“HurriaLAME Isabel”




Well the Hurricane is going deeper and deeper into the land. The storm has lost most of its form at this point and unless you live in North Carolina or Virginia which are being smacked down pretty hard. The lack of warm water to feed this little lady will downgrade her to just a huge bunch of rain and a occasional gusts of winds. These gusts could easily cause a nuisance if they knock down power lines, which will certainly happen at some point. Of course it won’t be as wide spread as in the more Southern Sates.

Despite being under a state of an emergency its likely that we have seen heavier rains during all the storms we were hit with this past summer at this point. The shore will suffer some beach erosion out for sure, and more high risk low level points such as Strathemere and the North Side of Sea Isle and center city Ocean City might get some flooding but nothing to worry about. Even more south Cape May might have a good deal of flooding. They have anticipated this and told everyone to slack off on Friday and not bother showing up to school or work. I hope you didn’t leave a boat in the waters down there!

The main area to be affected (In the Delware Valley) by this will be West of the City just after at the flooding of a few days ago. The ground simply won’t be able to absorb the moisture. This will result in us sitting in our nice warm dry homes laughing at people from the Keystone state standing on the tops of their cars. If for some reason your house starts to flood just roll up some Criminal Justice or Public Relation degrees and push them under your doorway in order to prevent your lower level turning into a waddling pool. Although I doubt any of my readers will have to worry about anymore than what DVD to pick out their COLLECTION this evening to pass the time of the miserable weather night.

Some people were fairly nonchalant towards Isabel and others thankful. The fighting Phillies might have been thankful that they got their game in earlier today, because the wind gusts made for some unpredictable fly balls that benefited them in their race for the wildcard. They are ½ games behind, with a final show down on the Marlins turf next week. Meanwhile Chris is going up to the big apple to live it up with Dave and paint the town a colorful shade of Arter.

The good news is usually over hyped storms result in giving employers an excuse to slack off. The bad news is its only 4 30 and the worse is yet to come in our area. People should at least be careful if they are driving around tonight, and make sure anything that could blow away is taken in tonight. With any luck the Eagles will be blown away in exchange for a team that actually has a clue. Hopefully all our illegal immigrants can go flying to California were they can drive legally.

New Jersey has been declared a state of emergency so this contest has been negated. I win. Although some areas could be in for some tricky weather I hate to break it to most people that business and schools in this immediate area are likely to be open tomorrow. If you guys are planning to stay in tonight come back to my blog because I will likely update again before the storm clears.

"Stealth!"


Go here but don't tell anyone. It is a top secret link only given to people in the circle of trust. This includes myself and both of my readers. Even the one who only reads my blog once a month who I sadly actually consider a "reader".


http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=notmosco305

How did I found out about this blog? STEALTH! That is all you need to know. THe author of it is also unknown.

“Hackett Racket”

So everyone keeps mocking the fact the Flyers decision to pick up Jeff Hackett in the off season. I honestly think it was a wise move by Bob Clarke. Sure he has never won a playoff round in his life but who is counting? Hackett quite the NHL journeyman has played for Montreal, Chicago, Boston, and San Jose to name a few. Sure Hackett was next to last in Goals-Against Average as to opposed to Roman Checkmanaek who was 2nd in the league. Who cares that Checkmanek was third in safe percentage and Hackett hovered around the average percent in the league.

Checko has some bad blood with the fans and teammates. His post-season play was just awful where he would let up too many weak goals and kept the Flyers out of games they should have been in. Roman will likely put up less impressive numbers this season with the less effective defensive system in front of him. I don’t see him playing in the states anymore than two more years.

At the prime of his career I would certainly say Hackett was an underrated net minder however he is far from cup worthy. His last few years he seems to have been caught in some healthy competition situations with # 1 goalies in the league. Just look at some of the games he stood on his head in while in Montreal. Now I am not saying Hackett is going to hoist the cup anytime soon. The truth with Hasek in net this team couldn’t win the cup, not unless a major roster overhaul happens this season. The team is too old, too slow, and not creative enough offensively to even make it to the finals.


Last year JR lead the team in scoring yet was behind was 57th in the NHL in scoring. The team is a dud and goalie prospects Anetro Nittymaki, or Roman Malek are excepted to be the future of the team, however the future is not anytime soon it seems. Heck unless Malek impresses at training camp he may never make it into the league he is already 26 and Nittymaki looks to be the one that will be given a shot, but not for awhile.


Despite the fact that Jeff Hackett’s body is pretty torn up, he will certainly make a better mentor than CHECKO. CHECKO who has limited English would be more inclined to try to redeem himself than try to show Robert Esche the ropes. You see the Flyers are hoping Robert who is well liked by the team can be the next Giggy (the Ducks surprise goalie success story last season for you non-hockey fans). Its highly unlikely but since the franchise is in a transition stage to a younger crop of players Hacketts’ role is to basically baby sit the next until one of the prospect eggs hatch into NHL level goalies. Meanwhile what is the harm in seeing is Esche is the diamond in the rough? Maybe he was a steal.

I doubt he will be a Cup contender, but in all honestly he played better last season than expected and has yet to reach his full potential. Will he be the answer? Highly doubtful but we have a season that is pretty much a write off so now is a better time than any to find out if we don’t actually have to wait for these “prospects” to shake Snider down for million dollar contracts to stop some frozen rubber.

Oh yeah, in a somewhat related story Mark Recchi is going to be a victim on the Jamie Kennedy Experiment this season. The show is one of those celebrities play a prank on someone shows I checked it out a few times when WB had it before Off Centre (which shouldn’t not have been canceled.) Apprently Keith Jones, and John Leclair are in on this prank too so it should be funny. Oh yeah, there is another one when Leclair convinces Snider he pays him 9 million dollars to do nothing on the ice night after night. OH WAIT!

“A Storm, a Contest & a Baby!”

Well Lima Beanz and Jenna are expecting a kid as you all know. My sources say that if the child is a boy the name would be Hunter named after a drug addicted sports writer or Isabel ironically the same name of a Cat 5 Hurricane that is making a B-line for the US.

First off I know all my readers want to hear the latest about LB and Jenna. Well Jenna’s belly is bigger than the national deficit right now and that kids reading to pop on out.

I predict that they will give birth to a boy and he will weigh 8.3 lbs. I think he will be born on September 24th which would be week from this Wednesday. Oh and for the record for anyone who doesn’t already know LB’s parents finally know they are going to be first time grandparents but are likely to miss the birth of their grandchild since they are going to Cancun on vacation. One that was planned because they didn’t know their son had impregnated his girlfriend.

Actually getting out of town might not be such a bad idea. My readers and friends might know I am a bit of a weather buff, when I am not looking for a job, watching DVDs, hockey or crying myself to sleep at night I read up on the topic.

I have had my eye on Hurricane Isabel since early last week, and I had been keeping a close on the track of the storm. I thought it might actually come on here, and now it looks like that might actually happen.

Right now Irene is 900 miles or so from the coast and moving between a Category 4 and Cat. 5. Cat 5 is what would be considered devastating. Gusts during the storm’s most intense moments are estimated to be around 250 MPH. Luckily for us the combination of the storm having to travel North up the coast and colder waters in our region is likely to significantly weaken the storm. However given the size and strength of the storm it won’t be enough to make it something we can write off. I think it will hit land at Cat 3 at best, but likely closer to 2. If you think that makes a lame storm average winds for a cat 2 are 96- 110 MPH. I could easily be over-estimating the storms impact Cat rating but still. The earlier it hits landfall the weaker it will be when it hits us so if that is the case it could be as low as a Cat 1, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

All but one of the projected paths have it almost directly making land fall on New Jersey at one point. A few of them have us taking the direct hit, but most people think North Carolina or Virginia will be slammed first and the worse.

However I tend to think that the storms impact might be north of that point. I tend to think its going to hit directly in Delware. Which could cause major problems for us the shore is likely to get walloped with tidal flooding and high winds. Given the storms size we are likely to be engulfed by it if this is the case. Than again I am no weatherman and there is still a chance that the storm can just say screw his and double back out the ocean. However its more likely the Phillies will win the wild card race.

Mark my words this storm will affect us in one way or another. There is a certainly a good chance that my readers will be off from school and/or work later in this week. It clearly has the potential to be the worst storm any of my readers have ever witnessed in this area.

Now if a state of emergency is not declared as a result of this storm, than the first two readers to email me KEITH YOU SUCK will get a present. If LB & “The One’s” kid is born on the predicted date the first two readers to write me and email saying TUCKERS WORLD ROCKS will get something in return. On the second if I am wrong NOTHING HAPPENS I go to jail peacefully quietly.

Now if I am right about the storm. You better hold on to your butts! What I mean is Old Testament, dear readers, real wrath-of-God type stuff. Fires and brimstone coming down from the sky, rivers and seas boiling-- years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes--The dead rising from the graves! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

"What? John Ritter?!?!"


Once and awhile there are celebrity deaths that hit closer to home to others. Ones that seem too unfair, to early to say goodbye. Of course there are beloved stars that have pasted in the past 10 years or so that you hate to see go, but knew the end was near. Like James Stewart who lived a good life, or even Francis Albert whose ailing health condition gave his fans amble time to prepare for his exiting this Earth. Once in awhile the death of a famous person gets me really thinking for more than a day, some times in disbelief. The list that I can think of on the top of my head that really effected me is a rather short list for 23 years, and granted I might be leaving out a few. John Candy, Phil Hartman, Roger Nelison, and Jim Henson come immediately to mind.

For some reason the shocking death of actor John Ritter really hit me on harder scale than some other famous people dying and I think he could be added to that list. If you didn’t hear by now (one of my co-workers didn’t as of today) Ritter collapsed and died of a heart aliment. He had a tear in his aorta, a rare condition that usually goes undetected. Not that I was a hard core fan of his, I honestly couldn’t tell you the difference between seasons of Three’s Company let alone claim that I have seen 50 % of the shows that he did. It’s been quite awhile since I watch the reruns that I barely remember specific plots of the sitcom just the basic premise.


When I heard on the news that he had passed away, I honestly thought there must have been some sort of grave mistake. I didn’t even really accept he was dead till I saw them repeat the story a couple of times. Who would have thought he would have died? He was in his early 50’s his return to television had just started a year ago. I honestly thought for before they put the picture up that it was a DIFFERENT John Ritter. I thought to myself NOT JOHN RITTER!.

In all honestly I didn’t watch 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter (what an awful title) regularly, but I would wager I caught maybe 5 episodes from the first season, and it was pretty funny( not to mention Katey Cuoco who plays his one daughter is hot). You could tell the show hadn’t quite hit its prime yet (who does in season 1), but what made the show so enjoyable was the comic performance of Ritter. He was a master at the comedic television craft. The way he played off other cast members showed his knowledge of great comic timing.

Watch some of his Three’s Company (the show that he will be always known for)highlights and you will see what a laugh out loud funny physical comedy bits he preformed over the years. This is one of those shows that was one I looked for in reruns if I was home sick or on a rainy day. What made Ritter so appealing was his coming across as a likeable buffoon. Sounds like a cliché, but the character of Jack Tripper could have been easily mishandled had a less talented actor playing the part.

Jack was a basic goofball who at heart was a good person, but inspired to a lady’s man. Some will argue that people tuned into see his female co-stars, but his pratfalls the and throwing his body around generated huge laughs. 8 Simple Rules, one of the one shows ABC has to offer that’s worth your time introduced Ritter to a new generation. Its funny because I remember thinking recently I should watch the show more since I actually laughed out loud when watching it before.

Ritter never made an enormous impact when he moved from Television to film, but his film resume is stronger than people give him credit for. Unfortunely he is known mainly for the dreadful Problem Child movies (although he did generate some laughs) and by people my age the now almost forgotten Stay Tuned a respectful guilty pleasure silly romp of a film. A majority of his films for awhile were made for television movies with the exception of Stephen King’s IT in which was mainly dramatic role for him. You usually can tell when Serious John Ritter is going to be there because he grows a beard.

Ritter was also in Sling Blade which I have never seen, but I understand its quite a departure from sitcom fare. Ritter dipped into the art house movie pool before returning TV. He actually had returned once to television in a series called Hearts Afire but I apparently am the only one the recalls that series that had aired in the early 90’s. Anyway he turned in a solid performance in Panic, and last year’s little seen but underrated Tadpole. Both movies I saw with in the last year and made me want to see him more in dramatic roles.

It just is strange thinking he is gone. Who honestly though Don Knotts would out live John Ritter? Kind of makes you think when someone can just go out like the flick of a light switch with no warning. He seemed like a genuinely good person, but I guess it was just his time. Something that is out of anyone’s control or understanding.

I have been out of town for awhile so I haven't posted anything for awhile. I promise to update often now (for real this time). I plan to chime in on the shocking death of John Ritter, the soon to be born baby Beanzie and the Flyers new goalie Jeff Hackett. I was away during 9/11 so I didn't get to write about it being two years after the event. This 2nd year reflections were quite scaled down and on a smaller scale, since I don't have much more to say about the event I have posted my thoughts from a year ago.



"9/11 a Look Back"

Again this post was written a year ago.
It is funny how days can slowly slip by piling up to an entire calendar year so quickly. Its hard to believe it has been a year since the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington occurred. Every paper you pick up, every channel you turn on will bombard you with images of planes ripping buildings in half, people covered in soot, heroic accounts of the NY police and fireman, stories of narrow escapees, and many stories of lost loved ones. Granted it is overwhelming, but its important that the day is remembered. Not that the major networks had a choice in the matter refusal to air any coverage would be seen as insensitive. I couldn't justify ABC running reruns of According to Jim in place of retrospectives, even if that means having to see Peter Jennings face for a prolonged period of time.


A year ago tomorrow morning the sun rose on the World Trade Center for the last time. A year ago the towers dwarfed the landscape. A year ago from when I post and publish this people most likely someone was marveling at the size of this towers completely in the dark. For the last time people headed out the door of their homes to work. For the last time people laid eyes on their loved ones. Some used their cell phones to express their final words later that day.


The weather of September 11, 2001, was prefect. Not a cloud graced the blue sky in South Jersey nor over New York City. Of course all of that changed with in a few hours after Manhattan was engulfed in black cloud.


I had a morning work shift before heading off to class. As I was brushing my teeth, I overhead the news channel saying something about the World Trade Center. For some reason I thought they were just talking about the anniversary of when a car bomb was driven in to the towers. Apparently I forgot about the fact that it was snowing lightly that morning in 1993. When I first saw the image I couldn't get over how black the smoke was. My first reaction was some Arab (or terrorist of some sort) has set a bomb off in there. For some reason I thought that the fire would be put out in hours.


Then one of the news channels was speculating about a plane that had hit it. There goes the media blowing things out of proportion again, I thought to myself. Within a minute of seeing that I witnessed another ball of fire, so focused on the towers I didn't even notice the image of the 2nd plane slamming in the WTC. Driving to work I had Howard Stern on, there is not doubt about he said...we are at war.


Later that day I watched on TV at work, like the rest of that nation. Like all Americans I thought to myself the unthinkable is happening before my eyes. How much more did these people have in store for us? Then news footage flipped to the pentagon, and what was more disturbing is a customer still wanted me to wait on her. I spent 10 minutes selling a washer as word came that 3rd plane crashed in Pennsylvania some where. I couldn't help but think we were in the middle of the whole thing.


The reporter on the news cast I was watching at work, mentioned the whole tower shook. I thought maybe a bomb had gone off or something. However, about a minute later the tower began to collapse. The sound the reporter heard must have been the tower starting to implode. The tower disappeared in a giant cloud of smoke. For some reason I thought that other tower would remain standing. I guess I was in denial or something. When the 2nd tower went down, I knew I was watching one of the most important moments in America's history. I also realized how meaningless my problems were, and how I should just be thankful that I didn't know anyone who lost their lives that day. Life is silly that way. Later that night Ryan, Lima Beanz, myself and met Price and his father at Champs in Cherry Hill. It was a bizarre experience having footage on all the televisions there.


Human beings jumped to their death picking that as an option to go makes you understand the hellish conditions that they experienced. Thousands of horrifying images exist. Thankfully these images exist for future generations to have a perhaps some sort of understanding what happened that day. Images I will most likely remember for the rest of my life. Even the aftermath seeing the largest almost ridiculously huge buildings in history reduced to tomb of cement and metal. The are various erie images on the Internet, including a shot of the landmark sculpture the sphere which stood outside one of the towers dented and mangled.


The weeks that followed had everyone on edge. I still have the tendency to think to myself...that plan is flying a little low isn't it? Or looks a little too slanted? Isn't the Philadelphia airport in the other direction? We saw New York late night funny men David Letterman and Jon Stewart reduced to tears. We saw American flags on dozens of cars, we lit candles one night collectively as a nation. We discussed it in our classes, we tried to figure out who did this to us and why. We pondered about what could be done to make it safer. We realized what a poor condition the FBI was in. Missteps such as not having enough people to translate Arabic while intercepting messages, lack of organization,cutting the FBI during the 90's, and perhaps being a little too forgiving for the bombing of the USS Cole, and the WTC incident of 1993.


Eventually we got back to about our everyday lives at least those of us who didn't lose anyone directly did.

It wasn't long before we as nation debated if the word God should be in the Pledge of Allegiance. Baseball players childishly quibbled over money. People were wondering if that fruity white kid with the afro would become the American Idol (although hopefully none of my readers were not). The media exploited subjects like Anthrax, and came up with any thing they could to scare up viewers.

“No Bad Blood”

A few posts ago I mentioned Ryan had disgust for crew members that would rival Dan K. It was mainly just a joke about how he never wanted participate in anything to do with the crew, and avoids Dukes apartment like the plague. It was mainly inserted to give Dan a chuckle. I apparently and succeeded because after the fact he cut and pasted the portion of the article and emailed it to me.

It came to my attention that people took it as Ryan had “bad blood” towards certain people. As far as I know that isn’t the case, so I don’t want people thinking so. Ryan was unavailable for comment, meaning he was likely “At the Gym” or in bed already.

"Hockey Armageddon"


Hockey Armageddon is looming. I have been reading my annual NHL preview book and it seems almost every writer is feeling very pessimistic about the collective bargaining agreement (CBA) to take place in September of 2004. Some speculate the players and owners are so far apart that there might not be a 2005-6 let alone a 2004-05. Many think that the sky is falling and the lockout is expected to last longer than the one almost a decade ago. I really don’t like what I am hearing.

In one corner we have NHL commissioner Gary Bettman who’s current situation could easily mirror that of the captain of the titanic. The commissioner has seemingly passively stood by as his world continually looms closer to destruction. First off the product on the ice isn’t nearly as entertaining as it was 5 years ago let alone the last time they had a work stoppage. The clutch and grab in the neutral zone has snuffed a good deal of the excitement out of NHL hockey. Bettman has promised again and again to crack down on obstruction but everyone knows its an empty threat. After saying for the 5th time that he was serious last season it he was going to come down on the referees he backed off drastically and by the time Christmas rolled around the obstruction was back to the level it had been the previous seasons. I used to say to non-hockey fans with the right match up, I could sit them down and make them watch one or two games and have them hooked instantly on the sport. I actually turned lots of my friends on to the wonderful sport, but honestly now I don’t think I could convert a non-fan to a fan if I paid them. I have trouble watching an entire game now sometimes.

In the other corner we have Bob Goodenow the head of the players union. Despite the fact that Bettman hasn’t insisted upon it, you can bet your Gordie Howe jersey that he wants a salary cap or at the very least a luxury cap. Goodenow flat out refuses to accept a salary cap for his camp. Apparently he was out of town when the Buffalo Sabres and Ottawa Senators went belly-up financially last season. Luckily a bored billionaire purchased Buffalo and the NHL took over the Senators temporally and the franchise seems to be back on their feet for right now. THE NHL NEEDS A SALARY CAP, I REPEAT THE NHL Needs a salary cap.

Without a salary cap this problem will only snowball and many other teams will suffer similar fates. There is simply isn’t enough kind hearted millionaires or money in the league to bail out franchises that annually lose money. What might be a common ground is a Luxury Tax (I believe the NBA has this) it is basically a payment system x amount of money over a certain amount spend on one player will go into supporting the small market teams. I guess kind of like hockey welfare. NHL players granted play a lot more games but it doesn’t make sense to me that their average players make more than the average football players. The NFL (which has a salary cap) is a money making machine, where as more than half of the NHL teams lose money each year. Players that literally score 20 goals are year have multi-million dollar contracts. There seems to be zero chance at this point of the players giving into a salary cap. Better chance of John Leclair being a 50 goal score again I am afraid. Utterly ridiculous.

There is a laundry list of things that the two sides have to agree on before they come to an agreement. Some don’t even make sense to me at all. For example players want to broaden the definition of the term revenues. They want to get a piece of the action from the concessions, advertising, luxury suites and parking money. I don’t see how this could work since most of these things are owned by different companies who get the money for it. For example the majority of the parking for the Flyers is privately owned and has nothing to do with Comcast of the Flyers. The players would also like to see the age that a player can be unrestricted free agent lowered from 31 to 28. There is also talk about shaving the regular season from 82 to 72.

It gets even worse folks. The NHL ABC/ESPN deal expires at the end of this season. So they are going to try to negotiate with a possible non-existent product? Seeing where some markets NHL games barely beat out arena football games, its going to be a tough sell. What about the players contracts if a season doesn’t exist? Does that count as a year on their contract? Will the ESPN have to pre-empt their nights ahead of time only to have to put on Bass masters marathons?

I hate to sound like a broken record, but it even gets worse for the NHL. In order to make this point I have to give you a brief hockey history lesson. In the 1970’s a rival league formed called the World Hockey Association (WHA) and although they were mocked for their orange pucks (hey better on tv right?)and the fact their franchises were constantly folding or relocating they did give the NHL a run for their money during that decade. They managed to bring over some of the biggest names in hockey at the time, from Bobby Hull, to Bernie Parent to Mr. Hockey himself Gordie Howe not to mention countless others. The WHA finally bit the dust in 1979, and their survivors the Hartford Whalers (now the Carolina Hurricanes), Winnipeg Jets (Phoenix Coyotes now), Quebec Nordiques (Colorado Avalanche), and the Edmonton Oilers (the only WHA team that stayed put) landed in the NHL. Heck old 99 himself started out with Oilers (technically the Huston Areos who basically sold him to the Oilers) when they were the in the WHA.

Curiously enough the WHA is coming back! The 2003-045 season will mark the first season of the WHA2. It starts in 60 days or so with only a handful of teams, but could easily double in a year if enough intrest is sparked. The ball has started rolling for such a movement. Bobby Hull is back as the commissioner of the WHA2 which plans to offer a high level alternate professional hockey league. Entertainment for the whole family they boast. Hmmm. They ran an ad in the Hockey News soliciting franchises if anyone is interested. Now one thing they got against them is some of the major cities simply have no room at the inn. The closest I see a WHA franchise coming to my home is Atlantic City. They would have to either work out a deal with the Bullies or oust them. Because every other rink in this area that could hold such an event is owned by the Flyers in some capacity. I don’t see a fledging league being able to construct their own buildings so they will have to go through markets and see where they can blow the dust off the old stadiums. Winnipeg is close to becoming a team of the WHA2. Other candidates include Pittsburgh, Hamilton, Québec City, Nova Scotia, Saskatoon and Vancouver in Canada, and Chicago, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Minnestoa (close to filling the papers), Hartford(RETURN OF THE WHALE?), Pittsburgh (big mistake), Los Angeles and Milwaukee (they are actually crazy about hockey out there). I am not sure if they could actually steal teams from the American Hockey League (the AHL, the NHL’s minors where the phantoms play)or not. The AHL is suffering a bit from overload after taking the International Hockey League (IHL) refuges when their league folded a few years back. If an NHL team goes belly up this year could WHA2 team jump in their grave? There already seem to be some doubling up going on here in some fairly big markets.

Orlando Seals, Jacksonville Barracudas, Miami Manatees and Macon (Georgia) Traxx were
pulled out of the Atlantic Coast Hockey League (REALLY REALLY Minor League)by owner David Waronker for the WHA2 already. The league plans to have 16 player rosters, more teams the second season at least, and eventually expand into Europe. They come right out on their website and mention their attention is to rock the NHL again. This ain't no IHL or AHL who just sits and lovingly watches the NHL, the WHA is out for round 2. Unlike the XFL's challenge to the NFL that leasted one season the WHA2 is going against a wounded opponent.

The owners might like the WHA2 to get some publicity because it will make the players start sweating bullets if the WHA2 takes off. How can they stop them from drafting players from college and the juniors to play in the 2003-04 season or 2004-05 season? Can Players just refuse to report to team if they are offered something by the WHA? Or will the WHA just make their draft before the NHL and take anyone they want? The NHL certainly doesn’t own rights to college students and junior hockey players. Could some NHL players just say screw it and abandon ship? Brett Hull in the twilight of his career might want to play two more seasons. Maybe he will play his final season in the WHA and help his father out who he recently reconciled with. He has been openly critical about the NHL’s policies and seemingly sides with what the owners have to say. Things got a little out of hand last time the there was a lockout. The Devils owner said to HELL with the small market teams, and Chris Cheilos made a comment about crazy fans doing something to Gary Bettman or his family. It was taken by many as indirect threat. Some players who might have two years left are likely to just walk away from the mess, including Steve Yeserman, Jeremey Roenick, Mark Recchi, Hasek, and Chelios himself to just say screw it and never come back to the NHL, especially if an entire season falls through.

So the WHA2 could jump on players that don’t get resigned at the end of the year, heck there are quite a few that never got signed this summer. Again it raises the question how valid a contact is for a league that never goes back to work. The world cup will still go on unaffected by the CBA, and you be sure players such as Peter Forseberg will just go back to their native countries and play for them. Some people think Peter arguably the best player in the league (sorry Clarkie) will never come back if he plays an entire year over there.

Of course we have a year to see how things pan out. I am actually the first person to even throw in the who WHA2 theory(Can I will let you now the first time I see a writer steal my theory.), but I am sure I am not going to be the last. They went for the NHL’s jugular in the 70’s, why not do it again? The timing is perfect. What is better this time is they have a clean slate and not as much BS to make up new rules. They can design the rules to make it almost impossible to use the trap. Perhaps implement some drastic different meanings for the lines on the rink that the NHL is afraid to do(and rightfully so). Again, maybe its speculation, may the Bob Goodenow’s head isn’t screwed on right, perhaps his shoes are on too tight, and he might just might come to his senses and avoid a lockout. So there isn’t much we can do about the pending NHL Armageddon it’s controlled by people far richer than us, who care less about the game than we do. For now try to enjoy the sport and put it out of your mind, try to enjoy whatever pureness of the game remains in this day in age. Try to forget that every players makes more in two shifts than some people do in a several years. Engulf yourself in the wonderful world of hockey, just keep your eye on the falling sky and look out for ORANGE PUCKS!

"Mosco Signs Off"

Now the Blog Square is down to a triangle. John Mosco has decided that its time to hang up the old keyboard after 429 days. This leaves Jenna and Mindless, Tucker's World, and TERMINUS as the three remaining crew blogs.


John's blog was the first one that I recall being up. He was by far the most advanced blogger, because he actually used images on his site. He was also the first to have a comments section.

I urge the people that actually read his page to go back and revisit the link and read some of his classics. I don't know if it gets any better than "Match Made in Hell" I don't know awards are given out for blogs but he should get one. Other articles usually had nothing to do with anyone I ever knew. I am sad I will not be able to hear why the Rangers Suck. John was unavailable for contact, which means he wasn't signed on when I posted this.


Maybe the blogging bubble is about the burst or something. Speaking of blogs look back here for some good old fashion hockey talk soon.

"I hate the sun with a passion. I don't know what it is about rainy miserable days that make me so damn happy, but I absolutely loathe the sun." ------ Dan K. Hemphill


"What Summer?"

Well this summer was certainly different for me. It was the first summer that I had a girlfriend which allowed me to do things that would be considered strange if I did it alone or gay if I did it with one of my supposed heterosexual friends. I honestly can say I had a fun time at the Amish Market, and enjoyed BUILDING A BEAR. Liza also managed to reintroduce me into the video game world. Of course I stick to the more silly gamecube type games and the sport games Liza hates. It was a good of time as any to help Mario save the world since it rained more days than South Jersey has diners. We had a lot of fun this summer together.


For some reason it just never really felt like summer though. Maybe it was the fact that we had very few heat waves. Maybe I spent too much time answering the same 10 questions in my dead end depressing job. Maybe it was the dismal weather that kept me from going to the beach more than once and only managing to get into my pool a handful of times. Perhaps it’s the fact that the crew is on life support, and only seem to live off people returning to town. From Steve’s brief return to South Jersey before ultimately defecting to the evil North Jersey, Price the War Veteran, Royce who came out of no where to return to the ever popular Mosco returns that never come close to the hype. Once or twice a month Ryan would show up. He seemingly had 24 hour practice and gigs all summer long and disgust for crew members that would rival Dan K.


Some summer standards were there. I mean Lima Beanz sat around and refused to work, nothing says summer like Lima Beanz being off of work 24/7. I can't blame the weather makes you want to sleep all day and not do anything.

I think I recently realized what it was though. When the summer ends for me now it just ends. There is no change of pace, no more back to school, nothing to break up the mundane routine passing of each day. Just the same, even if I had landed a descent job by now, the change of the seasons mean nothing more than what the trees look like when your speeding past them to go to work. At best the indicate what you have to wear, and what sporting events you can catch on tv for the little bit of free time you allow yourself.

Luckily for all of us humanity might come to an end soon. Scientists think a Meteor will hit earth in 2014 and if it hits us just about right the Earth will be destroyed for the most part. I wonder if its overcast in purgatory.

“The Girl in Tucker’s Cell Phone”


So Liza lives roughly 20 minutes from my house and lately I have been listening 610 WIP lately at night on my way there. I have never gotten on the show in my life, but have tried after Flyers games quite a few times. Its simple just push star 610 and you are good to go. I would always be on hold.

Anyway I tried calling in again recently, and when I call much to my surprise a girl answered the phone just saying simply hello. I was thrown off seeing as where I expected someone to say this is 610 Sportsradio. She asked me who I was and I said I was Keith. There was dead silence. I figured I some how dialed the wrong number and got embarrassed and hung up. When I checked my out going calls though it said * 610.

A week later thinking it was just some strange thing, I tried again. Again the same young sounding girl answered. Again I got all embarrassed and hung up. This time the girl called me back, and I didn’t pick up the phone since I didn’t know how to explain the situation. Than she called back, so I figured I would answer it and make it clear to the girl I wasn’t some crazy stalker. Oddly enough her number shows up. She asked me who I was and I explained the problem. Although at this point since she got my voice message this time she knew my full name anyway.

Its like 905 number I think. I know it was a local cell phone exchange. I apologized. to her and said I had no idea how I was getting her instead of a radio station. Oddly enough if you checked my call log it was * 610 going out and her number coming in, the two were nothing alike.

I guess I can’t chime in ever because all I get is some random chick. I have no idea how or why something like this could happen. Its very bizarre. I wonder if anyone else keeps getting this poor girl. Maybe Drew should call it up and pretend and meet the chick for a blind date or something. Maybe he can ask her what the hell she is doing in my cell phone.

“Poop & Taxes”


Well for the two of you that have this website bookmarked on your computer it has been a long time since anything new has been posted here. The reason for that is because my computer was being upgraded for the past few days, leaving me with no internet access. My computers’ colors are now sharper and it makes a louder machine like noises so it must be better! I also finally got rid of Windows 98! So for the next few days I am going to try to update this place a bit more than usual to get back into the swing of things here.


Now that I am back on the Internet (Internet, eh stroking chin) its time to tackle a story I wanted to for awhile. As Drew would say its long past due.

Well our Governor who never meet a tax he didn’t like recently decided to make hotel and lodging taxes ridiculous. Keep in mind this money is going to fund the arts and theater of New Jersey. Why these tools can’t sit outside their theater with a tin-cup and beg for money is behind me. The following is fresh of the New Jersey Hotel and Lodging Association

Recently enacted legislation (P.L. 2003, c. 114) imposes a 7% State Occupancy Fee on the rent for every occupancy of a room in a hotel, motel or similar facility in most New Jersey municipalities, between August 1, 2003 and June 30, 2004. For occupancies on and after July 1, 2004, the Fee is reduced to 5%. A hotel/motel is a building regularly used and kept open for the lodging of guests, including bed and breakfasts, inns, etc. The State Occupancy Fee is imposed on the room rentals that are currently subject to the 6% New Jersey sales tax and is in addition to the sales tax.

So basically anyone who made their vacation plans in advance (most people do to get off of work) and slated their down time for the last month of summer are totally screwed. What the heck? Couldn’t they impose this tax after Labor Day? That would at least be fair. Or even December for that matter. The people who stayed in July didn’t have to pay this tax. Imagine how pissed off anyone from another state is who planned to go down the shore this place month. People budget their money ahead of time, and they are now shelling out boatload more of money since the taxes more than doubled. A 3 day weekend at a cheap motel could cost you 60 bucks in taxes easily. That doesn’t even include the town getting a piece of your wallet. Add another 1 % on if you stay in Newark or Jersey City, although I guess you have a death wish to stay in such miserable cities. Down the shore AC rakes in 1 % and Wildwood rakes in 3.15 %. Perhaps that money goes to drug dealers who want to start their own businesses.

I guess this plan may have been in the works behind the scenes for quite awhile perhaps they could not predict the months of rainy days that washed out profits for shore businesses. Or even all the sewer leaks that gave the Shore bad press this season. However you can’t tell me this isn’t going to encourage people to go to say Ocean City MD, instead of NJ. Its bad enough both Cape May and Ocean City has poop floating in their waters this summer. Is there a poop tax on the horizon?


This extra tax money is money that was likely to be spend on a nice dinner, or on the boardwalk. So if people spend that money on taxes the businesses at the shore get hurt because of decrease in people, and tighter wallets for the people down there.

Apparently JIMBO never took a ride down 73 in our area to realize that there are a boat load of hotels just the other side of Philly. The industry is booming in that area, but now it will be less tempting for people staying in Philly to bother with booking a hotel in NJ.

So to sum up, since people don’t go see a production of the latest Sean O’brien plays, people going down the shore have to be rapped out the ass. How about throwing a benefit concert or something? Why are we punishing such tourists? Why are we punishing blue collar NJ residents who stash away for their summer vacation?

Next time anyone is in Oaklyn and driving past the Ritz theater (the one where plays are performed near the Arter brothers), tell them to shove their funding up their ass. I am not sure if they are actually receiving money from the state or not, but it would be pretty funny.




POOP!

“End of Year One”


Roughly around this time last year is when I started this silly little web page. It was right before my last semester of college. Quite a bit has happened since I first published an article.

First off, socially pretty much all my friends were swinging singles. Okay lame singles. However, it’s not the case anymore. I was lucky enough to find Liza who for whatever reason puts up with me. Thankfully, she has been by my side since I graduated college. It has been a long and depressing job search since I finished classes. She has been supportive and the two of us have had a lot of great times together.

Meanwhile Ryan got back with his ex, and even Duke Mr. Antisocial is dating a cool chick right now. Lima Beanz who as Price would say held a candle for Jenna for a long time beat out the competition and won her over. In an unexpected turn no one could imagine last year, the two are starting a family together. They are connected for a lifetime. There is always Drew who shouldn’t get too down on himself. He made it through his first year of law school alive. I hope that he will become a lawyer, because I plan to live a life of crime if I don’t get out of Sears soon. I have to remind myself to ask him when I see him next if killing someone seeking student loan payments is against the law.

Meanwhile there are others like Steve who recently landed a teaching job. Dan K. who will be getting married in a little of a year, I hope his computers don’t grow jealous his wife. I fear Dan will name any kids they have after computer components. For whatever reason he keeps wishing that his company lays him off so I wish him all the luck in losing his high-paying job. The Old Mantis is still around. I am still not sure exactly what he does for a living, but I know it takes him a long time to go to work. Joe is going to be a vet in 4 years, and Rick had many humorous stories for us all.

Price had the most life changing experiences I would imagine just from the stories he gave us about what war is like. I cant even put into words how strange it was to hear about what he went through during the Iraq war.

I covered lots of events, some no one cares about. I have offered many slices of life from my warped mind, and almost every prediction I have ever made turned out wrong.

Drew and MosCOW already had blogs, and soon after that, Jenna started one. Each blog far superior to this one which makes me wonder how I managed to actually increase in readers over the past 12 months. I have taken lots of heat over my lack of proofreading skills, and slammed left and right for what I have written at times. I have provided many laughs both intentional and unintentional. I hope that I have given people something to look forward to checking on the Internet when they sign on. Even a reason to avoid work at their job. It is a chore to write sometimes, and I thought about canceling the blog once or two twice.

My original intention was to wrap up this experiment a year after I started; however, I decided to extend the life of Tucker’s World for the time being. If the end is near anytime soon I will certainly signal the ending for my readers to it does not hit them all at once. Thanks for reading both of you.

"The Book"

Since I have gotten a few emails about it. I will tell you that my father's book can be purchased online at amazon.com. The books is mainly a collection of letters that a distant realtive wrote while fighting the Civil War. Other information links the letters including side notes to famous events.

If you go to Amazon.com just type in Newton Colby and the book should come up. Its a bit more money than you would expect though. I doubt anyone that reads this will actually buy the book, but its cool to check out. Last I saw they only had two in stock, although I dont know how many they order from the publisher with a book like this.

Well I sat here after I realized an article I wrote for my blog dissolved on my computer somehow thinking how I didn’t really want to rewrite the article for a third time. Id figure it’s a good as time as any to address an issue some of my readers might have been waiting for. Before we get into it I am going to provide you with a quote.

"In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including Al Qaeda members, though there is apparently no evidence of his involvement in the terrible events of September 11, 2001. It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons. Should he succeed in that endeavor, he could alter the political and security landscape of the Middle East, which as we know all too well affects American security."—Hillary Clinton October 2002.


"The Blog Writer, The War and The President"


Well despite the fact President Bush landed on air craft carrier a few months back and told us that heavy military combat is over for the most part, almost (if we didn’t hit it already) 100 U.S. soldiers have died. So we are not exactly out of the desert yet. Unfortunately, this “War” isn’t going to be over anytime soon. Just because we do not have, 24-hour coverage for it anymore doesn’t mean there isn’t anything going on. Thankfully, for US soldiers, Saddam’s kids are gone which will weaken resistance. Its typical of us Americans to get easily distracted and who could blame us given the number of us out of work.

As you might know I voted for Bush back in 2000. I am in small percent of my friends that I am a registered voter. Heck I don’t know anyone other than Drew that actually voted in the last election. Since Bush has made some bold moves people always ask me what I think . Than they ask me if anyone ever told me I look like Ben Stiller.


Well one of Bush’s main reasons to go to war was because Iraq had supposed weapons of mass destruction. Many people thought it was true for years, just ask the Clintons who for what ever reason were never questioned about making similar claims to Bush. Bush’s vague claim was apparently based on forged documents. He later claimed regime change and freeing the Iraqi people were objectives a weeks deep. Well the Iraqi people despite living in post-war chaos are free however its too early to tell if any kind of stable “regime” is going to be able until things settle down out there. Things really seemed to fall apart when the media broke a story that Bush had made false claims about what Iraq was hiding.


"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

First off let me clear up a common misconception the British government still stands by this claim so even if he were to say it today it wouldn’t technically by a lie. Yes, they still stand by that claim. This made people in an up-roar because of the previously mentioned forged documents provided by British intelligence. Tony Blair even came out publicly (although hardly mentioned in the US) and claimed the forged documents and the intelligence to back this claim were from separate reports. It makes sense since the forged document story had already been made public. So there is no official evidence that this claim can be filed under either category. It could be a cover-up, but than you would wonder why they have admitted to the pervious false information.


However, the US intelligence doesn’t have evidence to nod their head in agreement. In fact an early draft of the cited the US intelligence of making that claim but was changed. So at the very least Bush irresponsibly used “shady” information that could have gone either way. He likely wanted to include it in the State of the Union because it would be seen by more people than his run of the mill speech daytime on CNN opposite Jerry Springer.

Okay so did Bush have it out for Iraq from the start? Well I think George Clooney was some what right when he referred to the Bush team as a having policies similar to the Sopranos. I honestly do think the decision to go to war was decided long ago. I have many friends in the armed forces and a good number of them had almost exactly pinpointed the date the war would start a year in advance. So it was likely the year leading up to it with all the debating was just a song and dance for the American public. There is a reason why didn’t go after Saudi Arabia who has blatant ties to terrorists and September 11th., because they DO have nuclear weapons, and we are at an end game with them. So does Iran suposedly although many people think its not true. Than there is the always-popular North Korea who obviously has the nuclear capabilities to set many American Cities a blaze as they kindly put it. We don’t touch them because a war with them would pretty much mean the end of civilization With more and more countries having nuclear capabilities the US loses leverage.

So I think they knew Iraq was at best in the early stages of becoming a “made” country. So just like what happened to Joe Pesci in Goodfellas we took them out before they got their chance. So where are the weapons of mass destruction? A few theories think like many of the artifacts they were moved. Most likely to Syria in the weeks leading up to the war, and many others feel they were either dismantled ( mission accomplished I guess), or buried in the vast desert. Syria is supposedly “made” too. Although their conflicting reports that they could actually reach US soil. So far the most revealing think uncovered are old airplanes. Why they were buried pretty deep and I have no idea So its possible that chemical weapons are still buried out there. Sure if they had time to burry planes we didn’t care about why not a little antrhrax? Keep in mind I voted for Bush so throwing my arms up in the air and saying there are none doesn’t come as easily to me as others. On the other hand you would think if we have the technology to take a flea off the ass of a camel we could find traces of chemicals in the ground. Its been a year and the prospect of finding chemical weapons seem to be about as promising as my job search.

So was a Saddam threat to freedom loving Tucker? Was he a silent partner in September 11th? Well no hard evidence has been provided that he had anything to do with that horrible day. Well of course there are terrorists living in that country. That’s like asking if there are mosquitoes living in South Jersey. However their beef is mainly with Turkey. That is the country not the bird, although they might hate that featherless chicken since its started in Israel. They don’t want any peace treaties. They basically are the ones that blow busses and stuff up on CNN. So they are threat to Isreal Tucker I guess.

Now are we hypocrites for having chemical and biological weapons ourselves? To a certain extent we are. However, we are the police of the free world. How are we going to pull that off with sticks and stones. I am glad we have such weapons since we get called upon constantly to take care of things. Look at the Libya situation. Do you really thinking asking us to jump in is a coincidence? There is a reason why they don’t ask Canada to regulate.

Now are going to into Syria? I doubt first off it wouldn’t make sense militarily. WE have enough trouble in Afghanistan if you forgot about them, that is the country were most the “evil doers” from September 11th lived and we are still fighting enemy forces and losing American Soilders there too. Secondly, they shared some intelligence information with us after September 11th that helped us. The terrorists that hang out there for the most part are the ones that bother other people in other countries who aren’t us. So perhaps the weapons of mass destruction were sold to those guys with the funny names. Than of course they could turn around and sell them to al-Qaeda with a high mark up value. Than again this is just me speculating. We better hope there wasn’t any Weapons of Mass destruction in this case. However given the public knowledge of what Syria can do when push comes to shove, I doubt we will go in and find out and put our allies and ourselves at farther risk.

Now the big question one the one person’s mind who actually read this humor lacking blog (although it can be argued that is not unusual) did President Bush mislead us? Did he make Tucker regret he voted for him? Am I disappointed?



Well I think he mislead us to the point where I don’t think our only goal was to free the Iraqis. I think it was to get station in the middle east. To be able to keep a watchful eye on things and protect our interests. I think it was horribly wrong of Bush to act like the war was over, and he has made some blunders like the “Bring Them On” statement. I think the actual possession of “weapons of mass destruction” were a combination of Bush manipulating facts and figures. Although I guess telling us we were going to over throw a horrible person and free people goes over a lot better than, we are going to pick the best place in the middle east to set up shop. I think some misinformation may have been put out by others that didn’t wanted Saddam out of there. I think this decision to go to war was made maybe even before September 11th.

Was it worth it? Are we safer? Did we make things worse? Well only time will tell political junkies and news paper columnists can write all they want but we wont be able to find out until the history books include chapters about this time in America.

In all fairness, if they really wanted to mislead us at least they did not plant any WMD. However I do feel jaded and confused with all the conflicted information that is out there. I do seriously doubt we will ever see the smoking gun. I guess on the bright side one less nuclear country to worry about. One the dark side we may have created the next Afghanistan (they got pissed after we helped them out too) or managed to make an enemy out of a supposed friend like we did to Iraq. Although Saddam brought that on himself for the most part.

The sad thing is I don’t think it mattered. Bush was going to go to war if we liked it or not. At this point it would appear he either knew there was no threat and lied to the American people or he just made a horrible miscalculation rolled the dice and lost. Maybe once the ball started rolling he didn’t care that all signs pointed to we might be a tad off base. We were going to for it and try to accomplish something good if we could.


If Bush was up for relection tomorrow I wouldn’t vote for him. For one thing, I disagree on his stance on gay marriages, and for another I don’t trust him enough anymore. He needs to earn my trust back for me to vote with him with a clear conscience and confidence he will do the right things. Although I think things were blown out of proportion in some instances by the democrats if I cant understand the man’s motives when it comes to risking lives than I don’t know if I can help reelect him. The lesson I have learned from this whole incident is we are just pawns in the game played by rich powerful people. My friends Duke and Dan might be right after all. There is no point in voting.


Maybe things will work out for the best maybe we did the right thing. I have researched a lot for this article and its funny sometimes the more you know the less you understand.

"Head of the State"


Well apparently, New Jersey has similar state laws to California about ousting the states Governor. However the amount of signatures needed is in the millions and the process from what I read in the Inquirer is quite harder than the process in California. Given the apathy of most this state I doubt it will its possible that we will see any celebrities running for Governor

I am too lazy too look up if I am remotely old enough to run for the head of the Garden State, however that didn’t stop me from making a list of things I would do to make your living conditions better in the state of New Jersey.

Here are a few things I was kicking around in my head the other day when I was supposed to be doing work.


Make it mandatory for all High School Seniors to travel to Lucy the Elephant in Margate.

Make the New York Giants change their name to the New Jersey Giants. They play in FREAKING New Jersey. What a bunch of posers.

Legalize same sex marriages. Ban marriages between people from North Jersey and South Jersey.

Cut taxes for everyone south of Trenton, and raise them for everyone North of Trenton.


Make Starview’s “buffalo wings” illegal.

Start a government funded Frisbee league.

Abolish all statuary rape laws.

Pass a mandate that Drew has to recite the pledge of allegiance when he awakes.

Fine any South Jersey bloggers who unjustly attack Duke

Pass a law in the state for schools to require a “Weird New Jersey” class.


Delcare November 10th Roy Scheider day. We will look the other way that he was born in NORTH Jersey.

“Music by the HIGHway”

So an old friend of mine Royce called me out the blue this past week. Apparently, he is still alive and residing in New York State. Royce called to inform me that he would be breezing into the Delaware Valley for a few days and his band who he moved to New York with would be putting on two shows one in Cherry Hill and one in Philly.

It was really great to see Royce, because I only see him a few times a year (sadly I didn’t get my annual holiday visit this year) and when we hang out its like we just hung out the day before. Its never awkward despite not spending time together anymore. Royce one of my first friends that drove me around always amused me with his thinking outside the box, and his off beat sense of humor.


Anyway Royce had told me that he was playing at a place called Woodstock in Cherry Hill. I had never heard of what I figured was either a café or a bar. Where else would have a band play? Well apparently, it was actually a “Head Shop” before you go running for you hip-slang dictionary let me save you the trouble. Apparently, “Head Shops” are places where people buy drug related paraphernalia. The story main theme is weed and everything weed related. So anyone that knows me, realizes how out of place this makes me.

After I heard about it I half expected (and was a little creeped out) to see bongs hanging on walls and various other instruments people use to get “weeded up”. So Royce, Ryan, Lima Beanz and I arrive there to find that Royce’s bandmates were no where to be seen. So it gave me time to explore a “head shop” for the first time. I am either naïve or oblivious but I could not find anything that you could “put your weed in man!” Although I began picking up objects and trying to figure out how they could hide or store drugs. I honestly had myself convinced that the Simpsons Pez dispensers might have another use that I was unaware of. However now that I think of it its hard enough storing the candy in those darn things let alone dope. A friend of mine who recently made the wise decision to make his year long hiatus from the drug a permanent one (mad props) theorized you have to give a code word to get the “tools” used to get bowled over. Not unlike the ball washing place in Hi-Nella, however I only found evidence of an animal living there and a toilet only hidden behind a curtain made of beads. This place made me glad I never did drugs.

The store does proudly boast the biggest selection of incense on the east coast. Originally, they served as a way to over come the smell over simmering drugs, but now their main purpose it to apparently gag to death anyone that isn’t stoned. I think I’d rather smell my cat’s droppings than have someone permeate a room with that stench.

The store also sells magazines all about getting weeded up, soap made of hemp, and the largest collection of hideous shirts on the east coast. I can’t imagine anyone who isn’t blind or on drugs purchasing these eyesores. If I did purchase them I would shove them in a South Jersey landfill where they belong. While waiting for Royce’s MIA band members we met the owner of the store. She was a hippie woman well into her 50s. She told us to just call her “mom”. Why not everyone that worked there did, they seemed to have a lot of workers for place that was deader than Gregory Hines. I honestly think two people bought stuff the entire time we were there. Creepily enough it was seemingly a man and his daughter.

So eventually the band shows up in 70s style short bus, and the people to footwear ratio was more lopsided than Rob Arter walking out of South Philly bar. Mostly the band was mainly made up of long hair, bearded free spirits who were ready to put on a show despite having Ryan, Lima Beanz and I as their only audience members. One of the band’s trademarks is their alien puppets that take to the road with them. There are two of them, one female and one male. The female has two sets of breasts, and the male has a large black penis that flaps in the breeze. The two dolls were in poor shape, and “Mom” pitched in and sewed them right up. She made sure that large black penis was in tip-top shape for his big Philly show.

I was surprised when the band set up out side. Because there is a very small amount of land between the store and the always busy Route 70, and I imagine passing motorists must have thought it was odd. Especially since Mom did her sewing right out in the open sitting with the band. Eventually the puppets did do a little jig with out any self-consciousness about there genital being exposed.


The band played various songs, and are a grateful dead type of band. Not really my kind of thing, but you can tell they were good at their type of music. Each band member gelled well together and they seemed like they could easily feel where one another was going with the music. The songs melted into each other like ice cream on summers days. When they did try to explain the meaning of their songs, I was even more confused. Perhaps you have to be higher than the WPVI Channel 6 Zoo Balloon ( I have been waiting so long to reference that for some reason) to get on their wave length. Royce really got into it and seemed more entertaining than their actual front man. We left because we had to hit the road. The band seemed to keep on playing despite only a few people that were standing there. You see they would have played if not one person was there. Royce and his buddies would just jam on doing their own thing. Because that’s the way he lives his life.

Royce cares not for the cookie cutter ideal “good life” he is truly doing what he wants to do everyday. Playing music he loves. Some might say that Royce’s life is a tad bizarre, but heck you have to give him credit for not being shackled by such downers like a job he hates or doing what is mainstream. Rock on Royce!

“Escape from Pennsylvania”

So LIZA and I went to Dorney Park a few days ago and had a good time despite some minor set backs. Apparently the people in the state of Pennsylvania’s tax money doesn’t really go into the highways all that much. I guess it’s a different culture out there, and they don’t really believe in signs that give you any indication what direction towns direction highways go when you are given the option for an exit. For the most part you are just dumped onto another highway for about 8 miles or so before you can even begin to attempt to rectify and wrong turn that you have made.

What made matters worse on the way there, that Map Quest seems to be under the impression that Dorney Park is located some where in someone’s backyard. Because if you follow the directions that we printed up you end up in a residential community. The theme park located in Allentown, Pennsylvania has one sign on one of the 3 or more highways that seemingly encircle the theme park. If you are in the actual town of Allentown you will notice they don’t bother to direct you in any way to the theme park. This is odd considering in this area we direct people to Wendy’s with a series of signs.

Seeing where as the town of Allentown makes Lawnside look like Stone Harbor I cant imagine why anyone would be in this town other than to go to the theme park. You would think such an obviously poverty strapped down would try to advertise their tourist attraction (we hype Clementon Park!). Dorney might want to make their new slogan SHhhhhhhhhhh. You can stop and ask the locals, be most of them are either just a confused as your or jerks who like to send people from South Jersey in the wrong direction.

Anyway, the trip was good. Our hotel room was nice and affordable, and the park had a lot to offer. Lots of great water rides (and despite Duke’s theory I didn’t see any kids pooping in it, although LIZA both & I considered peeing in the wave pool) some pretty decent roller coasters (although the one that was hyped to death I didn’t get on because it was closed. I guess its trend with me, the same thing happened at Hershey last year) and lots of ducks to feed.

The only trouble we had inside the park was bratty kids, and LIZA thinking it was wrong of me to shoot water at defenseless children. A stinky Mexican dude wore a see through black mess shirt and was annoying. Oh yeah and my A.D.D. kicked when we went down a body slide and I pretty much neglected every DO NOTs that they gave you to do. This resulted in me almost drowning and LIZA having to retrieve my water soaked corpse out of the water. I got up completely blinded and disoriented (since I didn’t not use the proper position) and got off on the wrong side of the slide which made the life guard angrily blow his whistle at me.

Going home proved more difficult when we managed to actually double the amount of time it takes to get from the park to LIZA’s house. I started out driving and we ended up just circling around the theme park again and again, seemingly merging on to highways that didn’t want us out of the Keystone state. By the time we ended up on route 100 (again they didn’t bother to tell us what towns were in what direction) which involved nothing but mountains and farms, I was about to start ragging so Liza took behind the wheel of the Tempo. We actually thought we were in good shape until I noticed we were heading West on an interstate and getting closer to Harrisburg. Again, your only option is to get off the highway and hope for the best. Sometimes it just put you on to just another highway giving you no indication what direction you were heading. It didn’t help that Mapquest told us too take the Scranton/Philadelphia exist which you couldn’t see unless you actually took another exit they didn’t tell you to take. Not to mention the fact that are actually two separate exists (which makes sense since one is west of Allentown and the other is East).

Part of me considered just giving up and starting a new life as a farmer. I would have to call up and tell everyone that I am a Quaker and starting a farm because the highways were too confusing and the people at Map quest are a bunch of jerks.

We had a good time though I am sure both my readers were really hoping I did. Well not Dan K who hates anyone to have a good time.

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“While You Were Out”

Since I have gotten back I have learned


The Terminator is political figure now.

Arnold from Different Stokes is a political figure now.

Duke is involved with some girl either was or still is married.

Duke is a jerk

Royce is actually alive

Tom Tulish has a girlfriend

Sears Outlet hasn’t burned down yet.

There is a propane tank leaking in my yard

Jay’s beard has grown thick enough to that he could disguise himself as terrorist. Perhaps not the best idea if he plans to head north of the border.

“Tucker at the Link”


Well last night was the biggest night in Philadelphia since the sequel to Mannequin started shooting. The building in which the Eagles will call home until the machines kill us all was host for its first event a Soccer game! The building named after a company no one cares about has already been dubbed the Link.

It was the Red Guys vs the Tan Guys, and judging by the way the soccer fans were yelling these teams were good ones. It took me awhile to realize that we were rooting for the Red Guys who won. I read about the game, and it was apparently like a pre-season game. That might not seem too meaningful, but I also heard the losing team all has to go see the movie Gigli.

I get to write this blog with first hand experience, because my Father and I went to see Soccer game and break the Link’s Cherry. The Crew was there too and if you read TERMINUS its amazing no one went to the hospital. Although according to Jenna’s blog I am no longer a crew-member. Being ousted for a next generation crew member?

Anyway, the stadium was absolutely amazing. The field was beautiful, the seats were extra comfortable (space wise too) with little cup holders for the fans, the view over the Philly skyline and Delware river were sweet and wide screen video scoreboards were the cherry on top. They people of the city of brotherly love got their moneys worth. Eagles fans are going to love the view which will be 10 times better than that other building.

Of course there were some minor bugs. My father and I had tickets for the 204 Section, which was incorrectly labeled by the stadium which lead to confusion for us and the employees of the Link. Eventually we figured out that we were in the wrong seats and had to move over to the corner a bit. Unfortunately from the one corner (the real 204) of the field was a bit obstructed. I also heard they ran out of beer (which thankfully didn’t get bloody), French Fries, and the free soda may or may not have been a myth.

I also would like to mention how moronic Eagles fans are, and I don’t understand why people give Flyers fans a hard time. Here are some dumb things said by Eagles fans on 6 10 WIP (sportsradio). I would also finish this one blog by picking a bone (virtually) with Drew go to his comments on TERMINUS, under the Bush bashing title.
1. The stadium was too CLEAN
2. Everyone was just walking around and looking at stuff at the stadium. He was annoyed by this. What a moron. What did he expect?
3. Actually chanted EAGLES for no reason. These are the same idiots who call in April to talk about “The Birds”. These people are jerks.
4. Soccer shouldn’t be played at the Link. Why are we against bringing world class soccer to the city again? Do you know how many people came from far away, and likely spend money on hotels etc. Its great for the City. I am all for a wider sports venue just over the bridge.
5. Tom Cruise went to Cherry Hill East.
6. Because Soccer never caught on in America is because we are just a bunch of jerks. Honestly why does that come off as arrogance? Golf and Hockey are widely accepted and sure as heck weren’t invented in the States. How in the person or persons, animal, intimate object, or lack of a superior beings’ name can you say this is an example of American arrogance? If anyone does anything about the fan base of the sport, over seas they know they obsess to a dangerous level about the sport anyway. Resorting to trying to murder players on teams, and huge riots that make our American ones look tame. Maybe we rejected this sport because of all the crazy uncivilized stuff that goes along with it. Besides that I think its just horribly boring (not to mention hard to market and throw in commercials) sport to watch. Its not like it isn’t one of the most popular sports to play in this area. How many people played soccer? Almost everyone because it’s a cheap sport to play. In South Jersey its huge. My father is head of the South Jersey Hall of fame. It just doesn’t fit into American culture all that well at a spectator sport. However if it will ease tensions across the globe and prevent another terrorist attack we should all get Season Tickets to the Charge, or the Kixx. Anything to show our sensitivity. In fact I would also like to mention now that maybe, we should have gone to all those Yahoo Serious movies back in the early 90s. Lets try to get that big harried lovable louse a comeback special before we hurt any feelings Australians or give a Kangaroo an inferiority complex.


Hard core Eagles fans are idiots. Oh yeah Royce called me earlier today. Not that has anything to do with the Link.