“The Voice is Silent”


Well not the beloved actual voice of the Phillies.(who is alive and well thank goodness), however the doll I got on a commemorative night 3 years ago. The doll the way of his likeness was his head and to the bottom of his shoulders.

He would proudly exclaim Phils Win!, Stuck him out, or my personal favorite Watch Out Baby OuTAAAAAAAAAA Here. Much to my disappointment I learned around 8: 30 pm Eastern Standard Time that he no longer says any of such things.

Instead of his phrases that have brought me and others amusement for the past 3 years he seems to speak some sort of alien native tongue. BBBRwwwwwhirllzzzzzzlrsazllllwrrrrrrr.sssdddebbzzzeeasp it appears he says or something along those lines. The sound bite that used to be the crack of the bat followed by cheering, and Harry proudly exclaiming that the ball was out of there now sounds a lot more sinister. It sounds as if a nuclear explosion occurred in South Philly followed by what sounds like millions of rats swarming someone and maliciously eating their victims brain out. The few seconds of audio that slightly resemble “the voice” quickly turn into a demonic tone followed by my sounds of explosion chaos, and more killer rats.

At first, I figured I just needed to replace the battery, however there isn’t one. Trying to fix his vocal cords would involve dismembering him. A procedure to fix him would be too risky and would result in immediate trashing of the once beloved doll. Perhaps like in Ridely Scott’s “Bladerunner” these dolls are meant to “expire” with in the matter of a few years and nothing could have been done to prevent this.

He will best be remembered for the night the night when Ed and I closed the Sears Outlet and let him spout his catch phrases over the loud speaker. Sometimes I would sneak into my father’s office and just give him a good hit (to activate his voice box) and smile at his optimism. Yes hearing the Phillies knock ball after ball out of the park brought my great joy. But there is no joy in Stratford tonight, because mighty Harry has dropped dead.



Harry Kalas Doll July 29, 2000- August 2, 2003