"What Happened to Turkey Day!??!"

In the past retail stores have always been about 6 months ahead of the rest of society. I recall once JC Penny’s sent my house a Back to School catalog before my classes were even done. Sometimes stores would have their Christmas decorations up as early as October but they would be shoved to one corner of the store and people could just mock them for attempting to make us think about Jolly Old Saint Nick before we even picked out our Halloween outfits.

It was traditional that most advertising campaigns didn’t really start until Thanksgiving. The multiple parades and football games allowed everyone to roll out their promotions so we all knew what toys were hot and who was having the hot sales and when. The past few years however the Christmas Season which I peg from Black Friday to the day after New Years has started to sprawl into early parts of November. This year I thought I was going crazy when I saw a credit card commercial with Santa Clause in it 5 days before to Halloween. However it set the stage for the premature holiday season. Everyone seems to be hitting us with holiday themed commercials. I have even some homes all ready lit up for the holiday season. B-101 is already turning out their 24 Christmas Tunes.

All these campaigns that I am being bombarded by before I even had a chance to carve up a Turkey and eat more than humanly possible. We are still having Thanksgiving right? If it fell through this year I certainly didn’t get the memo, however it seems like it happened already. Did Santa Climb the Art Museum steps yet? Did I miss Major Drumstick’s big day in Philly (email me if you know who he is).

Why are they making me feel guilty for not making my list and checking it twice this early? Is this a lame attempt to stimulate the economy? Forcing us our attention from the war and the slumping economy? (Although the nice news man tells me its getting better).

Now don’t get me all wrong. Unlike my friend Drew who is undoubtedly is evilly fumbling his hands and plotting to stop CHRISTMAS FROM COMING I love the holiday season. However it can get cheapened if I am hearing Bing Crosby dreaming of a White Christmas when I still haven’t gotten all the leafs off my lawn. I mean Thanksgiving is a pretty cool holiday. We get to be off of work (RETAIL STORES ARE ACTUALLY CLOSED) and eat a lot. Not to mention the annual Flyers Black Friday Afternoon Game! (eh I only watch college football out of obligation).

I will admit that I get a kick out of Lima Beanz frequently singing “Let It Snow” for a couple of weeks out of the year. Mainly because he is tone deaf (and he knows it I am pretty sure) and he seemingly only knows the chorus. Anyway before I start looking to the skies for Santa and 8 tiny reindeer is it okay if I snap a wish bone from a Turkey Carcass? Do I really have to deck the halls before I get to see B-television actors wish come to Philly to wish Dave Roberts and Lisa Thomas Lorry a Happy Thanksgiving?

I plan to break out holiday film classics like A Christmas Story and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. However I just want the chance to awkwardly run out of conversation 20 minutes into my Turkey Dinner first if that’s okay? I plan to get into the spirit of things and do all my tradional stuff like making sure my mother knows I am not “Too Old” for an army of homemade cookies. However in the mean time I want to have a meal like the Indians and Pilgrims had together so many years ago. Of course not long after that many of the Indians died from European germs and many of the others were slaughter for land and food. But lets face it that has nothing to do with me consuming 3 different carnations of potatoes.