’t wanted Saddam out of there. I think this decision to go to war was made maybe even before September 11th.
Was it worth it? Are we safer? Did we make things worse? Well only time will tell political junkies and news paper columnists can write all they want but we wont be able to find out until the history books include chapters about this time in America.
In all fairness, if they really wanted to mislead us at least they did not plant any WMD. However I do feel jaded and confused with all the conflicted information that is out there. I do seriously doubt we will ever see the smoking gun. I guess on the bright side one less nuclear country to worry about. One the dark side we may have created the next Afghanistan (they got pissed after we helped them out too) or managed to make an enemy out of a supposed friend like we did to Iraq. Although Saddam brought that on himself for the most part.
The sad thing is I don’t think it mattered. Bush was going to go to war if we liked it or not. At this point it would appear he either knew there was no threat and lied to the American people or he just made a horrible miscalculation rolled the dice and lost. Maybe once the ball started rolling he didn’t care that all signs pointed to we might be a tad off base. We were going to for it and try to accomplish something good if we could.
If Bush was up for relection tomorrow I wouldn’t vote for him. For one thing, I disagree on his stance on gay marriages, and for another I don’t trust him enough anymore. He needs to earn my trust back for me to vote with him with a clear conscience and confidence he will do the right things. Although I think things were blown out of proportion in some instances by the democrats if I cant understand the man’s motives when it comes to risking lives than I don’t know if I can help reelect him. The lesson I have learned from this whole incident is we are just pawns in the game played by rich powerful people. My friends Duke and Dan might be right after all. There is no point in voting.
Maybe things will work out for the best maybe we did the right thing. I have researched a lot for this article and its funny sometimes the more you know the less you understand.
"In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including Al Qaeda members, though there is apparently no evidence of his involvement in the terrible events of September 11, 2001. It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons. Should he succeed in that endeavor, he could alter the political and security landscape of the Middle East, which as we know all too well affects American security."—Hillary Clinton October 2002.
"The Blog Writer, The War and The President"
Well despite the fact President Bush landed on air craft carrier a few months back and told us that heavy military combat is over for the most part, almost (if we didn’t hit it already) 100 U.S. soldiers have died. So we are not exactly out of the desert yet. Unfortunately, this “War” isn’t going to be over anytime soon. Just because we do not have, 24-hour coverage for it anymore doesn’t mean there isn’t anything going on. Thankfully, for US soldiers, Saddam’s kids are gone which will weaken resistance. Its typical of us Americans to get easily distracted and who could blame us given the number of us out of work.
As you might know I voted for Bush back in 2000. I am in small percent of my friends that I am a registered voter. Heck I don’t know anyone other than Drew that actually voted in the last election. Since Bush has made some bold moves people always ask me what I think . Than they ask me if anyone ever told me I look like Ben Stiller.
Well one of Bush’s main reasons to go to war was because Iraq had supposed weapons of mass destruction. Many people thought it was true for years, just ask the Clintons who for what ever reason were never questioned about making similar claims to Bush. Bush’s vague claim was apparently based on forged documents. He later claimed regime change and freeing the Iraqi people were objectives a weeks deep. Well the Iraqi people despite living in post-war chaos are free however its too early to tell if any kind of stable “regime” is going to be able until things settle down out there. Things really seemed to fall apart when the media broke a story that Bush had made false claims about what Iraq was hiding.
"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."
First off let me clear up a common misconception the British government still stands by this claim so even if he were to say it today it wouldn’t technically by a lie. Yes, they still stand by that claim. This made people in an up-roar because of the previously mentioned forged documents provided by British intelligence. Tony Blair even came out publicly (although hardly mentioned in the US) and claimed the forged documents and the intelligence to back this claim were from separate reports. It makes sense since the forged document story had already been made public. So there is no official evidence that this claim can be filed under either category. It could be a cover-up, but than you would wonder why they have admitted to the pervious false information.
However, the US intelligence doesn’t have evidence to nod their head in agreement. In fact an early draft of the cited the US intelligence of making that claim but was changed. So at the very least Bush irresponsibly used “shady” information that could have gone either way. He likely wanted to include it in the State of the Union because it would be seen by more people than his run of the mill speech daytime on CNN opposite Jerry Springer.
Okay so did Bush have it out for Iraq from the start? Well I think George Clooney was some what right when he referred to the Bush team as a having policies similar to the Sopranos. I honestly do think the decision to go to war was decided long ago. I have many friends in the armed forces and a good number of them had almost exactly pinpointed the date the war would start a year in advance. So it was likely the year leading up to it with all the debating was just a song and dance for the American public. There is a reason why didn’t go after Saudi Arabia who has blatant ties to terrorists and September 11th., because they DO have nuclear weapons, and we are at an end game with them. So does Iran suposedly although many people think its not true. Than there is the always-popular North Korea who obviously has the nuclear capabilities to set many American Cities a blaze as they kindly put it. We don’t touch them because a war with them would pretty much mean the end of civilization With more and more countries having nuclear capabilities the US loses leverage.
So I think they knew Iraq was at best in the early stages of becoming a “made” country. So just like what happened to Joe Pesci in Goodfellas we took them out before they got their chance. So where are the weapons of mass destruction? A few theories think like many of the artifacts they were moved. Most likely to Syria in the weeks leading up to the war, and many others feel they were either dismantled ( mission accomplished I guess), or buried in the vast desert. Syria is supposedly “made” too. Although their conflicting reports that they could actually reach US soil. So far the most revealing think uncovered are old airplanes. Why they were buried pretty deep and I have no idea So its possible that chemical weapons are still buried out there. Sure if they had time to burry planes we didn’t care about why not a little antrhrax? Keep in mind I voted for Bush so throwing my arms up in the air and saying there are none doesn’t come as easily to me as others. On the other hand you would think if we have the technology to take a flea off the ass of a camel we could find traces of chemicals in the ground. Its been a year and the prospect of finding chemical weapons seem to be about as promising as my job search.
So was a Saddam threat to freedom loving Tucker? Was he a silent partner in September 11th? Well no hard evidence has been provided that he had anything to do with that horrible day. Well of course there are terrorists living in that country. That’s like asking if there are mosquitoes living in South Jersey. However their beef is mainly with Turkey. That is the country not the bird, although they might hate that featherless chicken since its started in Israel. They don’t want any peace treaties. They basically are the ones that blow busses and stuff up on CNN. So they are threat to Isreal Tucker I guess.
Now are we hypocrites for having chemical and biological weapons ourselves? To a certain extent we are. However, we are the police of the free world. How are we going to pull that off with sticks and stones. I am glad we have such weapons since we get called upon constantly to take care of things. Look at the Libya situation. Do you really thinking asking us to jump in is a coincidence? There is a reason why they don’t ask Canada to regulate.
Now are going to into Syria? I doubt first off it wouldn’t make sense militarily. WE have enough trouble in Afghanistan if you forgot about them, that is the country were most the “evil doers” from September 11th lived and we are still fighting enemy forces and losing American Soilders there too. Secondly, they shared some intelligence information with us after September 11th that helped us. The terrorists that hang out there for the most part are the ones that bother other people in other countries who aren’t us. So perhaps the weapons of mass destruction were sold to those guys with the funny names. Than of course they could turn around and sell them to al-Qaeda with a high mark up value. Than again this is just me speculating. We better hope there wasn’t any Weapons of Mass destruction in this case. However given the public knowledge of what Syria can do when push comes to shove, I doubt we will go in and find out and put our allies and ourselves at farther risk.
Now the big question one the one person’s mind who actually read this humor lacking blog (although it can be argued that is not unusual) did President Bush mislead us? Did he make Tucker regret he voted for him? Am I disappointed?
Well I think he mislead us to the point where I don’t think our only goal was to free the Iraqis. I think it was to get station in the middle east. To be able to keep a watchful eye on things and protect our interests. I think it was horribly wrong of Bush to act like the war was over, and he has made some blunders like the “Bring Them On” statement. I think the actual possession of “weapons of mass destruction” were a combination of Bush manipulating facts and figures. Although I guess telling us we were going to over throw a horrible person and free people goes over a lot better than, we are going to pick the best place in the middle east to set up shop. I think some misinformation may have been put out by others that didn’t wanted Saddam out of there. I think this decision to go to war was made maybe even before September 11th.
Was it worth it? Are we safer? Did we make things worse? Well only time will tell political junkies and news paper columnists can write all they want but we wont be able to find out until the history books include chapters about this time in America.
In all fairness, if they really wanted to mislead us at least they did not plant any WMD. However I do feel jaded and confused with all the conflicted information that is out there. I do seriously doubt we will ever see the smoking gun. I guess on the bright side one less nuclear country to worry about. One the dark side we may have created the next Afghanistan (they got pissed after we helped them out too) or managed to make an enemy out of a supposed friend like we did to Iraq. Although Saddam brought that on himself for the most part.
The sad thing is I don’t think it mattered. Bush was going to go to war if we liked it or not. At this point it would appear he either knew there was no threat and lied to the American people or he just made a horrible miscalculation rolled the dice and lost. Maybe once the ball started rolling he didn’t care that all signs pointed to we might be a tad off base. We were going to for it and try to accomplish something good if we could.
If Bush was up for relection tomorrow I wouldn’t vote for him. For one thing, I disagree on his stance on gay marriages, and for another I don’t trust him enough anymore. He needs to earn my trust back for me to vote with him with a clear conscience and confidence he will do the right things. Although I think things were blown out of proportion in some instances by the democrats if I cant understand the man’s motives when it comes to risking lives than I don’t know if I can help reelect him. The lesson I have learned from this whole incident is we are just pawns in the game played by rich powerful people. My friends Duke and Dan might be right after all. There is no point in voting.
Maybe things will work out for the best maybe we did the right thing. I have researched a lot for this article and its funny sometimes the more you know the less you understand.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
"Head of the State"
Well apparently, New Jersey has similar state laws to California about ousting the states Governor. However the amount of signatures needed is in the millions and the process from what I read in the Inquirer is quite harder than the process in California. Given the apathy of most this state I doubt it will its possible that we will see any celebrities running for Governor
I am too lazy too look up if I am remotely old enough to run for the head of the Garden State, however that didn’t stop me from making a list of things I would do to make your living conditions better in the state of New Jersey.
Here are a few things I was kicking around in my head the other day when I was supposed to be doing work.
Make it mandatory for all High School Seniors to travel to Lucy the Elephant in Margate.
Make the New York Giants change their name to the New Jersey Giants. They play in FREAKING New Jersey. What a bunch of posers.
Legalize same sex marriages. Ban marriages between people from North Jersey and South Jersey.
Cut taxes for everyone south of Trenton, and raise them for everyone North of Trenton.
Make Starview’s “buffalo wings” illegal.
Start a government funded Frisbee league.
Abolish all statuary rape laws.
Pass a mandate that Drew has to recite the pledge of allegiance when he awakes.
Fine any South Jersey bloggers who unjustly attack Duke
Pass a law in the state for schools to require a “Weird New Jersey” class.
Delcare November 10th Roy Scheider day. We will look the other way that he was born in NORTH Jersey.
Well apparently, New Jersey has similar state laws to California about ousting the states Governor. However the amount of signatures needed is in the millions and the process from what I read in the Inquirer is quite harder than the process in California. Given the apathy of most this state I doubt it will its possible that we will see any celebrities running for Governor
I am too lazy too look up if I am remotely old enough to run for the head of the Garden State, however that didn’t stop me from making a list of things I would do to make your living conditions better in the state of New Jersey.
Here are a few things I was kicking around in my head the other day when I was supposed to be doing work.
Make it mandatory for all High School Seniors to travel to Lucy the Elephant in Margate.
Make the New York Giants change their name to the New Jersey Giants. They play in FREAKING New Jersey. What a bunch of posers.
Legalize same sex marriages. Ban marriages between people from North Jersey and South Jersey.
Cut taxes for everyone south of Trenton, and raise them for everyone North of Trenton.
Make Starview’s “buffalo wings” illegal.
Start a government funded Frisbee league.
Abolish all statuary rape laws.
Pass a mandate that Drew has to recite the pledge of allegiance when he awakes.
Fine any South Jersey bloggers who unjustly attack Duke
Pass a law in the state for schools to require a “Weird New Jersey” class.
Delcare November 10th Roy Scheider day. We will look the other way that he was born in NORTH Jersey.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
“Music by the HIGHway”
So an old friend of mine Royce called me out the blue this past week. Apparently, he is still alive and residing in New York State. Royce called to inform me that he would be breezing into the Delaware Valley for a few days and his band who he moved to New York with would be putting on two shows one in Cherry Hill and one in Philly.
It was really great to see Royce, because I only see him a few times a year (sadly I didn’t get my annual holiday visit this year) and when we hang out its like we just hung out the day before. Its never awkward despite not spending time together anymore. Royce one of my first friends that drove me around always amused me with his thinking outside the box, and his off beat sense of humor.
Anyway Royce had told me that he was playing at a place called Woodstock in Cherry Hill. I had never heard of what I figured was either a café or a bar. Where else would have a band play? Well apparently, it was actually a “Head Shop” before you go running for you hip-slang dictionary let me save you the trouble. Apparently, “Head Shops” are places where people buy drug related paraphernalia. The story main theme is weed and everything weed related. So anyone that knows me, realizes how out of place this makes me.
After I heard about it I half expected (and was a little creeped out) to see bongs hanging on walls and various other instruments people use to get “weeded up”. So Royce, Ryan, Lima Beanz and I arrive there to find that Royce’s bandmates were no where to be seen. So it gave me time to explore a “head shop” for the first time. I am either naïve or oblivious but I could not find anything that you could “put your weed in man!” Although I began picking up objects and trying to figure out how they could hide or store drugs. I honestly had myself convinced that the Simpsons Pez dispensers might have another use that I was unaware of. However now that I think of it its hard enough storing the candy in those darn things let alone dope. A friend of mine who recently made the wise decision to make his year long hiatus from the drug a permanent one (mad props) theorized you have to give a code word to get the “tools” used to get bowled over. Not unlike the ball washing place in Hi-Nella, however I only found evidence of an animal living there and a toilet only hidden behind a curtain made of beads. This place made me glad I never did drugs.
The store does proudly boast the biggest selection of incense on the east coast. Originally, they served as a way to over come the smell over simmering drugs, but now their main purpose it to apparently gag to death anyone that isn’t stoned. I think I’d rather smell my cat’s droppings than have someone permeate a room with that stench.
The store also sells magazines all about getting weeded up, soap made of hemp, and the largest collection of hideous shirts on the east coast. I can’t imagine anyone who isn’t blind or on drugs purchasing these eyesores. If I did purchase them I would shove them in a South Jersey landfill where they belong. While waiting for Royce’s MIA band members we met the owner of the store. She was a hippie woman well into her 50s. She told us to just call her “mom”. Why not everyone that worked there did, they seemed to have a lot of workers for place that was deader than Gregory Hines. I honestly think two people bought stuff the entire time we were there. Creepily enough it was seemingly a man and his daughter.
So eventually the band shows up in 70s style short bus, and the people to footwear ratio was more lopsided than Rob Arter walking out of South Philly bar. Mostly the band was mainly made up of long hair, bearded free spirits who were ready to put on a show despite having Ryan, Lima Beanz and I as their only audience members. One of the band’s trademarks is their alien puppets that take to the road with them. There are two of them, one female and one male. The female has two sets of breasts, and the male has a large black penis that flaps in the breeze. The two dolls were in poor shape, and “Mom” pitched in and sewed them right up. She made sure that large black penis was in tip-top shape for his big Philly show.
I was surprised when the band set up out side. Because there is a very small amount of land between the store and the always busy Route 70, and I imagine passing motorists must have thought it was odd. Especially since Mom did her sewing right out in the open sitting with the band. Eventually the puppets did do a little jig with out any self-consciousness about there genital being exposed.
The band played various songs, and are a grateful dead type of band. Not really my kind of thing, but you can tell they were good at their type of music. Each band member gelled well together and they seemed like they could easily feel where one another was going with the music. The songs melted into each other like ice cream on summers days. When they did try to explain the meaning of their songs, I was even more confused. Perhaps you have to be higher than the WPVI Channel 6 Zoo Balloon ( I have been waiting so long to reference that for some reason) to get on their wave length. Royce really got into it and seemed more entertaining than their actual front man. We left because we had to hit the road. The band seemed to keep on playing despite only a few people that were standing there. You see they would have played if not one person was there. Royce and his buddies would just jam on doing their own thing. Because that’s the way he lives his life.
Royce cares not for the cookie cutter ideal “good life” he is truly doing what he wants to do everyday. Playing music he loves. Some might say that Royce’s life is a tad bizarre, but heck you have to give him credit for not being shackled by such downers like a job he hates or doing what is mainstream. Rock on Royce!
So an old friend of mine Royce called me out the blue this past week. Apparently, he is still alive and residing in New York State. Royce called to inform me that he would be breezing into the Delaware Valley for a few days and his band who he moved to New York with would be putting on two shows one in Cherry Hill and one in Philly.
It was really great to see Royce, because I only see him a few times a year (sadly I didn’t get my annual holiday visit this year) and when we hang out its like we just hung out the day before. Its never awkward despite not spending time together anymore. Royce one of my first friends that drove me around always amused me with his thinking outside the box, and his off beat sense of humor.
Anyway Royce had told me that he was playing at a place called Woodstock in Cherry Hill. I had never heard of what I figured was either a café or a bar. Where else would have a band play? Well apparently, it was actually a “Head Shop” before you go running for you hip-slang dictionary let me save you the trouble. Apparently, “Head Shops” are places where people buy drug related paraphernalia. The story main theme is weed and everything weed related. So anyone that knows me, realizes how out of place this makes me.
After I heard about it I half expected (and was a little creeped out) to see bongs hanging on walls and various other instruments people use to get “weeded up”. So Royce, Ryan, Lima Beanz and I arrive there to find that Royce’s bandmates were no where to be seen. So it gave me time to explore a “head shop” for the first time. I am either naïve or oblivious but I could not find anything that you could “put your weed in man!” Although I began picking up objects and trying to figure out how they could hide or store drugs. I honestly had myself convinced that the Simpsons Pez dispensers might have another use that I was unaware of. However now that I think of it its hard enough storing the candy in those darn things let alone dope. A friend of mine who recently made the wise decision to make his year long hiatus from the drug a permanent one (mad props) theorized you have to give a code word to get the “tools” used to get bowled over. Not unlike the ball washing place in Hi-Nella, however I only found evidence of an animal living there and a toilet only hidden behind a curtain made of beads. This place made me glad I never did drugs.
The store does proudly boast the biggest selection of incense on the east coast. Originally, they served as a way to over come the smell over simmering drugs, but now their main purpose it to apparently gag to death anyone that isn’t stoned. I think I’d rather smell my cat’s droppings than have someone permeate a room with that stench.
The store also sells magazines all about getting weeded up, soap made of hemp, and the largest collection of hideous shirts on the east coast. I can’t imagine anyone who isn’t blind or on drugs purchasing these eyesores. If I did purchase them I would shove them in a South Jersey landfill where they belong. While waiting for Royce’s MIA band members we met the owner of the store. She was a hippie woman well into her 50s. She told us to just call her “mom”. Why not everyone that worked there did, they seemed to have a lot of workers for place that was deader than Gregory Hines. I honestly think two people bought stuff the entire time we were there. Creepily enough it was seemingly a man and his daughter.
So eventually the band shows up in 70s style short bus, and the people to footwear ratio was more lopsided than Rob Arter walking out of South Philly bar. Mostly the band was mainly made up of long hair, bearded free spirits who were ready to put on a show despite having Ryan, Lima Beanz and I as their only audience members. One of the band’s trademarks is their alien puppets that take to the road with them. There are two of them, one female and one male. The female has two sets of breasts, and the male has a large black penis that flaps in the breeze. The two dolls were in poor shape, and “Mom” pitched in and sewed them right up. She made sure that large black penis was in tip-top shape for his big Philly show.
I was surprised when the band set up out side. Because there is a very small amount of land between the store and the always busy Route 70, and I imagine passing motorists must have thought it was odd. Especially since Mom did her sewing right out in the open sitting with the band. Eventually the puppets did do a little jig with out any self-consciousness about there genital being exposed.
The band played various songs, and are a grateful dead type of band. Not really my kind of thing, but you can tell they were good at their type of music. Each band member gelled well together and they seemed like they could easily feel where one another was going with the music. The songs melted into each other like ice cream on summers days. When they did try to explain the meaning of their songs, I was even more confused. Perhaps you have to be higher than the WPVI Channel 6 Zoo Balloon ( I have been waiting so long to reference that for some reason) to get on their wave length. Royce really got into it and seemed more entertaining than their actual front man. We left because we had to hit the road. The band seemed to keep on playing despite only a few people that were standing there. You see they would have played if not one person was there. Royce and his buddies would just jam on doing their own thing. Because that’s the way he lives his life.
Royce cares not for the cookie cutter ideal “good life” he is truly doing what he wants to do everyday. Playing music he loves. Some might say that Royce’s life is a tad bizarre, but heck you have to give him credit for not being shackled by such downers like a job he hates or doing what is mainstream. Rock on Royce!
Friday, August 08, 2003
“Escape from Pennsylvania”
So LIZA and I went to Dorney Park a few days ago and had a good time despite some minor set backs. Apparently the people in the state of Pennsylvania’s tax money doesn’t really go into the highways all that much. I guess it’s a different culture out there, and they don’t really believe in signs that give you any indication what direction towns direction highways go when you are given the option for an exit. For the most part you are just dumped onto another highway for about 8 miles or so before you can even begin to attempt to rectify and wrong turn that you have made.
What made matters worse on the way there, that Map Quest seems to be under the impression that Dorney Park is located some where in someone’s backyard. Because if you follow the directions that we printed up you end up in a residential community. The theme park located in Allentown, Pennsylvania has one sign on one of the 3 or more highways that seemingly encircle the theme park. If you are in the actual town of Allentown you will notice they don’t bother to direct you in any way to the theme park. This is odd considering in this area we direct people to Wendy’s with a series of signs.
Seeing where as the town of Allentown makes Lawnside look like Stone Harbor I cant imagine why anyone would be in this town other than to go to the theme park. You would think such an obviously poverty strapped down would try to advertise their tourist attraction (we hype Clementon Park!). Dorney might want to make their new slogan SHhhhhhhhhhh. You can stop and ask the locals, be most of them are either just a confused as your or jerks who like to send people from South Jersey in the wrong direction.
Anyway, the trip was good. Our hotel room was nice and affordable, and the park had a lot to offer. Lots of great water rides (and despite Duke’s theory I didn’t see any kids pooping in it, although LIZA both & I considered peeing in the wave pool) some pretty decent roller coasters (although the one that was hyped to death I didn’t get on because it was closed. I guess its trend with me, the same thing happened at Hershey last year) and lots of ducks to feed.
The only trouble we had inside the park was bratty kids, and LIZA thinking it was wrong of me to shoot water at defenseless children. A stinky Mexican dude wore a see through black mess shirt and was annoying. Oh yeah and my A.D.D. kicked when we went down a body slide and I pretty much neglected every DO NOTs that they gave you to do. This resulted in me almost drowning and LIZA having to retrieve my water soaked corpse out of the water. I got up completely blinded and disoriented (since I didn’t not use the proper position) and got off on the wrong side of the slide which made the life guard angrily blow his whistle at me.
Going home proved more difficult when we managed to actually double the amount of time it takes to get from the park to LIZA’s house. I started out driving and we ended up just circling around the theme park again and again, seemingly merging on to highways that didn’t want us out of the Keystone state. By the time we ended up on route 100 (again they didn’t bother to tell us what towns were in what direction) which involved nothing but mountains and farms, I was about to start ragging so Liza took behind the wheel of the Tempo. We actually thought we were in good shape until I noticed we were heading West on an interstate and getting closer to Harrisburg. Again, your only option is to get off the highway and hope for the best. Sometimes it just put you on to just another highway giving you no indication what direction you were heading. It didn’t help that Mapquest told us too take the Scranton/Philadelphia exist which you couldn’t see unless you actually took another exit they didn’t tell you to take. Not to mention the fact that are actually two separate exists (which makes sense since one is west of Allentown and the other is East).
Part of me considered just giving up and starting a new life as a farmer. I would have to call up and tell everyone that I am a Quaker and starting a farm because the highways were too confusing and the people at Map quest are a bunch of jerks.
We had a good time though I am sure both my readers were really hoping I did. Well not Dan K who hates anyone to have a good time.
_________________
“While You Were Out”
Since I have gotten back I have learned
The Terminator is political figure now.
Arnold from Different Stokes is a political figure now.
Duke is involved with some girl either was or still is married.
Duke is a jerk
Royce is actually alive
Tom Tulish has a girlfriend
Sears Outlet hasn’t burned down yet.
There is a propane tank leaking in my yard
Jay’s beard has grown thick enough to that he could disguise himself as terrorist. Perhaps not the best idea if he plans to head north of the border.
So LIZA and I went to Dorney Park a few days ago and had a good time despite some minor set backs. Apparently the people in the state of Pennsylvania’s tax money doesn’t really go into the highways all that much. I guess it’s a different culture out there, and they don’t really believe in signs that give you any indication what direction towns direction highways go when you are given the option for an exit. For the most part you are just dumped onto another highway for about 8 miles or so before you can even begin to attempt to rectify and wrong turn that you have made.
What made matters worse on the way there, that Map Quest seems to be under the impression that Dorney Park is located some where in someone’s backyard. Because if you follow the directions that we printed up you end up in a residential community. The theme park located in Allentown, Pennsylvania has one sign on one of the 3 or more highways that seemingly encircle the theme park. If you are in the actual town of Allentown you will notice they don’t bother to direct you in any way to the theme park. This is odd considering in this area we direct people to Wendy’s with a series of signs.
Seeing where as the town of Allentown makes Lawnside look like Stone Harbor I cant imagine why anyone would be in this town other than to go to the theme park. You would think such an obviously poverty strapped down would try to advertise their tourist attraction (we hype Clementon Park!). Dorney might want to make their new slogan SHhhhhhhhhhh. You can stop and ask the locals, be most of them are either just a confused as your or jerks who like to send people from South Jersey in the wrong direction.
Anyway, the trip was good. Our hotel room was nice and affordable, and the park had a lot to offer. Lots of great water rides (and despite Duke’s theory I didn’t see any kids pooping in it, although LIZA both & I considered peeing in the wave pool) some pretty decent roller coasters (although the one that was hyped to death I didn’t get on because it was closed. I guess its trend with me, the same thing happened at Hershey last year) and lots of ducks to feed.
The only trouble we had inside the park was bratty kids, and LIZA thinking it was wrong of me to shoot water at defenseless children. A stinky Mexican dude wore a see through black mess shirt and was annoying. Oh yeah and my A.D.D. kicked when we went down a body slide and I pretty much neglected every DO NOTs that they gave you to do. This resulted in me almost drowning and LIZA having to retrieve my water soaked corpse out of the water. I got up completely blinded and disoriented (since I didn’t not use the proper position) and got off on the wrong side of the slide which made the life guard angrily blow his whistle at me.
Going home proved more difficult when we managed to actually double the amount of time it takes to get from the park to LIZA’s house. I started out driving and we ended up just circling around the theme park again and again, seemingly merging on to highways that didn’t want us out of the Keystone state. By the time we ended up on route 100 (again they didn’t bother to tell us what towns were in what direction) which involved nothing but mountains and farms, I was about to start ragging so Liza took behind the wheel of the Tempo. We actually thought we were in good shape until I noticed we were heading West on an interstate and getting closer to Harrisburg. Again, your only option is to get off the highway and hope for the best. Sometimes it just put you on to just another highway giving you no indication what direction you were heading. It didn’t help that Mapquest told us too take the Scranton/Philadelphia exist which you couldn’t see unless you actually took another exit they didn’t tell you to take. Not to mention the fact that are actually two separate exists (which makes sense since one is west of Allentown and the other is East).
Part of me considered just giving up and starting a new life as a farmer. I would have to call up and tell everyone that I am a Quaker and starting a farm because the highways were too confusing and the people at Map quest are a bunch of jerks.
We had a good time though I am sure both my readers were really hoping I did. Well not Dan K who hates anyone to have a good time.
_________________
“While You Were Out”
Since I have gotten back I have learned
The Terminator is political figure now.
Arnold from Different Stokes is a political figure now.
Duke is involved with some girl either was or still is married.
Duke is a jerk
Royce is actually alive
Tom Tulish has a girlfriend
Sears Outlet hasn’t burned down yet.
There is a propane tank leaking in my yard
Jay’s beard has grown thick enough to that he could disguise himself as terrorist. Perhaps not the best idea if he plans to head north of the border.
Monday, August 04, 2003
“Tucker at the Link”
Well last night was the biggest night in Philadelphia since the sequel to Mannequin started shooting. The building in which the Eagles will call home until the machines kill us all was host for its first event a Soccer game! The building named after a company no one cares about has already been dubbed the Link.
It was the Red Guys vs the Tan Guys, and judging by the way the soccer fans were yelling these teams were good ones. It took me awhile to realize that we were rooting for the Red Guys who won. I read about the game, and it was apparently like a pre-season game. That might not seem too meaningful, but I also heard the losing team all has to go see the movie Gigli.
I get to write this blog with first hand experience, because my Father and I went to see Soccer game and break the Link’s Cherry. The Crew was there too and if you read TERMINUS its amazing no one went to the hospital. Although according to Jenna’s blog I am no longer a crew-member. Being ousted for a next generation crew member?
Anyway, the stadium was absolutely amazing. The field was beautiful, the seats were extra comfortable (space wise too) with little cup holders for the fans, the view over the Philly skyline and Delware river were sweet and wide screen video scoreboards were the cherry on top. They people of the city of brotherly love got their moneys worth. Eagles fans are going to love the view which will be 10 times better than that other building.
Of course there were some minor bugs. My father and I had tickets for the 204 Section, which was incorrectly labeled by the stadium which lead to confusion for us and the employees of the Link. Eventually we figured out that we were in the wrong seats and had to move over to the corner a bit. Unfortunately from the one corner (the real 204) of the field was a bit obstructed. I also heard they ran out of beer (which thankfully didn’t get bloody), French Fries, and the free soda may or may not have been a myth.
I also would like to mention how moronic Eagles fans are, and I don’t understand why people give Flyers fans a hard time. Here are some dumb things said by Eagles fans on 6 10 WIP (sportsradio). I would also finish this one blog by picking a bone (virtually) with Drew go to his comments on TERMINUS, under the Bush bashing title.
1. The stadium was too CLEAN
2. Everyone was just walking around and looking at stuff at the stadium. He was annoyed by this. What a moron. What did he expect?
3. Actually chanted EAGLES for no reason. These are the same idiots who call in April to talk about “The Birds”. These people are jerks.
4. Soccer shouldn’t be played at the Link. Why are we against bringing world class soccer to the city again? Do you know how many people came from far away, and likely spend money on hotels etc. Its great for the City. I am all for a wider sports venue just over the bridge.
5. Tom Cruise went to Cherry Hill East.
6. Because Soccer never caught on in America is because we are just a bunch of jerks. Honestly why does that come off as arrogance? Golf and Hockey are widely accepted and sure as heck weren’t invented in the States. How in the person or persons, animal, intimate object, or lack of a superior beings’ name can you say this is an example of American arrogance? If anyone does anything about the fan base of the sport, over seas they know they obsess to a dangerous level about the sport anyway. Resorting to trying to murder players on teams, and huge riots that make our American ones look tame. Maybe we rejected this sport because of all the crazy uncivilized stuff that goes along with it. Besides that I think its just horribly boring (not to mention hard to market and throw in commercials) sport to watch. Its not like it isn’t one of the most popular sports to play in this area. How many people played soccer? Almost everyone because it’s a cheap sport to play. In South Jersey its huge. My father is head of the South Jersey Hall of fame. It just doesn’t fit into American culture all that well at a spectator sport. However if it will ease tensions across the globe and prevent another terrorist attack we should all get Season Tickets to the Charge, or the Kixx. Anything to show our sensitivity. In fact I would also like to mention now that maybe, we should have gone to all those Yahoo Serious movies back in the early 90s. Lets try to get that big harried lovable louse a comeback special before we hurt any feelings Australians or give a Kangaroo an inferiority complex.
Hard core Eagles fans are idiots. Oh yeah Royce called me earlier today. Not that has anything to do with the Link.
Well last night was the biggest night in Philadelphia since the sequel to Mannequin started shooting. The building in which the Eagles will call home until the machines kill us all was host for its first event a Soccer game! The building named after a company no one cares about has already been dubbed the Link.
It was the Red Guys vs the Tan Guys, and judging by the way the soccer fans were yelling these teams were good ones. It took me awhile to realize that we were rooting for the Red Guys who won. I read about the game, and it was apparently like a pre-season game. That might not seem too meaningful, but I also heard the losing team all has to go see the movie Gigli.
I get to write this blog with first hand experience, because my Father and I went to see Soccer game and break the Link’s Cherry. The Crew was there too and if you read TERMINUS its amazing no one went to the hospital. Although according to Jenna’s blog I am no longer a crew-member. Being ousted for a next generation crew member?
Anyway, the stadium was absolutely amazing. The field was beautiful, the seats were extra comfortable (space wise too) with little cup holders for the fans, the view over the Philly skyline and Delware river were sweet and wide screen video scoreboards were the cherry on top. They people of the city of brotherly love got their moneys worth. Eagles fans are going to love the view which will be 10 times better than that other building.
Of course there were some minor bugs. My father and I had tickets for the 204 Section, which was incorrectly labeled by the stadium which lead to confusion for us and the employees of the Link. Eventually we figured out that we were in the wrong seats and had to move over to the corner a bit. Unfortunately from the one corner (the real 204) of the field was a bit obstructed. I also heard they ran out of beer (which thankfully didn’t get bloody), French Fries, and the free soda may or may not have been a myth.
I also would like to mention how moronic Eagles fans are, and I don’t understand why people give Flyers fans a hard time. Here are some dumb things said by Eagles fans on 6 10 WIP (sportsradio). I would also finish this one blog by picking a bone (virtually) with Drew go to his comments on TERMINUS, under the Bush bashing title.
1. The stadium was too CLEAN
2. Everyone was just walking around and looking at stuff at the stadium. He was annoyed by this. What a moron. What did he expect?
3. Actually chanted EAGLES for no reason. These are the same idiots who call in April to talk about “The Birds”. These people are jerks.
4. Soccer shouldn’t be played at the Link. Why are we against bringing world class soccer to the city again? Do you know how many people came from far away, and likely spend money on hotels etc. Its great for the City. I am all for a wider sports venue just over the bridge.
5. Tom Cruise went to Cherry Hill East.
6. Because Soccer never caught on in America is because we are just a bunch of jerks. Honestly why does that come off as arrogance? Golf and Hockey are widely accepted and sure as heck weren’t invented in the States. How in the person or persons, animal, intimate object, or lack of a superior beings’ name can you say this is an example of American arrogance? If anyone does anything about the fan base of the sport, over seas they know they obsess to a dangerous level about the sport anyway. Resorting to trying to murder players on teams, and huge riots that make our American ones look tame. Maybe we rejected this sport because of all the crazy uncivilized stuff that goes along with it. Besides that I think its just horribly boring (not to mention hard to market and throw in commercials) sport to watch. Its not like it isn’t one of the most popular sports to play in this area. How many people played soccer? Almost everyone because it’s a cheap sport to play. In South Jersey its huge. My father is head of the South Jersey Hall of fame. It just doesn’t fit into American culture all that well at a spectator sport. However if it will ease tensions across the globe and prevent another terrorist attack we should all get Season Tickets to the Charge, or the Kixx. Anything to show our sensitivity. In fact I would also like to mention now that maybe, we should have gone to all those Yahoo Serious movies back in the early 90s. Lets try to get that big harried lovable louse a comeback special before we hurt any feelings Australians or give a Kangaroo an inferiority complex.
Hard core Eagles fans are idiots. Oh yeah Royce called me earlier today. Not that has anything to do with the Link.
Sunday, August 03, 2003
“The Voice is Silent”
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies.(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Stuck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something along those lines. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosion chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought my great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas Doll July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies.(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Stuck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something along those lines. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosion chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought my great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas Doll July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
“The Voice is Silent”
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Struck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something to that effect. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosionsm chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought me great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Struck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something to that effect. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosionsm chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought me great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Saturday, August 02, 2003
"Stadium Goes Down, Baby Comes Out"
Veterans Stadium sits at the corner of South Philly as it always did. The sun rises on the vacant building and pigeon scavengers through discarded soft pretzels from the previous night’s events. The building stands as it always has ready to be pumped full of fans. Hooting and hollering for the good old baseball team the Phillies. The sun will soon bet setting on the life of the Veterans Stadium.
Meanwhile in South Jersey, Jenna sits on the couch at Duke’s apartment as she always did. Inside her an infant child grows, a living and breathing organism. Swimming, kicking and punching and will soon be out grow his or her surroundings. Baby Beanzie increasing is in size and getting stronger. The sun is rising on his or her life.
Veterans Stadium a creaky old building worn down by years gone by has out grown it’s purpose. The building stands in the Philadelphia skyline for now, but its time in the filthy air of the city of brotherly love will soon be over. The building will be broken apart and the pieces will be distributed all over the place. Pieces here and pieces there. The buildings final chapter has arrived, perhaps the final chapter will include some glory for the Phillies before the final page is printed. Maybe the story will leave all the Phillies fans grinning ear to ear.
Baby Beanzie will soon come charging through into the first pages of the story of his or her life. Born into the filthy South Jersey air into a world full of Featherless Chickens, lack of jobs and constant war. Born and ready to make his or her mark on the world. Soon Jenna’s big stomach will be gone and her and Lima Beanz’s first kid will be pooping constantly and looking amazingly at his or her’s surroundings. Likely to leave Jenna grinning ear to ear, because as she told me recently she is extremely excited about getting to see and hold her kid. Who can blame her its such a late part of the pregnancy and its almost time to ready to be a mom! From what I am told they got some really cool stuff, and they only have had on side of their family’s baby shower so far. With very little time left I imagine Lima Beanz’s family shower can’t be too far off. With all the time and excitement his parents must be feeling about being first time grandparents I am sure its going to be a big one. Lima Beanz might be excited too, I think it appears that he refuses to shave until the big day though, so its hard to see him smiling underneath all that manly facial hair.
Soon Veterans Stadium will gone. It will just remain in pictures and us old people when we tell people how things used to be. Back in the day when the Eagles and Phillies resided in the same stadium and all the football players that came to down tore their knees up on the horrible surface.
One story ends, one begins. They both will happen with in the same month of each other or so. The two events coincide. Criss-cross. Baby Beanzie is born, Veterans Stadium is destroyed. Criss-cross. Time is surely against one and for the other. It won’t be long now before the deafening constant screams of another infant child are heard or the sound of a steal ball smashing apart concrete fills echoes through the air.
Veterans Stadium sits at the corner of South Philly as it always did. The sun rises on the vacant building and pigeon scavengers through discarded soft pretzels from the previous night’s events. The building stands as it always has ready to be pumped full of fans. Hooting and hollering for the good old baseball team the Phillies. The sun will soon bet setting on the life of the Veterans Stadium.
Meanwhile in South Jersey, Jenna sits on the couch at Duke’s apartment as she always did. Inside her an infant child grows, a living and breathing organism. Swimming, kicking and punching and will soon be out grow his or her surroundings. Baby Beanzie increasing is in size and getting stronger. The sun is rising on his or her life.
Veterans Stadium a creaky old building worn down by years gone by has out grown it’s purpose. The building stands in the Philadelphia skyline for now, but its time in the filthy air of the city of brotherly love will soon be over. The building will be broken apart and the pieces will be distributed all over the place. Pieces here and pieces there. The buildings final chapter has arrived, perhaps the final chapter will include some glory for the Phillies before the final page is printed. Maybe the story will leave all the Phillies fans grinning ear to ear.
Baby Beanzie will soon come charging through into the first pages of the story of his or her life. Born into the filthy South Jersey air into a world full of Featherless Chickens, lack of jobs and constant war. Born and ready to make his or her mark on the world. Soon Jenna’s big stomach will be gone and her and Lima Beanz’s first kid will be pooping constantly and looking amazingly at his or her’s surroundings. Likely to leave Jenna grinning ear to ear, because as she told me recently she is extremely excited about getting to see and hold her kid. Who can blame her its such a late part of the pregnancy and its almost time to ready to be a mom! From what I am told they got some really cool stuff, and they only have had on side of their family’s baby shower so far. With very little time left I imagine Lima Beanz’s family shower can’t be too far off. With all the time and excitement his parents must be feeling about being first time grandparents I am sure its going to be a big one. Lima Beanz might be excited too, I think it appears that he refuses to shave until the big day though, so its hard to see him smiling underneath all that manly facial hair.
Soon Veterans Stadium will gone. It will just remain in pictures and us old people when we tell people how things used to be. Back in the day when the Eagles and Phillies resided in the same stadium and all the football players that came to down tore their knees up on the horrible surface.
One story ends, one begins. They both will happen with in the same month of each other or so. The two events coincide. Criss-cross. Baby Beanzie is born, Veterans Stadium is destroyed. Criss-cross. Time is surely against one and for the other. It won’t be long now before the deafening constant screams of another infant child are heard or the sound of a steal ball smashing apart concrete fills echoes through the air.
Friday, August 01, 2003
“The Article Where Tucker Writes About Wawa, but Can’t Think of an Article Title”
So somewhat recently I was at the Sterling Wawa I had purchased a Daily News and pack of gum. They were impulse items after tapping MAC machine. LIZA and I were going to the casinos that night, and oddly enough, the register seemed to know my destination for the night. It made CHA CHING sound, like the many quarters, I would lose later that night. I figured perhaps it was a cash registers with eerie powers that would accurately predict the customers night.
It wasn’t until I went there again when I started hearing laser sounds as I was being rang up. Bleep, bleep, bleep. It sounds like something out of a bad Sci-fi movie. Some other confusing and equally high pitch sounds follow. Apparently, this is part of the new fancy technology that Wawa is getting themselves into. I have a few theories on what reasons they have for this. Perhaps an inside peak on what went on at the marketing meetings.
1. They want people to have fun why they are spending money.
2. They want to annoy the living piss out of their employees
3. They are giving us Cancer
4. The “laser” sounds make us spend more, and grab other items.
5. I have gone totally insane and there are no laser sounds
6. The machines are starting to give warning signs about their rise to power
7. It’s the government trying out “Alien” technology
So somewhat recently I was at the Sterling Wawa I had purchased a Daily News and pack of gum. They were impulse items after tapping MAC machine. LIZA and I were going to the casinos that night, and oddly enough, the register seemed to know my destination for the night. It made CHA CHING sound, like the many quarters, I would lose later that night. I figured perhaps it was a cash registers with eerie powers that would accurately predict the customers night.
It wasn’t until I went there again when I started hearing laser sounds as I was being rang up. Bleep, bleep, bleep. It sounds like something out of a bad Sci-fi movie. Some other confusing and equally high pitch sounds follow. Apparently, this is part of the new fancy technology that Wawa is getting themselves into. I have a few theories on what reasons they have for this. Perhaps an inside peak on what went on at the marketing meetings.
1. They want people to have fun why they are spending money.
2. They want to annoy the living piss out of their employees
3. They are giving us Cancer
4. The “laser” sounds make us spend more, and grab other items.
5. I have gone totally insane and there are no laser sounds
6. The machines are starting to give warning signs about their rise to power
7. It’s the government trying out “Alien” technology
Thursday, July 31, 2003
“Inside the Trunk”
So I decided to prevent the tempo (my car) from reaching the level of neglect as Duke’s apartment and cleaned out the interior earlier today. This was an exciting way to start my vacation let me tell you.
The car had become quite an embarrassment, several half drank beverages littered the car from various trips to the beach. I also came across many water-damaged items from one of the dozens of times I nonchalantly left my widows down during torrential downpours. These items ranged from a program for my graduation, to mildly important car documentations. I also had a rather large of worthless receipts, and a two-week-old Daily News.
After sucking up all the dirt on the inside of the car I decided that it was time to clean the trunk out for the first time in I don’t know how long. I started by removing the duck blanket used for the beach. I discovered I likely have enough sand in my trunk to justify requiring beach tags for anyone who goes for a spin in the tempo.
I also discovered some severally damaged textbooks that from Rowan that I never sold back. Marketing, Advertising, and Public Relations. They are no going in transit to decay next to the ORIGINAL seats of Veterans Stadium in a South Jersey landfill somewhere. If you want the Public Relations book you can purchase it at the Rowan bookstore. It costs more than a Lobster Dinner. If you have trouble finding it look under the fiction section. If it isn’t there it can certainly be found on the worthless major shelf. Highly recommended for anyone that doesn’t want to land a job were you are actually paid a salary.
I also found an ice scraper that had been buried in the back during the entire brutal winter that just passed. It was truly like looking through times in my life. There was a hanger in there from god knows when. There was Derek Plante’s autograph from one of the first NJF’s and the birth of the Skatezone. Its value rivials the PR book. I also found some random pieces of metal that may or may not be important to my car. A long piece left over from when I got rear ended in 2000.
I found Ed’s old email, a Spanish flash card for the park. It must have been during the time when I actually tried learning the language. However, the best find was an items that I brought over from my old car, the escort. I am sure it made sense to me why I did it at the time. The first item was a bottle of cologne from Dan K. that he left in my first car after a night out at Hot Shots. It was before Dan K. met his girl and we were undoubtly on the prowl I am sure. Of course, our inept pool playing and jokes no one thinks is funny but us would have likely scared them off anyway. The other item it as Peanut crunch bar. This item dates back to my street hockey playing days at Sterling. It was from Junior Year. Making it six years old. I am surprised it didn’t stand up and slap me in the face.
So I decided to prevent the tempo (my car) from reaching the level of neglect as Duke’s apartment and cleaned out the interior earlier today. This was an exciting way to start my vacation let me tell you.
The car had become quite an embarrassment, several half drank beverages littered the car from various trips to the beach. I also came across many water-damaged items from one of the dozens of times I nonchalantly left my widows down during torrential downpours. These items ranged from a program for my graduation, to mildly important car documentations. I also had a rather large of worthless receipts, and a two-week-old Daily News.
After sucking up all the dirt on the inside of the car I decided that it was time to clean the trunk out for the first time in I don’t know how long. I started by removing the duck blanket used for the beach. I discovered I likely have enough sand in my trunk to justify requiring beach tags for anyone who goes for a spin in the tempo.
I also discovered some severally damaged textbooks that from Rowan that I never sold back. Marketing, Advertising, and Public Relations. They are no going in transit to decay next to the ORIGINAL seats of Veterans Stadium in a South Jersey landfill somewhere. If you want the Public Relations book you can purchase it at the Rowan bookstore. It costs more than a Lobster Dinner. If you have trouble finding it look under the fiction section. If it isn’t there it can certainly be found on the worthless major shelf. Highly recommended for anyone that doesn’t want to land a job were you are actually paid a salary.
I also found an ice scraper that had been buried in the back during the entire brutal winter that just passed. It was truly like looking through times in my life. There was a hanger in there from god knows when. There was Derek Plante’s autograph from one of the first NJF’s and the birth of the Skatezone. Its value rivials the PR book. I also found some random pieces of metal that may or may not be important to my car. A long piece left over from when I got rear ended in 2000.
I found Ed’s old email, a Spanish flash card for the park. It must have been during the time when I actually tried learning the language. However, the best find was an items that I brought over from my old car, the escort. I am sure it made sense to me why I did it at the time. The first item was a bottle of cologne from Dan K. that he left in my first car after a night out at Hot Shots. It was before Dan K. met his girl and we were undoubtly on the prowl I am sure. Of course, our inept pool playing and jokes no one thinks is funny but us would have likely scared them off anyway. The other item it as Peanut crunch bar. This item dates back to my street hockey playing days at Sterling. It was from Junior Year. Making it six years old. I am surprised it didn’t stand up and slap me in the face.
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
“Tucker’s Goals"
I am going on vacation for week and some days starting Wednesday night 9:30 ish. I am setting myself some goals. We can all see if I actually meet any of them. I hope to clean up.
1. Go to Dowrny park with LIZA, and have a good time. Also not to scream like a little girl or piss myself on any of the scary roller coasters.
2. Hang out at Rich and Rob’s apartment in Collingswood
3. Send out 10 resumes
4. Go to a baseball game, whether it be Riversharks (never been) or a Phillies game (doubtful due to the fact they are on the road most my vacation)
5. See if I can get drunk Keith to come out of his almost half of a year hiatus.
6. Go power sailing
7. Go fishing and hopefully actually catch something.
8. Watch movies with Drew and than over analyze them to the point that we prove we are both complete nerds by dissecting an entertainment form to make us sound intelligent.
9. Go to a little place called Starview Diner
10. Go to the beach
11. Convince Lima Beanz and Jenna to name their child Vern
12. Talk about going to New York City, actually make an effort to get a big group of people to go (an excited about it) touring the big apple, then not actually go.
13. Go swimming in my pool between rain showers.
14. Do something “cool and adventurous” with Steve.
15. See TRAP practice
16. Eat a good hoagie
17. Get a Crew miniature golf night going.
18. Call Tom Tulish
19. Wash the Tempo
20. Enjoy my time with LIZA before she starts school again
21. Become blood brothers with my best friend Lima Beanz.
Okay so I am not serious about the last one, but I am open for suggestions what would be a good use of my free time. As long as its with in reason you can email me suggestions and perhaps I will blog about the event. Of course no one ever emails me with anything for this blog.
I am going on vacation for week and some days starting Wednesday night 9:30 ish. I am setting myself some goals. We can all see if I actually meet any of them. I hope to clean up.
1. Go to Dowrny park with LIZA, and have a good time. Also not to scream like a little girl or piss myself on any of the scary roller coasters.
2. Hang out at Rich and Rob’s apartment in Collingswood
3. Send out 10 resumes
4. Go to a baseball game, whether it be Riversharks (never been) or a Phillies game (doubtful due to the fact they are on the road most my vacation)
5. See if I can get drunk Keith to come out of his almost half of a year hiatus.
6. Go power sailing
7. Go fishing and hopefully actually catch something.
8. Watch movies with Drew and than over analyze them to the point that we prove we are both complete nerds by dissecting an entertainment form to make us sound intelligent.
9. Go to a little place called Starview Diner
10. Go to the beach
11. Convince Lima Beanz and Jenna to name their child Vern
12. Talk about going to New York City, actually make an effort to get a big group of people to go (an excited about it) touring the big apple, then not actually go.
13. Go swimming in my pool between rain showers.
14. Do something “cool and adventurous” with Steve.
15. See TRAP practice
16. Eat a good hoagie
17. Get a Crew miniature golf night going.
18. Call Tom Tulish
19. Wash the Tempo
20. Enjoy my time with LIZA before she starts school again
21. Become blood brothers with my best friend Lima Beanz.
Okay so I am not serious about the last one, but I am open for suggestions what would be a good use of my free time. As long as its with in reason you can email me suggestions and perhaps I will blog about the event. Of course no one ever emails me with anything for this blog.
Monday, July 28, 2003
“Dan K. Goes Legit ”
Dan K. finally came to his senses and put a ring on the finger of his long time girlfriend his past weekend. Dan has been with Jessica since the summer after we graduated highschool (1998). That is an insanely long amount of time by my standards. I cant even imagine. I think that’s even longer than he has had that festering foot fungus which may or may not be slowly devouring his foot.
It’s about time Dan realized she might be part of a select few that will put up with his miserable persona and constant black cloud that he drags around with him everywhere he goes. Jessica certainly put up with quite a bit over the years. Dan even dedicated a day in which he purposely avoided contact with her. It was Friday nights that became known as No Jessica Fridays, or NJF. Dan and the entire crew (before the infamous yet vague falling out) would go out to dinner and spend insane amounts of money. Most times we would than go to a bar, and Dan would tell us why no girls want to hook up with us and point out all our faults until we all wanted to die.
Dan plans to wed in October 2004 which give him slightly over a year to google search his wedding plans. I am predicting perhaps the first ever chat room bachelor party in this history of the free world.
I see very little of Dan K. these days due to his pure hatred for humanity. Despite the fact that he has lived the life of a married man for about four years its still big news that is finally going to make it legit. It seems just like yesterday Dan K was trying to glue me to my seat in grade school. I am happy for him and hope his marriage is a long and healthy one. I am sure all my readers who mostly only know him in his cartoonish form in Tucker's World are happy for a complete and total stranger.
I am not supposed to make this public knowledge but he plans to ask Drew to be his best man when they go out to the bars tonight. Maybe if I have time I will come up with a quick list of classic Dan K. stories. Unfortunately there are very few recent ones, since he is bunkered down in his apartment praying that the world will end soon.
Dan K. finally came to his senses and put a ring on the finger of his long time girlfriend his past weekend. Dan has been with Jessica since the summer after we graduated highschool (1998). That is an insanely long amount of time by my standards. I cant even imagine. I think that’s even longer than he has had that festering foot fungus which may or may not be slowly devouring his foot.
It’s about time Dan realized she might be part of a select few that will put up with his miserable persona and constant black cloud that he drags around with him everywhere he goes. Jessica certainly put up with quite a bit over the years. Dan even dedicated a day in which he purposely avoided contact with her. It was Friday nights that became known as No Jessica Fridays, or NJF. Dan and the entire crew (before the infamous yet vague falling out) would go out to dinner and spend insane amounts of money. Most times we would than go to a bar, and Dan would tell us why no girls want to hook up with us and point out all our faults until we all wanted to die.
Dan plans to wed in October 2004 which give him slightly over a year to google search his wedding plans. I am predicting perhaps the first ever chat room bachelor party in this history of the free world.
I see very little of Dan K. these days due to his pure hatred for humanity. Despite the fact that he has lived the life of a married man for about four years its still big news that is finally going to make it legit. It seems just like yesterday Dan K was trying to glue me to my seat in grade school. I am happy for him and hope his marriage is a long and healthy one. I am sure all my readers who mostly only know him in his cartoonish form in Tucker's World are happy for a complete and total stranger.
I am not supposed to make this public knowledge but he plans to ask Drew to be his best man when they go out to the bars tonight. Maybe if I have time I will come up with a quick list of classic Dan K. stories. Unfortunately there are very few recent ones, since he is bunkered down in his apartment praying that the world will end soon.
Friday, July 25, 2003
"Tucker Takes a Stand"
I am going to use my blog no one reads to defend some movies I loved that everyone else hates. Trust me I could write an entire blog dedicated to this.
The Beach (2000)
Many people boycotted this movie because of Leonardo DiCaprio, and if you look at the poster you might have thought it was a chick flick. After Titanic was made it was as if “This Boy’s Life”, and the “Basketball Dairies” never existed. However with most sheepish movie watchers they cant recall anything that was released before without having a tie in with a fast-food restaurant for its release.
The hordes of hot young girls that came out to see this Leo film hated it, because he played bit of a prick. The movie explored the dark side of humanity, and dealt with violence, betrayal, drugs, murder and exploited paradise. The scenery of the film is worth a visit alone especially if you have one of those HDTV thingies.
The basic premise revolves around a traveler (Leo) who meets up with a French couple who have a map to this supposed hidden beach. Once they get there they find a miniature civilization inhabiting it. However paradise isn’t all its cracked up to be, and it doesn’t help that Leo makes googly eyes at the French chick. To make matters worse some weeded up friends Leo made before seating sail show up uninvited and draw too much attention to the hidden beach when they stop off to frolic in a bunch of hemp plants.
Could you still enjoy paradise and keep it a secret if it meant betraying someone who loves you? Letting someone die a painful death so you can fish and play volleyball all day? Don’t this people ever get sun poisoning?
Okay I really didn’t make the movie sound all that amazing but the movie really does explore how humanity is underneath it all. Its tendency to exploit the pure, and how each person is ultimately out for themselves despite putting up phony front to lead on that they are better people. Pay attention to how the movie’s tone shifts three times, and wonderfully so.
Ironically (or shamlessly) to date this is the only Danny Boyle (not the defenseman for the Lightening) movie that I liked. The most Americanized mainstream of them all with a Hollywood a celebrity in the lead. However I would take Leo over Ewen any day(not in a gay way). Poor Leo got a bad rap from Titanic. Guys should get over their homophobia and check out some of his work.
Superman III (1983)
Richard Donner who directed the first in the series was fired before Superman II was finished filming. So Richard Lester was hired to finish the film and credited with directing it despite only shooting about 30 percent of the movie. The fallout from the producers was so bad that Gene Hackman refused to shoot anything for Lester, and Margot Kidder returned highly disgruntled. Both actors were “punished” by being written out of the third installment of the man of steal with Lester again in the director’s seat. Lois Lane (Kidder) was only at the start and very end of the film, so Lana Lang (clarke’s highschool love interest) was brought back into the storyline. Hackman was gone all together and a new character Ross Webster (played by B-actor Robert Vaughn) was the villain playing a rich guy who was evil.
Lester for whatever reason decided to crank the camp level up in this one big time. The movie certainly didn’t take itself as seriously as the first two. I might even offer suggestion to skip the “slapstick” opening credit sequence which was way out of place and horribly unfunny (unless your 6).
The fact that Richard Pryor joined the cast for III didn’t sit well with most fans of the first two movies. Espeically since he pretty much the films central character, and go almost more screen time than Superman himself. Christopher Reeve and Pryor have little screen time together, because there seem to be two separate stories going on here that don’t run into each other until the climax of the film. On one hand we get to see an unemployed Pryor realize he is better at computers than Dan K. Hemphill and hack into every computer he can get his hands on. He steals every half penny he can find and puts into his account (like in Office Space). Of course he buys a nice car and draws far too much attention to himself, So his EVIL boss wants him to use computers to control the weather,send oil tankers to the middle of the ocean for no reason to drive up gas prices, and find out the how to make Kryptonite to try to keep Superman from meddling in their plans. Eventually he gets to make the “ultimate” computer which starts to become a living organism. Kind of like DEATH BY MACHINES. I love the scene when Pryor is there for a fight ofter the gasoline shortage. Watching the gradual corruption of his character should have been played on more.
Meanwhile Clark Kent goes back to Smallville to write about his high school reunion. He finds time to take Lana and her kid out for picnics while stopping fires, and saving her kid from getting mowed over. Pretty productive trip. The best part of the film is when Pryor finally finds out how to make Kryptonite (sort of he makes up part of its components). Instead of killing him his new form makes Superman into a SUPERJERK. He would rather hump than save people from falling to their death. He doesn’t shave, and goes drinking in the middle of the afternoon.. How can you not get a kick out of when he flicks peanuts at the liquor bottles? He also breaking messing up Oil tankers and landmarks that would land him in the terrorist card deck. Eventually the good and evil split and its Superman vs Clark Kent which makes for some trippy scenes, and some of Reeves best work in the serious playing the two different characters at once. This effect is done pretty well for 1983.
I will admit the movie was PR tactic to make people forget Pryor had recently set himself on fire smoking crack (his burn scars are evident in early scenes). I also wish Richard Lestor wasn’t such a cornball and stopping the story for jokes. There should also be a law against featuring video games shamlessly (I wanted to hurt Lester for this) trying to play it off part of the film. Scenes like Pryor falling off a huge skyscraper and just shrugging it off (we were all worried about Lois in part I that high up!), creepy sexual energy looming in the air, poor cinematography, a watered down music score, random goofy jokes inserted, and referencing a deleted scene should have been corrected before it took flight. Sure, it resulted in the death of the franchise for the most part, and I should like it given the back-story of the film, but it’s a fun ride.
A side note, Richard Donner actually directed Richard Pryor in the far whackier “The Toy”.
The Frighteners (1996)
Okay I would watch anything with Michael J Fox. I always thought he had the ablitly to make a mediocre film watchable with his likeable and often humorous screen presence. The movie For Love or For Money worked mainly because his ablitiy to get an audience to root for him, and his dry comic timing.
This movie was hated mostly because it had more plot holes than my blog has typos. Also because it was a lot darker in nature for most Fox fans. Directed by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings guy) the first half of the film is almost like a comedy despite the goolish opening. Fox plays a con man who can see the living dead after a car accident years ago. He teams up with some friendly ghosts to set up a scam. They hunt people, he comes and rids them of the “evil” presence. Fox has a death wish would seem, and drives with less car than Lima Beanz from Top Dog that one night.
However all is not well, because an evil sprit known as the sole collecter comes to town. He is dressed as the reaper and wants to take peoples souls away. He can also kill the living dead (people can choice to be free roaming aberrations apparently instead of heaven or hell for a couple of years anyway). So everyone is in danger including Fox and his ghost friends. The soul collector starts getting amusement by taking out people people when Fox is around. He always knows whose number is up next, because he can see numbers on their heads.
Add a minor love story, a horribly over bearing creepy FBI agent, a insane woman who went on a killing spree with her boyfriend as a teen and her crazy mother and you got yourself a busy movie. It’s a fun dark ride, and it might bother you too much to figure out some of the logic here and there. I honestly think there was enough material here for AT LEAST two films. The movie moves at such break neck speed that I want it to stop and answer some questions about the concept of the spirit world. I want to see the dead getting a choice to walk around on earth. I wanted to see more of the Con-man routine before all hell broke loose. I wanted to know why Fox’s ghost chasers could age. I wanted to know what Fox’s charcters diet was because he takes a licking and keeps on ticking in this flick!
I remember seeing this movie in theaters with Royce and Ryan who both hated it. I had to pretend I hated it too, when I really liked it. I rented it when it came out on video, taped it off the Stars network years ago, and even bought the DVD for my girlfriend who must be the other person who liked it. I am not usually one to go for this kind of movies, but these one is too fun with all the wall rippling demons for me to dislike. Than again the only Woody Allen movie I saw was the TV one that Fox did.
I think this movie can be defined as a “thrill” ride. I also liked the way the movie went from comedy to dark thriller. If you don’t find all the haunting scenes creepy, the flashback scenes in the hospital are sure to get you.
Sadly the last time we ever get to see Fox in a lead. Also a great music score by Danny Elfman.
The Cable Guy (1996)
Perhaps it was director Ben Stiller coming off as too condescending telling us that too much tv is a bad thing. Perhaps it was how much Jim Carrey made for this movie. Perhaps his core audience couldn’t travel down a dark road with him. Perhaps the story line of a lonely guy obsessing over making a new friend and going to extremes was a better premise for a thriller than a dark comedy. Even though the film almost becomes a thriller at one point. Everyone thinks this movie is bad. Its list on DVD empire under the what were they thinking bin. The Simpsons made a joke about how it almost ruined Jim Carrey’s career. Jeesh! I have to really stand up for this one! I put my movie snob reputation on the line for this one!
Mathew Broderick plays the straight man wonderfully off of Carey. Broderick and the always underrated Jeff Daniels are the only ones that could play off of him. In different fashions granted. Broderick is having lady problems and has to get his own apartment. When his cable guy comes to hook him up he takes a liking to Broderick. The Cable Guy (who never learn his real name) desperately needs a new friend and Broderick could use distraction from his heartbreak, even though he thinks the cable guy is a bit odd. Right from the start the Cable Guy starts jumping steps in the friendship of two dudes, he is already buying him stuff, jumping in on his weekly basketball games, and calling him his best friend. However when Broderick starts getting too creeped out and puts the Cable Guy down on his priority list for his career and girl things get hairy. This is after of course delightfully dark sequences involving Medevil Times in North Jersey, and a hauntingly funny karaoke night. He tries way too hard to be a friend and even is clearly deranged.
Things get out of control and the Cable Guy befriend his girl, which makes everyone think Broderick is the crazy one for not liking him. The only one that is suspicious is good old Jack Black, Broderick’s friend from work who eventually uncovers the Cable Guy’s dark past despite being dicked over the whole movie. How could anyone not like the a movie with porno password in it? Didn’t anyone else find the Ben Stiller sub plot funny? Am I the only one who actually laughed during this movie? Owen Wilson barely could keep a straight face in the darkest part of the movie when he The Cable Guy beats the crap out of him in public bathoom. Watch his face closely.
In addition to a unique story line, we get one of the best mid-90s soundtracks in a film, some actual innovative shots for a comedy and a fairly decent pay off at the end. I don’t think I could have liked the film if Broderick had not gotten to take a swing at the Cable Guy. This movie is great and I will defend it till the day I die. Wait...is that a robot on my front lawn? He sure looks friendly I am going to go see what he wants!
:::end transmission::
I am going to use my blog no one reads to defend some movies I loved that everyone else hates. Trust me I could write an entire blog dedicated to this.
The Beach (2000)
Many people boycotted this movie because of Leonardo DiCaprio, and if you look at the poster you might have thought it was a chick flick. After Titanic was made it was as if “This Boy’s Life”, and the “Basketball Dairies” never existed. However with most sheepish movie watchers they cant recall anything that was released before without having a tie in with a fast-food restaurant for its release.
The hordes of hot young girls that came out to see this Leo film hated it, because he played bit of a prick. The movie explored the dark side of humanity, and dealt with violence, betrayal, drugs, murder and exploited paradise. The scenery of the film is worth a visit alone especially if you have one of those HDTV thingies.
The basic premise revolves around a traveler (Leo) who meets up with a French couple who have a map to this supposed hidden beach. Once they get there they find a miniature civilization inhabiting it. However paradise isn’t all its cracked up to be, and it doesn’t help that Leo makes googly eyes at the French chick. To make matters worse some weeded up friends Leo made before seating sail show up uninvited and draw too much attention to the hidden beach when they stop off to frolic in a bunch of hemp plants.
Could you still enjoy paradise and keep it a secret if it meant betraying someone who loves you? Letting someone die a painful death so you can fish and play volleyball all day? Don’t this people ever get sun poisoning?
Okay I really didn’t make the movie sound all that amazing but the movie really does explore how humanity is underneath it all. Its tendency to exploit the pure, and how each person is ultimately out for themselves despite putting up phony front to lead on that they are better people. Pay attention to how the movie’s tone shifts three times, and wonderfully so.
Ironically (or shamlessly) to date this is the only Danny Boyle (not the defenseman for the Lightening) movie that I liked. The most Americanized mainstream of them all with a Hollywood a celebrity in the lead. However I would take Leo over Ewen any day(not in a gay way). Poor Leo got a bad rap from Titanic. Guys should get over their homophobia and check out some of his work.
Superman III (1983)
Richard Donner who directed the first in the series was fired before Superman II was finished filming. So Richard Lester was hired to finish the film and credited with directing it despite only shooting about 30 percent of the movie. The fallout from the producers was so bad that Gene Hackman refused to shoot anything for Lester, and Margot Kidder returned highly disgruntled. Both actors were “punished” by being written out of the third installment of the man of steal with Lester again in the director’s seat. Lois Lane (Kidder) was only at the start and very end of the film, so Lana Lang (clarke’s highschool love interest) was brought back into the storyline. Hackman was gone all together and a new character Ross Webster (played by B-actor Robert Vaughn) was the villain playing a rich guy who was evil.
Lester for whatever reason decided to crank the camp level up in this one big time. The movie certainly didn’t take itself as seriously as the first two. I might even offer suggestion to skip the “slapstick” opening credit sequence which was way out of place and horribly unfunny (unless your 6).
The fact that Richard Pryor joined the cast for III didn’t sit well with most fans of the first two movies. Espeically since he pretty much the films central character, and go almost more screen time than Superman himself. Christopher Reeve and Pryor have little screen time together, because there seem to be two separate stories going on here that don’t run into each other until the climax of the film. On one hand we get to see an unemployed Pryor realize he is better at computers than Dan K. Hemphill and hack into every computer he can get his hands on. He steals every half penny he can find and puts into his account (like in Office Space). Of course he buys a nice car and draws far too much attention to himself, So his EVIL boss wants him to use computers to control the weather,send oil tankers to the middle of the ocean for no reason to drive up gas prices, and find out the how to make Kryptonite to try to keep Superman from meddling in their plans. Eventually he gets to make the “ultimate” computer which starts to become a living organism. Kind of like DEATH BY MACHINES. I love the scene when Pryor is there for a fight ofter the gasoline shortage. Watching the gradual corruption of his character should have been played on more.
Meanwhile Clark Kent goes back to Smallville to write about his high school reunion. He finds time to take Lana and her kid out for picnics while stopping fires, and saving her kid from getting mowed over. Pretty productive trip. The best part of the film is when Pryor finally finds out how to make Kryptonite (sort of he makes up part of its components). Instead of killing him his new form makes Superman into a SUPERJERK. He would rather hump than save people from falling to their death. He doesn’t shave, and goes drinking in the middle of the afternoon.. How can you not get a kick out of when he flicks peanuts at the liquor bottles? He also breaking messing up Oil tankers and landmarks that would land him in the terrorist card deck. Eventually the good and evil split and its Superman vs Clark Kent which makes for some trippy scenes, and some of Reeves best work in the serious playing the two different characters at once. This effect is done pretty well for 1983.
I will admit the movie was PR tactic to make people forget Pryor had recently set himself on fire smoking crack (his burn scars are evident in early scenes). I also wish Richard Lestor wasn’t such a cornball and stopping the story for jokes. There should also be a law against featuring video games shamlessly (I wanted to hurt Lester for this) trying to play it off part of the film. Scenes like Pryor falling off a huge skyscraper and just shrugging it off (we were all worried about Lois in part I that high up!), creepy sexual energy looming in the air, poor cinematography, a watered down music score, random goofy jokes inserted, and referencing a deleted scene should have been corrected before it took flight. Sure, it resulted in the death of the franchise for the most part, and I should like it given the back-story of the film, but it’s a fun ride.
A side note, Richard Donner actually directed Richard Pryor in the far whackier “The Toy”.
The Frighteners (1996)
Okay I would watch anything with Michael J Fox. I always thought he had the ablitly to make a mediocre film watchable with his likeable and often humorous screen presence. The movie For Love or For Money worked mainly because his ablitiy to get an audience to root for him, and his dry comic timing.
This movie was hated mostly because it had more plot holes than my blog has typos. Also because it was a lot darker in nature for most Fox fans. Directed by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings guy) the first half of the film is almost like a comedy despite the goolish opening. Fox plays a con man who can see the living dead after a car accident years ago. He teams up with some friendly ghosts to set up a scam. They hunt people, he comes and rids them of the “evil” presence. Fox has a death wish would seem, and drives with less car than Lima Beanz from Top Dog that one night.
However all is not well, because an evil sprit known as the sole collecter comes to town. He is dressed as the reaper and wants to take peoples souls away. He can also kill the living dead (people can choice to be free roaming aberrations apparently instead of heaven or hell for a couple of years anyway). So everyone is in danger including Fox and his ghost friends. The soul collector starts getting amusement by taking out people people when Fox is around. He always knows whose number is up next, because he can see numbers on their heads.
Add a minor love story, a horribly over bearing creepy FBI agent, a insane woman who went on a killing spree with her boyfriend as a teen and her crazy mother and you got yourself a busy movie. It’s a fun dark ride, and it might bother you too much to figure out some of the logic here and there. I honestly think there was enough material here for AT LEAST two films. The movie moves at such break neck speed that I want it to stop and answer some questions about the concept of the spirit world. I want to see the dead getting a choice to walk around on earth. I wanted to see more of the Con-man routine before all hell broke loose. I wanted to know why Fox’s ghost chasers could age. I wanted to know what Fox’s charcters diet was because he takes a licking and keeps on ticking in this flick!
I remember seeing this movie in theaters with Royce and Ryan who both hated it. I had to pretend I hated it too, when I really liked it. I rented it when it came out on video, taped it off the Stars network years ago, and even bought the DVD for my girlfriend who must be the other person who liked it. I am not usually one to go for this kind of movies, but these one is too fun with all the wall rippling demons for me to dislike. Than again the only Woody Allen movie I saw was the TV one that Fox did.
I think this movie can be defined as a “thrill” ride. I also liked the way the movie went from comedy to dark thriller. If you don’t find all the haunting scenes creepy, the flashback scenes in the hospital are sure to get you.
Sadly the last time we ever get to see Fox in a lead. Also a great music score by Danny Elfman.
The Cable Guy (1996)
Perhaps it was director Ben Stiller coming off as too condescending telling us that too much tv is a bad thing. Perhaps it was how much Jim Carrey made for this movie. Perhaps his core audience couldn’t travel down a dark road with him. Perhaps the story line of a lonely guy obsessing over making a new friend and going to extremes was a better premise for a thriller than a dark comedy. Even though the film almost becomes a thriller at one point. Everyone thinks this movie is bad. Its list on DVD empire under the what were they thinking bin. The Simpsons made a joke about how it almost ruined Jim Carrey’s career. Jeesh! I have to really stand up for this one! I put my movie snob reputation on the line for this one!
Mathew Broderick plays the straight man wonderfully off of Carey. Broderick and the always underrated Jeff Daniels are the only ones that could play off of him. In different fashions granted. Broderick is having lady problems and has to get his own apartment. When his cable guy comes to hook him up he takes a liking to Broderick. The Cable Guy (who never learn his real name) desperately needs a new friend and Broderick could use distraction from his heartbreak, even though he thinks the cable guy is a bit odd. Right from the start the Cable Guy starts jumping steps in the friendship of two dudes, he is already buying him stuff, jumping in on his weekly basketball games, and calling him his best friend. However when Broderick starts getting too creeped out and puts the Cable Guy down on his priority list for his career and girl things get hairy. This is after of course delightfully dark sequences involving Medevil Times in North Jersey, and a hauntingly funny karaoke night. He tries way too hard to be a friend and even is clearly deranged.
Things get out of control and the Cable Guy befriend his girl, which makes everyone think Broderick is the crazy one for not liking him. The only one that is suspicious is good old Jack Black, Broderick’s friend from work who eventually uncovers the Cable Guy’s dark past despite being dicked over the whole movie. How could anyone not like the a movie with porno password in it? Didn’t anyone else find the Ben Stiller sub plot funny? Am I the only one who actually laughed during this movie? Owen Wilson barely could keep a straight face in the darkest part of the movie when he The Cable Guy beats the crap out of him in public bathoom. Watch his face closely.
In addition to a unique story line, we get one of the best mid-90s soundtracks in a film, some actual innovative shots for a comedy and a fairly decent pay off at the end. I don’t think I could have liked the film if Broderick had not gotten to take a swing at the Cable Guy. This movie is great and I will defend it till the day I die. Wait...is that a robot on my front lawn? He sure looks friendly I am going to go see what he wants!
:::end transmission::
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