"The Festival of Beer in the City of Atlantic"

This past Saturday Price, Rick and myself went to the 2nd Annual Beer Festival in Atlantic City. The concept is simple you pay 30 bucks (25 if you are smart enough to buy your tickets online unlike us) and there is a bunch of beer distributors there. They give you a cup when you first go in and you just go from one beer station to the next and fill her up. They have all kinds of beers from overseas and some trying out new blends, or small breweries trying to make a name for themselves. In addition to the beer, there is food, Irish music, and gift shops.

We took the train down since it was right in the convention center and the train ends right there. To be honest it was a pretty sweet deal roughly 6 bucks for a round trip. We got there a little early and walked around. It is pretty cool now because when you get off the train you are in the middle of a down town where there are a ton of shops.

The line to get the ticket was long, and the line to get in the door was even longer. Price some how got split up from me and Rick. At this point I was starting to doubt that this thing was going to be worth it. But, when I got in there I was like a kid in a candy store, so much to take in. I just ran off and left Rick randomly getting beer from different stations.

A common theme would be that we split up and try to call each other on the cell phones. At one point Price and I wondered past a massage station. The random Asian women not only offered me a massage but started giving me one. Than suddenly she caught me off guard.

"12 dollar!, 12 dollar!"
"Um, I was really wasn't looking to..."
"12 dollar!, 12 dollar!"
"No, really that's okay.."

Than she shoved me onto the table and started rubbing me up. This was the first professional massage I have ever had in my life. I was pretty good you know its start to finish. Price ended up getting roped in (mainly my fault) to one too. He had a dude touching him, but he swears he didn't touch his butt, like the lady did to me. After she pretty much forced me to get her service, I wondered if my wallet would be missing after the butt rub. Luckily it wasn't.

This was a first also, when the women actually asked me for a tip. I never had anyone ask me for a tip before in my life. I looked in my wallet trying to figure out what the tip on 12 should be, when I realized only had one single and all 20s, out of fear I would not get any money back I gave her a dollar. She started getting loud.

"One dollar?!?!? One Dollar??!?"

I slowly backed away and waited for Price.

We tried it all Beer that tasted like toilet water, beer that tasted like coffee, bear with the word monkey in its name, beer that tasted like cheap whine, beer, beer and more beer. Of course like wing bowl some of the laws and rules became blurred with people smoking in the bathroom like it was no big deal. At one point the overweight middle aged rent a cop chased people out. But 5mins later the cloud of smoke returned. I forgot what it was like to have to wave myself through a cloud of smoke to get to the pisser.

Now there were alot more dudes than girls at this place. I did however bump into an ex-girlfriend(not liza) It was nice to see her I guess. I guess it was like 7 years or so. Hard to get my head around it that it was that long ago. There was some lame MAXIM magazine ripoff there. My god, they must have few readers. The girls they got in binkinis were all fat (litterally fat) and had veiny legs and bad skin. It was as if someone played a cruel joke on us all. I was waiting for some radio DJ to come out and punk us all or something.

We wanted to live a little early and beat the rush. It worked out great cause the train left early anyway. While for tickets (we were to dim to buy round trip tickets) in line there was a random drunk fat British guy.

"You, like Ben Stiller! Ben Stiller is a cunt!" --British Guy

"Um..." Me

"Doesn''t he always play a cunt! You look like him you must be a cunt!"
"I don't really um..."

He kept calling me a cunt about 10 more times.

Than he turned to a guy behind him in line and told him he F****d his mother in Liverpool. Than he banged his dad later. The guy behind him had no idea who he was.

I was so much funnier since he had a British accent, he reminded me of the sidekick in Shaun of the Dead.

The train ride home rivaled that of the "Fools on a Train" story. First off there was a drunk guy that almost fell over in Rick's lap before vomiting all over himself and retreating to the bathroom. He sat on the toilet with the door open. The odd thing is he seemed to be by himself, no one had any idea who he was or where he had to get off.

Meanwhile the front of the train had some older people. For some reason (price seemed to know why) they kept shouting JIMMY!!!!!!

AT this point we were mingling with a few different groups and we all were puzzled by this but got a real kick out of it. So, we all started yelling back.

"JIMMY!!!!!!!"

Than they would yell back.

"Jimmy!!!!!!!!!!!"

No idea who Jimmy was, or why we were so amused doing this. But, it went on for about another 30mins. As each group of dudes (mainly) got off the train they would pound on my window and yell.

"Jimmy!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Anyway the drunk dude eventually got off. Although I am fairly sure he crapped his pants before doing so. SOMEONE on the train certainly did. It was just an awful foul stench.

We got back to our neck of the woods at 11:30 ish which was perfect because we decided to hit up Harpers. All and all it really lived up to my expectations and anyone that didn't go really missed out on a good time.

Harpers was fun Allen and a bunch of our other friends were up there. I even got some cute 21 year old Irish chick's number. But that my friends is another entry all together. Tune in next time SAME BAT TIME SAME BAT CHANNEL!