Tuesday, July 01, 2003

“Back for the Fourth of July”


Just in time for the forth of July my good friend Price is back for a month. My friend who oddly enough is a war veteran now. I was considered about him for months while he was at war, because I knew he was pretty deep in Iraq. This made his return a lot different than his countless other visits to South Jersey a lot more meaningful.

I can still recall the night when Price gathered us at Starview Diner to tell us he had enlisted. I guess I was being naïve because I didn’t think he would ever see any serious action. That of course was before September 11th. Ironically that same day almost two years ago now, Price was on his way home for sometime off, and was just outside DC when the attack on the Pentagon occurred.

He spent a lot of time back last summer, and we all got the impression based on his experience and what seemed pretty clear we were going to attack Iraq. We all figured he was going to war in Iraq. Price made it through some serious ordeals thank God.

He was did open up over the course of the night and told us what War was like. It wasn’t like watching an Oliver Stone movie or anything, it was much more real. I was hearing it from a person I grew up with. Needless to say most of the crew were dead silent when he told these stories.

This war has been debated over and over again (just read TERMINUS) and I still don’t if I was lied to about the war or not. I still wonder if the WMD were moved out during the whole time we were gunning for Saddam or if it was just a boldfaced lie.

Well this year on the 4th of July maybe my readers can just take a moment to reflect upon all the men and women that served (and many cases gave their lives) for our country. Why we sit on our Asses and watch tv they are out there with their lives on the line. Some time in between gulping down a burger, plunging in a pool, or gazing at fireworks think about these people. If you go to a parade or come across some veterans simply thank them.

Oh if you go to the shore via the Garden State Parkway this hoilday weekend, beware the trolls.



Saturday, June 28, 2003

If you recall Ed has written for Tucker's World many times before. Here is what he thinks of the war a few months after the fact.

"The War After"


The After Action Report

The war went well for coalition forces. Just about all of the mission objectives were met. The conflict was short. Casualties were relativly low on both sides. Oil wells were captured undamaged. The Iraqi infrastructure was saved from devastation and the cities kept intact. The Shites haven't risen up against the Sunnis in a bloody war of retribution. WMDs weren't used. But most importantly Saddam Hussein and in criminal gang of thugs were removed from power. And though he and his spawn are still on the loose, and I believe alive, I have high hopes of his eventual capture.

There's something everybody needs to know about this war. It's not over. Although it was very dramatic and riveting, the conventional phase or 'major combat' has concluded, that was the easy part. The new phase is far more difficult. Identifying and destroying enemy tanks and uniformed troops is something our armed forces specializes. But now missions are shifting from conventional warfare to SASO (Stability and Security Operations) missions.

The premise behind these operations is based on two philosophies. The first is that our forces have to keep the peace and enforce the rules. It's basically what the conquerors do. Show that you've won and are in charge of things now. The second philosophy is that we have to win the hearts and minds of the people who live in the occupied zone. That basically means that you have to convince the people that you haven't conquered them, but are protecting 'their' best interests, not just your own. The difficulty is that these two goals aren't parallel. The inherently clash with one another. During the Vietnam War the American military told the people that we were on their side. Then we executed suspected communists based on thin evidence, burnt down their ancestoral villages and forced them to relocate to camps where we could 'protect' them. Today civil affairs units concentrate on getting the common man to side with us. These units are made up of linguists, construction engin

I do believe that Hussein is alive and I think that his plan is to hide until Coalition forces have left and then attempt to overthrow the government. He still has supporters and until he is neutralized Iraqi freedom will be in jeporady.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

“Camp Arter”


“Where are the horseshoes?!?” Chris Arter asked peering his head out of a shed. “We don’t even really need to play them, it just always looks better if horse shoes are out. It looks like something is going on!”.

Well if your biggest problem is lack of horseshoes then you must be at Camp Arter in Somerdale. I spend a night there recently after deciding to send my resume to a mortgage company. If I get the job I will sit in an dingy office on the phone all day and talk about mortgages, if I don’t I will remain in my dingy low paying current retail job. If that sounds lame, it is unlike some summer fun out in the Arter’s backyard.

Chris the fun organizer made sure candles were lit and everyone was happy. He was nice enough to fry up some hotdogs wrapped in bacon. He got too caught up playing a complicated baseball came with war veteran Chris Bishop and huge flames shot up out of the grill, but all was good and we happily clogged our arteries. At Camp Arter no one questions why jazz music plays all night long. Unusual for a bunch of people under 25 to be listening to it with out question but par for the course at Camp Arter. Not that I am complaining.

Chris spends a lot of the time on the phone, likely with other potential campers. One potential was his friend Ryan he told him he would attend Camp Arter for sure. Chris could not wait to see him. He kept calling him and got now response.

I played some wiffile-ball and later some badminton. The badminton got increasingly more intense when darkness fell and we decided to start playing with 3 birdies. Anarchy ensued and it could have passed for a deleted scene from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”.

Then it was off to waters sports. We played a game of volleyball with a beach ball, but the ball bounced out on almost every volley. So we decided to play some water basketball. You try to get the beach ball in an inter tube. This can get quite rough at times. A few minor injuries occurred and apparently, the opposing team was utterly confused by the rules. They also never caught on that my team had a player open standing by the net for every offensive play that we made. We than made a huge whirlpool that almost rip out the sides of his pool. We all laughed.

I didn’t really no anyone that played with me, because very few people were introduced(at least not at first). I think that’s Chris’s way of making the campers bond together and make new friends. When I left I thanked Chris, because I left a happy camper. I had some greasy food, a little exercise and memories that will last a lifetime.

Camper Ryan never did report to camp. I wonder if it’s too soon for Christmas in July lights to be up in Philadelphia.

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

“Wasted Mayor”

Local film maker Tommy Avallone who helmed local movies “Wasted Apples” and “Small Kid Tank Top” which played locally in theaters during midnight showings is out for a new career. He is running for mayor of Haddon Heights.

Believe it or not he did everything right and his on the ticket for this fall’s election. He even staged a press conference that the Courier-Post came out to cover when he announced he running for mayor. When asked about the other opponents he said he didn’t know anything about them, but they were going to have know about him. He thinks he can get the youth vote and win the election.

This summer him and his buddies are getting together film “Here’s to Yesterday” due to premier in December at the Cinemark like the pervious two films. There films barely corrhent and filled with inside jokes seem quite popular in this area. Wasted Apples is even available on VHS at Tunes in Voorhees. I thought “Wasted Apples” had some funny parts but wasn’t all that good a film, and oddly enough production values and direction back stepped for last year’s follow up “Small Kid Tank Top” which bordered on the unwatchable. Avallone plans to make a documentary about his run for mayor which could easily be his best work if its played out right.

If this dude wins the election, I am moving to Haddon Heights mark my words!


IF you want to read more this crazy punk kids and their movies and whacky antics go here.
http://www.wastedapples.com/

Monday, June 23, 2003

Okay I have decided to help my readers out and recommend some movies, since I consider myself a student of film and many of my readers have an interest in movies. I will break this feature into 3 parts. The first will be “Classics You Should See”, the 2nd “Movies You Never Heard of, but Should Have”, and “Tucker in Defense of Hated Films”. Most of these films are available on DVD at this point, but you might have to go to netflix because many of them are obscure or older films.


“The Classics You Should See”
Metropolis (1927)

Quite possibly the most well-known non-comedy silent movie second only to Birth of a Nation. Certainly, a film that has can be considered one of the most influential movies of the silent era. The film has been referenced as recently as last year’s Star Wars prequel (although I have yet to pick it out).


The movie may only appeal to people who can tolerate a completely silent film. The movie is visually stunning and includes images that will likely stay with you for a long time. Director Fritz Lang’s peak into the future is eerily accurate in the way that he envisioned the future look of large cities. Thankfully, things haven’t reached the level of bleakness that Lang predicted. Various images such as the zombie like workers droning off to work, and mindlessly changing shift with another group of workers are classic. Each person marches in unison and seem almost robotic. Another image is the bizarre and equally as confusing clock sequence.

The basic plot of the film is the rich are jerks and live above ground, meanwhile the working class toil (underground) mindlessly in dangerous menial jobs. To make matters worse the rich plan to replace them with robots who could do the jobs more efficiently and for less money in the long run.

The film follows the son of the evil dictator who is outraged when he realizes everyone works underground in such horrible conditions. He meets a girl who may or may not be robot and tells his rich evil father off. Some sort of revolution arises and chaos ensues pinning father against son. Now if anyone can actually make sense of anything else of this film they are one-step a head of me. Random things happen with little or no explanation and its hard to tell the difference between robots and humans Some things just seem to come out of left field and are left to interpretation this happens mainly at the start of the film and towards the climax. However, the film can still be appreciated for its symbolism (which comes with repeat viewing I imagine), the haunting images (which lead me to have many whacked out dreams after seeing it)and the remarkable set design. The movie may also appeal to fans of impressionism films, because its one of the first of it’s kind.

It should be noted however that many parts of the film were lost over the years and the recent 2003 release of the film is about as cleaned up as its going to get. Some still images have been inserted where footage is missing. Unfortunately back than when the films were passed around people could just slice and dice when ever they wanted. Another version exists with 80’s hair band music played over it. These is also Japanese cartoon version out there some where.

House of Wax (1954)

I am amazed how many of my friends (if not all of them) have never even heard of this classic horror film. Its one of the few horror movies that still stands up decades after is release. The film was in really early days of Technicolor and was originally presented in 3D which results in a haunted house/ spooky type atmosphere.

The film is about a struggling wax museum one of the owners takes pride in his work(played by the ever so creepy and occasionally mildly flamboyant Vincent Price), and the other one just wants out of the business. The two have squabble, which escalates when the disgruntled partner starts torching the place. Price (Vincent not Mike) is horrified at the thought of his precious wax sculptures being destroyed. He ends up trapped in the museum and left to die in a fiery tomb.

Years later he resurfaces apparently he lived the ordeal, but is horribly disfigured and seemingly crippled. This comes to a surprise to his old friends. He decides to reopen a museum but oddly the sculptures resemble corpses that have been stolen out of the morgue. People start to get suspicious when bodies start to mount. Is it an eerie coincidence or has Vincent Price gone on a heinous killing spree fueled by murderous rage and anger towards those who wronged him. Could these new figures be corpses encased in wax?

The movie is like a roller coaster ride, and highly recommended to any fans of horror films.


Harvey (1960)

Director Frank Kapra has a knack for making a heartwarming comedy that makes you smile and touches on elements of humanity. The basic premise of the Harvey is a bizarre one. The lead played by screen legend Jimmy Stewart has moved in with his sister and niece. Their family was rich so Stewart hasn’t worked a day in his life, but that doesn’t stop him from giving out his generic business card to various strangers.

However, what makes Stewart even more of an odd ball is his best friend is 6 feet tall and a rabbit named Harvey. Apparently, he is pretty confident of his existence since goes to bars and orders drinks for his furry little friend. He introduces him to everyone he sees, and spends the majority of his day making new friends and drinking at the local bar.

His niece thinks he is out of his mind, and is embarrassed when Stewart talks about his rabbit friend. After an embarrassing incident, his sister tries to have him committed, but wackiness starts to happen and they think she needs to be committed.

What is interesting about this film is many people have stern contracting opinions of what the film is really about. Here are some of the options I have come up with.
A. There really is a Harvey
B. Harvey is symbolism of alcoholism
C. Jimmy Stewart is completely insane
D. The movie is pro-alcoholism

Jimmy Stewart is really fun to watch in this performance that is both funny and poignant. He makes you honestly envision a 6 foot rabbit simply by reacting to a nothing. Its amazing how well he this because Harvey never really appears in the film and yet you can use your imagination with the help of Stewart’s acting can tell where the rabbit is allegedly standing. You compare these to today’s actors trying to interact with horrendous CGI creatures and you wonder if they ever saw this film.

Some of the scenes are highly amusing. Stewart carries a jacket around the entire film (I guess in case his friend gets cold) and helps him across a busy street. He gets their images painted and wants to hang it up at home, and is genuinely kind to the people at the mental hospital who think he might be a dangerous nut.

Will his family and friends eventually get fed up and disown him? Does Harvey have to leave his friend to go off to other far off lands? Will drugging up Stewart make him realize Harvey is just a hallucination? Well I am afraid you will have to rent the film my friends. I guarantee you will feel all warm and fuzzy inside and laugh out loud.


The Apartment (1960)

Sadly the only Billy Wilder film I have seen to date. The film stars a very young Jack Lemmon an insurance salesman who wants to make extra money on the side. In order to do these he rents his apartment room out to various co-workers. They use it for parties, poker games, but mainly to hump girls usually cheating on their wives. Things start getting out of hand rather quickly when Lemmon is ousted into the cold New York winter night in order to satisfy his client. However some higher ups in the company start using his apartment which results in him rising up the corporate ladder.

When the CEO calls him in you think he is busted but he just simply wants in on the good deal he is offering the people at his company. Of course there is a love story interweaved through the film Lemmon has a crush on girl who although is charmed by Lemmon is seemingly off the market.

A running gag involves his neighbor’s who think he is some sort of ladies man with all the late night female visitors and all. The direction is crisp and aside from obvious changes in clothes technology (and the fact that is black and white) it seems like it could be just as easily filmed in 2000 as 1960.

The movie has some dark undertones of loneliness and despair. It also explores the ugly side of humanity and some of the key players certainly aren’t anyone you would want to consider a trusted friend. It is also fun to see how Lemmon changes from the start of the film. The film is well acted an holds up perfectly after all these years. Lemmon is as usual a delight, and who couldn’t smile when he starts stringing spaghetti with a tennis racket?

Sunday, June 22, 2003

“Good-bye Roger”


Horrible news in the hockey world this weekend. Horrible for all the fans of the sport everywhere. Former Flyers coach Roger Neilson passed away Saturday morning after a two-year battle with cancer. He was 69. Neilson was fired head coach of the Flyers despite attempts to gather his strength for a comeback. He had coached the team for about 2 years.

He passed away on the day of the NHL draft. The day when many young hopefuls hockey lives begin Roger left. Sadly the draft was just slightly less entertaining than this year’s Cup finals with the two dullest teams ever assembled. I’d of rather saw the Ducks and the Senators than see the Devils hoist the cup for the 3rd time in 9 years. However that’s not the point of the post.

Yesterday Bob Clarke showed what a very classless person he is yet again. What a horrible, terrible heartless piece of shit with no respect for anyone other than himself he can be. The NHL commissioner Bettman announced Roger’s departure from this Earth about and hour and half into the draft. Flyers at this point had already selected their first player. A few minutes later they had another draft pick. At this point almost every other NHL team had something nice to say about the beloved coach. Not Bob Clarke his former boss he didn’t say one word. Zippo. Nothing. Zilch. He was mum, mute, void of remorse or reflection.

Clarke claimed there were no hard feelings and the two remained friends after he fired Neilson. I imagine that is true since Roger didn’t from I know have a mean bone in his body. He was known as the players coach and treated everyone with respect. I am sure it was hard to not only to find out you had cancer but after trying to get back for the good of the team lose your job for almost no reason. However I doubt he held a grudge. He was from what I read a devout Christian who spend his summers over seas running a hockey camp for under prillevaged children. But did Clarke a supposed friend of Roger say one word his recent death? Nope. It was classless and inconsiderate. An absolute disgrace. His phony comments in the paper this morning made me want to vomit. I hope the bad boys at 6 10 WIP and the trouble makers at the Philly Daily News lay into him for this one. Then Clarke can get all mad when they report facts that make him look like an asshole again.


Oh yeah and Clarkie finished off his busy weekend by sending off Marty Murray to the Carolina Hurricanes for a used copy of Slapshot 2 on DVD. This trade I kind of saw coming since Lapointe pretty much took Murray’s roster spot. I hate to see one of the FEW players with heart be shipped away though. It just proves my theory Clarke hates players with any kind of speed or heart. He also doesn’t like it if his players were born anytime after Woodstock.

It’s a shame to lose Roger, but he put a up a good fight. Sadly he didn’t have a family or anything, but I bet his funeral his largely attended. Id imagine he would be all humble about the attention that he will receive. He didn’t like that sort of stuff. He just liked watching hockey all day long, whacky ties, and making a difference with players.


Neilson this past season was an assistant coach for the Senators who fell one game short of making the finals. They might not have gotten that far if it wasn’t for Roger’s inspirational speech before one of the games. Roger’s trademark curly locks were gone and he was frail in appearance however his determination and love for the game were still evident. Sadly it was his last chance to win a Stanley Cup.

He used to frequent Starview Diner quite often during his tenure here. That at the top was my number one stomping ground. I recall one time in particular when he sat at the both next to me and my friends and he was just reading notes and eating a bowl of soup. I really wanted to just go up to him and tell him how much I respected him. What a great coach I thought he was, and how I was confident, he could get the Flyers a Cup with in a year or so. However, for whatever reason I never even said, “Hello, Coach”. I even considered taking the crackers he left by his soup after he left for a cool story to tell. A cooler story would have been if I actually had a conversation with the man. Looking back it was dumb not to. He was loner and I am sure he would have liked to hear a kind word. I always regret not saying anything to Roger that day.

I would imagine Roger is in a better place right now.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

"An American Soilder in South Jersey"

Price is 3 days away from making it back to the states for those of you that care. He will also be on leave starting July 2nd so he should be here by the 4th of July. He plans to have a party at some time in the middle of the month.

His leave is 45 days this year which is more than his comically large leave time last summer. I would like to take the time on my meaningless little read blog to thank him for serving our Country. It takes brass balls to do what he did. Who would have thought that when he entered the armed forces in 2000 that he would see action.

I am glad he is coming home safe and sound. Agree or disagree with the war that just passed we should all tip our glasses to Price when he comes back.

Oh yeah and I am under strict orders to keep him under lock down if he wants to see his old ex-girlfriend. So if anyone is willing to take shifts sitting outside his room let me know I think you can use it as a tax write off. Maybe he brought us back some WMD from the Iraq gift shop. I can only hope.
First off, I’d like to apologize for the decrease in posts the past month or so, but as everyone knows I am dedicating chunks of my time to finding better employment. I know Drew and sympathize because his posts have grown less frequent. I keep checking back to see if he blames Bush for the miserable weather we have been having, but much to my disappointment, he has yet to blog about it. I was going to blame Clinton in my earlier post but I didn’t want to be murdered have my lifeless body drug to park so it would look like a suicide.


“Media Obsessions”

Well if pay attention to the media industry you might have noticed that the past few summers they tend to get oddly obsessed with certain stories. You know stuff that happens fairly often but all of the sudden is big news.

For example 2001 was the year of the summer of the shark attacks. For some reason that’s all we heard about that summer was who got chewed up or hurt by shark and where. Now no one cares when people are gored by shark, and I am sure it still happens. Last summer of course was the summer of kidnapping stories. Of course the richer and whiter and cuter kids got more media exposure but for some reason the media gave us alerts every damn time a kid was snatched from their home.

The summer has barely started and it looks like dangerous diseases has and early lead for the season’s media darling. Sure we had West Nile before, but that’s nothing compared to MONKEY POX. Riding on the success of all the SARS coverage comes MONKEY BOX, and BEWARE THE PRARIE DOGS. What is funny is photographs have been trying to make this little furry fellows look menacing. There are pictures of them with their little teeth showing and looking all-mean. However, they just can’t pull it off. I just want to pet them.


Coming Soon:
The Island of Misfit Films and the a peak into the future of a certain Tucker’s World Regular.
“H2 OH-NO!”

Am I the only one who thinks I should start building and arc or something? Last night yet again I awoke to hear rain down pouring outside. Its getting insane, I wonder if anyone is getting SAD over this. If that is the case for any of my readers I hope that they expose themselves to bright lights (Florescent lights mind you).

The entire month of May it either rained or looked like it was going to rain all but literally 3 days. Despite all the rain that month it was actually just average for that month. It came just in little spurts slow, steady enough to demper everyone’s outside plans, and add to misery. I know I had many plans cancelled do to weather.

Now that June is hear you can barely tell that the summer season has arrived. Granted it is still early, but days are slowly but surely being washed away. This kind of weather Dan K likes dark and miserable and one drives all humans indoors to sit in front of the computers.

To make matter worse the Garden State is suffering from the weather economically . Many shore businesses are close to writing this year off already after taking a bath in May and Early June. It will take a hell of a lot of revenue and a hot Sept/Oct to make up for what they already lost. Meanwhile Jersey produce is suffering. I am told I might not even get to consume Jersey corn for the Fourth of July because of stunted corn crops (due to lack of sun). This makes me want to hurt someone.

Maybe the miserable weather will leave when I get out of Sears Outlet. Well off I go to 332 Burnt Mill Road where it is constantly raining inside and outside seemingly 365 days a year.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

“Lima Beanz Riot!”

Well its been a week since the Blog Media Blitz started following Jenna’s cry for help. John Mosco who also has a blog had the most interactive and controversial input.http://www.blogger.com/blog.pyra?blogid=3740421 People are still firing back and forth at one another. Lima Beanz has threatened the life of the author of Tucker’s World, but has focused most of his anger on Mosco. He did give me a beating on the mini golf course recently. He reportedly wants to “punch him in the face”. Lima Beanz might have a change to start swinging at the end of this month, because there is a good chance Mosco is going to be in South Jersey. Now I don’t think the future father will actually resort to violence to punish his friend. However you never know about that whacky Lima Beanz!

Let’s say they do fight. Who would have the odds? I am going to break it down the strengths and weaknesses.

Mosco:
Strengths: He is a fast runner, and in pretty good shape. This would come in handy in the event that he decides to flee a raging Lima Beanz. He also has more girth than Lima Beanz and could be harder to bring down.

Weaknesses:
He doesn’t have a beef with Lima Beanz he will likely be on the defense more than anything when the fisticuffs start. After a series of punches perhaps he will be backed into a corner and it will be too late when he realizes he is in trouble. However, since he knows Lima Beanz plans to go right for the face, he is going to know where to put his hands. This might hurt because Lima Beanz is likely to be wearing his college ring which could easily rip the skin of Mosco’s hands in his attempts to shield the endless string of punches.

Lima Beanz:
Strengths:
He goes to the gym a lot and usually takes stuff to make his muscles big. He claims he has the body of a god, so Id imagine he thinks he has the fists to match. What Lima Beanz has going for him is hee has lots of rage and anger. Its about time for it to surface in a horrendous explosion of blood-thirsty violence. Maybe he just has a good insurance policy and will be worth more as a corpse to his future child than a struggling scientist trying to make ends meet.

Weakness:
Unless Lima Beanz changes his original plan he could be in trouble. Mosco knows he is going to viciously attacked the minute he walks into Fox Ridge Apartments. So picture the fact that LB is going to have to walk across the room. This will allow time for Mosco (who likely has already thought about some defensive moves) to either take LB out by his legs (he has stronger leg power and Jay is top heavy with his massive upperbody) or at least old him off from getting the punches.

Predication:
LB is sitting on the dirty couch at Duke’s and has to go the far way around the coffee table since Drew refuses to put his legs down. LB starts yelling in a fight of rage and Mosco gets ready to defend. The two use their strengths and get into a shoving match. Mosco makes sure to keep LB from freeing his hands. Than they slam into the TV( toppling all of Duke’s Action figures) and LB gets stuck to it because its coated with filth that has accumulated over the past 6 months. This allows Mosco to get few punches off but he feels bad and doesn’t punch as hard as he should. This allows LB to free himself ripping his shirt off while freeing himself from the sticky stuff. All the girls scream in delight at this sight. Okay Jenna does. Than Mosco is slammed against the table knocking cigarette ash and MAXIM magazines all over the place.

This however puts Mosco in position to kick LB in the balls. Making Baby Beanzie an only child. Than the two end up wrestling on the ground which than degenerates into a homo-erotic grudge match. Than the fight is finally broken up by, oh lets say…….Rob Arter.

Please Email me who you think will win.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

"Tell the Parents"

Okay I have known about Jenna’s pregnancy for longer than everyone. I was already to post about it so my readers would have something shocking to read about. However, Jenna told me that it would be a good idea to wait a few weeks. She wanted to make sure they were past a certain stage of the pregnancy. I did that, but I never posted. Mainly because Jay (lima beanz) had yet to tell his parents, and believe me I had some great insight. Months and months later Jenna was the first to blog about it.

Slowly but surely (okay not so slowly) word spread. Some even figured it out on their own, and mostly everyone found out at by my graduation party. However, he has yet to tell his parents (unless he broke down tonight but I doubt it).

I understand I might have some outside readers on this one. So I let me sum up a few things. Jenna is easily my closet female friend, and the two of us have been through a lot with each other. I can’t imagine being able to maintain my current relationship if I didn’t have a female friend like her over the years to make light of my many years of romantic misadventures and wounded egos from girls who dicked me. She usually made me end up laughing at being jerked around by girl so I wouldn’t let it get to me. She made me a better person for Liza (my girlfriend).

Jenna and I for many summers were always together sparking rumors (mainly from our parents) that we were secretly in love with one another. Jenna was always popular with the guys heck she’s an attractive girl and has a great personality. However, she decided around this past Christmas that she would rather be on again for the long term with her on again off again love interest LIMA BEANZ. Which I have posted about several times. Lima Beanz and I have had our differences over the years, but it has mostly mellowed over time.

Okay now obviously all the precautions were not taken to prevent the pregnancy or else we wouldn’t be talking about it would we? However, the time to blame anyone has passed. Stuff like who should have taken what pill or who should have used a condom that didn’t expire before Clinton left office . The reality it the decision was made to spare this child’s life thankfully. It certainly isn’t “Baby Beenzie’s” fault his parents got caught up in a wild moment of passion.

Okay I will admit since we both ended up getting into relationships at the same time, our friendship kind of changed. We simply don’t have much one on one time together aside from at work (we both a crappy retail job) but I have tried to make her feel better when ever I could. I know she gets support from her family so for the most part I serve as comedy relief for her. Everyone needs to laugh right? I even told her I would go to her doctor visits with her if Lima Beanz could not attend early on. Thankfully he did.

Jay’s parents likely have no idea that they are about to be grandparents. Perhaps Lima Beanz has no idea how many times my friend has been reduced to tears in front of me at work over the fact that she can’t understand why he won’t tell his parents. I want to tell her everything is going to be okay and I can do that about the child being born healthy and her family pitching in to help raise the child. However I can’t honestly tell her that everything will be okay from Jay’s position. Why would he not tell his parents? Shame? Fear of them? I told her for the longest time that the more people that know (many didn’t till recently) the more of a reality it would become to him. For a period of time he could just hang out with his friends and not have to hear or talk about it. Meanwhile Jenna was in tears and her body was starting to go through changes. She has to go through the pain of childbirth for his kid. The least he could do is go through the hell of telling his parents.

Are they ready to be parents? Only they can answer that. However their current situation worries me, and luckily they will have a nursery built for the Baby Beanzie at Jenna’s home. However its time to buckle down and for the two of them to earn better money and bust their asses for this kid. Since Jenna is having the actual child the work load falls mainly on Jay’s massive shoulders.

Earlier today Lima Beanz was talking about joining Drew and Duke at their current jobs. The job is ideal for Jay because he will have no job in a few weeks when his long time sub-teaching gig ends. It is also related to his field. I told him I heard that they pay well (12.50 an hour) and offer overtime. Jay frowned upon this and said that was more for Duke because he needed the money more than him and he wasn't going to work OT. Actually Jay needs the money A LOT more than Duke. Baby Beanzie needs the money. He was not making a joke either. He was serious. That’s why the girl who loves him so much sleeps in a puddle of tears on a regular basis.

Many jokes have been made about the pending parenthood (hey it’s a gold mine of one-liners) however the whole Jay not telling his parents can no longer fall under “That’s Our Lima Beanz” and needs to be dealt with immediately and so does his attitude towards his job situation.

My friend Ryan who I grew up with dicked me and didn’t come to my graduation party recently. He lied
to my face and my parents face about coming. Ryan has seemingly been a different person in the past 6 months which have sparked many jokes about “That’s our Ryan not hanging out”. However Lima Beanz and I agreed recently that the his decision to not call me let alone show up at my party could easily have damaged long standing friendships and it is not longer all that funny. Was Jay lying to Jenna’s face all the times he said he would be there for her? Does he realize that it is no longer funny? Maybe he should take applied that logic to his own life. He is part of new family officially by the end of the summer. Being a father involves being a bigger more mature person than you were 9 months ago. This is a major step for him that needs to be taken. Lima Beanz needs to tell his parents before irreversible damage is done to his relationship with Jenna and or his parents. He is a father for life, and there will be many more obstacles to over come. I am sure there will be many rewarding moments too.

The days of being totally careless are gone for the both of them for the most part. They are responsible for a human life. Its time for Jay to suck it up and put both feet into the kiddie pool and accept his new life. There is a hard road ahead of them both, being a parent, working hard at getting jobs to support their child without leaning on their parents too much. . Even though many people might think he was unlucky to be in this awkward situation. At the same time he did get lucky in the sense that the woman that is having his child has it in her to be a damn good mother not every guy can say that.




Wednesday, June 11, 2003

"In Other News"

I don't normally do this, but you should check out Jenna's webpage today. She has a good article and she will likely not post again for about two months. Although at this point its not really news to most of my readers. Pretty fitting of an article with Father's Day around the corner and all.

http://www.jennaandmindless.blogspot.com/
"In Other News"

I don't normally do this, but you should check out Jenna's webpage today. She has a good article and she will likely not post again for about two months. Although at this point its not really news to most of my readers. Pretty fitting of an article with Father's Day around the corner and all.

http://www.jennaandmindless.blogspot.com/
“Ten Simple Reasons”

Trying to make plans for your summer Vacation? I think South Jersey could be the right place for you and your family.

1.) The Ocean City a pretty nice boardwalk that boasts some of the best Pizza and Fudge you can find on the planet. There is also a few great shops including cloud-9 with the best selection of whacky t-shirts. If all that walking gets you winded, have no fear there is an oxygen bar in the Surf Mall right on the boardwalk now. Not only does it give oxygen that you need I am told it gets you high as a kite. The sign says it’s a “natural” high. Oh yeah and if you get bored you can always sit on the bench and make fun of all the people walking by. There are usually almost entirely naked young girls on walking the boards for those of you that like that sort of stuff. Although the friendly Italian guy who used to sit outside his restaurant God blessing everyone, and telling them to have a nice day is long gone you can still hear him wishing good cheer if you listen enough on a quiet night.


2.) If you idea of fun is hanging out with people who have seen the Fast and the Furious too many times and an ample amount of white trash than the Atco Raceway is the place to be. It can cost you upwareds of 15 dollars just to have the pleasure of watching cars drag on the famous track. Fridays are popular because they are street cars nights where anyone that wants to (and pays) can race. Sometimes the car race gets all funky and you are forced to find entertainment in the food court. There is usually supposed to be a band. There is always the tradition of walking through the parking lot and looking at other cars. If you are like me you will just sit there and stare when your car loving friends rant off things about the cars. I couldn’t tell you the difference between Lima Beanz’s car and Dan K’s car. They are all the same to me.

3.) You can go to Wildwood. The mile long beach is there so bring your walking shoes. OH yeah and a lot of inconsiderate jerks go there. They like to leave all the trash they can find on the beach. Than later they complain that the Jersey shore is too dirty. The boardwalk is bigger than our country’s deficit and has a lot to do. It appears to be 24 hours because I have left after 2 am several times and people are still walking around. Wildwood is known for crappy homes in the center of town that might remind you of home if you reside in Camden. Its also recommended for my drug using readers or anyone interested in STDs.

4.) If driving out to a road in the middle of the woods and stopping you car is your idea of fun, than man do I have the place for you! Yep the famous Atco train ghost. You drive out to Jackson Road flick your lights off and honk your horn a few times like madman. Than after sitting there like a goober you start the car and start driving. A light is supposed to follow that comes out of no where. It actually worked for me, jenna, Harry and Dan K once. I have no idea how to explain what happened other than perhaps it was a Motorcycle but given the poor visibility that night and the fact that it appeared and disappeared on a road without and side streets it is kind of thin. Perhaps its just pure evil in energy form which should delight kids of all ages. So if you want to toil in Satan’s domain this might be your hot spot this summer!

5.) The Cape May Zoo a well kept secret of South Jersey! Even better its free if you don’t feel guilty ahout not making a donation. Its pretty big now and deep into the woods, Good for an over-cast day. They have a good amount of prairie dogs so if anyone wants to get Monkey Pox you should go here. Because its easy to hop their dwelling. There are all kinds of animals there some stinky and some not so stinky. 5 dollars for anyone that gets Drew to go.

6.) Nothing says summer to me like the Arter house in Somerdale. There is a hammock and a pool that is warming than bath water due to having direct sunlight on it for 12 hours a day. IF your lucky it will be a 3 arter night (better yet a 3 arter shirtless night). Every year since since I have known Chris we have made a whirlpool no matter how old we get I am sure we will still giggle in delight as we do it. There is also a good chance you get to hear some TRAVIS on his radio sitting on the deck. Its even a better night if Kareem who is deathly afraid of water comes over, because he will just do his comedy routine from the deck. I have learned a lot about the differences between white guys and black guys over the years. Will somebody get this guy a spot on BET already. I also hear a rumor that a grill might be built there this summer.

7.) If any of my readers think they are too happy for their own good than they should stop by the Sears Outlet in Voorhees. The dungeon like décor will make you want to jump in front of traffic. If you need a reason to put yourself over the edge fill out an application to work there. You will likely be making your suicide note before the leaves turn colors.

8.) The VET! Okay that’s Philly, but close enough. It’s the last SEASON EVER OF THE VET. One last season of baseball to smell the stale cigarette and the age old urine from drunken fans through the years. If your wallet it thicker than mine than you can shell out some green for two seats of the stadium. Of course they only date back to 1996 when the old ones were replaced. So nothing of particular note happened around those seats. Aside from that Army Navy/Game where a marine or two almost plummeted to their deaths. There were also there for Harry Kalias night. Its recommended to bring weapons to dismantle what ever you want to from the stadium and of course your appetite on dollar dog day. I am told the new stadium will be nicer, and have more corporate assholes who don’t care about the game. Oh yeah and this stadium doesn’t have a view of the Philly skyline either. Some how the Riversharks were able to manage that though.
9.) Try out one of the various miniature golf courses. Its good clean fun. I hope to start the Crew Masters soon. However, that shouldn’t stop anyone from getting their game together. Its highly recommended not to do it if your significant other is a big cry baby of a loser. If that’s the case be prepared to stroke my ego (I mean his or her) for about 30 minutes or so.
10.) The unemployment line. This should be a great place to meet people that have the same interests as you this summer.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003


“Tucker’s Quest”


So I have been in the job market for almost half a year now, and I don’t particularly care for the job market. Sending out resumes, sifting few the same job opportunities over and over again. Looking for a sparkle that catches me eye. Something I am confident I could do, or at least would pay reasonable.

It’s been a long road so far. A few times I felt that the road had ended, but since my phone calls never came I figure I haven’t hit the last mile yet. Its frustrating to the point that at times I will just zone out in front of the compute like a zombie, other times its just plain disheartening to the point that I think I should get some sort of refund for my education. I look at some of my other friends who attended college, and none of them are exactly on a fast paced career path. Most of them decided after a few years of unfulfilling work that being a student is better and are currently perusing more expensive degrees.

Many people remained at jobs that ironically put them through college. A depressing, but logical move that I have temporarily accepted. Always taking the safe bet. Yep that’s Tucker. Being practical. Even if it involves working with the dregs of society.

Sometimes I should consider myself lucky. Some of the people I am going against have no jobs or any sort of income at all. Many of them with other humans in their live to support. Some of these people at job fairs have been out of work as long as I have been done school. I’d imagine Price went through more hell in an hour than I did since my last final at Rowan, given his high risk job. A son of a co-worker’s life was cut short this past week. He will never have a chance to arrive at this cross roads. Lost in the mean streets of Philly.

People give me all kind of advice. Some more meaningful than others. People that have never done such a thing don’t understand why I don’t have a job yet. Apparently I missed the booth that was giving them away at my graduation ceremony. I walked a few weeks ago, and I felt a little better that everyone else that finished up in December was in the same crowded boat. No one that has just finished finals had exactly lined anything up just yet. Those wise enough to choice education, nursing or engineering are reaping the benefits of open markets in big demand The rest of us are fighting over the same jobs. Most of them ask the question in the ad whether or not we are driven.

I have had several interviews. Just the first step. Sometimes I have gotten to the farther rounds of the interviewing process. Sadly those are jobs I didn’t desire as much as ones I got eliminated from in the first round. One example is Madison Reily . Apparently a marketing company. However they don’t actually pay you anything. You just make meager earnings on outside sales. I wouldn’t be opposed to such a thing. I really wanted an outside sales job for a newspaper selling ad space. However Madison Reliy, gives no such base pay. You also have to spend time schooling new employees or taking potential employees (like I had to do) out on the road. I did this on my 2nd interview. I decided it wasn’t for me. I wouldn’t have lasted. Their top earners made less than I make at Sears. Supposedly it all works out in a year when you are making six figures. Sound shady? Perhaps. Just look up the company in any of the job search engines and look how many different ways they explain the same exact job position.

I wish if I wasn’t going to be back for second sit down with the business they would tell me to kiss their ass on my way out the door. That’s quite a bit easier to take than the waiting game.

A few jobs sounded like a good entry-level Public Relations jobs, until I read it paid 7 dollars an hour. Maybe I am just being to picky. I feel that I shouldn’t have to take a pay cut. Something else will come up and its better to be patient than to accept a job that pays lower than a supposed best friend lying to you about coming to a college graduation party. Okay getting paid 7 bucks an hour isn’t THAT low, but you get my point.

It’s a nice day out, and in the past it would been another beautiful summer day at the start of the season for me a student. I mean Summer of 2003 is still an infant who knows what fun there is to be had? However this summer I will be driving down the road to a better job, inching my way along in a crowded highway filled with equally clueless sheep.

Friday, June 06, 2003

“Artificial Intelligence”

Last September when I was preparing myself for my last semester of college President Bush was preparing us for a war. One of the main reasons for the GULF WAR II or Operation Iraq freedom was to unearth weapons of mass destruction. I had said I was all for it they had some sort of ACE card that they weren’t telling us. However, reports today make it clear we had no evidence as recent as September.

So I am really confused now. What was the objective of the War? Could they have realized that the whole weapons thing was going to fall through early on and switch gears to the whole free the Iraqi people in the middle of the game? Well it’s clear that ousting Saddam was a good thing kind of changed our minds a few times why we went there in the first place. Was the war just on a hunch?

Granted had Saddam worked with the UN better we wouldn’t have had to go in there in the fist place. That part still doesn’t make sense from his stand point. I know he lives on some sort of crazy world but didn’t realize that he was going to get his ass kicked? Would it have been easier to play it safe and let us go in and find nothing? Or did he figure either way were going to beat his little Iraqi butt?

You think I am confused? A recent poll showed more than half of Americans think we actually found WMD. So were we supposed to accomplish both objectives? Or did we just screw up and decide we might as well topple Saddam while we are there. That whole statue falling down thing made for some good PR.

Were there missteps in the war? Of course. Exaggerations? Apparently. On both sides. The whole Iraq museum looting was blown out of proportion. Most the artifacts were returned, or moved before the war actually started. Well if the US was ran like Iraq, I think I would be looting the Franklin Institute. Hell we do that when our sports teams win or lose. I wonder if anyone will be bitching people weren’t shot when the Vet gets torn apart by fans later this summer.

I don’t know either we got lucky and are 2nd objective is enough to make up for failing (at this point) on our first. Our we were mislead since day one. I have to say my impression of admistration’s intentions is a confused one. I wonder if I would vote for Bush again today. Maybe I would not vote at all. Maybe I have been reading TERMINUS too much.
“Artificial Intelligence”

Last September when I was preparing myself for my last semester of college President Bush was preparing us for a war. One of the main reasons for the GULF WAR II or Operation Iraq freedom was to unearth weapons of mass destruction. I had said I was all for it they had some sort of ACE card that they weren’t telling us. However, reports today make it clear we had no evidence as recent as September.

So I am really confused now. What was the objective of the War? Could they have realized that the whole weapons thing was going to fall through early on and switch gears to the whole free the Iraqi people in the middle of the game? Well it’s clear that ousting Saddam was a good thing kind of changed our minds a few times why we went there in the first place. Was the war just on a hunch?

Granted had Saddam worked with the UN better we wouldn’t have had to go in there in the fist place. That part still doesn’t make sense from his stand point. I know he lives on some sort of crazy world but didn’t realize that he was going to get his ass kicked? Would it have been easier to play it safe and let us go in and find nothing? Or did he figure either way were going to beat his little Iraqi butt?

You think I am confused? A recent poll showed more than half of Americans think we actually found WMD. So were we supposed to accomplish both objectives? Or did we just screw up and decide we might as well topple Saddam while we are there. That whole statue falling down thing made for some good PR.

Were there missteps in the war? Of course. Exaggerations? Apparently. On both sides. The whole Iraq museum looting was blown out of proportion. Most the artifacts were returned, or moved before the war actually started. Well if the US was ran like Iraq, I think I would be looting the Franklin Institute. Hell we do that when our sports teams win or lose. I wonder if anyone will be bitching people weren’t shot when the Vet gets torn apart by fans later this summer.

I don’t know either we got lucky and are 2nd objective is enough to make up for failing (at this point) on our first. Our we were mislead since day one. I have to say my impression of admistration’s intentions is a confused one. I wonder if I would vote for Bush again today. Maybe I would not vote at all. Maybe I have been reading TERMINUS too much.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

“Yearbook Full of Memories”

When I was in school, when ACTION NEWS on Philly’s ABC affiliate WPVI 6 used to show their graduation commercials I knew summer was almost here. The school year was in the home stretch. The lazy, crazy days of summer were about to arrive. Channel 6 apparently gets all the smart students in one place at one time for a video tribute.

The other day I caught one of them. They haven’t changed at all over all these years. It amazes me all that has changed in our culture and they use the same song. The same voice. “Yearbook full of memories……the honors that you earned, something, something that you learned, a Smile that says you made it, made it all the way. And you graduation days is hereeee. You’re the best of the class this year! (lame piano, solo follows).

The best, part of these ads, is when they do shots of students in South Jersey. They are showing the top students of several schools in the area. However, the shot is a moving shot so the student has to sit there awkwardly and try not smile, sit still and not blink too much. They last on the screen long enough so the viewer can read their name and school. Some students looked scared and others just look like they want to be there. Everyone looks like a tool.

Does anyone know if Duke was invited? Although being the brightest bulb at Sterling, might not actually be news. If he did, I will do whatever I can to find the footage of such an event. I do somewhere have my brother on ACTION NEWS. It was when the train that runs through the town of Straford (actually from Camden to AC so through many towns) was allowed to go faster. They came to Yellin. He said “It might not be good idea because some kids could get squished.” Years after the fact he swore he didn’t say squished and it was some sort of ACTION NEWS conspiracy.

::Kids toss their caps into the air, and cheesy piano fades::

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

“Crazy About Geoffrey!”

A man in a suit steps down out of a restaurant deep in the center of the city trying to bob and weave through dozens of photographers trying to get a snap shot of him. One after the other lights blinding lights bombard the evening sky. People are screaming to try to get this man to stop to be able to hear a few words, or get a photograph of him.

One man however is confused and doesn’t know understand what all the fuss is about, as far as he can see he is just a regular man walking out of a restaurant. However there is an ocean of people in total awe.

“Who the hell is this guy?” The confused man asked.

“It’s him it’s him!” Says an extremely hot girl who dodges her way towards the crowd in order to be close to him. However a police officer restraints her and despite her best efforts she can’t break free. She wants just a brief embrace to try to communicate all the love she has for him.

“Seriously who is this guy causing all the excitement?” asked the confused man.

“Why it’s Geoffrey Rush one of the finest actors of our generation!”, said a long haired fellow.

The man’s long unkempt hair kept falling in his face. His face was scruffy as if he hadn’t shaved in days. He turned to the confused man, and pushed his glasses up.

“He was just awesome in jewel thief movie he is very well respected,” he told the confused man.

“I am really into movies, and I have never heard of him” said the confused man.

“On of the finest actors of our generation or any generation! He is in that up and coming Disney movie everyone wants to see it just because he is in it. What an amazing actor, how could you have never heard of him. I think there are going to put a stamp with his face on it.”

“Marry ME PLEASE” yelled another woman.

“Your perfect for the lead in my script I wrote!” Yelled another man from the crowd.

At this time Jeffery Rush had stepped into his limo, and waved goodbye. All to the chants of GEOFFERY, GEOFFERY, GEOFFERY.

Leaving confused man downright bewildered.

Sunday, June 01, 2003

“Waiting for Tony”


Well England Prime Minister Tony Blair claims he has evidence of weapons of mass destruction that would have justified the war. He claims that the actual evidence should be revealed in the up coming weeks. I am not sure the reason why he will reveal in spurts information about such weapons. Perhaps his girlfriend is completely over bearing and he has no balls. Perhaps before going to make an appearance before the media, his girlfriend will start crying so she gets her own way, and he will just have to break his promise. Maybe all the media will take bets to if he will show up or not.

Seriously for those of you who I didn’t alienate with that inside joke, think about this. The next few weeks could make or break what people think about Desert Storm 2. Many of the democrats claimed we wouldn’t find anything over there. Of course, their political party would benefit if we didn’t. So they are at home crossing their fingers.

The next few weeks, we will supposedly be given more information than ever before about the WEAPONS OF MASS DESTURCTION (I don’t even know what technically qualifies as such things at this point). Columnists and TV type people will analyze this information, and perhaps some people’s minds will be changed.

I am, sure if the wait is too long the NEW YORK TIMES will just make up stuff. If you didn’t hear a reporter of theirs apparently lied and made up stories for years, and many of his superiors were alerted by that almost a year in advance. I would tell you to look at my friend Drew’s TERMINUS who updates his blog regularly and loves current events, however he hasn’t touched this story yet. Maybe he is still under the impression that the New York Times is out for TRUTH JUSTICE and the AMERICAN WAY.

Meanwhile on FOX NEWS this weekend, I saw several shows that were hypothetically speaking about going to war with Iran. Was this just news people playing the devils advocate? Or is this related to the Bush admiration’s coziness with the network? Could this be the early stages of planting the seed in the American people’s mind that going after IRAN isn’t such a crazy idea. I did study Public Relations in school (not that it did me any good) and this does seem like an early stage tactic in getting support for yet another war. All of the sudden we are hearing just about as much of IRAN as we are IRAQ, and little to nothing about that other country….you know the one with all the really bad guys? I think that long bearded fellow lived there. What the heck was his name?

Seriously, though, we are now hearing debates about “weapons” in IRAN. There are also reports of many of the people IRAQ that we wanted ending up there on the run from the Americans. Now what are we going to do keep chasing these people all over the globe or is this just a whole bunch of crazy talk?


p.s.
Beware the Trolls.