I hope everyone had fun digging out of the biggest winter storm in South Jersey in 7 years! Maybe the storm was made possible by IRAQ! Maybe Bush was behind it to drive up OIL PRICES! Maybe Micheal Jackson was behind it because he likes the color of snow, and wanted people to stop talking about his nose.

"Sleeping Jenna"

Many of my readers know my friend Jenna and have noticed lately that she sleeps a ridiculous amount of time. She sleeps through every movie we watch now, even if its in the theaters. From what I hear she slept through half of the Super Bowl. She sleeps hours away at Dukes where she spends the majority of her time (it’s Lima Beanz’s favorite place to take a date). There has to be something to this because she never slept this much before. Heck a few mere months ago she was a swinging single girl going out to South Jersey bars 5 nights a week staying out really late. If I had nothing to do I would always know that I could call up Jenna and join her for a few beers somewhere. Except for the nights where I was likely to ruin her game. Here are some theories on her sleeping disorder. Now when she isn’t at Sears she is usually somewhere sleeping. Usually on Duke’s couch….does he even live there anymore?


Theory # 1 As it turns out she IS part cat which requires her to sleep 20 hours a day. Maybe Lima Beanz had her spayed. Or something which made her become chronically tired. I doubt t his because I have not seen her licking herself since her sleeping time doubled.

Theory # 2
My experience watching the evolution of a couple I usually notice that right before the engagement stage the woman sleeps constantly. I guess preparing for how exciting marriage life must be. My sister-in-law for example would come over here (when my brother was back in the house briefly) and fall sleep with in 15 minutes. She would sleep for hours than get up and go home and sleep more. I was amazed that he had any kind of a relationship with her since she was seemingly in a coma 24/7. She even fell asleep when he would take her to the movies. She slept through Deep Impact, although it was a mediocre movie I don’t see how anyone can sleep through a film with explosions in it. Or even get comfortable in a theater chair.

Many other couples before they get engaged experience this. Usually the guy is looking all around when the girl slumps over and becomes unconscious for hours. The guy will be like…do I finish this movie? Is there something wrong with her? Should I wake her when its through? Sometimes if you are really deep into a relationship and want to see her awake..put on the Golden Girls. For whatever reason lots of couples (long term ones) love this show….or should I say the girl loves it. However, once all the next show comes on the girl will immediately fall asleep again.

Maybe its Jenna’s body telling her that Jay is “The One” . Its time for Lima Beanz to start ring shopping, and I happen to know a cozy little place in Hi-Nella perfect for their Honeymoon. If you pay extra you can have a bearded law student included. Many crew members have penciled this December when Lima Beanz will fall to his knees and pop the question.

“Next year they will be celebrating a ring” Duke.


Theory # 3
Jenna loves Lima Beanz so much that it actually hurts. In order to avoid the pain she must force herself to sleep. Just looking at him makes her overflow with love that she can’t handle it. She has sung his praises on her Blog several times. She claims he can do no wrong. Maybe she just loves too much. Last I heard she was campaigning to put his face on Mt. Rushmore.

Theory # 4
She realized how dull life is with out alcohol; Jenna who recently quit drinking all together didn’t slip into this constant state of sleepiness until after she gave up the booze. Maybe she realized how dull, mundane and meaningless her life was. Everything is better when your brain is numbed a bit. Perhaps she needs to start drinking again to get her de-lame-fied.

Theory # 5
Perhaps she dreams of a better life where she is regional manager of Sears, married to Rich Arter, and naked men randomly roam the streets. Perhaps she just wants to sleep to speed up time to her evitable death. Making her meaning less time on this hurling ball of granite seem to pass by quicker. Living in a constant dream state where she can fool herself into thinking life has an actual meaning when she knows she better off laying sprawled out motionless.


Theory # 6
Jenna has brain cancer

Theory # 7
I AM WRONG…she doesn’t sleep anymore than usual. Everything I say and do is wrong.

Theory # 8
Maybe Lima Beanz is such a manly man that he wears her out on constant basis. We all hear him brag (well 2 of us maybe) on TERMINUS about what an amazing experience it is to be with a man like him.

Theory # 9
Jenna is a pothead.

Theory # 10
Jenna is just LAME! L-A-M-E

-end-

"Thank You Loyal Readers"

A a week ago, amongst the terror warnings I asked my readers to send me who they would want be locked in with when they had to be in locked down duct (not DUCK) taped homes. I have cut and pasted all the emails that I have gotten in bettween these two lines!

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Thanks for reading Tucker's World!