Saturday, June 28, 2003

If you recall Ed has written for Tucker's World many times before. Here is what he thinks of the war a few months after the fact.

"The War After"


The After Action Report

The war went well for coalition forces. Just about all of the mission objectives were met. The conflict was short. Casualties were relativly low on both sides. Oil wells were captured undamaged. The Iraqi infrastructure was saved from devastation and the cities kept intact. The Shites haven't risen up against the Sunnis in a bloody war of retribution. WMDs weren't used. But most importantly Saddam Hussein and in criminal gang of thugs were removed from power. And though he and his spawn are still on the loose, and I believe alive, I have high hopes of his eventual capture.

There's something everybody needs to know about this war. It's not over. Although it was very dramatic and riveting, the conventional phase or 'major combat' has concluded, that was the easy part. The new phase is far more difficult. Identifying and destroying enemy tanks and uniformed troops is something our armed forces specializes. But now missions are shifting from conventional warfare to SASO (Stability and Security Operations) missions.

The premise behind these operations is based on two philosophies. The first is that our forces have to keep the peace and enforce the rules. It's basically what the conquerors do. Show that you've won and are in charge of things now. The second philosophy is that we have to win the hearts and minds of the people who live in the occupied zone. That basically means that you have to convince the people that you haven't conquered them, but are protecting 'their' best interests, not just your own. The difficulty is that these two goals aren't parallel. The inherently clash with one another. During the Vietnam War the American military told the people that we were on their side. Then we executed suspected communists based on thin evidence, burnt down their ancestoral villages and forced them to relocate to camps where we could 'protect' them. Today civil affairs units concentrate on getting the common man to side with us. These units are made up of linguists, construction engin

I do believe that Hussein is alive and I think that his plan is to hide until Coalition forces have left and then attempt to overthrow the government. He still has supporters and until he is neutralized Iraqi freedom will be in jeporady.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

“Camp Arter”


“Where are the horseshoes?!?” Chris Arter asked peering his head out of a shed. “We don’t even really need to play them, it just always looks better if horse shoes are out. It looks like something is going on!”.

Well if your biggest problem is lack of horseshoes then you must be at Camp Arter in Somerdale. I spend a night there recently after deciding to send my resume to a mortgage company. If I get the job I will sit in an dingy office on the phone all day and talk about mortgages, if I don’t I will remain in my dingy low paying current retail job. If that sounds lame, it is unlike some summer fun out in the Arter’s backyard.

Chris the fun organizer made sure candles were lit and everyone was happy. He was nice enough to fry up some hotdogs wrapped in bacon. He got too caught up playing a complicated baseball came with war veteran Chris Bishop and huge flames shot up out of the grill, but all was good and we happily clogged our arteries. At Camp Arter no one questions why jazz music plays all night long. Unusual for a bunch of people under 25 to be listening to it with out question but par for the course at Camp Arter. Not that I am complaining.

Chris spends a lot of the time on the phone, likely with other potential campers. One potential was his friend Ryan he told him he would attend Camp Arter for sure. Chris could not wait to see him. He kept calling him and got now response.

I played some wiffile-ball and later some badminton. The badminton got increasingly more intense when darkness fell and we decided to start playing with 3 birdies. Anarchy ensued and it could have passed for a deleted scene from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”.

Then it was off to waters sports. We played a game of volleyball with a beach ball, but the ball bounced out on almost every volley. So we decided to play some water basketball. You try to get the beach ball in an inter tube. This can get quite rough at times. A few minor injuries occurred and apparently, the opposing team was utterly confused by the rules. They also never caught on that my team had a player open standing by the net for every offensive play that we made. We than made a huge whirlpool that almost rip out the sides of his pool. We all laughed.

I didn’t really no anyone that played with me, because very few people were introduced(at least not at first). I think that’s Chris’s way of making the campers bond together and make new friends. When I left I thanked Chris, because I left a happy camper. I had some greasy food, a little exercise and memories that will last a lifetime.

Camper Ryan never did report to camp. I wonder if it’s too soon for Christmas in July lights to be up in Philadelphia.

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

“Wasted Mayor”

Local film maker Tommy Avallone who helmed local movies “Wasted Apples” and “Small Kid Tank Top” which played locally in theaters during midnight showings is out for a new career. He is running for mayor of Haddon Heights.

Believe it or not he did everything right and his on the ticket for this fall’s election. He even staged a press conference that the Courier-Post came out to cover when he announced he running for mayor. When asked about the other opponents he said he didn’t know anything about them, but they were going to have know about him. He thinks he can get the youth vote and win the election.

This summer him and his buddies are getting together film “Here’s to Yesterday” due to premier in December at the Cinemark like the pervious two films. There films barely corrhent and filled with inside jokes seem quite popular in this area. Wasted Apples is even available on VHS at Tunes in Voorhees. I thought “Wasted Apples” had some funny parts but wasn’t all that good a film, and oddly enough production values and direction back stepped for last year’s follow up “Small Kid Tank Top” which bordered on the unwatchable. Avallone plans to make a documentary about his run for mayor which could easily be his best work if its played out right.

If this dude wins the election, I am moving to Haddon Heights mark my words!


IF you want to read more this crazy punk kids and their movies and whacky antics go here.
http://www.wastedapples.com/

Monday, June 23, 2003

Okay I have decided to help my readers out and recommend some movies, since I consider myself a student of film and many of my readers have an interest in movies. I will break this feature into 3 parts. The first will be “Classics You Should See”, the 2nd “Movies You Never Heard of, but Should Have”, and “Tucker in Defense of Hated Films”. Most of these films are available on DVD at this point, but you might have to go to netflix because many of them are obscure or older films.


“The Classics You Should See”
Metropolis (1927)

Quite possibly the most well-known non-comedy silent movie second only to Birth of a Nation. Certainly, a film that has can be considered one of the most influential movies of the silent era. The film has been referenced as recently as last year’s Star Wars prequel (although I have yet to pick it out).


The movie may only appeal to people who can tolerate a completely silent film. The movie is visually stunning and includes images that will likely stay with you for a long time. Director Fritz Lang’s peak into the future is eerily accurate in the way that he envisioned the future look of large cities. Thankfully, things haven’t reached the level of bleakness that Lang predicted. Various images such as the zombie like workers droning off to work, and mindlessly changing shift with another group of workers are classic. Each person marches in unison and seem almost robotic. Another image is the bizarre and equally as confusing clock sequence.

The basic plot of the film is the rich are jerks and live above ground, meanwhile the working class toil (underground) mindlessly in dangerous menial jobs. To make matters worse the rich plan to replace them with robots who could do the jobs more efficiently and for less money in the long run.

The film follows the son of the evil dictator who is outraged when he realizes everyone works underground in such horrible conditions. He meets a girl who may or may not be robot and tells his rich evil father off. Some sort of revolution arises and chaos ensues pinning father against son. Now if anyone can actually make sense of anything else of this film they are one-step a head of me. Random things happen with little or no explanation and its hard to tell the difference between robots and humans Some things just seem to come out of left field and are left to interpretation this happens mainly at the start of the film and towards the climax. However, the film can still be appreciated for its symbolism (which comes with repeat viewing I imagine), the haunting images (which lead me to have many whacked out dreams after seeing it)and the remarkable set design. The movie may also appeal to fans of impressionism films, because its one of the first of it’s kind.

It should be noted however that many parts of the film were lost over the years and the recent 2003 release of the film is about as cleaned up as its going to get. Some still images have been inserted where footage is missing. Unfortunately back than when the films were passed around people could just slice and dice when ever they wanted. Another version exists with 80’s hair band music played over it. These is also Japanese cartoon version out there some where.

House of Wax (1954)

I am amazed how many of my friends (if not all of them) have never even heard of this classic horror film. Its one of the few horror movies that still stands up decades after is release. The film was in really early days of Technicolor and was originally presented in 3D which results in a haunted house/ spooky type atmosphere.

The film is about a struggling wax museum one of the owners takes pride in his work(played by the ever so creepy and occasionally mildly flamboyant Vincent Price), and the other one just wants out of the business. The two have squabble, which escalates when the disgruntled partner starts torching the place. Price (Vincent not Mike) is horrified at the thought of his precious wax sculptures being destroyed. He ends up trapped in the museum and left to die in a fiery tomb.

Years later he resurfaces apparently he lived the ordeal, but is horribly disfigured and seemingly crippled. This comes to a surprise to his old friends. He decides to reopen a museum but oddly the sculptures resemble corpses that have been stolen out of the morgue. People start to get suspicious when bodies start to mount. Is it an eerie coincidence or has Vincent Price gone on a heinous killing spree fueled by murderous rage and anger towards those who wronged him. Could these new figures be corpses encased in wax?

The movie is like a roller coaster ride, and highly recommended to any fans of horror films.


Harvey (1960)

Director Frank Kapra has a knack for making a heartwarming comedy that makes you smile and touches on elements of humanity. The basic premise of the Harvey is a bizarre one. The lead played by screen legend Jimmy Stewart has moved in with his sister and niece. Their family was rich so Stewart hasn’t worked a day in his life, but that doesn’t stop him from giving out his generic business card to various strangers.

However, what makes Stewart even more of an odd ball is his best friend is 6 feet tall and a rabbit named Harvey. Apparently, he is pretty confident of his existence since goes to bars and orders drinks for his furry little friend. He introduces him to everyone he sees, and spends the majority of his day making new friends and drinking at the local bar.

His niece thinks he is out of his mind, and is embarrassed when Stewart talks about his rabbit friend. After an embarrassing incident, his sister tries to have him committed, but wackiness starts to happen and they think she needs to be committed.

What is interesting about this film is many people have stern contracting opinions of what the film is really about. Here are some of the options I have come up with.
A. There really is a Harvey
B. Harvey is symbolism of alcoholism
C. Jimmy Stewart is completely insane
D. The movie is pro-alcoholism

Jimmy Stewart is really fun to watch in this performance that is both funny and poignant. He makes you honestly envision a 6 foot rabbit simply by reacting to a nothing. Its amazing how well he this because Harvey never really appears in the film and yet you can use your imagination with the help of Stewart’s acting can tell where the rabbit is allegedly standing. You compare these to today’s actors trying to interact with horrendous CGI creatures and you wonder if they ever saw this film.

Some of the scenes are highly amusing. Stewart carries a jacket around the entire film (I guess in case his friend gets cold) and helps him across a busy street. He gets their images painted and wants to hang it up at home, and is genuinely kind to the people at the mental hospital who think he might be a dangerous nut.

Will his family and friends eventually get fed up and disown him? Does Harvey have to leave his friend to go off to other far off lands? Will drugging up Stewart make him realize Harvey is just a hallucination? Well I am afraid you will have to rent the film my friends. I guarantee you will feel all warm and fuzzy inside and laugh out loud.


The Apartment (1960)

Sadly the only Billy Wilder film I have seen to date. The film stars a very young Jack Lemmon an insurance salesman who wants to make extra money on the side. In order to do these he rents his apartment room out to various co-workers. They use it for parties, poker games, but mainly to hump girls usually cheating on their wives. Things start getting out of hand rather quickly when Lemmon is ousted into the cold New York winter night in order to satisfy his client. However some higher ups in the company start using his apartment which results in him rising up the corporate ladder.

When the CEO calls him in you think he is busted but he just simply wants in on the good deal he is offering the people at his company. Of course there is a love story interweaved through the film Lemmon has a crush on girl who although is charmed by Lemmon is seemingly off the market.

A running gag involves his neighbor’s who think he is some sort of ladies man with all the late night female visitors and all. The direction is crisp and aside from obvious changes in clothes technology (and the fact that is black and white) it seems like it could be just as easily filmed in 2000 as 1960.

The movie has some dark undertones of loneliness and despair. It also explores the ugly side of humanity and some of the key players certainly aren’t anyone you would want to consider a trusted friend. It is also fun to see how Lemmon changes from the start of the film. The film is well acted an holds up perfectly after all these years. Lemmon is as usual a delight, and who couldn’t smile when he starts stringing spaghetti with a tennis racket?

Sunday, June 22, 2003

“Good-bye Roger”


Horrible news in the hockey world this weekend. Horrible for all the fans of the sport everywhere. Former Flyers coach Roger Neilson passed away Saturday morning after a two-year battle with cancer. He was 69. Neilson was fired head coach of the Flyers despite attempts to gather his strength for a comeback. He had coached the team for about 2 years.

He passed away on the day of the NHL draft. The day when many young hopefuls hockey lives begin Roger left. Sadly the draft was just slightly less entertaining than this year’s Cup finals with the two dullest teams ever assembled. I’d of rather saw the Ducks and the Senators than see the Devils hoist the cup for the 3rd time in 9 years. However that’s not the point of the post.

Yesterday Bob Clarke showed what a very classless person he is yet again. What a horrible, terrible heartless piece of shit with no respect for anyone other than himself he can be. The NHL commissioner Bettman announced Roger’s departure from this Earth about and hour and half into the draft. Flyers at this point had already selected their first player. A few minutes later they had another draft pick. At this point almost every other NHL team had something nice to say about the beloved coach. Not Bob Clarke his former boss he didn’t say one word. Zippo. Nothing. Zilch. He was mum, mute, void of remorse or reflection.

Clarke claimed there were no hard feelings and the two remained friends after he fired Neilson. I imagine that is true since Roger didn’t from I know have a mean bone in his body. He was known as the players coach and treated everyone with respect. I am sure it was hard to not only to find out you had cancer but after trying to get back for the good of the team lose your job for almost no reason. However I doubt he held a grudge. He was from what I read a devout Christian who spend his summers over seas running a hockey camp for under prillevaged children. But did Clarke a supposed friend of Roger say one word his recent death? Nope. It was classless and inconsiderate. An absolute disgrace. His phony comments in the paper this morning made me want to vomit. I hope the bad boys at 6 10 WIP and the trouble makers at the Philly Daily News lay into him for this one. Then Clarke can get all mad when they report facts that make him look like an asshole again.


Oh yeah and Clarkie finished off his busy weekend by sending off Marty Murray to the Carolina Hurricanes for a used copy of Slapshot 2 on DVD. This trade I kind of saw coming since Lapointe pretty much took Murray’s roster spot. I hate to see one of the FEW players with heart be shipped away though. It just proves my theory Clarke hates players with any kind of speed or heart. He also doesn’t like it if his players were born anytime after Woodstock.

It’s a shame to lose Roger, but he put a up a good fight. Sadly he didn’t have a family or anything, but I bet his funeral his largely attended. Id imagine he would be all humble about the attention that he will receive. He didn’t like that sort of stuff. He just liked watching hockey all day long, whacky ties, and making a difference with players.


Neilson this past season was an assistant coach for the Senators who fell one game short of making the finals. They might not have gotten that far if it wasn’t for Roger’s inspirational speech before one of the games. Roger’s trademark curly locks were gone and he was frail in appearance however his determination and love for the game were still evident. Sadly it was his last chance to win a Stanley Cup.

He used to frequent Starview Diner quite often during his tenure here. That at the top was my number one stomping ground. I recall one time in particular when he sat at the both next to me and my friends and he was just reading notes and eating a bowl of soup. I really wanted to just go up to him and tell him how much I respected him. What a great coach I thought he was, and how I was confident, he could get the Flyers a Cup with in a year or so. However, for whatever reason I never even said, “Hello, Coach”. I even considered taking the crackers he left by his soup after he left for a cool story to tell. A cooler story would have been if I actually had a conversation with the man. Looking back it was dumb not to. He was loner and I am sure he would have liked to hear a kind word. I always regret not saying anything to Roger that day.

I would imagine Roger is in a better place right now.