“OSAMA Where You Been Hiding”
(read that out loud really fast)

Good old Osama has shown up in out lives again. The terrorist mastermind has recently released a new tape. American officials are 99.9 percent sure it’s his voice anyway. Although Tucker’s World predicted that he went the way of NJF and Bill Maher’s career. I hate to be wrong, even more so when it means that this bearded dill-weed is still prancing around the desert. I thought for sure he was killed in the attacks of Torra Borra in December of last year, that was also the last we heard of him.

The message has to be recent because he refers to October events including a series of terrorist attacks. The events referecenced include the bombing of a French oil tanker in Yemen; the explosion that killed some 200 people in Bali, Indonesia, many of them Australian and British tourists; the hostage siege in a Moscow theater; and the assassination of a U.S. diplomat in Jordan. Also if you listen really closely you can hear J Lo’s single Jenny From the Block playing quietly in the background.

What reasons would he have to release the tape now? Perhaps he wanted it was to be released in conjunction with Iraq’s response to letting weapons inspectors in his country. Perhaps this might be a red flag to show their connection is stronger than most people thought. Perhaps he is just getting jealous about all the attention that Saddam is getting. I mean Saddam just got his own video game! Where kids can go in and hunt down the Iraq leader. Maybe he wanted to merchandise with his mug on it in time for the holiday season. If anyone sees rock them sock them robots with Bush vs either Osama or Saddam please have that under my tree Christmas morning.

But seriously loyal readers (both of you) as I type this I’m getting word from one of my sources (the Drudge Report) that the FBI has issued another confidential alert. Supposedly, the threat of spectacular attacks on the US has increased. Sources say they are likely to fall under some of these categories: high symbolic value, mass casualties, severe damage to the U.S. economy, and maximum psychological trauma. Things could get really ugly, and I fear we will see another signifigant attack on our soil. Remember its confidential so don’t tell anyone shhhhhhhh….

The war with Iraq I hear will only last about 3 months or so. If they get this puppy kicked off before Santa slides his ass down the chimneys, we can wrap up in time for February sweeps. The war with Iraq is still up in the air, and anyone who thinks its over most likely has bought a protection agreement before. However many people won't fully support it till they can prove Saddam had something to do with 9/11( even some ultra liberals still wont). I am sure Bush would like to do prove it too. Colin Powell was on TV last night and said they still don’t have direct evidence linking Iraq to the attack on America. Till than Bush will be singing: some day we will find it the al-Qaeda connection…..Colin Powell, John Aschroft and meeeeeeee…la de da da da da de….




note:
the archives have hopefully been fixed for my new readers just look to the left of the screen.

"Hope"

The double doors fly open from the student center. I am greeted by that mid-fall sun. The sun seems reluctant to let the summer heat slip away. But it is simply no match for the crisp autumn air. Even the leafs do a little dance before landing to the ground. Circling around and drifting skyward before ending in just another pile of dead counterparts.

I try to avoid eye contact with a middle aged gentlemen dressed in a long dark overcoat. He is handing out little green books of the new testament. Not that IM anti-Christianity and like the majority of my generation, but I know I will just break my promise to myself to actually read it. It would be better if the words actually reach someone.

However, we make eye contact. I walk towards him, and he leans over and hands me one. His hair gray curled blows in the wind and he just simply nods his head.

"God Bless You"

"T-thank you sir"

I am not sure what the proper response to someone saying that to you is, but that is the best I have came up with so far. I wonder how long it will be before I break this promise. I place it in the outside pouch of my backpack. At the very least, maybe it will serve as a good luck charm. I continue walking away to the center, and not paying much attention to a table set up and a few men in army uniforms standing around it. Pretty ironic to have that next to a man with bibles I thought.

Just as I started walking away from the table. I heard a voice call me name. I looked up at the uniformed men, and had no idea who any of them are. When a black gentlemen about my age came to me, and offered me his hand I figured he was the one that called out his name. Our hands shook and his hand significantly larger than mine and could have fit around my waist.

"You go here now?!!?"

Apparently, I had a class with him back at my old college .

"Yeah for quite awhile. How long have you been in? I didn't even realize"

"I got sucked in a two years ago!" he said followed by a jubilant laugh. "Seriously..it is in my blood. My dad, my uncle, they were all enlisted. My dad even saw some action in Nam. Figure I will got out there, and get Saddam, and get my picture on TIME magazine or some shit.

Now I remember him, after hearing that laugh. You would think he would have lost some that, considered how dangerous it is to be in his field these days. Jesus..what was his name? He than motioned me over, with his large hand. He put his hand on my shoulder and appeared he was about to tell me some sort of secret.

"You know were going in December? Yeah the Iraq thing is set. We are going in."

"Yeah...I saw on the news. Hadn't figured on that early though."

"Boy, don't ya, think there is lotz you don't on the news?" he followed this up by his trademark laugh.

All I could think about the whole time was reading about how heroic he was in the paper. People trying to justify him losing his life at such an early stage. I thought about his mother hearing the news from a complete stranger and totally losing it, or worse yet from he media. His mother just collapsing to the floor. I doubt he ever even thought about anything this dark. I guess I just have a sick mind.

"So, whatcha learning here?"

"How to waste my parents money!" , I said sarcastically. We engaged in some more generic small talk, before we gave each other signals the conversation was over.

"Alright, man..I will talk to you"

"Be safe", I said I as I turned away.
I cramed my hands in my pockets and walked away. The campus kinda looks like a small colony of ants at times. People running back and forth. People just walking to class, people on skate boards, jogging, and socializing. I pass one couple holding hands. The type of couple that obviously have invested so much time, and effort into making sure their partner is the one that a break up would be disastrous. Just two humans completely depended on each other. A break up would have ment the last years were not only a waste of time, but a blockade for meeting the right person. I am not sure if I should feel sorry for them or envy them. Jesus, maybe I should have been a pysch. major.


As I continued to walk, I saw clusters of students frivolously studying. Everyone trying to fill their brain with enough information in order to pass the next test. Some having a moment on their way to something better others just doing it to make it to the next day.

I pass this beautiful Italian girl I used to have a class with. Usually we stop and talk for a little bit, but she is obviously in a hurry. We only say hello to each other. She once told me about all the volunteer work that she does. She honestly just wants to help people. She works at shelters on her own time. Amazing to someone who doesn’t like to hold the door for people.

The clouds moved in now and the sky started to gray. I slowed down to take a look at the sky, when I heard someone call my name. A girl who I had a class with last semester came bouncing down the sidewalk. She came over and gave me a big hug. She has such a youthful face and perfect cute body. She was 19 an in the prime of her sex appeal.

“Check this out!” she handed me a playbill. It was for Romeo and Juliet. Her name was there with big bold letters. I looked at it.

“I got thousands of them if you want to keep it for when I’m famous.” She said. .

“Maybe one night I will be discovered soon, and I wont ever have to open another book. Its going to happen if you want it to, don’t you think?”

“Sure” I said looking at the ground.

I wanted to tell her that the college we go to isn’t exactly the hotbed for becoming and actor and she would be better off perusing something else. Also that many people never become a success at acting. But I didn’t cause it was the cutest thing I heard in years.

We came to another building as we began to walk together.

“ You graduate in May, right?”. She said as we stood facing each other. Such spirit in her in her wide eyes.

“Yeah I do”

“That’s so awesome!.

“Yeah if anyone will hire me! I mean Christ my uncle just got laid off after being with a company for 35 years. it would be awesome if I could just get a company to hire someone like me!”

“Aww…they will .” Shes said sweetly. She could have told me the sky was red in that voice and I would have been reassured. “ But listen I have to go, but we should get together sometime”, she took a pen out and scribbled her number on the playbill. We gave a quick hug, and I got one last smell of her perfume. I never did call her.

“You will be fine!” she said as she disappeared down the sidewalk.

“ I HOPE so” I said…because sometimes I thought to myself that’s all you got.

"Bizarro Tucker's World"

http://www.tuckersworld.com/

This link was emailed to me by Dan K. He said he thought it was a website that I actually made for like 10 minutes. For me it took me five minutes. I felt like Homer Simpson when he found his likeness on a soap box. If you look at the website, there is a jay, a keith, and a Ryan. Apperently some of the best parties were at Ryan's. There is also reference to a town called Glassboro. Strange.


Id imagine in this world Jay and Keith are really good friends. Perhaps this Tucker likes his job. Everyone has girlfriends. No one ever talks about death. This Tucker clearly knows a lot more hot chicks than I do, and Im sure actually gets laid quite often. Dan K. swears he saw Ryan in one of the pictures. Maybe these are his new friends.


"Ding Dong Ralphie's Dead"

Well we all knew this would come one day. At least those of us that watch the Sopranos. The blood thirsty fans finally got their wish when poor ralph was strangled to death by "T". I have a friend at Comcast who actually says she got phone calls from customers asking whent he Sopranos are going to pick up.

I have to say despite the fact that I forsaw his demise before the series ended, I never thought it would have came by the hands of Tony himself. I actually kind felt bad for Ralph in his final show. It was when the plot line showed him trying to redem himself that I knew he was a going to die. That is usually a kiss of death for the guy you love to hate. He is like the Jay of the Soprano world.

I mean he didn't just die. He was chopped up! Tony was just a tad out of line, and broke the rule of bringing harm on to a captain.

Id imagine that many of Tony's captains will think it was a hit by the NYC mob. Things could get ugly the last four shows of the season. Too bad after that we will have to wait till 2010 for season 5. By that point I hope to convert the crew into a powerful mob. I'd like to be the leader but, if I still have singular im not likely to get any phone calls from my workers.


Look for a Flyers update, an entry from a guest host, and perhaps another short story coming up on Tucker's world.