“What Did Tucker Do?”


It is Monday so that means its time to play what did Tucker do? (what!?!). Okay first off I would like to clear up that I AM Tucker, it is my nonsense alias. In order to appreciate the game flash back to a school district not to far away.

In the early 90s, thinks were looking good. I recall pretending I liked Crystal Pepsi and Nirvana. I also had crush on a girl in grade school for two years at least. Since I was shy back than I never made am move on girls who liked me. Even if they were really obvious about liking me. I didn’t get the nerve to make a move till after my window closed with many cute girls at school. Anyway, I only talked to her moderately in high school. But I wondered about her sometimes in the last few years. So I bump into her at BAMBOO BERNIE’S recently. She looked pretty darn good. Now its time to play the game!

After we talked for 5 minutes or so, her friend came to her and asked her want she wanted to drink at the bar. So she said went got a beer. So for my readers..try to guess how Tucker handled this. Here are some possible things that happened.

A.
Keith…er…um ..Tucker is quick on his feet. He walks up with her to the bar, and says I got it. She is happy to get a beer for free, and he buys himself some more time holding a conversation. It goes well after both parties have another beer. Eventually he figures she wants to mingle, and rejoins his friend. He is wise enough to get her number. They have plans to get together in the middle of the week.

B.
Tucker can’t think of anything good to say past the typical small talk. So he starts telling her about gay sheep. He tells her how gay sheep have different brains than their heterosexual counter parts. She seems pretty uncomfortable, and it becomes more awkward when he grabs a cocktail napkin and tries to diagram the gay brain. Finally, he tries to get her to say Osama Where Have You Been Hiding really fast. It is supposed to sound like something. It doesn’t, and the whole thing doesn’t make any sense, and is not funny. She walks away thinking he was a bigger loser than she had thought.


C.
Small talk takes place, but when she goes to the bar he just lets her go. Later that night he talks about getting her number, but never follows through. Later that night he ponders making a doctor appointment to find out if he has any testicles or not. Oh yeah, and when he goes to take a leak some random guy takes his penis out before he gets close to the urinal for no good reason. Than he proceeds to engage in a conversation with Tucker.


D.

Tucker realizes quite possibly too late that her enormous boyfriend does not appreciate the small talk his girlfriend. The man hooks Tucker with a left. Tucker remains on his feet for mere seconds in a feeble attempt to strike back. His efforts are thwarted when the guy knees Tucker in the balls. This it toped off with a bottle being broken over his head. Tucker lays in a puddle of his own blood and beer….twitching like a half dead bug. They only good thing to come out of it, is he might not be able to have kids.

E.
Fellow blogger Drew steps up to Tucker while he is chatting away. “Step aside PUMA is in the house!” he says James Bond like fashion. Tucker just stands and watches her melt wile under the spell of PUMA. Tucker decides to cut his loses and hits on a fat chick. She is one of those fat chicks who still wears clubbin’ clothes for some reason. Tucker just gets really drunk and gets her number only programming 6 out of 7 numbers into his cell phone.


F.
Everything goes well. They share a passionate kiss in the dance floor. Everyone in the crowded bar disappears to these two love birds……okay……….I can’t even continue this one…its obviously fabricated.

email me which one you think is fact
mst3keith@aol.com
or write it down on a piece of paper than throw it away


“Welcome to Comcast Country III: The Merger”

If you are lost about this topic go the archives to read the two prequels.


Comcast and AT&T have joined forces making Comcast the biggest cable company in the entire country. More crappy service, retarded techs, fussy Comcast sports net, and lots more evil.

You can’t stop them. Comcast will own the country one day. They can’t be stopped. Just try. You children will belong to Comcast.

Seriously though, the fuzzy vision is still there, and even at bars. I am not sure if people just are too lazy to complain or Comcast is still just evil. I guess I will have to watch the Flyers through my VCR for the rest of my life. Maybe one day I will write to a local paper or something.