“The Unhappy Meal”

I am pretty sure that McDonald’s is using subliminal messages in their latest commercials. As many of my readers know I’m currently interning in Pennsauken. Luckily, there are many food options for me during my lunch break. I usually go to this “grease truck” called Jimmies, where you can get a lot of good food for cheap prices. Burgers, cheese steaks, wings, spicy sausage sandwiches, etc. you name it!

Anyway last week I week, when I woke up all I could think of was McDonalds. The minute I woke up, I thought of that little burger with the odd tasting pickle, and strange blend of cheap cheese and warm ketchup. Well it was raining, which made me write off Jimmies entirely. Despite the fact that their burgers are pretty good. I had golden arches dancing in head all morning.

While I waited in the line, I decided to up the anti and go with the classic Big Mac. Yep Keith…eer uh. Tucker was having a Big Mac Attack! I placed my order, and got it the # 1 and got the big size. MMMM can’t wait to eat it! I remember when my parents took me there as a kid, how great it tasted. I wanted to experience that flavor again.

Sadly, the Big Mac was given to me before I got my change from my 20. Never a good sign if you want a fresh burger. I mean I know its fast food and all, but. I sat down in solitude (my imaginary girl friend is pissed at me and didn’t meet me for lunch this time). Apparently, Big Macs have dwarfed in size since the last time I ordered one. I think they tried to put an abundance of lettuce in order to make up for the lack of meat. I took a bite, and it was lame. No taste at all, and the fries were even blander. I sat there thinking. I knew I hated McDonalds, so why the hell did I come here? I never enjoy my meals here. The MC tasty is okay, but I am not even sure they make them anymore. I recall vowing never to go back there again several times. Why did I think about how good it would be all day? Did they use some sort of mind control on me? I mean my desire for their food was pretty intense.

Speaking of intense, later that night while I was watching the Simpsons I felt a horrible feeling in my stomach. Despite the fact that I had not seen that particular episode in awhile I could not hold out any longer. I had to crap bad. I think the discharge that shot out that night could have been clocked faster than a Al Maclinnis slap shot. Not once, or twice, but three times in the matter of an hour I filled the toilet. The kind of crap that makes the entire toilet water look like thick chocolate pudding. It was something out of Dumb and Dumber I tell you. Sound effects and all, it was night a pretty sight, sound or aroma my friends. I am not sure that their meat is still made from cows. I am leaning towards kangaroo or pigeon. Regardless it did not stay in my body long.

I am not a scientist, so I can’t say for sure that the Big Mac was the cause of it all. It all fairness it was 6 hours after the fact, but its all I had all day long. So I will make them the scape goat, for first suckering me in again to eat bad food. Secondly, making me miss two simpsons I had not seen in a long time. So if you see Ronald McDonald in your travels this week fellow readers, kick him in the balls for me. When he is crying for mercy on the cold hard ground before you kick his ribs in, ask him where the Frig do you go to sign up for the Flyers Power Play Payoff.


Quick thoughts:
Apperently I missed a hell of a 3rd period Saturday night. And if you want to check out the coffin Dan K. has picked out for his ultimate demise. Go here.
http://w3.one.net/~spungy/wallpaper/arscasket.jpg
Last I heard he was touring Maryland, and Virginia gas stations.
Also I think last Night's Curb Your Enthusiasm( usually really funny) will likely be a topic of Monday morning conversation. The show made light of terroristic attacks and came off as pretty tasteless.