“Escape from Pennsylvania”

So LIZA and I went to Dorney Park a few days ago and had a good time despite some minor set backs. Apparently the people in the state of Pennsylvania’s tax money doesn’t really go into the highways all that much. I guess it’s a different culture out there, and they don’t really believe in signs that give you any indication what direction towns direction highways go when you are given the option for an exit. For the most part you are just dumped onto another highway for about 8 miles or so before you can even begin to attempt to rectify and wrong turn that you have made.

What made matters worse on the way there, that Map Quest seems to be under the impression that Dorney Park is located some where in someone’s backyard. Because if you follow the directions that we printed up you end up in a residential community. The theme park located in Allentown, Pennsylvania has one sign on one of the 3 or more highways that seemingly encircle the theme park. If you are in the actual town of Allentown you will notice they don’t bother to direct you in any way to the theme park. This is odd considering in this area we direct people to Wendy’s with a series of signs.

Seeing where as the town of Allentown makes Lawnside look like Stone Harbor I cant imagine why anyone would be in this town other than to go to the theme park. You would think such an obviously poverty strapped down would try to advertise their tourist attraction (we hype Clementon Park!). Dorney might want to make their new slogan SHhhhhhhhhhh. You can stop and ask the locals, be most of them are either just a confused as your or jerks who like to send people from South Jersey in the wrong direction.

Anyway, the trip was good. Our hotel room was nice and affordable, and the park had a lot to offer. Lots of great water rides (and despite Duke’s theory I didn’t see any kids pooping in it, although LIZA both & I considered peeing in the wave pool) some pretty decent roller coasters (although the one that was hyped to death I didn’t get on because it was closed. I guess its trend with me, the same thing happened at Hershey last year) and lots of ducks to feed.

The only trouble we had inside the park was bratty kids, and LIZA thinking it was wrong of me to shoot water at defenseless children. A stinky Mexican dude wore a see through black mess shirt and was annoying. Oh yeah and my A.D.D. kicked when we went down a body slide and I pretty much neglected every DO NOTs that they gave you to do. This resulted in me almost drowning and LIZA having to retrieve my water soaked corpse out of the water. I got up completely blinded and disoriented (since I didn’t not use the proper position) and got off on the wrong side of the slide which made the life guard angrily blow his whistle at me.

Going home proved more difficult when we managed to actually double the amount of time it takes to get from the park to LIZA’s house. I started out driving and we ended up just circling around the theme park again and again, seemingly merging on to highways that didn’t want us out of the Keystone state. By the time we ended up on route 100 (again they didn’t bother to tell us what towns were in what direction) which involved nothing but mountains and farms, I was about to start ragging so Liza took behind the wheel of the Tempo. We actually thought we were in good shape until I noticed we were heading West on an interstate and getting closer to Harrisburg. Again, your only option is to get off the highway and hope for the best. Sometimes it just put you on to just another highway giving you no indication what direction you were heading. It didn’t help that Mapquest told us too take the Scranton/Philadelphia exist which you couldn’t see unless you actually took another exit they didn’t tell you to take. Not to mention the fact that are actually two separate exists (which makes sense since one is west of Allentown and the other is East).

Part of me considered just giving up and starting a new life as a farmer. I would have to call up and tell everyone that I am a Quaker and starting a farm because the highways were too confusing and the people at Map quest are a bunch of jerks.

We had a good time though I am sure both my readers were really hoping I did. Well not Dan K who hates anyone to have a good time.

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“While You Were Out”

Since I have gotten back I have learned


The Terminator is political figure now.

Arnold from Different Stokes is a political figure now.

Duke is involved with some girl either was or still is married.

Duke is a jerk

Royce is actually alive

Tom Tulish has a girlfriend

Sears Outlet hasn’t burned down yet.

There is a propane tank leaking in my yard

Jay’s beard has grown thick enough to that he could disguise himself as terrorist. Perhaps not the best idea if he plans to head north of the border.