"Tucker Takes a Stand"


I am going to use my blog no one reads to defend some movies I loved that everyone else hates. Trust me I could write an entire blog dedicated to this.

The Beach (2000)

Many people boycotted this movie because of Leonardo DiCaprio, and if you look at the poster you might have thought it was a chick flick. After Titanic was made it was as if “This Boy’s Life”, and the “Basketball Dairies” never existed. However with most sheepish movie watchers they cant recall anything that was released before without having a tie in with a fast-food restaurant for its release.

The hordes of hot young girls that came out to see this Leo film hated it, because he played bit of a prick. The movie explored the dark side of humanity, and dealt with violence, betrayal, drugs, murder and exploited paradise. The scenery of the film is worth a visit alone especially if you have one of those HDTV thingies.

The basic premise revolves around a traveler (Leo) who meets up with a French couple who have a map to this supposed hidden beach. Once they get there they find a miniature civilization inhabiting it. However paradise isn’t all its cracked up to be, and it doesn’t help that Leo makes googly eyes at the French chick. To make matters worse some weeded up friends Leo made before seating sail show up uninvited and draw too much attention to the hidden beach when they stop off to frolic in a bunch of hemp plants.

Could you still enjoy paradise and keep it a secret if it meant betraying someone who loves you? Letting someone die a painful death so you can fish and play volleyball all day? Don’t this people ever get sun poisoning?

Okay I really didn’t make the movie sound all that amazing but the movie really does explore how humanity is underneath it all. Its tendency to exploit the pure, and how each person is ultimately out for themselves despite putting up phony front to lead on that they are better people. Pay attention to how the movie’s tone shifts three times, and wonderfully so.

Ironically (or shamlessly) to date this is the only Danny Boyle (not the defenseman for the Lightening) movie that I liked. The most Americanized mainstream of them all with a Hollywood a celebrity in the lead. However I would take Leo over Ewen any day(not in a gay way). Poor Leo got a bad rap from Titanic. Guys should get over their homophobia and check out some of his work.


Superman III (1983)


Richard Donner who directed the first in the series was fired before Superman II was finished filming. So Richard Lester was hired to finish the film and credited with directing it despite only shooting about 30 percent of the movie. The fallout from the producers was so bad that Gene Hackman refused to shoot anything for Lester, and Margot Kidder returned highly disgruntled. Both actors were “punished” by being written out of the third installment of the man of steal with Lester again in the director’s seat. Lois Lane (Kidder) was only at the start and very end of the film, so Lana Lang (clarke’s highschool love interest) was brought back into the storyline. Hackman was gone all together and a new character Ross Webster (played by B-actor Robert Vaughn) was the villain playing a rich guy who was evil.

Lester for whatever reason decided to crank the camp level up in this one big time. The movie certainly didn’t take itself as seriously as the first two. I might even offer suggestion to skip the “slapstick” opening credit sequence which was way out of place and horribly unfunny (unless your 6).

The fact that Richard Pryor joined the cast for III didn’t sit well with most fans of the first two movies. Espeically since he pretty much the films central character, and go almost more screen time than Superman himself. Christopher Reeve and Pryor have little screen time together, because there seem to be two separate stories going on here that don’t run into each other until the climax of the film. On one hand we get to see an unemployed Pryor realize he is better at computers than Dan K. Hemphill and hack into every computer he can get his hands on. He steals every half penny he can find and puts into his account (like in Office Space). Of course he buys a nice car and draws far too much attention to himself, So his EVIL boss wants him to use computers to control the weather,send oil tankers to the middle of the ocean for no reason to drive up gas prices, and find out the how to make Kryptonite to try to keep Superman from meddling in their plans. Eventually he gets to make the “ultimate” computer which starts to become a living organism. Kind of like DEATH BY MACHINES. I love the scene when Pryor is there for a fight ofter the gasoline shortage. Watching the gradual corruption of his character should have been played on more.

Meanwhile Clark Kent goes back to Smallville to write about his high school reunion. He finds time to take Lana and her kid out for picnics while stopping fires, and saving her kid from getting mowed over. Pretty productive trip. The best part of the film is when Pryor finally finds out how to make Kryptonite (sort of he makes up part of its components). Instead of killing him his new form makes Superman into a SUPERJERK. He would rather hump than save people from falling to their death. He doesn’t shave, and goes drinking in the middle of the afternoon.. How can you not get a kick out of when he flicks peanuts at the liquor bottles? He also breaking messing up Oil tankers and landmarks that would land him in the terrorist card deck. Eventually the good and evil split and its Superman vs Clark Kent which makes for some trippy scenes, and some of Reeves best work in the serious playing the two different characters at once. This effect is done pretty well for 1983.

I will admit the movie was PR tactic to make people forget Pryor had recently set himself on fire smoking crack (his burn scars are evident in early scenes). I also wish Richard Lestor wasn’t such a cornball and stopping the story for jokes. There should also be a law against featuring video games shamlessly (I wanted to hurt Lester for this) trying to play it off part of the film. Scenes like Pryor falling off a huge skyscraper and just shrugging it off (we were all worried about Lois in part I that high up!), creepy sexual energy looming in the air, poor cinematography, a watered down music score, random goofy jokes inserted, and referencing a deleted scene should have been corrected before it took flight. Sure, it resulted in the death of the franchise for the most part, and I should like it given the back-story of the film, but it’s a fun ride.

A side note, Richard Donner actually directed Richard Pryor in the far whackier “The Toy”.


The Frighteners (1996)


Okay I would watch anything with Michael J Fox. I always thought he had the ablitly to make a mediocre film watchable with his likeable and often humorous screen presence. The movie For Love or For Money worked mainly because his ablitiy to get an audience to root for him, and his dry comic timing.

This movie was hated mostly because it had more plot holes than my blog has typos. Also because it was a lot darker in nature for most Fox fans. Directed by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings guy) the first half of the film is almost like a comedy despite the goolish opening. Fox plays a con man who can see the living dead after a car accident years ago. He teams up with some friendly ghosts to set up a scam. They hunt people, he comes and rids them of the “evil” presence. Fox has a death wish would seem, and drives with less car than Lima Beanz from Top Dog that one night.

However all is not well, because an evil sprit known as the sole collecter comes to town. He is dressed as the reaper and wants to take peoples souls away. He can also kill the living dead (people can choice to be free roaming aberrations apparently instead of heaven or hell for a couple of years anyway). So everyone is in danger including Fox and his ghost friends. The soul collector starts getting amusement by taking out people people when Fox is around. He always knows whose number is up next, because he can see numbers on their heads.

Add a minor love story, a horribly over bearing creepy FBI agent, a insane woman who went on a killing spree with her boyfriend as a teen and her crazy mother and you got yourself a busy movie. It’s a fun dark ride, and it might bother you too much to figure out some of the logic here and there. I honestly think there was enough material here for AT LEAST two films. The movie moves at such break neck speed that I want it to stop and answer some questions about the concept of the spirit world. I want to see the dead getting a choice to walk around on earth. I wanted to see more of the Con-man routine before all hell broke loose. I wanted to know why Fox’s ghost chasers could age. I wanted to know what Fox’s charcters diet was because he takes a licking and keeps on ticking in this flick!


I remember seeing this movie in theaters with Royce and Ryan who both hated it. I had to pretend I hated it too, when I really liked it. I rented it when it came out on video, taped it off the Stars network years ago, and even bought the DVD for my girlfriend who must be the other person who liked it. I am not usually one to go for this kind of movies, but these one is too fun with all the wall rippling demons for me to dislike. Than again the only Woody Allen movie I saw was the TV one that Fox did.

I think this movie can be defined as a “thrill” ride. I also liked the way the movie went from comedy to dark thriller. If you don’t find all the haunting scenes creepy, the flashback scenes in the hospital are sure to get you.


Sadly the last time we ever get to see Fox in a lead. Also a great music score by Danny Elfman.



The Cable Guy (1996)


Perhaps it was director Ben Stiller coming off as too condescending telling us that too much tv is a bad thing. Perhaps it was how much Jim Carrey made for this movie. Perhaps his core audience couldn’t travel down a dark road with him. Perhaps the story line of a lonely guy obsessing over making a new friend and going to extremes was a better premise for a thriller than a dark comedy. Even though the film almost becomes a thriller at one point. Everyone thinks this movie is bad. Its list on DVD empire under the what were they thinking bin. The Simpsons made a joke about how it almost ruined Jim Carrey’s career. Jeesh! I have to really stand up for this one! I put my movie snob reputation on the line for this one!

Mathew Broderick plays the straight man wonderfully off of Carey. Broderick and the always underrated Jeff Daniels are the only ones that could play off of him. In different fashions granted. Broderick is having lady problems and has to get his own apartment. When his cable guy comes to hook him up he takes a liking to Broderick. The Cable Guy (who never learn his real name) desperately needs a new friend and Broderick could use distraction from his heartbreak, even though he thinks the cable guy is a bit odd. Right from the start the Cable Guy starts jumping steps in the friendship of two dudes, he is already buying him stuff, jumping in on his weekly basketball games, and calling him his best friend. However when Broderick starts getting too creeped out and puts the Cable Guy down on his priority list for his career and girl things get hairy. This is after of course delightfully dark sequences involving Medevil Times in North Jersey, and a hauntingly funny karaoke night. He tries way too hard to be a friend and even is clearly deranged.

Things get out of control and the Cable Guy befriend his girl, which makes everyone think Broderick is the crazy one for not liking him. The only one that is suspicious is good old Jack Black, Broderick’s friend from work who eventually uncovers the Cable Guy’s dark past despite being dicked over the whole movie. How could anyone not like the a movie with porno password in it? Didn’t anyone else find the Ben Stiller sub plot funny? Am I the only one who actually laughed during this movie? Owen Wilson barely could keep a straight face in the darkest part of the movie when he The Cable Guy beats the crap out of him in public bathoom. Watch his face closely.

In addition to a unique story line, we get one of the best mid-90s soundtracks in a film, some actual innovative shots for a comedy and a fairly decent pay off at the end. I don’t think I could have liked the film if Broderick had not gotten to take a swing at the Cable Guy. This movie is great and I will defend it till the day I die. Wait...is that a robot on my front lawn? He sure looks friendly I am going to go see what he wants!


:::end transmission::

"Empty Seats"


This next season there will be a few different players on the ice for the Flyers, and there will be two new people seating in the seats formerly reserved for my father and I. After 30 something years my family is no longer a season ticket holding family to the Philadelphia Flyers.

I was supposed to get the tickets in my name at one point. However I couldn’t make my dad bare the financial burden against his will for another year waiting for me to be able to afford the tickets. I can’t blame not being entustatic to shell out close to 5 grand to see a team who isn’t remotely close to getting a Stanley Cup. I was supposed to keep on the tradition, but not anymore.

Its not impossible to get season tickets again years down the line since many people are giving up their season tickets. We do plan to pick out some games and purchase tickets to a see certain teams play. However we don’t have to eat 3 pre-season games anymore which aren’t even offered at a discounted price, and we don’t have to waste a night in Philly seeing the Blue jackets play Philly. Someone else can shell out that money to pay Leclair to skate around in a daze now. I guess part is me is glad. I am fearing the new "marketing" plan to make the game more "exciting" for the fans that will take place next season. I mean I go for the hockey, not for some lame ass commercial for a company disguised as a game. I can imagine its going to be annoying.

It will certainly be strange not owning tickets anymore, however that’s the changing face of fans at professional sports. There are more tools that got their tickets for free from a company than there are people who actually give a damn anymore. There were more empty seats at the games last season than any season I can remember. Pretty sad for a team that used to have a waiting list for season tickets.

Many player union people honestly think they are having a work stoppage in 2004, so I guess I can also make this serve as a pre-emptive middle finger to the NHL. Perhaps one day, me and other crew members can split the bill for season tickets, I honestly don’t see this team going anywhere for at least 5 years.

So long section 215. So long fat guy that spills over into my chair. So long annoying kid that sits behind me. So long two drunk chicks that pay no attention to the game. So long FU center.

“Gassing Geese”

They say its because of South Jersey’s love for nice golf courses, various ponds, and larger acres of polished lands that have persuaded Canadian Snow guess to be not so Canadian. Maybe its because we as South Jerseyans refuse to “not feed the waterfowl”. Maybe they just like pooping on our 24 hour dinners, or the taste of contaminated water. Maybe they wanted to be considered American Geese so people would not associate them with Tom Greene. Whatever reason many Geese don’t bother to migrate anymore. They just pretty much stay here all year around. Pooping and eating the food we throw at them.

Brigantine a shore resort just to the North of Atlantic City is number one on the list of disgruntled South Jersey towns who want to geese to get the flock out of here. The state of New Jersey tired to discourage the public from feeding them, because it encourages them to stay, and poop on our belongings. The used fireworks an attempt to spook them. They even contracted a guy that used collies to try to chase them out of public parks. That didn’t work all that well.

So just recently 450 Canadian Geese were gassed to death. Of course treating the little waddling birds like Iraiqis has the animal lovers in an uproar. However, the division of Fish and Wild Life of the FBI approved this feathered genocide. They don’t think there is enough food to go around for all the birds this fall.
I still haven’t figured out how they gassed all these geese.. I wonder if they dressed up a decoy duck to look all hot like Elmer Fudd used to do to hunt Daffy.

Another technique is smashing eggs before the ducks can be born. Sounds like a horrible job. However before you start smashing eggs in hopes the state will show its gratitude by lowering your car insurance I must warn you, you have to be licensed to squish the eggs. The state looks to raise the number of ducks on the death list this fall in attempts to thin the population. So if there is a duck in your neighborhood that you have named, you might want to tell him to fly to Delware or something.

If you think it’s a mean thing to make the ducks meet the reaper, you might want to consider the fact that their crap creates disease. Also I have a source that says they are trying to actively obtain enriched uranium.

This blog written by Dan K, was removed from Tucker's World. Was it the blunder of a certain blogger, or did the Government try to squish his warning and decredit him! FIGHT THE FUTURE DAN K!

"Death by Machines"

The end is near.

Set your alarm clock Keith, because in a few short years, relatively speaking of course, the human race will be a distant memory. We will become nothing more than a fireside chat for some advanced race capable of self-preservation, unlike us. It's in our nature to destroy ourselves.

Am I worried? No. Because you can't change what is so obviously going to occur. You can't change human nature.

I do worry for some of the potential readers of this blog though. It must be nice to live out your lives wearing rose colored glasses, constantly lying to yourselves that you'll die of old age instead of a cataclysmic event of horrible burning death. This is precisely the reason why I'm putting serious thought into leaving my six figure job and becoming a vagabond, wandering the Earth on drugs until the day of reckoning comes. I take some blame in this as well, as it would appear Dustin Kopala has had it figured out all along. Only at age 23 do I really see what's going on behind the scenes.

Think of how far we've come in this "Information Age". Even 20 years ago, a blip on the map of time, we can do things now that people 20 years ago would have bet their lives would never be possible. Go back a little farther, to the early 1900's. You most likely would have been put in a straight jacket if you told someone in a few decades we would have landed on the moon and traveled through "outer space" in little space ships. Tell those same people that if you "mix a little of this and a little of that" you could eradicate half a million people within seconds. Black Magic? Wizardry? Mike Price with a spellbook? Not all, it's the "evolution" of mankind.

Call me a naysayer, call this doom and gloom, I don't care. The problem stems from the average human not fully grasping just how far we've come in the past 20 years. Those who do can see this coming a mile away. Funnily enough, I don't think all of this will come about by some foolish terrorist on a suicide mission. I believe it will start with something positive. Perhaps humans will figure out a way to create a completely articifically intelligent learning computer. I'm not talking about that fucking robotic dog Sony made that can fetch the newspaper either. I'm talking about a system that needs no human interaction, ever. A system that can not only think, but a system that can learn. A system that feels no emotion, only action and reaction. A system that will base its thoughts and processes on something humans have never been, self preserving. Some will argue that such a thing is impossible and that it's inherently flawed because such a system will be designed by a human. While an effective argument, I believe it's a shortsighted one. Programming and such is predominately designed around mathematics. Mathematics, arguably, is a perfect science. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. I don't even want to speculate on its potential uses in science, exploration, or the military, but it's very real. Humans will eventually be replaced by machines. It's already happening all around the world at an alarming rate, but nobody seems to care. The people profiting from it sure don't mind. The people designing it sure don't mind. It's the mindless sheep who feel the effects the most, yet they sit back and accept it because it's all they know how to do.

In a not to distant future we're going to live in a world controlled and operated by self sufficient, self preserving robots. By the time we've realized what has happened, it will be much too late. The self-preserving robots will realize what we're trying to do and we, mankind, will become the enemy. That's all she wrote folks.

Does that sound far fetched? It sounds about as crazy as flying spaceships in outer space and walking on the moon if you ask me.

Think about the days when the end of the world prophecies stemmed from events outside of our control, such as a burning hellfire sent by God to cleanse the Earth, or a great flood, or getting hit by an enormous meteor, or the sun burning out. Do you hear such predictions anymore? I don't.

The writing is on the wall. It's been on the wall for years, yet there are still those that choose to ignore it. You're part of the problem.

Eventually all of this ignorance will come to a head and everyone will die in a blaze of scorching death that some robot realizes is the ultimate answer to the hellish disease that is man. What would man do? We'd pass the blame to the robot.

This ain't Terminator 3 people, the human doesn't get to walk out of the movie theater at the end of the day.

-Dan K.