“ Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Arter”

Earlier this fall ( or summer for some) Christopher Brandon Arter left the confines of his cozy Somerdale home in South Jersey to seek higher education in the great (and horse manure smelling) state of Pennsylvania. Many wondered how the wide-eyed innocent Arter child would adapt to his surroundings. Many believed that he would certainly knock the socks off the competition (he knocked them off the admissions board I’m told).

So recently I sat down (virtually) with Chris and had a candid interview not only about his experiences so far, but his future, love, Iraq, and his bizarre dreams.


Keith: Hey, Chris...everyone wants to know how you like school so far? You are missed in south jersey, and my readers would like to know how your experience has been

Chris: well, honestly, I don't like school so far. It has been a month, and there is not one thing I particularly like about school

Keith: Do you feel like your learning anything musically?

Chris: no, nothing. There is no musical instruction

Keith: what do you think of the people there?

Chris: I don't like the vast majority of people here

Keith: What do you miss about south jersey the most?

Chris: You Keith

Keith: can I print that ? It sounds pretty gay.

Chris: well honestly keith, I miss the worst parts of south jersey more than I like the best parts of Annville PA. There is nothing on campus here. It is boring Campus is surrounded by farms. so there is no reason to leave campus

Keith: There are rumors that you are depressed. Is there any truth to that?

Chris: Yes. I am extremely depressed. I have been offered anti-depressant drugs, but I have declined. I don't want to be tricked into liking this place.

Keith: Who offered you drugs?

Chris: oh its nothing big my roommate is clinically depressed
Keith: Arent most music people crazy?

Chris: I don't know If by music people you mean musicians
I am a musician and I am going crazy.

Keith: So you basically see this place as an evil empire?

Chris: Evil empire? I don't think this place dominates anything. Except my entire life at this moment

Keith: What two words would you use to describe your college experience thus far?

Chris: Grave and … hmmm
(after long pause)

Keith: Mistake?
Chris… Pathetic…yes a big one (mistake)

Keith: What is the highlight of being out there so far?

Chris I don't know. I have not been myself lately

Keith: I know the feeling.

Chris: no one here knows who I am. Even the people I see everyday
I don't want these people to know who I am. I want them to forget about me and move on

Keith: Do you make any attempt to make friends?

Chris: no I am different from everyone here. Everyone here has some common ground with everyone else whether its musical taste or playing ability you know?

Keith: have you been having your trademark dreams lately?
Chris: death dreams. yes mostly killing myself and small children

Keith: I hope your kidding

Chris: Yes …: About the children


Keith: man

Chris: I woke up with a long cut on my wrist. I wondered if i was so frustrated my subconscious tried to kill me in my sleep

Keith: this is a dark interview. Do you have anything happy to say?

Chris: I have not been happy in a long time not since before Bob {Hale} almost died because we thought
“ ya he's cool to drive”
Keith: What do you think about TRAP. Rich’s new band.

Chris: I think they suck!!! I'm just kidding… I don't know Ii never heard them I think its a nice idea
Keith: Are you going to have to give Rich a beat down and steal the studio over when you return to south jersey?

Chris no. I'm going to be in so much debt. I might have to hock all my sh*t but its worth it to get the f*ck out of here. .Did you know this school is $27,000 a year?

Keith: HEY HEY I don't think you can say some of those words Tucker's world!

Chris: I am sorry

Keith Its cool ….no one is reading anyway.

Keith: What school would you rather go to?
Chris: University of the Arts or Rowan they're both good. U arts is probably better
for music.
Keith: Rowan’s mascot is an owl or a "prof" as it were

Chris: Well than Rowan it is

Keith: That is how the suckered me

Keith: What bands are out there that you respect?

Chris: bands that I respect I respect the Black Crowes.. I thank drew for that
I really really like them

Keith: They broke up Chris.

Chris: Whatever than nobody

Keith: Did you like that song lickin that they did?

Chris: I thought it was a weak song , but I liked it anyway

Keith: I thought I was easily one of the worst songs ever made.

Chris: It’s a free country

Keith: Any future plans for BF?

Chris: well there is a gig in October on Columbus day
at the Pontiac on south street. I'm looking forward to it

Keith: Have you written any new songs?

Chris: NO, I have no motivation to write songs

Keith: What about shear boredom and missing Somerdale?

Chris: I'm sure I'll have a good one soon
Keith: who do you like better Rich or Rob?

Chris: whoa there

Keith: (laughing)

Chris: I can't answer that I love them both I could tell you which one I've killed more often in my sleep…. Rich I don't know if that means I love him or hate him though. I had a dream last night that I killed both Rob and Rich. I woke up saying to myself. I did it again.

Keith: What do you think about us going into Iraq?

Chris: I don't understand it honestly. So the guy has some mean nasty weapons
I'll bet we have the same ones and ones that are 10,000 X's worse
the difference between us and Iraq is that we might actually use them

Keith: How are you making a long distance relationship work?

Chris: a lot of instant messenger. I bought a web cam. I watch a lot of porno
Phone…. I love dana. you know that. I honestly haven’t wanted to get to know any girl better in the past 4 years I say get to know better like I'm not gay. I see a nice looking girl and I look I and think that's nice
you know just like every other person on the face of the earth but I have absolutely no interest in any one who is not Dana. nor can I generate interest I can't fake interest. I am incapable of flirting

Keith: What was the best thing you have eaten out there?

Chris: I had pizza hut yesterday that was good I don't eat much
I think i may be losing weight but I don't have a scale

Keith: What do you think about Ryan cutting his hair?

Chris: I think he looks like a penis he should not have done it people who aren't me give in to the hair cut urge too easily.

Keith: where do you see yourself in two years Chris Arter?

Chris: drinking in a bar with my head on the bar


Keith: Have you cut your hair yet?

Chris: no, very dirty but I will be very satisfied with my life.

Keith: What do you think should be done about the slumping economy and diminishing job market?

Chris: everyone should go out and buy something buy like more than they usually do but not so much that they are poor just indulge themselves a little its healthy its an unhealthy mind set to always be saving for that rainy day that may never come but there is a looming rainy day until you spend that money I don't know. I'm not an economist

Keith: Is there anything you would like the readers of Tucker's world to know?

Chris: I am coming home and i am staying there I hate everything … everything It's not so much home sick as it is here sick this place makes me sick It makes me want vomit
Keith: wow

Chris: I sob sometimes when I think of the situation I left to be in this one

Keith: like tears coming down your face? crying like a school girl?
Chris: I get restless when I think too much I sit up straight and fidget and twitch and swear to no one but myself because I can't stand it No..its just like a cough. with sadness in it just one at a time I'm not bawling my eyes out of course its only been 1 month I will be here for another and then another and then another.

Keith:
Thank You for your time Chris. I’m’ sure my readers will use the comment feature for feedback. Good luck the rest of the way.