“Escape from Pennsylvania”
So LIZA and I went to Dorney Park a few days ago and had a good time despite some minor set backs. Apparently the people in the state of Pennsylvania’s tax money doesn’t really go into the highways all that much. I guess it’s a different culture out there, and they don’t really believe in signs that give you any indication what direction towns direction highways go when you are given the option for an exit. For the most part you are just dumped onto another highway for about 8 miles or so before you can even begin to attempt to rectify and wrong turn that you have made.
What made matters worse on the way there, that Map Quest seems to be under the impression that Dorney Park is located some where in someone’s backyard. Because if you follow the directions that we printed up you end up in a residential community. The theme park located in Allentown, Pennsylvania has one sign on one of the 3 or more highways that seemingly encircle the theme park. If you are in the actual town of Allentown you will notice they don’t bother to direct you in any way to the theme park. This is odd considering in this area we direct people to Wendy’s with a series of signs.
Seeing where as the town of Allentown makes Lawnside look like Stone Harbor I cant imagine why anyone would be in this town other than to go to the theme park. You would think such an obviously poverty strapped down would try to advertise their tourist attraction (we hype Clementon Park!). Dorney might want to make their new slogan SHhhhhhhhhhh. You can stop and ask the locals, be most of them are either just a confused as your or jerks who like to send people from South Jersey in the wrong direction.
Anyway, the trip was good. Our hotel room was nice and affordable, and the park had a lot to offer. Lots of great water rides (and despite Duke’s theory I didn’t see any kids pooping in it, although LIZA both & I considered peeing in the wave pool) some pretty decent roller coasters (although the one that was hyped to death I didn’t get on because it was closed. I guess its trend with me, the same thing happened at Hershey last year) and lots of ducks to feed.
The only trouble we had inside the park was bratty kids, and LIZA thinking it was wrong of me to shoot water at defenseless children. A stinky Mexican dude wore a see through black mess shirt and was annoying. Oh yeah and my A.D.D. kicked when we went down a body slide and I pretty much neglected every DO NOTs that they gave you to do. This resulted in me almost drowning and LIZA having to retrieve my water soaked corpse out of the water. I got up completely blinded and disoriented (since I didn’t not use the proper position) and got off on the wrong side of the slide which made the life guard angrily blow his whistle at me.
Going home proved more difficult when we managed to actually double the amount of time it takes to get from the park to LIZA’s house. I started out driving and we ended up just circling around the theme park again and again, seemingly merging on to highways that didn’t want us out of the Keystone state. By the time we ended up on route 100 (again they didn’t bother to tell us what towns were in what direction) which involved nothing but mountains and farms, I was about to start ragging so Liza took behind the wheel of the Tempo. We actually thought we were in good shape until I noticed we were heading West on an interstate and getting closer to Harrisburg. Again, your only option is to get off the highway and hope for the best. Sometimes it just put you on to just another highway giving you no indication what direction you were heading. It didn’t help that Mapquest told us too take the Scranton/Philadelphia exist which you couldn’t see unless you actually took another exit they didn’t tell you to take. Not to mention the fact that are actually two separate exists (which makes sense since one is west of Allentown and the other is East).
Part of me considered just giving up and starting a new life as a farmer. I would have to call up and tell everyone that I am a Quaker and starting a farm because the highways were too confusing and the people at Map quest are a bunch of jerks.
We had a good time though I am sure both my readers were really hoping I did. Well not Dan K who hates anyone to have a good time.
_________________
“While You Were Out”
Since I have gotten back I have learned
The Terminator is political figure now.
Arnold from Different Stokes is a political figure now.
Duke is involved with some girl either was or still is married.
Duke is a jerk
Royce is actually alive
Tom Tulish has a girlfriend
Sears Outlet hasn’t burned down yet.
There is a propane tank leaking in my yard
Jay’s beard has grown thick enough to that he could disguise himself as terrorist. Perhaps not the best idea if he plans to head north of the border.
Friday, August 08, 2003
Monday, August 04, 2003
“Tucker at the Link”
Well last night was the biggest night in Philadelphia since the sequel to Mannequin started shooting. The building in which the Eagles will call home until the machines kill us all was host for its first event a Soccer game! The building named after a company no one cares about has already been dubbed the Link.
It was the Red Guys vs the Tan Guys, and judging by the way the soccer fans were yelling these teams were good ones. It took me awhile to realize that we were rooting for the Red Guys who won. I read about the game, and it was apparently like a pre-season game. That might not seem too meaningful, but I also heard the losing team all has to go see the movie Gigli.
I get to write this blog with first hand experience, because my Father and I went to see Soccer game and break the Link’s Cherry. The Crew was there too and if you read TERMINUS its amazing no one went to the hospital. Although according to Jenna’s blog I am no longer a crew-member. Being ousted for a next generation crew member?
Anyway, the stadium was absolutely amazing. The field was beautiful, the seats were extra comfortable (space wise too) with little cup holders for the fans, the view over the Philly skyline and Delware river were sweet and wide screen video scoreboards were the cherry on top. They people of the city of brotherly love got their moneys worth. Eagles fans are going to love the view which will be 10 times better than that other building.
Of course there were some minor bugs. My father and I had tickets for the 204 Section, which was incorrectly labeled by the stadium which lead to confusion for us and the employees of the Link. Eventually we figured out that we were in the wrong seats and had to move over to the corner a bit. Unfortunately from the one corner (the real 204) of the field was a bit obstructed. I also heard they ran out of beer (which thankfully didn’t get bloody), French Fries, and the free soda may or may not have been a myth.
I also would like to mention how moronic Eagles fans are, and I don’t understand why people give Flyers fans a hard time. Here are some dumb things said by Eagles fans on 6 10 WIP (sportsradio). I would also finish this one blog by picking a bone (virtually) with Drew go to his comments on TERMINUS, under the Bush bashing title.
1. The stadium was too CLEAN
2. Everyone was just walking around and looking at stuff at the stadium. He was annoyed by this. What a moron. What did he expect?
3. Actually chanted EAGLES for no reason. These are the same idiots who call in April to talk about “The Birds”. These people are jerks.
4. Soccer shouldn’t be played at the Link. Why are we against bringing world class soccer to the city again? Do you know how many people came from far away, and likely spend money on hotels etc. Its great for the City. I am all for a wider sports venue just over the bridge.
5. Tom Cruise went to Cherry Hill East.
6. Because Soccer never caught on in America is because we are just a bunch of jerks. Honestly why does that come off as arrogance? Golf and Hockey are widely accepted and sure as heck weren’t invented in the States. How in the person or persons, animal, intimate object, or lack of a superior beings’ name can you say this is an example of American arrogance? If anyone does anything about the fan base of the sport, over seas they know they obsess to a dangerous level about the sport anyway. Resorting to trying to murder players on teams, and huge riots that make our American ones look tame. Maybe we rejected this sport because of all the crazy uncivilized stuff that goes along with it. Besides that I think its just horribly boring (not to mention hard to market and throw in commercials) sport to watch. Its not like it isn’t one of the most popular sports to play in this area. How many people played soccer? Almost everyone because it’s a cheap sport to play. In South Jersey its huge. My father is head of the South Jersey Hall of fame. It just doesn’t fit into American culture all that well at a spectator sport. However if it will ease tensions across the globe and prevent another terrorist attack we should all get Season Tickets to the Charge, or the Kixx. Anything to show our sensitivity. In fact I would also like to mention now that maybe, we should have gone to all those Yahoo Serious movies back in the early 90s. Lets try to get that big harried lovable louse a comeback special before we hurt any feelings Australians or give a Kangaroo an inferiority complex.
Hard core Eagles fans are idiots. Oh yeah Royce called me earlier today. Not that has anything to do with the Link.
Well last night was the biggest night in Philadelphia since the sequel to Mannequin started shooting. The building in which the Eagles will call home until the machines kill us all was host for its first event a Soccer game! The building named after a company no one cares about has already been dubbed the Link.
It was the Red Guys vs the Tan Guys, and judging by the way the soccer fans were yelling these teams were good ones. It took me awhile to realize that we were rooting for the Red Guys who won. I read about the game, and it was apparently like a pre-season game. That might not seem too meaningful, but I also heard the losing team all has to go see the movie Gigli.
I get to write this blog with first hand experience, because my Father and I went to see Soccer game and break the Link’s Cherry. The Crew was there too and if you read TERMINUS its amazing no one went to the hospital. Although according to Jenna’s blog I am no longer a crew-member. Being ousted for a next generation crew member?
Anyway, the stadium was absolutely amazing. The field was beautiful, the seats were extra comfortable (space wise too) with little cup holders for the fans, the view over the Philly skyline and Delware river were sweet and wide screen video scoreboards were the cherry on top. They people of the city of brotherly love got their moneys worth. Eagles fans are going to love the view which will be 10 times better than that other building.
Of course there were some minor bugs. My father and I had tickets for the 204 Section, which was incorrectly labeled by the stadium which lead to confusion for us and the employees of the Link. Eventually we figured out that we were in the wrong seats and had to move over to the corner a bit. Unfortunately from the one corner (the real 204) of the field was a bit obstructed. I also heard they ran out of beer (which thankfully didn’t get bloody), French Fries, and the free soda may or may not have been a myth.
I also would like to mention how moronic Eagles fans are, and I don’t understand why people give Flyers fans a hard time. Here are some dumb things said by Eagles fans on 6 10 WIP (sportsradio). I would also finish this one blog by picking a bone (virtually) with Drew go to his comments on TERMINUS, under the Bush bashing title.
1. The stadium was too CLEAN
2. Everyone was just walking around and looking at stuff at the stadium. He was annoyed by this. What a moron. What did he expect?
3. Actually chanted EAGLES for no reason. These are the same idiots who call in April to talk about “The Birds”. These people are jerks.
4. Soccer shouldn’t be played at the Link. Why are we against bringing world class soccer to the city again? Do you know how many people came from far away, and likely spend money on hotels etc. Its great for the City. I am all for a wider sports venue just over the bridge.
5. Tom Cruise went to Cherry Hill East.
6. Because Soccer never caught on in America is because we are just a bunch of jerks. Honestly why does that come off as arrogance? Golf and Hockey are widely accepted and sure as heck weren’t invented in the States. How in the person or persons, animal, intimate object, or lack of a superior beings’ name can you say this is an example of American arrogance? If anyone does anything about the fan base of the sport, over seas they know they obsess to a dangerous level about the sport anyway. Resorting to trying to murder players on teams, and huge riots that make our American ones look tame. Maybe we rejected this sport because of all the crazy uncivilized stuff that goes along with it. Besides that I think its just horribly boring (not to mention hard to market and throw in commercials) sport to watch. Its not like it isn’t one of the most popular sports to play in this area. How many people played soccer? Almost everyone because it’s a cheap sport to play. In South Jersey its huge. My father is head of the South Jersey Hall of fame. It just doesn’t fit into American culture all that well at a spectator sport. However if it will ease tensions across the globe and prevent another terrorist attack we should all get Season Tickets to the Charge, or the Kixx. Anything to show our sensitivity. In fact I would also like to mention now that maybe, we should have gone to all those Yahoo Serious movies back in the early 90s. Lets try to get that big harried lovable louse a comeback special before we hurt any feelings Australians or give a Kangaroo an inferiority complex.
Hard core Eagles fans are idiots. Oh yeah Royce called me earlier today. Not that has anything to do with the Link.
Sunday, August 03, 2003
“The Voice is Silent”
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies.(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Stuck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something along those lines. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosion chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought my great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas Doll July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies.(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Stuck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something along those lines. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosion chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought my great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas Doll July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
“The Voice is Silent”
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Struck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something to that effect. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosionsm chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought me great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.
He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Struck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.
Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something to that effect. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosionsm chaos, and more killer rats.
At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.
He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought me great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.
Harry Kalas July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003
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