“Snowbound!”
::red light flashes wildly::
SIREN BLASTS LOUDLY
I am warning all of my readers now that the time to panic has arrived. Old Man Winter’s wrath is upon us. If you are reading this and you have not taken measures to make it through the chaotic storm that is going to slam the Delaware Valley do so now. Here is a checklist for my dear readers who I value very much.
§ Make sure you get half a dozen gallons of milk. Any less could result in death to you or someone you care about in your immediate family.
§ Make sure you get long underwear.
§ Make sure you get a bulletproof vest if you plan on shoveling your snow into a neighbors yard.
§ Make sure you get 7 loafs of bread, now since many people will be going for the same items it might result in an altercation. By all means use violence to obtain this. If you need to smack the other person with a jug milk till he falls to the ground. Than kick the person in the ribs. YOU NEED BREAD TO LIVE. Families without bread will likely die in the next 24 hours.
§ Go to Wal-Mart and get a shot gun. The looting should begin by 6 or so when people who were to nonchalant to get bread and milk will become blood thirsty. You need to protect your house. If you can’t get a gun, set up whacky obstacles like in Home Alone. If this doesn’t work throw bread at them. If you plan to loot I recommend Dan K.'s place he just got a new widescreen TV http://www.mitsubishi-tv.com/WS55711.html
§ Purchase an abundance amount of rock salt. Enough to cover your entire lawn 3 times over. Purchase snow shovels by the dozens. Make sure you dispose of them when the spring arrives so you can wait in a long line before the next snowstorm.
§ Ignore any responsibilities such as studying or homework do tomorrow. Arrogantly think that class will be canceled or if you have to work tomorrow get yourself psyched for a day off. If you are brave, enough to actually make it to work use it as an excuse to do nothing and take money from your employer for it. If anyone asks you to do something, tell him or her lucky you showed up at all.
§ Make sure your pointless but stylish head light covers are removed. (maybe 2 people got that one)
In addition, Tucker’s World will offer 5 dollars to anyone who hits Lima Beanz with a snowball and captures it on video or snaps a picture of it. The shot has to be either in the face or the testicles. The award will possibly be upped to 10 if he bleeds.
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
Man….end of Semester crunch has had Tucker’s World on Hiatus for awhile! I hope everyone had a good Turkey Day.
“Pick a Card Any Card”
Sometimes, you just have to put your sheep outfit on and conform to the norm. Toe the line…follow the masses. One such obligation in my family has always been the over use of greeting cards. My mother even sends out Thanksgiving Day cards. Who does that? The most painful process I had to do as a child was to write thank you cards for birthday cards I got. This would be despite calling them occasionally to thank them and personally thanking them if they gave it to me in person. Id imagine if I got a Thank You for the Thank You card. I might still be showing my appreciation. for my 13th birthday. The only holiday I got off easy was Valentine’s Day because I never have to thank anyone.
I guess in the case of my great aunt it’s a nice jester because she likes to give cards out and get them. But for the most part its over done. Do we really need cards for every possible occasion? Most the time they are way to sappy for me …so I go with the stupid ones. Cards are good money holder I guess, but most kids don’t read them they just grab the 20 dollar bill and chuck the card. Id think it would be cooler if someone just told me a joke, than gave me the 20 dollar bill. Perhaps give me a cookie instead or something.
So, the other day I walked the isles of the local Rite Aid store (no sign of that really cute girl or an intruder) seeking a card for my nephew who was turning 2. I thought to myself how much I hate this process. How in the Spring time, my fathers b-day, my mothers b-day, their anniversary, mothers day and fathers day all hit me within a few months of each other. One time I had to go to 3 different places for a card that suited my personality and the occasion. But in the case of my nephew…he is 2! He can’t read. I mean I got him a cool toy. But who am I getting a piece of paper for ? Does my brother get a kick out of a cartoon giraffe wishing his son a happy birthday? He might pretend to ..but I doubt deep down inside he cares. I showed up at the party and gave my nephew a present. But why should I be obligated to get him a card he couldn’t read? It might as well be in German….or said Happy B-day Grandpa on it.
My brothers anniversary is coming up. I am happy for him, but that occasion has nothing to do with me. Why did my mother suggest sending a card? Can I just say happy anniversary or something on the phone? I don’t celebrate this event. I don’t even know the exact day. It would be like Drew or Price sending me a Christmas card. I knew they would not be sincere for them to want to wish me joy on holiday that means nothing to them. So I won’t be checking my mailbox anytime soon. If I do get one…I m likely to suffer from CARDiac arrest ….sorry in advance for that one.
“Pick a Card Any Card”
Sometimes, you just have to put your sheep outfit on and conform to the norm. Toe the line…follow the masses. One such obligation in my family has always been the over use of greeting cards. My mother even sends out Thanksgiving Day cards. Who does that? The most painful process I had to do as a child was to write thank you cards for birthday cards I got. This would be despite calling them occasionally to thank them and personally thanking them if they gave it to me in person. Id imagine if I got a Thank You for the Thank You card. I might still be showing my appreciation. for my 13th birthday. The only holiday I got off easy was Valentine’s Day because I never have to thank anyone.
I guess in the case of my great aunt it’s a nice jester because she likes to give cards out and get them. But for the most part its over done. Do we really need cards for every possible occasion? Most the time they are way to sappy for me …so I go with the stupid ones. Cards are good money holder I guess, but most kids don’t read them they just grab the 20 dollar bill and chuck the card. Id think it would be cooler if someone just told me a joke, than gave me the 20 dollar bill. Perhaps give me a cookie instead or something.
So, the other day I walked the isles of the local Rite Aid store (no sign of that really cute girl or an intruder) seeking a card for my nephew who was turning 2. I thought to myself how much I hate this process. How in the Spring time, my fathers b-day, my mothers b-day, their anniversary, mothers day and fathers day all hit me within a few months of each other. One time I had to go to 3 different places for a card that suited my personality and the occasion. But in the case of my nephew…he is 2! He can’t read. I mean I got him a cool toy. But who am I getting a piece of paper for ? Does my brother get a kick out of a cartoon giraffe wishing his son a happy birthday? He might pretend to ..but I doubt deep down inside he cares. I showed up at the party and gave my nephew a present. But why should I be obligated to get him a card he couldn’t read? It might as well be in German….or said Happy B-day Grandpa on it.
My brothers anniversary is coming up. I am happy for him, but that occasion has nothing to do with me. Why did my mother suggest sending a card? Can I just say happy anniversary or something on the phone? I don’t celebrate this event. I don’t even know the exact day. It would be like Drew or Price sending me a Christmas card. I knew they would not be sincere for them to want to wish me joy on holiday that means nothing to them. So I won’t be checking my mailbox anytime soon. If I do get one…I m likely to suffer from CARDiac arrest ….sorry in advance for that one.
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