“Ten Simple Reasons”

Trying to make plans for your summer Vacation? I think South Jersey could be the right place for you and your family.

1.) The Ocean City a pretty nice boardwalk that boasts some of the best Pizza and Fudge you can find on the planet. There is also a few great shops including cloud-9 with the best selection of whacky t-shirts. If all that walking gets you winded, have no fear there is an oxygen bar in the Surf Mall right on the boardwalk now. Not only does it give oxygen that you need I am told it gets you high as a kite. The sign says it’s a “natural” high. Oh yeah and if you get bored you can always sit on the bench and make fun of all the people walking by. There are usually almost entirely naked young girls on walking the boards for those of you that like that sort of stuff. Although the friendly Italian guy who used to sit outside his restaurant God blessing everyone, and telling them to have a nice day is long gone you can still hear him wishing good cheer if you listen enough on a quiet night.


2.) If you idea of fun is hanging out with people who have seen the Fast and the Furious too many times and an ample amount of white trash than the Atco Raceway is the place to be. It can cost you upwareds of 15 dollars just to have the pleasure of watching cars drag on the famous track. Fridays are popular because they are street cars nights where anyone that wants to (and pays) can race. Sometimes the car race gets all funky and you are forced to find entertainment in the food court. There is usually supposed to be a band. There is always the tradition of walking through the parking lot and looking at other cars. If you are like me you will just sit there and stare when your car loving friends rant off things about the cars. I couldn’t tell you the difference between Lima Beanz’s car and Dan K’s car. They are all the same to me.

3.) You can go to Wildwood. The mile long beach is there so bring your walking shoes. OH yeah and a lot of inconsiderate jerks go there. They like to leave all the trash they can find on the beach. Than later they complain that the Jersey shore is too dirty. The boardwalk is bigger than our country’s deficit and has a lot to do. It appears to be 24 hours because I have left after 2 am several times and people are still walking around. Wildwood is known for crappy homes in the center of town that might remind you of home if you reside in Camden. Its also recommended for my drug using readers or anyone interested in STDs.

4.) If driving out to a road in the middle of the woods and stopping you car is your idea of fun, than man do I have the place for you! Yep the famous Atco train ghost. You drive out to Jackson Road flick your lights off and honk your horn a few times like madman. Than after sitting there like a goober you start the car and start driving. A light is supposed to follow that comes out of no where. It actually worked for me, jenna, Harry and Dan K once. I have no idea how to explain what happened other than perhaps it was a Motorcycle but given the poor visibility that night and the fact that it appeared and disappeared on a road without and side streets it is kind of thin. Perhaps its just pure evil in energy form which should delight kids of all ages. So if you want to toil in Satan’s domain this might be your hot spot this summer!

5.) The Cape May Zoo a well kept secret of South Jersey! Even better its free if you don’t feel guilty ahout not making a donation. Its pretty big now and deep into the woods, Good for an over-cast day. They have a good amount of prairie dogs so if anyone wants to get Monkey Pox you should go here. Because its easy to hop their dwelling. There are all kinds of animals there some stinky and some not so stinky. 5 dollars for anyone that gets Drew to go.

6.) Nothing says summer to me like the Arter house in Somerdale. There is a hammock and a pool that is warming than bath water due to having direct sunlight on it for 12 hours a day. IF your lucky it will be a 3 arter night (better yet a 3 arter shirtless night). Every year since since I have known Chris we have made a whirlpool no matter how old we get I am sure we will still giggle in delight as we do it. There is also a good chance you get to hear some TRAVIS on his radio sitting on the deck. Its even a better night if Kareem who is deathly afraid of water comes over, because he will just do his comedy routine from the deck. I have learned a lot about the differences between white guys and black guys over the years. Will somebody get this guy a spot on BET already. I also hear a rumor that a grill might be built there this summer.

7.) If any of my readers think they are too happy for their own good than they should stop by the Sears Outlet in Voorhees. The dungeon like décor will make you want to jump in front of traffic. If you need a reason to put yourself over the edge fill out an application to work there. You will likely be making your suicide note before the leaves turn colors.

8.) The VET! Okay that’s Philly, but close enough. It’s the last SEASON EVER OF THE VET. One last season of baseball to smell the stale cigarette and the age old urine from drunken fans through the years. If your wallet it thicker than mine than you can shell out some green for two seats of the stadium. Of course they only date back to 1996 when the old ones were replaced. So nothing of particular note happened around those seats. Aside from that Army Navy/Game where a marine or two almost plummeted to their deaths. There were also there for Harry Kalias night. Its recommended to bring weapons to dismantle what ever you want to from the stadium and of course your appetite on dollar dog day. I am told the new stadium will be nicer, and have more corporate assholes who don’t care about the game. Oh yeah and this stadium doesn’t have a view of the Philly skyline either. Some how the Riversharks were able to manage that though.
9.) Try out one of the various miniature golf courses. Its good clean fun. I hope to start the Crew Masters soon. However, that shouldn’t stop anyone from getting their game together. Its highly recommended not to do it if your significant other is a big cry baby of a loser. If that’s the case be prepared to stroke my ego (I mean his or her) for about 30 minutes or so.
10.) The unemployment line. This should be a great place to meet people that have the same interests as you this summer.