“More Movies”


Blackhawk Down **

I feel like I have no heart not enjoying this film. A friend of mine cried. Other people I talked to were deeply moved and couldn’t I understand how I didn’t enjoy the film. I am sure that the battle sequences were realistic and true to what happened. However I was utterly lost by who was who, who I should care about or even any type of character.

Before going to the film, I just knew it was based on articles in the Inquirer about a little skirmish that most of Americans didn’t know about. I knew Clinton knowingly sent unready troops to war. Drew fell asleep during the movie. All I remember about that movie is we had a snow storm around the time I saw it. This movie taught me nothing.

We Were Soldiers **

Thought this murky war flick would be different since one of my favorite actors was involved (Mel Gibson). The first half of the film involved the people before they went to war which is rarely done. We are usually introduced to everyone when they are already in some sort of war. That’s what made this angle some what fresh.

However the move slips into the doldrums after the battle scenes become mundane. Some cool violent moments however there isn’t anything that would merit a 2nd viewing. I guess it seemed cooler on the big screen.

The Comedian ***

A few years after the demise of his sitcom, Jerry Seinfeld decided to retire every joke he ever did. including the bits that made him famous. So he went on the road playing in dive comedy clubs with all new material. A once polished performer stumbled over wording of his new jokes and hecklers.

Luckily for us a digital camera was running and a documentary was made about the year he spent on the road. Don’t see this wanting to see anything other than a behind the scenes look at the stand up comedy business. It offers more interesting moments than funny. Not to say that some of Jerry’s asides on and off the stage are not on par.

The documentary also follows an up and coming smart ass comedian who is seemingly as insecure as they come when he is not on stage. One classic exchange involves Jerry laughing at the new comer comparing himself to friends that are actually starting families. He seeks advice from the elder Jerry. Jerry must prepare for his upcoming gig on Letterman with his new material. Some famous stars show up as themselves.

This might not be up everyone’s alley. Die Hard Jerry fans will enjoy it, people who enjoy documentaries, and anyone who actually has a “Dream” could easily displace their own in the message that the documentary tries to convey. Very entertaining for a person like me anyway. Nice Jazz like soundtrack too.


Igby Goes Down ****

A bizarre title makes this movie hard to recommend. However anyone who had seen this one (about 15 people) were in for a treat. The strong coming of age story follows a young man who is surrounded full blown adults who are mostly hypocrites. He spends his days getting kicked out of school after school. Seeing as where he comes from a wealthy (but very messed up family) you would think he would be happy. His brother bought into the whole rich preppy lifestyle. Why shouldn’t he?

Igby goes through his life insulting people and would rather just his mom finally die. The hates this brother, hates most the people he meets, and was obviously effected by his father breakdown when he Igby was just a kid.
His mother is dying, and Igby spends time with a hot ass girl and his uncle (played hilariously by Jeff Goodblum). The story is tight, the acting is strong, and the direction is crisp certainly the most underrated movie of the year. Definitely one of my favorite films of the year.

I hyped this movie enough up that I think everyone will hate it. OH well. Perhaps we can watch when it comes on DVD at Dukes. If Jenna stays away I am sure that she will tell me what a horrible person I am for liking the movie.


Red Dragon ** ½

Remake of the underrated and for the most part forgotten Manhunter. Red Dragon is basically a big grander version of the film since it was made be on a much larger budget. The only thing is I sat through this film knowing what was going to happen and when for the most part. I liked some of the low key acting in the Manhunter better and it’s low budget feel gave it a really creepy feel.

A friend of mine become obsessed with serial killers after seeing Manhunter. Red Dragon although well done was easy to shrug off afterwards. The new ending was more loyal to the book I am told, but I liked the other ending better. Of course more Hannibal scenes were added with the film starting with him, and serving as s transition to Silence of the Lambs at the end of the film. I wonder what ever happened to detective Graham in the later films.


Two Weeks Notice **

Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock allow this movie to propel this movie with their chemistry. Even when the material seems like it shouldn’t work it seems like it does because these two actors are overly familiar with this genre. They both have done better but its not a bad film either.

The movie of course pins both love interests on polar opposites of subject matter. This one has Grant being wealthy (he is always wealthy) and wanting to expand his empire, and Bullock wanting to keep traditional NYC buildings around.

The movie like many over the years serves as a love letter to New York City with many shots of locations and references to life there. This New York City doesn’t seem like it ever had a 9/11.


Gangs of New York ***1/2

After years in the making the film finally got into theaters during the recent holiday season. The epic tale tells about New York City during the civil war. Apparently different immigrants settled in different sections of the city and didn’t like each other that much. To make matters worse the government wants to draft people for the war. Even if they don’t know what the hell is going on, because they don’t speak the same language.

This movie made Casino and Goodfellas look like a Disney film with the graphic violence. The gangs murder each other in the streets, and form alliances to a certain extent. The movie centers around a kid who grew up with this world around him and saw his father killed. When he is an adult will take part in the same way of life? Avenge his fathers death? Well you better rush out to a theater before it gets bumped to find out.

The movie boasts one of the most impressive sets done in a long time. Not one computer generated building in sight, just a good old fashion world built on a studio back lot. It might go down in history as the last such film.

For those of you avoiding this film because of “Leo” you are missing out on one of the best movies of year by far.


Catch Me If You Can ** ½

An affable entertaining (unless your Jenna securely in the arms with the smartest man alive) film about a kid who becomes a con-man. In the age of innocence (the movie takes place in the 50’s) people could get away with just dressing and acting the part and easily dupe the masses. Leo posses as a teacher, a pilot( most of the time so he can fly all around the country), and a lawyer as he travels the country. In order to fund his adventures he learns how to fake checks from airlines he never worked at.

Will it be just a matter of time will Tom Hanks catches him? The movie was good, but I wanted it to be more fun. Like when Leo banged that hot chick from Alais or the teacher scene. We seem him walking around with a bunch of hot flight attendants who he picked to go over seas with him. But we don’t get to see any of the plane ride.

The movie boggles down a bit when Leo starts falling for a Southern chick, and is oddly dark in the short spurts which messes up the balance of the generally light hearted movie. Hanks is good, but he has been much better in over roles. Kind of strange to see him in a supporting role.

“City of Losers”

I wanted to write about why I thought the Eagles would not win last nights game let a lone the Super Bowl amongst a week of hype and belittling our opponents. But people would just tell me how negative I was being. People would tell me I am a horrible person for saying such things. As a casual Eagles fan at best I don’t expect to be an expert on what happened. However, I was surprised to learn that Tampa had the best defense in the league after hearing from fans how weak the team Tampa was.

I followed the season through mostly fragments of games, highlights on the news, and headlines in the paper. I followed the story of the fallen quarterbacks. I followed what was so supposed to be prelude to the team making it to the next level. While watching the opening minutes of the game, which resulted in an Eagles touchdown I thought to myself, it just wouldn’t seem right if they won. Of course, that’s a horrible thing to think. But I just couldn’t imagine the Eagles in the Super Bowl. It’s the norm for them to be a long gone when the Super Bowl is played. The game is played by teams that are not the Eagles, that is the way I always thought it was. My head might explode if they were in the Super Bowl.

Philly teams are usually good, but never winners. When the game comes down to do or die, the team goes belly up. No matter who it is. The last time there was a victory parade in Philly was two decades ago. The Wings and Phantoms both won championships but no one noticed or cared. The Flyers game close in 1997 and choked in the finals. Then they choked again up 3 games to 1 against the Devils in the conference finals in 2000. The Sixers failed to perform a miracle against the Lakers a few years back. The Phillies broke the hearts of their fans in 1993 when Mitch Williams blew the entire season.

Tomorrow people will debate what went wrong, and try to look forward to next season. That’s what philly fans have to do. They never get to celebrate at the end of the season. It always ends horribly. Not only do Philly teams go out, they go out in embarrassing ways. Blow outs, lazy play, and just good old fashion choking. It’s a curse. The city will never win a championship. EVER. Philly it a city of losers. Every minute that goes by adds on to the dry spell. The team with the best shot this season just went down in flames.

In August the cycle will begin a new like every Philly sports team. Fans will always get caught up when a team is making a run. During the playoffs faces will be painted flags will be put on cars, signs in windows, bars will be over crowded with hopefuls. However when the story of a magical Philly season comes to the climax disaster will ensue. The Philly Sport teams are all pathetic. Good but never winners everytime the ending is the same watching some other team win.

Anytime a Philly team needs to look into themselves the falter. No matter how much the team goes through that season, they story ends the same. When it comes down to the wire they fall. Philly teams serve give other times the confidence to reach their goal. When we are the team no one is supposed to beat we become on the wrong end of the David vs. Goliath scenario (sorry drew).

So if you see man in an Eagles jersey wanting to plummet into the ice-cold Delaware River tomorrow. Get him back in your car waving a Flyers flag. Tell him this is the year of years. A parade will be here soon. Tell them the Eagles will learn from their mistakes and win it all next year. Go to the Sixers game and get your free ALF. Just be happy you have an ALF doll and your favorite sports team gives a break from your meaningless life. Just don’t expect to reminisce about the time your team won everything EVER. If you want a team that actually knows what it takes to be a true winner then perhaps you need to move out of the City of Losers territory.

“The Ghost and Christopher Arter”

Did you ever hear about things that you had to see or experience to believe? Do you ever wonder how you can hear so much about something to do with supernatural if it is not true? What you are about to read (if you choose the continue) it’s not a work of fiction that I sometimes post on here. Many of my readers thought “Hope” was a true story. It wasn’t. This is, although I don’t know if you will all think I am being straight with you.

To tell the story right let us flash back to last night when a thin layer of snow blanketed South Jersey. I drove over to my good friend Chris Arter’s (look for an upcoming feature story on him) home in Somerdale to meet up with him and Ryan. I was originally going to stay there for a short time, and than go over my girlfriends. However since I didn’t know how bad the roads were going to get, and really felt like some male bonding with my two long time friends I decided to stay in Somerdale.

It must have been literally years since the 3 of us hung out with out any outsider friends or muscular biology teachers nicknamed after a legume. The night was some of the most fun I have had in a long time sitting in the Arter basement. We sat and played Sega DreamCast tennis game for hours, while on a neighboring computer Chris downloaded pornographic video. We scarfed down Doritos and soda. This resulted in a horrifying bizarre noise coming from Ryan’s throat. All the time Chris kept suggesting to dust off the old OIJA board. I dismissed his suggestions several times. Mostly because of religious reasons.

Eventually when our thumbs grew tired and we became bored of the video game (which was actually equally as entertaining as the porn) we retired upstairs. After having to air out the house due to smoke from the fireplace I finally agreed to part take in the OIJA board part of the night of male bonding. I am pretty open minded to think that there are spirits somewhere out there. I am certainly not arrogant enough to claim to know all the answers. I think that’s part of being on Earth, not knowing the full story. If I were an Atheist, I might have killed myself a long time ago. Heck the goofy mood we were in made me think it was not going to work anyway. When I realized the box had a Parker Brothers logo on it and was recommended for children ages 8 and up, that it had to be for kids messing with each other. Okay so I will sit there like a jackass with a piece of plastic over a board.


We could not stop laughing at first( partly cause of Ryan’s throat noise), so I didn’t see it going anywhere. Eventually the piece began to move though. I thought for sure one of my friends was playing a joke on me so it was not big deal. I thought that maybe someone was just moving slightly since the piece was moving ever so slowly while Chris was asking if there was a spirit in the room. He had done before. I thought to myself am I moving it cause I am a little freaked out that it might work and we might summon up and evil spirit? Therefore, I released the piece. For a minute that seemed the case. but it still moved.

Chris asked the spirits name. It slowly picked the letters S,T,U, and at first we laughed until I realized it spelled the name Stu. Oddly, we asked other questions and we went to random letters that made no sense. At least not to us, and I was still thinking someone was pulling my leg. Until when asked when he died. The piece seemed to gain momentum and traveled to the bottom where the numbers were, and spelled a year in the 1865 (I could be off a few years.) This is when I decided to figure out which one of my friends (they both were denying it) was making the night a little more interesting. It certainly wasn’t Ryan who was barely touching it. I was only resting my fingers on it. It had to be Chris. But looking at the muscles in his hands, it didn’t seem plausible that it was just him, or the matter in which it was moving. At times Ryan’s part moved the most.

We soon realized that if we pressed harder the damn thing moved amazingly quicker. As if it took on a life of it’s own. We also realized that it could not spell so sticking to Yes and No answers were the only way we were getting anywhere. I made sure we asked if he was friendly when I really started to think something was really happening. He responded yes. Than we decided to have fun and start asking more questions, and oddly enough if the answer was Yes we would slightly move off of the word Yes, and then back on. If what we interpreted to be a big Yes the pieced would move almost to know making a big circle like b-line to Yes again.

Okay, so we figured we had a spirit’s attention (maybe anyway) we should ask him why he chose us. When we asked him who he was there to talk to we got Yes for Chris, and no for me and Ryan. WE asked him where he was from (before we started doing Yes and No) and the piece moved to the letters S,F over and over and over and over again. That was freaky. We laughed out loud a few time since we kept asking him silly questions once we believed he was from Ireland such as if he grew potatoes (YES), if he liked Irish Music (Yes), if he remembered the American Civil War (yes), if ate only potatoes (Yes, jokingly?), and if he liked Bono (no).

We decided to ask him what he knew about Chris. He told us (at least our hands) correctly picked the number of brothers Chris had. He guessed Chris was 25, which is the age of his brother. He claimed to know one of Chris’s relatives, but oddly enough he claimed he knew his grandfather which could be impossible timeline wise. He told us died of natural causes at age 56 (again I might be off a year). Eventually Chris figured his last name to be Bradley. Stu, seemed to know about Chris’s band and said although he hadn’t written the right song yet that the band would make it big in two years with Jeff as their drummer, not Drew. He also claimed to be a fan of the 90s rock band the Black Crowes.

We decided to ask him what heaven was like since he claimed to be there. He told us it was a great place where you can still interact with others, but wasn’t made up of floating clouds like many people think. He told us God was okay with him talking to us this way, and that was pretty much the only way he could communicate. We told him to say hi for us, and he said he would. He agreed that it was frustrating moving the piece, which he claimed he did with his hand. Oddly enough, he said yes when Chris asked if he had to pay to talk to us. Perhaps through good deeds? I thought it would be strange for heaven to have currency. He said he had none spoken to people this way 9 times this week. He told us that he just enjoys seeing people’s reactions, and does research on his realities from beyond. He also knew for some reason quite a bit about Chris.

He answered yes when we asked if he could see the future. He told us nothing bad would happen to us anytime soon. He however told Chris that his success with the band will not be good for him but live a good life. We asked if he knew the current condition of the world and if he was concerned. He told us the world is not on the brink and won’t end in our lifetime. He also told us that we will not go to war with Iraq or North Korea. We asked him if President Bush will become reelected, he said yes and that it was a good thing.

He knew about Chris’s brothers, and his different bands. He also talked about music he supposedly liked.

He also as it turns out is a BIG football fan, and said the Eagles will win Sunday and win the Superbowl. I don’t know how you could be a fan of sport that you always knew the outcome of, but hey.

The most tense moments came when Chris wanted to see if he could move something in the room to let us know his presence. He asked him to pick push a tissue box, but he didn’t. He asked him to pick up a glove resting on the fire place still nothing. He asked him to move a Christmas Bow. After awhile we realized that he couldn’t do that even though he agreed to try. But waiting freaked me out, because if something happened I would know for certain that someone else was in the room.

What almost sealed the deal was when we realized he was getting weak. We asked him if he wanted to go and he said yes. So the piece moved rapidly towards the words good-bye at the bottom of the board. It slid back and forth erratically (almost violently) again and again. Chris asked if we had to let go of the piece for it to end and it went to Yes quickly. He told us earlier that all 3 of us most touch it for it to move. After answering the question the piece slid to goodbye again. And went back and forth. Untill I let up and it slowed, than we all let it go.

Okay, there was a point that the piece had to been moving on its own it would seem to me. However I am not quite ready to say I know 100 % that we made “contact”. However my theories why it wasn’t a message are relatively thin. It could have been Chris fooling with us. Or perhaps one of us subconsciously was moving the piece. Which would still be a pretty cool trick. Maybe it has something to do with holding your hands in the same position at a certain angle that will make your arms involuntarily move slightly creating the illusion that the piece is moving. Perhaps the designers of the board knew this and put Yes and No at certain places for a reason. Perhaps that was just a coincidence that it was seemingly answering our questions. This would be a stretch when you apply it to the S, and F moment or the Good-bye moment. However some of the answers seemed in impossible.

Although I didn’t feel a “presence” I did feel some sort of force guiding the piece. I can’t imagine one of my friends could make it glide the way it did, but I shouldn’t rule it out. It did seem strange though that the piece would gain strength at times, and move rapidly. At times it almost went clean off the board. One of my two friends might be a really good actor if they pulled it off. I have not yet put a finger on what happened perhaps I am not supposed to understand or perhaps it is simply a fluke. It certainly is unexplainable at this point. All I know is that I will not soon forget that experience that should at the least be chalked up under the unexplained. Trust me I had serious doubts anything would happen before as ready to downplay it, but if you were there you would most likely agree with me that “something” was happening.


The more I read about these things the more I think its better to leave these old games collecting dust in basements. They sound like bad news, so don't go trying it unless you really want to experience something bizarre willing to take a risk. I think once is a enough for me, lets just say there was a Stewart Im glad he was nice. If anyone has any theories please email them to me.

“Harry the War Horse”

If those of you that don’t know at this point a friend of Tucker’s has been sent to the middle east. I spoke with Price roughly 12 hours before his group was taken on a flight to what he figured would be somewhere in the middle east.

I don’t fear giving away government secrets or anything and I wouldn’t do that I don’t work for the New York Times. It wasn’t exactly secret since cable news network CNBC was lurking about his base for 24 hours covering the story.

Although it would seem there is a pretty good chance that the war in Iraq, has well fallen through I can’t imagine spending time in that area of the world can be all that pleasant. You never know what will happen over in Middle East, or if things will get ugly. Id imagine his crew (not the out of shape South Jersey losers) will likely have a lengthy stay in the desert since they are from what I am told well trained for that sort of thing. Their time might even be longer, since the war has been delayed more than the 5th season of the Sopranos.

Are we going to war with Iraq? I doubt it a this point. Nor am I convinced we should either. North Korea might be a bigger problem than Iraq at this point. I just hope Price is back downing beer with me safe and sound when he returns. Sorry if that sounded gay, but if anyone wants his address to write to him let me know via email.

Oh yeah, he played Harry the Horse in Guys and Dolls in a Sterling play once.


“Put a Terrorist In Your Tank”

A recent commercial campaign mocks the anti-drug campaign that launched string of commercials late last year talking about how drug money ends up in the hands of terrorists. They also mentioned that the events of September 11th were paid in part by drug users even as harmless as pot users. Several people tell the camera that they helped knock two large buildings down(I wonder if Jay has and jokes he wants to add about that) and help kill innocent people.

The new commercial campaign attacks SUVs because of their poor gas mileage. Like the anti-drug campaigns, they trace the money. From some white dude pumping his SUV, to the EVIL oil company man in a suit, and ending with an Arabic looking solider. They also have one with various others.

Here is some text from the ad.

'This is George,'' a child says in a sing-song voice. ''This is the gas that George bought for his SUV. This is the oil company executive that sold the gas that George bought for his SUV. These are the countries where the executive bought the oil, that made the gas that George bought for his SUV. And these are the terrorists who get money from those countries every time George fills up his SUV.''

Now I am trying to guess what the objective of this campaign is. Is it to get the law to crack down on what kind of mileage a car can get to the galloon? Perhaps. Is it to make us feel guilty every time we fill up the tank? Not sure. Should I try to harm Rich Arter (a SUV owner) the next time I see him for being a supporter of terrorism? Is it just using the events of Sept 11th to farther a anti-SUV campaign that has been taking place since they drove off the assembly line?

Well SUVs have always come under fire for their likeliness to flip over (comically known as rubbering up). I was hit by one once, and it almost put the Tempo in the grave. Luckily, it didn’t rubber up. People said the same things about jeeps when they first came on the market. If people want to purchase dangerous vehicles for traveling at for convenience, does it differ from Motor Cycle drivers doing the same for looking cool?


That’s not the point though I know. But what about me? Is it okay that I supposedly support terrorism just a little bit? Last time I was Mobil I didn’t see special tank for the SUV drivers. So, my money went to the same place as George’s did right? So lets say I at least bought Osma Bin Laden lunch with my money at least once or twice. What about the South Jersey residents who commute to New York City (surprisingly more than you would think) even if they don’t have SUVs. They are likely to burn more gas than a soccer mom who zips around the locally. Should we round these bastards up? Lets say two families decide to go to Washington DC to see sight see. What if they could easily fit both in two cars, but take an SUV do they burn the same amount of gas?

I guess I see where they are coming from, but I think the ads are kind of silly. Maybe the drug ones were blown out of proportion, but I certainly didn’t need 9/11 to tell me drug money supported horrible people. A drive to through Camden tells me that.

A more effective ad might have flashed actual stats. up about how much gasoline they use burn up. Or an alternative solution to natural gas. I want everyone to turn his or her heat off during the cold snap in South Jersey. DO IT!

“More Movies”

Here are some more 2002 flicks I checked out. Man I saw A LOT more than I thought!

½ Star = BRUTAL
*=Awful
*1/2= bad
**= it was OKAY
**1/2= good
***= really good
***1/2= Put it on the top of your list.

****= AWESOME MUST SEE OF THE YEAR


Austin Powers: Gold Member
* 1/2

The franchise takes a nosedive in the third installment of the bumbling Austin Powers. What few jokes work are few and far between or rehashed from the previous two films. All the surprise cameos were cool and for the most part worked. However Austin’s love interest is lame and given nothing to do. It’s nice to see Fred Savage getting work again. However, other additions like the Goldmember himself and the return of Fat Bastard fall flat.

The story blows the shit out of the fourth wall and it makes it simply doesn’t work. Some of the film was just mind-numbling unfunny. It made me just want to watch the other two.


It was nice to see that Dr. Evil finally get his sharks with lasers. Too bad this movie franchise just jumped one.


Full Frontal

½

Good Lord. Sometimes way ahead of time I read about movies in the making, and for some reason this one really appealed to me. Sounded intriguing, and boy was I wrong! The film was a movie with in a movie with in a movie, and I had a hard time keeping track of what world was what. Plus there was a plot line about some guy putting on a play about Hitler that had absolutely nothing to do with anything.

Some good jokes in the movie, and some interesting comments about the movie industry but it was wasted in an ocean of incoherence. Easily the worst movie I saw in theaters in 2002. Everyone involved with this film should have to do charity work or something. I am thinking on writing a letter to try to get my 8 dollars back, or filling a lawsuit against the Ritz. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!!!!! DON’T GO NEAR THIS FILM EVER!

About A Boy ***


For the longest time I have been saying to people that the writer and director of the American Pie flicks could easily write a screen play without bathroom humor or Jason Biggs humping a pie. Since this film made the top ten list of many critics looks like I wasn’t out of my mind. Underneath all the sick jokes both American Pie flicks had heart, attention to friendships and relationships and I could see the potential. They seem to like to write about the transition period in a person’s life. I look forward to American Pie 3 (titled American Wedding) and what ever project they have next, since Off Centre got axed.

Never a fan of Hugh Grant (although I think I might give his work a 2nd look) or British films( although this is like an American British film), I really was surprised that I liked this one. The movie had well written characters, a good soundtrack and was quite well acted.

Hugh was good as the rich playboy. He made millions of his fathers Christmas song, collecting royalties so he could just sit on his ass literally his whole life. He dedicates his days to doing..well NOTHING. He watches movies, reads magazines, shoots pool, tries to manipulate single girls, and listens to CDs. Sounds like what I would do if I were rich.





Under Cover Brother ***

Fresh Comedy spoofing 70’s funk movies, and lampooning the differences between WHITE guys and BLACK guys. Sounds bad, but most the jokes work, and the story tells about a group of black people who fight against the man. Apparently the Man is a real person who tries to discredit black culture with inventions such as Urklee. If that isn’t evil enough he wants to thwart the first black person to actually run for president and keep the white house white.

Jokes about African American culture such as Orange soda, fried chicken, wanting to bang white chicks, afros, and getting funky are in abundance. I loved most the characters in the film, the story progressed, despite the fact the film was only about an hour, and twenty minutes it worked pacing wise.

If I told you there was a movie that had Billy Dee Williams, Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser Md), Dave Chapelle, and Denis Richards wouldn’t you want to see it? That alone is worth a rental. I might check out this Eddie Griffen fellow in other movies. I have a feeling a sequel will arrive in about two years. It could get stale like Austin Powers, but with this talented cast …”It Aint NO THANG!”


The Ring ****

I am not going to say anything about this movie for anyone who has not seen it. Lets just say it’s a damn good thriller, one of the best I have thing in a lOOOOOOng time. I knew very little about the film going into it. And neither should you. Just rent it when it comes out, and leave the phone off the hook.


Minority Report ***

Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg team up for this slick futuristic flick. Tom Cruise has to catch criminals before they commit crimes. Some freaky stuff going on this film it kind of reminded me of Blade Runner and Dark City at times.


The movie came out in a time when in the war against terror had similar patterns when some suspected terrorists were rounded up before they could commit any crimes. Some innocent and some not so innocent.

If you like a good action popcorn movie with actual depth check this one out. I didn’t even know what was what until the movie ended. I mean that in a good way. Chris Arter hated the movie though.


Star Wars: Attack of the Clones ** 1/2

Months before that strange group of sex freaks claimed to have made cloned baby, a bunch of poorly done CGI storm troopers marched across a big screen. George Lucus rebounds from the horrendous Phantom Menace, but fails to reach the level the original 3 hit.

The plot has to make us see the transition form good to evil for the kid who becomes Darth Vador. It was a tough role to play, and the kid who plays him is awful. But Lucus said he doesn’t care about the acting in his films anymore. Just likes neat effects.

The movie has some incredible sequences, such as the chase scene in the start of the film. Ewan McGregor manages to get a better handle on what his character should be like this in this film. The most talked about sequence was the Yoda which was pretty good. I mean you had to have something to make audiences to understand why people respected him too much. It came close to becoming overkill though. Now that he is computer generated his facial expressions are more advanced.

Some movie magic makes its way into this movie, and makes for fun time. Despite the sub-par acting and the at times confusing plot.

However again some of the CGI effects prove to be no better if not worse than models, miniatures and puppets used in pervious films. For example that illregular looking space ship that looked like it came right out of an X-box game and what ever the heck the kid was riding in the middle of the movie were laugh out loud embarrassing. Some one should have to balls to tell Lucus that CGI hasn’t been totally mastered yet and how horrible they looked. There were more examples of that but I cant think of it off hand.

The film was a lot better than I thought I would be, and I want to bonk Natalie Portman.

Still more to come….keep checking back…..

I t“All You Need is Love!”


Thank you for everyone voting for the story of the year. The winner by a hair is the story of the two lovers Jay and Jenna. To get the full understanding of perhaps why this story may have struck a cord lets take a journey back my fellow readers….come let us go back in time.

Once there was this boy who carried around a bag of lima beans from place to place. A behavior so particular that it earned him the nickname Lima Beanz by his classmates. Lima Beanz dreamed of one day becoming wrestling coach for young boys. He admired the sport’s homoerotic roots and thrill of boys forcefully trying to get one another flat on their backs. Lima Beanz grew up and went away to college and made no friends, because nobody liked him.

Once there was this girl who grew up not to far from Lima Beanz. She was the girlfriend of a pastor’s son. However, she grew up too and went away to a different college, dated some guys and fell in love with her volley ball coach. Therefore, she decided to kick the pastor’s son to the curb, sending him to a period of private hell and misery.

One sweltering South Jersey summer day the boy and girl crossed paths. Ryan and I whitnessed the start of it all. You see Jenna was on a “break” from her new beau giving the chance to meet other guys that summer while come for school. That day her and Lima Beanz touched lips for the first time. Lima Beanz had to throw out his scientific theory he had worked on his whole college career that girls had “coodies”. It didn’t matter that girls found him repulsive and offensive when he openly degraded them anymore (is he spoke to them at all). It didn’t matter that most girls were turned off about him claiming to be the smartest man alive and God. He didn’t need them.

Because he loves her.

Each summer like the shobies to the jersey shore Jenna came to Laurel Springs. Each summer they did the dance of love under the summer sky. Each time she returned to school she would pull the wool over eyes of her dimwitted farmer boyfriend. While he checked to make sure each chicken was in the coop she quietly shed tears on her pillows.

Because she loves him.

One Summer she did not return, like the summer when the shoobies stayed away from Wildwood due to a sewage leak (thankfully a long time ago and since cleaned, New Jersey and You Perfect Together! ) she stayed away from Laurel Springs for the most part that summer. This didn’t dishearten the now retired scientist. He knew she would have a ring on her finger from him one day. Lima Beanz had ring of his on when he finished college. He spent most of that year sleeping till 4 pm, and sinking into debt. He worked sporadically after getting his education for a couple of years. His one boss even fired him cause he didn't like him. That didn’t bother him one bit.

Because he loves her.

Jenna moved back when school was done. With in weeks she forgot the farmer like Hollywood forgot C. Thomas Howell. She was back to locking lips with now more muscular Lima Beanz. Lima Beanz of course had done little maturing since he was a boy. At the same time Jenna decided to date guy after guy after guy after guy after guy after guy. Even Rich Arter for Christ sakes! Eventually she decided to kick the farmer to the mill. After a creepy sexual love triangle was displayed at Drewiebe 2002-bie (don’t ask) which made everyone who witnessed it uneasy and ready to vomit in Drew’s backyard. Luckily people only urinated in his pool. Despite her roster of love interests Lima Beanz was there like a loyal (or stupid) basset hound. (2 votes) She would always return to him though no matter who or how many guys she was seeing.

Because she loves him.


Over the years few girls were fooled by Lima Beanz outward looks. Though many become disgusted when they got know him as a person he had a few chances. One girl invited him to a Super Bowl party for a guarantee lay. He opted to spend the day with dudes make sloppy Joes. Another hottie (over rated actually) girl wanted him bad, despite seeing him vomit. Instead of rebounding from that foul, he fumbled. I think I just mixed up 3 sports in that sentence. Good thing no one reads Tucker’s World. Anyway…Lima Beanz even botched up a hook up with Russian Vixen.

Because he loves her.

After dating the equivalent of the population oh Hi-Nella Jenna decides on the day people observe the birth of Christ (sorry drew) that Lima Beanz is her man. She needs a man that who is chronically unemployed., enjoys farting in public places, still finds amusement in playing the penis game while approaching his mid-twenties, checks outs his own body, makes jokes about the events of Sept. 11th, picks on Drew, fears a cigarette smoking man, has blatant repressed homosexual tendencies, is a little girl about his hair, wants retards dead, hated by the vast majority of society including Ryan’s father, has little or no money, has no respect for property of other people, leaves idle cars ignored for months on end, shares a room with this brother, has less ambitious drive than Ryan has a sex drive, socially retarded when talking to authority figures and votes for the same story of the year as her.

Because she loves him.

The odds are stacked against him and their relationship is more controversial than Bush Administration’s relationship with Enron (despite the fact Clinton had an similar relationship) . Jay might only have a pocket full of lima beans and an empty wallet. But he has key to Dukes apartment for nice romantic evenings, and a key to Jenna’s heart. Despite Lima Beanz knowing for years that she is “The One” to the mockery of his peers, and critics pointing out Jennas fickle cold heart and neither them having the job they want everything is going to be okay.

Because all you need is love.


“Rich Men, Poor Men”

I still am not sure about the whole tax cut, because I simply don’t know enough about the economy to know if it will fix the situation. Unfortunately, it is not something I can write strongly about and state a side just yet.

One point of the tax cut (as I understand I could be wrong) would be to cut back on taxing money earned in the stock market, and than cutting back on it when it is passed down after death. I want read more about it before I make an intelligent comment about it. I tried reading TERMINUS but most of it went over my head, and I think it might be more opinion than fact. I would like to see how Drew would fix the economy since he seems to know ahead of time that this tax plan won’t work. I don’t mean that in a mean way. I want him to make up a plan.

Anyway before I get off topic and start talking about gay sheep or comparing people I know to basset hounds again let me get to something that resembles the title of this article. The tax cut has generated belly aching again that I can understand to a certain extent but I don’t really side with. It is a bellyache that has been around since cavemen had more rocks than other cavemen. It will be here when Smell You Later replaces goodbye (Simpsons reference for you people with lives), but I am sick of it.

I’m talking about people picking on the rich just because they are rich. Granted people some people did shady things go earn their green. Granted rich people can be stuck up ( I experienced this before) and not want to associate with blue collar people and can be pricks about the company they keep. But there are a lot of mid income pricks and low income pricks who hate people unlike them just as much. Just work in retail for awhile. I don’t see many people in the middle class hanging out with homeless people. Most people don’t even feel sorry for them, I feel sorry for very few of them. Not that I am a prick. I am aware of the poverty problem. Actually I am currently gathering clothes I don’t wear for good will.

Anyway, people bitch about the tax cut saying rich people are getting too much money back. Do you know why they are making a lot more money back than the majority of the demographics of this webpage? Before you say special interests read this comparison. Let us say Tom Tulish and I go to Best Buy. Tom buys an X-Box, and I buy an Avril Lavigne CD. The next day I let Tom read The Philadelphia Daily News when I am done with it, and so he can ignore merchandise being wheeled out. After reading the people paper for awhile he comes across a flyer for Best Buy offering 10 % everything. Because we know how to bitch out retail employees ( I would never do this though) we go back there and demand them to honor the discount. Tom makes back more money than I did because he spent more than I did.

If I actually had a full time job, I would not expect the government to hand me more money back than Dan K would get. I have not gone through the mundane details to see if either of us would get money back this time around. Of course, I would have to work full-time, but even if I did I wouldn’t make much at my current job to merit a truckload of green. Yes, obviously I need money more than Dan since he makes 70 times more than I do. However, it is not about that. It’s about giving money back that was taxed on the money you earned right?

I don’t want to see the gap between poor and the rich widen anymore as much as the next guy. But I don’t have distain for the rich. I don’t feel they owe me anything. If anything I admire the likes of Bill Gates, Ted Turner, John Rockafeller, and Milton Hershey. Granted it would be hard to give money back to the deceased but do you know why you know all these people and they are rich? Because they freaking earned it. All of them worked hard, or had the smarts to foresee the next big thing coming down the white horse pike. For every rich asshole, there is an honest good-hearted man like the late Dave Thomas. Heck when the stock market was booming in the mid-90s people got rich simply from reading about the market and GASP reading a newspaper. I only hate them, because I am like DAMN why didn’t I think of that!

Not everyone can be rich in a capitalistic society. We need the poor to do mundane jobs, and so the democrats can pay them for their votes. If rich people want to manipulate and take advantage of the weak and lazy than so be it. That is just survival of the fittest that exists in every society. They are also providing them with jobs and stuff to buy. It would have been swell if my ancestors hopped on the Oil bandwagon early last century. The people that were smart enough hard working enough and dedicated enough can pass down their loads of cash from generation to generation now (and the government will tax that too so even after you meet the reaper you pay Uncle Sam). So people with “Old Money” can be stuck up I don’t think its their job to close the poverty gap if they don’t want to. Anymore than if I should give a dollar to some drugged up homeless guy ( home dwelling challenged) if I don’t feel the need.


People who scoff the rich act like America is the only place that has class problems. Our poor people’s living conditions are that of envy in some countries where living to 30 is an accomplishment. As much as I get annoyed that most the Indian gas attendants can't understand what the heck I am saying, you have to admire their balls. Not in a gay way of course, but they found a hole in the system and exploit it.

I just graduated college and I feel like Tim Robbins in the Hudsucker Proxy. I am not really sure what my ticket to ride is going to be yet (hopefully there is one) but I don’t want to fully blame others if I spend my life in retail. Granted the economy is the worst in 3 decades making the job search a big fat bitch. I know part of it is who you know and it would help if I had a distinct dream. I would rather blame myself for not having enough direction. Despite that blaming the man on the moon and people who are richer than you is the American way.

I am not saying everyone can just get money and fortune by simply WANTING. You need a marketable skill if you are out to just make money. Some people would rather just follow their hearts and that’s cool. Those people are usually the most good-hearted and the glue of society. But if your out to join the top 1 % if you have and idea, an concept, a product that people will want or need, some sweat, hard work, elbow grease, showing no fear, and a way to sell it than you deserve every cent you earn. If the government decides they take too much money from EVERYONE what you earn and want to be fair about it you should get back based on what you earned. Not what you think you are owed. So instead of scoffing the rich, maybe read about how they did it.

"Tucker Looks Back at the Movies of 2002 & Blogs About Them! ”

Well here are the movies that I saw in 2002..ones off this list like the Harry Potter sequel and Lord of the Rings sequel I didn’t bother to see since I never saw the originals. They are in sort of order of releases some I rented others I saw in theaters. I am going to give them a rating. I am most likely going to do this in at least two parts. . This post may seem longer than most….but read it anyway!
½ Star = BRUTAL
*=Awful
*1/2= bad
**= it was OKAY
**1/2= good
***1/2= really good
****= AWESOME MUST SEE OF THE YEAR


Frailty: **
Uneven, but engaging tale of demons! The film is basically about two brothers who had a dark past. Their father thought they were a family chosen to slay demons. Was he out of his GORDE or his the last in the line of defense between good and evil? Now that the kids are grown up is it time to follow in their dads footsteps? The movie was the first film Bill Paxton directed. If you like creepy tales its worth a rental because it will keep you guessing. Certainly a step above some recent attempts in the genre

National Lampoon’s Van Wilder * * ½

Some jokes work some jokes fail miserably. The guy who plays Van Wilder has good comic timing and plays the role well. Van is a cool guy who helps out dorks instead of picking on them like in most college comedies. The movie should have tried too hard at times, and should have keep with the witty dialogue instead of resorting to dog seaman jokes that resulted in many people leaving the theater.Although the huge testacies jokes worked. Since Van is such a cool character its certainly hard to HATE this film. Good one to sit around with some beers and buddies. Good eye candy too.


Spiderman **

The movie is loyal to the original comics that started the series. But watching the film I realized what cheap clone Spiderman is of Superman. Even parts of the film seemed airlifted from Richard Donner’s superior Epic Superman: The Movie. Such as scenes when his father figure gave him advice before dying, being a misfit in high school, having to chose between saving innocent people and his loved ones, the hero going from a small town to a big city, and working for a newspaper.

The first act of the film is good which is important to make the second act work in a film like this. Unfortunately, the movie seemingly derails and becomes too campy. Why the heck does Green Goblin have a beef with him anyway? At least Lex Luthor had a reason in the film, when he figured Superman was on to his restate scam (it a lot cooler than it sounds), and I know that Superman had some major plot holes..but come on. I know it’s a comic book movie but….

The main problem was Spiderman was simply a horribly done CGI, and I felt like I was watching a playstation game not a movie. I don’t recall Spiderman changing form and size as much as he did while navigating against obviously fake backgrounds. I don't hate movies just on effects, cause I can watch movies with dated effects either. However Tobey McCguire didn't really even play Spiderman that much. Again Superman looked bad in some scenes flying against a map painting ..but this was bad. Why do we keep insisting that we master this form of special effects. Give me models and puppets in day.

Some cool explosions and feel good heroism, and I guess we are supposed to be impressed when Macy Gray shows up in cameo role. If you want to see any Spiderman movie see this one, cause the sequels are likely to be campier and crappier. Spiderman’s love interest is a shallow bitch.


Panic Room ***

Well executed thriller that has to make you care about the characters and has to be well-acted the film succeeds in both efforts so that’s why the movie works. The movie’s basic plot has a mother and um..either son or daughter I don’t forget I just couldn’t tell are locked in a room designed to keep out the bad guys.

They don’t resort to home alone tactics, but there are actually a few laughs generated by the dreamy (who said that?) Jared Leto (or is it Ledo?). I don’t want to say too much about the movie though cause I saw it a long time ago and don’t want give anything away. Certainly a movie most people can agree on so if you look to rent something with a person who you usually don’t agree on films with…its neutral enough for most people to have a happy blockbuster night.

Insomnia: **

A well directed, occasionally slow thriller about a man tracking a killer in an artic town. One of the people that I saw this with said it was one of the worst movies they ever saw. I have to disagree with that statement! Not that I am going to hang the poster of the film on my wall anytime soon but its worth seeing at least once.

The movie is well directed with some good sequences, like Al Pacino jumping on ice chunks after the over acting Robin Williams was certainly one of the better chases scenes of the year. However most of the film doesn’t really stay with you. To be honest I don’t even remember why Robin Williams killed anyone for if he even did. I am pretty sure Hilary Swank was in it.

I don’t usually gripe when movies are too long, cause I think that’s a lame thing to say about movies. However it could have used some trimming especially scenes that were repetitive that’s what they make the deleted scenes on DVDs for.

Mr Deeds *

I saw this movie after happy hour with some friends; needless to say the first half of the movie was a lot funnier. Maybe Sandler can’t pull off mindless whackiness off anymore like he did in the mid 90’s. with The stupid but Billy Madison or the overrated but popular Happy Gilmor.

The film could have been better if it would just sit back and tell the story without sidetracking for supposed comic sequences that seem out of place and for the most part are not funny. Even Sandler films regulars embarrass themselves. Good comedy could have just been done by playing the movie straight like Big Daddy kinda did.

Sandler plays a bit more bright waterboy, but making him borderline retarded doesn’t seem necessary. Since they are handed the fish out of water bit thanks to the plot. Sandler is all cartoonish than we are supposed to care about his broken heart. Some actresses just shouldn’t do comedy and Ryder is just awful. The film also manages to waste the talents of Peter Gallagher who is underrated and certainly has better comic abilities than what you see here.

Mr. Deeds made money, but Sandler better find a new bit. I wanted REALLY wanted to see Punch Drunk Love, because Sandler is supposed to be really good in his first serious role. But I never got around to seeing the flipping thing.

MIB II *

The pug is funny. The movie is dumb. The plot swaps Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith’s roles comically from the first one. Jones who shows up late in this oddly short film has to be re trained by Smith. So basically the two actors get paid millions to stare at a blue screen. The plot in the first one was remotely intresting this plot just sucks.

This movie’s only purpose is to put faces on Taco Bell cups. But if you do see it…try not to laugh at the pug singing along to “Who Let the Dogs Out?” just try!

This film made my brain hurt. Thank God (sorry drew) it only takes a lasts about 80 minutes or less before the credits roll and we hear the new Will Smith song. NOD YOUR HEAD!

Signs *****

Its freshly out on DVD so go rent it, although you missed out on a good theater experience! The movie is heartwarming, funny, thrilling (me and several friends hearts were literally pounding), dramatic, and just flat out fun!

Everything in this film works, except that random army guy. Almost perfectly directed and acted. Mel Gibson plays the role well, and I enjoyed the spiritual undertones of the film. The movie proves the age old old point that most the time its what you DON’T see that makes a film like this effective. But since computers out there have the ability of doing cool animation (not believable live action mind you) will be subjected to more CGI mania next year I am sure.

This movie was one of the few that I have recalled to live up to its hype. Although I think the makers are disappointed, that no one started a trend wearing the hats in the film.

More movies to come…also look for a COMCAST update, the story of the year, and various other current events to be pondered.

“Man of the Year”

Okay to recap the person of the year has had the most impact. Oh if you have not been reading in awhile scroll down to the story of the year and you can vote! Email me at Mst3keith@aol.com . The votes came flying in for awhile. But I have not heard from all my readers yet.

The Tucker’s World Man of the Year is Milton Ryan Peiffer. The man who became the leader of the crew after making certain Starview continued the policy of giving us French fires with the chicken tenders.

As the leader, Ryan would often organize events by calling everyone and coming up with ideas for us to do. He also broke up with his girlfriend over the summer, and despite the fact that he wanted to get back with her the very next day he didn’t bother to try for about 3 months.

He lead with passion and even networked us to various hot girls. Okay a few hot girls. He threw a kegger at his house that brought together lots of dudes. We all laughed how Ryan was carefree and single again. However, because we were happy we didn’t realize Ryan’s secret turmoil. I did not even notice he was depressed until August and most friends still did not notice. He did get some flack towards the end from Lima Beanz mostly. The time we decided to go the shore bars (usually a rockin’ good time) and ended up in going to the boardwalk in the pouring rain (despite never going there during the 30 perfect weather days of the summer)was a low point. It ended with us sitting in house we had to be out of by like 12:30.

He had confined in Jenna and various other girls including Noel (CALL HER UP!) about his secret pain. He simply could not lead anymore. At the end of the summer, he resigned and dedicated himself to his 5th year of college and winning his girlfriend back.

It took him about 14 minutes to get her back so….wasn’t all that hard. Things were going well despite not having a leader, because everyone was busy anyway. However, trouble arose when the relationship between his girlfriend and certain crew members hit a snag. Perhaps he is better off. I bet his lungs are pinker than mine.

He still hangs out with us a few times a month (not including the occasional obligatory late night cameo) and when he is not there everyone is shrugging and asking, “Where’s Ryan?”

He even started up two new bands. Aside from Fast Forward he had not been in a band since he left Big Fantastic (due to increasing fame and attention from girls). The Bogg Mummies (sp?) a big bandish type of music re-teamed him with Chris Arter and his girlfriend. TRAP reunited him with Rich Arter, but neither band ever plays anywhere that I know of.

Poor Ryan has gone through some tough times with his girlfriend but always manages to work things out. His efforts to balance time between a girl who loves him dearly and a bunch of losers guys (and one girl) will likely be debated all through 2003.


“Rumor Mill”


Well the Flyers will finish their road trip this weekend. They are playing about .500 hockey but at the same time their special teams are still among the league’s worst. They also continue to struggle to score goals, unless Jamie Storr is in net. Meanwhile they lost Simon Gagne (for awhile) and Marcus Ragnarsson got hurt and sent back to Philly. They added winger Tomi Kallio who the plucked off the waiver wire from the Bluejackets. He played for Atlanta and was just seems like some one who can add some muscle and kill penalties. He seems eager to make an impact an scored a goal already. Could he be the Donald Brasher of the 2002-03 season?

Keith Primeau netted his 9th against the Kings, by far the most emotional game of the trip. However, he recently got a lashing from Clarke that of course the media picked up on. Clarke finally has admitted he is in the market for people that can put the puck in the net. He claims there isn’t much out there right now. Obviously, you will have to give up something to get something. The underachieving captain might as well where a target on his chest.

I am not sure what Clarkie will get for good old keith, but I don’t expect Prims to be with the Flyers at the end of the month. If I know Clarke will likely get someone well over the age of 30, and teach him how to dump and chase. It doesn’t matter who we get it seems we can turn the NHL’s most finesse players into zombies who makes plays a peewee opponent could easily read.

“ Story of the Year”


Okay most major cable networks and media outlets are reflecting on the year that was. Enron, Iraq, the Olympics scandal, that lord of the rings sequel, Trent Lott, Michael Jackson being all strange, and of course Martha Stewart. Well I am not big enough to cover all those thing in depths so why not let my readers vote on the story of the year from a list based solely on the social aspects of my meaningless life.

Sure, its shallow but who cares? Okay many reading this don’t even know that some of this stuff happened or weren’t impacted but you can still vote on the story that SEEMS the biggest. Keep in mind the story has to have had the greatest impact on the crew, the most biggest story that effected the natural order of things the most. Just send in your vote to Mst3keith@aol.com be sure to put Tucker’s World in the subject so I don’t think that its spam and delete it. Remember these are impact stories, not amusing ones like the Brant and Dan K. stories.

A.
Jenna decides to come back to South Jersey after getting her degree. Eventually she ends up back in her old job at the Sears Retail Outlet much to many drooling associates delight. Her return changes the crew into a co-ed collection because of her constant presence. She does make an impact cleaning up after us, and cooking us food. She also gives us insights when we seek advice on females even if its just to call her a word rhyming with hunt. Anyway its like she never left, but she certainly did change the social order in the crew and mixed things up. Drew thinks the will be the death of the crew.

B.
Superman and Lois Lane, Kermit and Miss Piggy, Ben and J. Lo., Cousin Balki and Mary-Ann all famous couples. But what about Jay and Jenna? These two love birds have been crazy about each other since cell phones were the size of Rick’s cock. The minute Jenna came back we all made predictions on when these two crazy kids would end up in each others arms. Of course they did, than they didn’t, than they did again, than she said she would never touch him again, than she did. Basically they have been on and again off again to point of annoyance. Even when they are off, they seem like they are on. Jenna did see other people while Jay um…….well Jay sat around and farted a lot. ? After dating more guys than the average attendance at Phillies game at last minute Jenna decides to get in a exclusive relationship with Jay. Has love truly blossomed or was it a stunt to get make this a stronger candidate for story of the year?

C. Bored one day Ryan and I decide we need a nickname for one of our friends. We had been calling Jay Sparkey for awhile but it didn’t pan out despite girls enjoying it. I want to name him Boogie like Mickey Rourke in Diner, but we end up calling him Lima Beanz. That’s right with a Z. We even make up a story about how he carried lima beans around when he was a kid for almost no good reason. The name caught on. He also answers to Beanzie, and LB.


D. After losing a year of his life due to massive DVD debts and greasy unhealthy New Brunswick food Drew finally makes it law school. Not only does he make it (I bet against him) he makes it through his first semester. He also makes friend and stars in a play no one sees or cares about. He also reveals that he ISNT gay.

E. Ryan admits that cupid (isn’t his corpse still rotting in Rick’s closet?) has struck him in the previously non-existent heart. Much to our surprise he in a serious relationship with a girl he met at Rowan. She is a cool whacky little chick and kind of cute so he did okay. However things go sour and crew girlfriend approval rating plummets after some controversial incidents. They would have nothing to do with and idiot blogger who has the tendency to run his mouth. NOTHING..okay maybe a little something. Damn Drew. Anyway this relationship has been the round table discussion many a night, some people think he is kept from his friends too much, others think that’s the natural course of things. Ryan’s own mother even takes a shot at the poor guy. A lot of drama has come out of this relationship and a lot of debate.



Other considerations include me actually finishing college, Dan K moving to Mainstreet, Rick and his new love interest, my jealous rage over Duke getting with one of Alyssa’s friends, everyone but me and jenna getting new cars. Jenna breaking up with Arron.

Email me at MST3keith@aol.com you have one week to get your vote in.
HAPPPPPPPPPPY NEW YEAR!

Eventhough I will see some of my readers the next few days. I won't see all of you so I want wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Even if you don't like it. Too bad... I already have wished you a Merry Christmas it is too late. As a little present I have put up short story I wrote awhile back. Its not a Charlie Brown Christmas, but I like it.

"The Gift"

Some time around the first week of the year. I took a second look at one of our traditional Christmas decorations; it was a complete and total eyesore. It was a gift some old lady gave my mother 10 years ago for Christmas and I guess she felt obligated to put it on the tree each year. It was a gaudy looking knitted cat. It was one the most hideous things I have ever laid eyes on. They say its thought that counts well it’s the thought that angers me when I see it every year.

That same Christmas like every year an epidemic spread through the grade school. This year it was in the form of Sega, the newest video game system. Over greasy square pizza, pale yellow peas, and flavorless mashed potatoes shaped like an ice cream scoop, I would hear all the kids discuss the latest video games. I would try my best to stay absent from the conversation. I wouldn’t know what to say when they would ask me if I had gotten past the castle board yet.

One day went I went home I sat my father down and tried to tell him how I would benefit from having a Sega game system of my very own. I told him it would give me better hand eye coordination and against the popular notion it made kids zombies, I told him it acutally made them think and make quick decisions. He went on and on about how when he was a kid he would just use his imagination to have fun, and how kids today are spoiled. I think that conversation is had all over America in every family at one point and time. I used to think that my parents and all the other parents would go to secret meetings at night or when all their kids were in school and discuss stuff like this. I pictured a man with a gavel leading the meeting and hammering home the idea of telling children why they are spoiled and to shove vegetables down their throats. One time I actually searched my mother’s purse for a pamphlet when they got home late the night before.

That Christmas I was hoping for a miracle. I rushed down the steps that morning and studied each mystery. I did the shake test, the weight test and the hold them up to the sunlight test. As I tore, open each one my chances of getting the coveted Sega was getting slimmer and slimmer. All kinds of flashes were going off from my mother’s camera capturing images of me, and my reactions to each present.

Later that day my family and I went to my aunt and uncle’s for dinner. I was in a miserable mood the whole time. The only bright spot was that my cousin Robby who was about my age was there. And guess what he got for Christmas? Of course the very same Sega system. He told me he got it weeks before Christmas even came. Robby and I were always highly competitive. So while the sweet smell of the pending ham dinner dissipated through the air we settled down in front of the television. With all those weeks of practice, he had on me he humiliated me. I think he set a record for goals scored in a hockey game, shot my plane down about a dozen times, and beat me all over the wrestling ring. I went home feeling worse than I did when I realized I wasn’t getting the Sega.

On the ride home my father tried to reach out to me. But I just pushed him away. The image of my wrestler I was controlling laying on the floor after about 30 seconds was burning in my mind. I sat in fit of rage in the back seat as my parents were in the front. My father turned the radio down. He told me that maybe one day I would get one. But I didn’t hear it. I wanted to tell him how Robby’s parents weren’t any richer than we, that I was the only kid that didn’t have a Sega. But all that came out at the top of my tiny lungs was I HATE YOU! And instead of saying anything after that. I just repeated I HATE YOU! Because he was driving of course he had his back to me. But we passed a street light that light up the rear view window and I glimpse of his face. Suddenly I didn’t want to yell anymore. I didn’t apologize either, in fact no one said anything. The car just hummed along the rest of the ride.

About two months later I got a Sega for my birthday. It funny the minute I unwrapped the gift and realized what it was, I almost had to fake excitement. Sure I spend many a night in the glow of my television going to far off lands and winning championships, but I could never take those words back. At least in a video game you are blessed with more than one life. At the time I meant the words that came out of my mouth. I hated my father as much as I hate that stupid knit cat now. One time after coming home from a fishing trip with my father after many years of those words keeping me up at night, it figured it was time to apologize. However my mouth froze, I never did. I like to think that my father knew what I was thinking. Like I said they say it’s the thought that counts.

I put the rest of the ornaments in a box, and I carried them basement. I placed them in a closet we hardly used. It was full of dust and mildew. I rested the box right on top of the Sega.



MERRY CHRISTMAS TOO ALL MY READERS AND I HOPE YOU ALL GET LOTS OF COOL STUFF FROM SANTA

“Last Minute Shoppers”

Okay as a service to my loyal readers I am going to give you some hints for last minute Christmas shopping. Although I doubt all these people are on of your lists.


Trent Lott: A White Christmas

Flyers Center Jeremy Roenick: Anger management classes

NHL Commissioner Garry Bettman: A clue. Maybe a tape of fans cheering at games when a fight breaks out or a big hit is thrown.

Dan K.: A stool and a short but sturdy rope.

Elijah Wood: Tickets to that play about Santa Claus being gay playing in Philly. Perhaps this will get him to come out of the closet. Don’t ask me why I know about this play.

Ryan: A map of the country for when he drives west.

Allen Iverson: A scanner so he knows if the evil Philadelphia cops are lurking behind him.

Al Gore: A radio show so the liberals can quit bitching.

Ryan’s GF: A ball of yarn..she is a cat !!!! MEOW

Avril: A big warm hug to keep her warm on a damn cold night!

Michelle Smith: A new car

Apsen: A Chocolate bar twice the size of her, because sometimes a girl just needs Chocolate…I am not sure what that means.

Jenna: Anything is better than what I got her.

Rick: A crown

Drew: A Christmas Mircale. Read his blog. Some one give him a hug or something
TERMINUS
If I succeded here..its my first HYPER-Link on Tucker's World. Although I doubt I did. I hate Computers.

Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks: A hulla-hoop. As far as I know he still wants one.

Ed: Pictures of the crew

Price: Gay porn so he gets discharged.


“Welcome to Comcast Country IV: It Came A Upon a Channel 34 Clear”



Well for my new readers that don’t know the on going story on Tucker’s World. I am documenting what will lead to a monopoly following the Comcast Company’s growth and its occasional abuse of their customers.

In September, the company flipped Comcast Sportsnet which carries all the local sports teams except the Eagles from channel 9 to 69. Now unless you are lucky enough to have digital cable (more than half of their subscribers don’t) You noticed that one or least one of your TVs Comcastsportsnet came in fuzzy and sometimes not at all. After various complaints and phone calls my family never got the problem solved and I was forced to watch the Flyers through my VCR, in order to get a grainy but watchable picture.

Finally they are going to put it on channel 34, and flip the Weather Channel to channel 57. That makes the Hallmark channel go to ….ahh who cares?

Well it took months of customers and bars bitching, and they finally did something about it. But they couldn’t admit their fault and put it back to channel 9. Because I still believe in my heart that it was a scam to drum up more digital customers…It was a nice Christmas present but the company’s dirty tricks are far from over I am afraid.

All things are difficult before they are easy” Thomas Fuller


“Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it…that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear”------ Dale Carnegie


“Come to the edge, He Said.
They said, We are afraid.
Come to the edge, He said
They Came
He pushed them….and they flew.”------- Gulliaume Apollinarie


“Final Thoughts”

The FINALS DAYS off college on Tuckers world come to and end today. At the wee hour of 8 A.M. I finished had my last final EVER. It was strange being on the road at the hour when cars still had headlights on and the sun wasn’t quite up yet. 2 years ago I was walking on the same campus for my orientation. It was just as brisk and early that day. I left that campus kind of the same way I entered it walking in the cold not knowing what to expect the next couple of years.

I left the campus for the last time perhaps until I walk in May. More students will fill in my place, and no one will notice. Other parking spot sharks will devour my spot. The insanely hot girls will walk around in their tight, tight jeans with some one else ogling them from afar. Hmmm..perhaps I have to tone this down now that females other than Jenna read this! Or some I am told.

Well now I have to go out to the cold hard cruel world full of featherless chickens, and gay sheep. A world where someone nicknamed Lima Beanz can coach wrestling. Armed with a $ 60 thousand piece of paper and a hand full of references the time to hunt for a job that doesn’t involve the words scratch and dented has begun. I will have to frantically knock on doors and yell, because of the horrible job market. It might sound like German when I yell though since I have not pinpointed exactly what I want to do with my energy yet.


I applied online for a model scout a few months ago. You basically look at hot girls all day long. But to get an interview you have to answer questions online about modeling. They were multiple choice and seemed easy. I guess my dream is dead. Maybe I can sweep the parking lot like Ryan used to at Laurel Hill Plaza. Seriously, I am leaning towards inside sales, promotions, marketing, or maybe even public relations. Hmm..what did I do with that Graduate Student packet?

Some people never went to college, and I never went away to college. I am glad I did go though. I met a lot of cool people at CCC and Rowan. I did talk to people and realized how even though most of us come from different backgrounds and have different social lives we are all pretty much the same in some aspects. I just enjoyed Bullsh**ing with various other students about anything under the sun really. I actually learn some things while in the classroom too. I even dating a few Rowan girls. Okay so most of them went no where.

I spent two and a half years at CCC, and actually started there with four friends. I was the only one who stuck it out go get a degree from Blackwood U. I found some of the basic courses at Rowan a lot easier than the ones at CCC. Professors at Rowan (at least in my non-major classes) frequently cancelled class or let us go early. Which is not so much a bad thing until you realize they get paid for that and you paid them for not teaching you. Maybe Rob Arter is on to something perusing that field.


My whole life has consisted of me sitting at a desk in a learning atmosphere. 18.5 years of my barely 23 years of existence I have been labeled a STUDENT. Most of the time when your young say how you cant wait to be a grown up. Now I wonder why anyone says that. I think it would work better if we started out as old men and got younger and younger, wouldn’t be a better deal to spend your golden years playing tag? Being a student had just become routine and I sometimes it would amaze me I was still taking classes. Now that is no longer the case. Time to start asking myself the hard questions instead of some professor.

Yeah I know the blog has been just all about ME ME ME during this mini-series. It will revert back to the usual mixed bag of topics soon enough and trust me there are various current events I want to address. But I am sure some of the stuff I am going through people can relate too, and writing about some of the old times even had me laughing. I am excited, confused, kinda sad, really happy, ready to move on, and wondering how the heck 4.5 years went by that fast.


Okay Real World here I am. Keith Edward Hughes!!!! (aka Tucker) Please be gentle!

“First you jump off the cliff and you build your wings on the way down”-------Ray Bradbury



Time is growing shorter and shorter until the end of my career as a student. The time to try to find a away out of the Sears Outlet for good has arrived. However, tonight I had a nice dinner made for me by a friend in a class a few semesters back. After wards I got see a dry run of a puppet show she had to do for her puppetry class (don’t ask) . Pretty sweet deal for my last weekend night as a student.

Well I was thinking as I left the Rowan Campus tonight about some of my greatest Rowan moments. So lets us continue the FINAL DAYS of COLLEGE on Tucker's World.


“Moments in Time”


I got ridiculously drunk at a sorority house that Ryan brings the crew and me to. I was not even a Rowan student at the time, but I certainly gave them a warning that I was on the way. Over the course of the night I managed to smash part of a birthday cake, knock a picture off a wall, trip over a broken clothes rack clunking my head on a doorknob, and almost killed a bird.

Before you get all offended let me plead my case. My friends were all in the van waiting for me to rejoin them after I took a last minute potty stop. I was extremely intoxicated and for some reason no one bothered to safely escort me to the van. I went looking for my friends and saw them through the screened in porch. Wanting to save time (and avoid more destruction) I used the patio as a shortcut. However I was in no condition to get the complicated door open. While messing with the door I toppled over a birdcage, and down when the cage bird and all hurling towards the floor.

I watched in drunken horror as the light glistened of the falling cage, and the sound over changing thin metal mixed with squawking and feather flapping. A lame attempt to play it off ( it didn’t work judging by a girl screaming) was followed by a failed attempt to erect the cage and put the bird food that had spilled all over the floor back into the cage. Seeing as were I didn’t have the cage upright the food kept spilling out, and I kept sweeping it back in repeatedly. This Charlie Chaplin like whacky routine was put to and end when Rob Arter ( I miss him so much) came in and put his hand on my shoulder and shook his head. He helped my drunk ass get out of there. The bird died 3 months later. I clam no responsibility for his death.

###
Another time we had a party in the same sorority house to go to. The crew grew bored of the party and frustrated with only fat chicks living there so they turned to destruction. The revolt was lead by Dan K. who usually encourages senseless acts of destruction and mayhem. He started it off by intentally smashing a vodka bottle on the floor leaving shattered glass and booze for someone else to clean up.

The destruction didn’t stop there. Holes were punched in the screened in porch for no reason, cereal boxes were punched open, the fridge was kicked several times, credit card bills were torn to bits, a sweat shirt was stolen (but lima beanz’s brother who was covered in jello) a cordless phone was stolen and smashed in the street. The night almost got out of hand when a drunken ryan picked up a piece of pile wood full of nails looking for something to make contact with. Oddly enough, Dan K. stopped him

####
Yet another story involved just me and that stupid house. It was the end of my Public Relations Planning class, a really intense course for the major. During the semester, your group is to put an actual plan and present it to a real client. Anyway the last night when the final product had to be completed I figured since my portion of the plan had been finished I could just stay home and didn’t bother to contact anyone in my group. So I sit around on the couch like a slug while my group hurries to meet the deadline the which is the next day. I innocently sign on line to check my email before I go to bed, and am bombarded with angry IMS from group members.I think they tired to send me a virus. I finally make the drive out to the house (where ironically a girl in my group had lived at during the other two stories before I knew her) and let me tell you….you don’t want 6 girls angry at you at the same time. Being the only guy in the group was hell at times, but this was hell at its worse. I honestly thought they were going to murder me. Luckily I charmed them all into liking me again.

###

Last year I spent many a night at MainStreet Bar with other public relations students getting intoxicated. Luckily one time I was up there I met this girl who I became friends with who lived on campus. This allowed me to get drunk and have a place to crash. The nights up there were great some of the most fun I had in the 2 years I went there were at the dive bar (although horrible when I brought anyone from my area). Hot girls. drunken friends doing karaoke. Anyway, this girl that lived on campus was quite friendly if you know what I mean.

So the first night I got back to her apartment to stay over I thought for sure I was going to get ..uh something. BUt I managed to have her sleep on my arm when she passed out. I just laid there and stared at the ceiling which was spinning at the time.
###

Another time at Mainstreet a female friend of mine went into the mens room cause the line was shorter….it was pretty whacky I guess you had to be there. Another time at Mainstreet I met a hot girl that looked like one of the Olsen twins (the hot one). She bumped and grinded on me, eventually I bought her a drink, than she vanished. I think she lost a bet or something. All I know is I was a sucker that night! Hmm.. there was the time I mistook this really hot chick I talked to on campus for another really hot chick I knew on campus and talked to her as if she was the other. She must think I am a lunatic now. Oh yeah, and I almost could have been expelled when someone my group project plagiarized his part of the paper (unbeknownst to me)…allegedly.


####

I also loved going to see Ryan’s grandparents who lived a few miles away from Campus on the short lived Ryan Mondays. It was cool, because it was my first semester and I didn’t really have any friends on campus yet. Plus his grandparents are cool as hell and would always feed me.


Just the concept of hot ass girls sitting all around me ( I took lots PR and pysch. Classes there which are always girl heavy) while I chill in class. This one chick that sat in front of me would always were a low cut pair of jeans and a thong. I will think of these things when I am navigating through Monster.com for a job.

“You miss 100 % of the shots you never take”----- Wayne Gretzky

The FINAL DAYS of COLLEGE continues with the tale of two people that are not me, by the time most of you read this I will be leaving my last class EVER.


“You Can Always Go Home Again”



Some things make me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Regan telling me she is cat. Imposter honey mustard at Starview Diner. Blue Flyers jerseys. Willam H. Macy’s face. Most recently added to the list was Christopher Brandon Arter not living in South Jersey anymore if you recall from Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Arter Chris went west to Pennsylvania to get an education.

The poor tyke came close to losing his mind. In several IM conversations I had with him I wondered how close he was to snapping completely. He was one miserable Arter. Thankfully, all of that has changed and he is back on his way to the land of the 24- hour diners. His school is distant memory and he should be arriving back in Somerdale soon.
As I leave the hallowed halls of Rowan, Chris will be showing up there with his ax ready to jam. This will reunite him with Ryan and I am sure the music department will be glad to have him. I wonder if he will get his degree before Ryan. Perhaps he can help comfort all the weeping girls that will be all over the campus in January when the reality sinks in I am not coming back.

Well Chris gave it a shot an attempt to get out of South Jersey. Everyone should at least try to get out at one point in their life just to say they made an attempt. There is a whole world out there. Apparently Chris stumbled upon one lamer than this one. I am glad he came back to the home of high car insurance rates and people who drink WOODater. If you see him before I do give him a big hug unless of course your homophobic.

###

Many people have emailed me and said…well Tucker I am enjoying your last days of college series…but what about the people who didn’t go to college? Okay no one emailed me that. As if this guy’ ego isn’t already bigger than Texas I have cut and pasted a rough draft for an assignment I had one of my first weeks at Rowan. 2 years later he makes even more money and is even more miserable.


“It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” -----Somerset Maugham

“Dan the Man”

While most 19-yearold guys spend their free time trying to find where the next party is or a fake ID, Dan Hemphill has his nose buried in a book about Unix a complex computer operating system. However most guys don’t land a job that will earn them six figures by the time their 21 and be able to boast that they are the number one sales person in the world. Not bad considering he never received a college degree.

Roughly a year after high school after many years of self-education Hemphill may not have realized how wise behind his years he was. At 19, Hemphill enrolled at Computer Learning Center, and was seeking part time work to pay for tuition and other bills. So Hemphill went on an interview at the Micro-warehouse headquarters in Gibbsboro, New Jersey a privately owned company that and # 1 reseller of computer parts on the planet. Normally doesn’t hire people who are barely old enough to vote, but in this case they made an acceptation. When the interviewer asked Dan some difficult questions he was taken back by the fact that he seemingly knew more than anyone at the company.

Micro-warehouse was so impressed with Hemphill that they encouraged him to leave his education at CLC for a full-time job with the company. Hemphill declined because he wanted to farther his education at CLC. However it didn’t take long for Dan to realize that his knowledge was going to waste. He recalls often times sitting in the classroom and correcting errors teachers were making. During Hemphill’s years of self-education he had already mastered everything being covered in the class. He knew he wanted something more challenging. A few weeks later Hemphill returned to Micro Warehouse and was hired immediately.

Hemphill’s joined the sales team, which mainly consisted of college graduates with diverse degrees. Hemphill’s technique however was different from the typical sales people. His technical knowledge combined with his ability to communicate well with people were the right ingredients for moving up in the company. Hemphill has a knack for navigating through web sites and finding companies that are starting out and ideal customers.
“When I call up a customer, I make sure I am not reading some kind of rant, because that’s a major turn off. When I call up a potential client, or a current client I act as if I am simply calling up a buddy.”

This gives Hemphill the edge, because ordinarily when clients have a technical question about equipment or trouble shooting the sales person has to call upon a technician. Hemphill’s vast knowledge allows customers to go straight to him when a problem arises. If someone in the building has a question, they go straight to Hemphill, including the Engineers.

Watching Hemphill do sale reveals how he is up on technology. Hemphill does all his work in the computer. He never uses pen or paper to write anything down during an entire phone conversation. The only time he uses a pen is to sign his name on checks.

“ Dan is stunningly efficient to say the least when it comes to his sales approach and work ethic” says William Mcintyre who has worked in sales for 7 years and along side Hemphill for almost two.

It did not take Hemphill long to make an impression on the company. He set a company record by being promoted to senior sales in only 3 months. Hemphill’s sales achievements earned him a spot in the presidents club, and the best of the best. Naturally Hemphill’s talents have caught the attention of similar companies who have offered him other jobs including a networking opportunity in Boston, and a sales position for Silicon Valley in California.

"Pick your future before it picks you” -----------------------Dr. Jason Seaver

Well for some reason or another I am excused from my Movies final with a B +, so that leaves one day of classes and two finals ending a week from Thursday. So continues the FINAL DAYS OF COLLEGE on Tucker's World.

“Commuters and Residents”

I transferred to Rowan when I was already 21 and past the point where I desired to share a dorm with a random dude and live the college life. Oddly enough, most the friends I made (with exception of two that I can think of) on campus were commuters.
Kinda, bizarre like we give off some sort of vibe. We gather in little clusters on campus and interact.

Commuter friends are unique in the sense that you can know people pretty well over the course of a school year, but rarely do you break the barrier of each other’s social worlds. For the most part everyone just says have a good weekend and you part ways. Sure someexchange numbers on occasion but rarely does anyone call each other.

Heck even some residents go home on the weekends since Thursday night and Friday night are the only big party nights on campus. Rowan has gotten the label suitcase college, because the campus empties out for the most part on the weekend. Granted most the North Jerseysans remain, but it is not like the campus on Dead Man on Campus. Perhaps I am not worthy enough to live in the same exicting social scene of the great Leigh Payner.

Its funny though I did over the years develop a six sense on how to spot a commuter and resident with in minutes of talking to or observing them.


Commuters:

Usually they are pretty well dressed, especially the girls.

Most of them dart out of the classroom as fast as they can so they can get the hell out of there.

None of them know where the Rat is, or what is it or how to get there. However they are aware of it’s existence.
I have a little of a week to find the Rat.

Most of them have CCC stickers on their cars.

Most of them see residents as immature, annoying or stuck up.

Most of them live at home still and haven’t lived away from home.

The hot girls all have long-term boyfriends for the most part, at least that’s what they tell Keith.er I mean Tucker.

All of them suffer from Road Rage.

They know someone who has gotten suckered into selling knives after finding a intriguing flyer on their
car.

They use the phrase “Sorry for the mess, I live out of my car”

Residents:

Usually have some sort of Drama going on when they gather in groups they make vocal for a everyone sitting in the class.

They all dress like bums, some shuffle to class in P.Js.

They all own shirts or some sort of clothing with the Rowan name on it and many of them proudly display decals on their cars. How anyone can justify paying 50 bucks or more for Rowan Sweatshirt is beyond this blogger.

They actually follow the sports teams

They cut class more often

Very few of them work, so they spend 60 percent of the day sleeping.

“Action conquers fear”---------- Peter N. Zarlenga


+++

“Parking Spot Shark”

If there is one thing students learn even if they fail all their classes they learn how to aggressively get a parking spot. You have to show no fear because there are literally hundreds of less parking spaces than there are commuters on campus at various times during the day.

Even if you allow yourself an extra 15 minutes you are likely to be zipping around the parking lot looking for a vacant space anyway. In some parking lots anxious drivers will pile up causing gridlock and stalk students as they walk to their car. Sometimes when I just need to go to my car for something I will pretend that I am leaving so they sit there like and idiot with their turn signal on. They hate that,… I like to torture them.

I almost perished several times looking for a resting spot for the tempo. Just mere weeks ago I came my penis’s length of having a head on collusion. Hot brunette chicks in bright red cars are the most deadly drivers out there. If they are smoking a cigarette or on a cell phone your chances of meeting the reaper are even better. One time I had a stand off with what appeared to be an unconvential student (liberal word for old student) . We stopped our cars face to face even though she reached the spot first. I veered the tempo into the spot and cut the bitch off. I can still see the appalled look on her face. You must show no fear.

I have seen it all from people giving up parking on yellow lines that serve no purpose, parking on grass, ignorantly blocking other cars in their spaces, and even jumping a curb to make it into the employee lot. I even saw someone back out and crunch the jeep next to it. They tore off a tail light and dented the back of the jeep. The driver nonchalantly drove away. I was too shocked to do anything about it.

The longer you go with out finding a spot….the angrier you become. You keep passing the same damn cars circling around the lots trying to beat you to the chase. Soon you start to accelerate and make pedestrians yield to you. It is all part of the game. The most frustrating scenarios are getting stuck behind a stand-off and mistaking a short car for an empty spot. This would sometimes result in my whacking the steering wheel violently.

Rowan is nice enough to charge us 20 dollars for the privilege of dangling a blue tag from our car despite the fact we don’t always have a spot waiting for us. Ryan told me how he beat the system by not registering his car and letting tickets pile up. Many have tried. All have failed to beat the system and stick it to the man. They can not be stopped. I guess that is why the call him Trouble.

“ What Weapons? ”


The good people of Iraq have submitted a ridiculously long document claiming they don’t have any weapons of mass destruction. Of course, the document has been written mostly in Arabic so it might be awhile before we know why exactly it takes so many pages to say we don’t have weapons.

However, if you think about it what is taking place right now it is just kind of silly. I mean the people of Iraq are leading around the weapon inspectors from place to place. I am not sure what the inspectors hope to find. Do they think that there will be a pile of anthrax sitting on the floor, and the Iraqi leading them around will simply say.
“SCREW YOUR INSPECTIONS!”, grab his crouch and laugh.
So far as far as I gather they just lead them around randomly. And ask…
“Do you see anything yet?”

“Nah, everything is in tip top shape!” says the American Inspector tapping his clip board with a pen.

My point is if they have them its not likely we will find them. I mean we could easily hide weapons of mass destruction in New Jersey to some one who didn’t know every square inch. Of course, the Iraqis could just be playing musical weapons and moving what they have in advance after inspectors leave the previous site.

I keep hearing vague claims that America has their own “evidence” if that is the case, than why are we wasting time and money doing this charade? Out of obligation to the UN perhaps? I wonder if we come up empty handed if we will still find a beef with Iraq. At least provide our evidence at this point.

Why don’t we spend more time trying to find a 9/11 link to justify leveling the country. I would feel a lot better about the potential war if concrete evidence was provided. I would hope that if there was a link we would be competent to come up with it at this point. I honestly would not at all be surprised if Iraq was a silent partner in the attack on America. However, I cannot justify war on a gut instinct.

At times it seems Bush will go to war regardless of what is found in Iraq or it there is even a link. One of the Axis’ of Evil Korea mocked us by claiming they have weapons of mass destructions. Our response as America was, “EH”.

Bush seems gung-ho for an attack on Iraq. Some think that he will just call Iraq a bunch of liars after reading the report ( I am sure he will have to read the cliff’s notes version of the document). Last, I heard he was trying to blame Iraq on the early winter snow and ice storms that gripped the east coast last week.



My last week of classes EVER starts this week so it is time to kick off the Final Days of College Week. So everyone get out your Rowan colors….uh…blue and …yellow? Ah who cares.

“We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action”--------- Frank Tibolt


“Procrastination”

I am amazed I handed only a couple of minor assignments in late in my 4.5 years of higher education. Half-assed, sloppy and careless occasionally but for the most part I got everything in before the deadline. Studying for an exam also became something I would put off till the last minute at times making the task to memorize terms more daunting in a shorter amount of time. Lame excuse after lame excuse. Just waiting for inspiration right?

As time between the initial knowledge of the deadline or exam shrank I would come out with weaker and weaker excuses to put off doing the work. Even more so the farther I got into my education. Ah. I have all day Monday! Wait just after this really funny SNL I have seen multiple times. Uh-oh time for the Flyers game 3 hours right there! I knew it was bad when I watched the E! True Hollywood Story on Jim J. Bullock.

In my Rowan years I had the chance to work with lots of other students in various other groups. It was hear that I learned that other students were worse. Many a time it was a joint procrastination (that sounded dirty) when my meeting would mostly involve deciding what food to get and where for the meeting. Sometimes only half of use would show up and just do nothing.

As much as I hated schoolwork at least it gave me something to do and taught me discipline. I actually did gain knowledge through some of it. Of course classes like Statics has since been lost and is basically useless in real life anyway. What am I going to do to with my extra time come the end of the month? Maybe I still start running. Yeah if I start running tomorrow I could be in really good shape by the summer. I could show off those huge calves on the beach. Wait..on second thought….its going to be cold tomorrow and I am busy. I will do it Tuesday.