****Look below Tucker in 2004 for STORY OF THE YEAR******

“Tucker in 2004”

Sure I can’t legally run for office, but who cares? I have a list of policies I would like to run for in my fictional bid for the White House.

1. I will make it so every American Citizen can register their official team for all the 4 major sports, and make it mandatory that their employer pay them time & half if you have to work during a play off game of your registered team.
2. Deport Howard Eskin.
3. Send Pete Rose to Mars so I can stop hear him bitching about his mistakes while shamelessly trying to sell a book on ever single news outlet. He can bet all he wants up there.
4. Have a call in center for the White House for people to call in ask questions. Each person will be given a written statement if they ask certain questions. That way I wont look like I am trying to pull one over on them.
5. Name Iraq the 51st state.
6. Tax Mosco every time he instant messages me while I am trying to get work done.
7. Make a law that certain restaurants can flat out forbid children under the age of 14, so those of us who want to have a meal with a date, a friend, or family members don’t have to be subjected to various obnoxious “precious little miracles”.
8. Make August 15th a national holiday named Robert Arter Day. People across the country are encouraged to take off of work, wear sweaters and read long books. Rob will also be invited to the white house giving him a reason to wear the death suit.
9. Steal millions of dollars of tax payers money for a room in the White House in order to build in one of the wings. I will show movies new, and old and invite the crew down for screenings.
“Mr. President, The have set the oil fields a blaze in Iraq again!”

“ Meh, let I will be with you once I finish watching Goodfellas again”

10. If things get really rough, like a country divided, an endless war, and a sagging economy I will just vow to go to Jupiter.