"South Street Tip Nazi"

So to celebrate Steve getting engaged and to mostly get caught up with him the two of us went to the local bar that is PufferBelly. After some time and two beers each when my other friend Rick showed up we kicked around the idea of taking the speedline into Philly to walk around South Street.

Steve and Rick share a common love for really bitter beer made in various countries I will never visit. So,after some hesitation and missing a train we were off to the City of Brotherly Love.

We started out Tattooed Mom's (or something like that) which is basically some guy's attic converted into a bar. It has all kinds of posters for concerts and writing all over the walls. The music was mostly heavy metal. The atmosphere reminded me of over crowded parties I used to go to. However, this time I actually had a girlfiend (although she didn't go out with us) so I didn't have to worry about being shot down by girls and going home for the night full of shame and self-loathing.

Anyway,we decided to do a round by round tour Steve had the first round, and when we went to the next bar (that didn't seem to have an actual name) Rick picked up the tab and we had beer with orange slices in them. This place was nice and chill, and I even got to play some music from the music box. Yes, it ended with my obligatory appearance of Francis Albert.

So to get to the actual title of the story it was getting really late and those pansies over there have a last call of 2am not 3am like most South Jersey bars. So we were running low on time. One place didn't even let us in since it was 1: 25 (L-A-M-E). So, we ducked into this "Irish Bar" right off South Street. It was my turn to pay.

I really figured I wouldn't like much that was on Tap,and felt as if I was done drinking but I was going to be a good sport. When we got there however I had to urinate fairly bad. So I handed Steve a 20 dollar bill and told him to get whatever. I could not wait in line since the piss was coming faster than Smary Jones in the homestrech.

When I returned both Steve and Rick had beers, and they didn't buy me one. I assumed they were going to make me try some really dark beer from Transylvania or something. But I guess they figured I would order what I wanted instead. I saw this as a chance to not drink (one more drunk Keith would have appeared) and to just chill. Color me lame.

Steve gave me back the money which I really didn't count, than Rick gave me back some money. I asked Rick why he was giving me money too since it all should have came out of the same 20 bill. Apparently Steve paid first and gave Rick ample enough for the drink. I didn't count either pile, it looked right so I just pocketed the cash.

A few minutes later this dude wearing a NYC fireman shirt came up to us. He asked us where we were from. My first thought was this dude wants to hang out with us! The dudes sure are friendly around here. Maybe he wants to mingle with a group of dudes for some reason. Of course he could also be planning to jump us (It was South Street afterall). However, I just assumed he was a drunk dude looking to make friends. I told him were from South Jersey.

He said "Well this is Philly and we tip over here! This guy (pointing to Steve) left 50 cents, and this guy (pointing to Rick) left nothing! That is not the way it works around here! They only get 3 bucks an hour!" then he marched up stairs.

I assume he worked there I have no idea, but the guy wasn't even my height and I really didn't actually buy a beer. Besides most times I tip at the end of the night(not that we were there long) so I don't know how he assumed the tipping habits of my two friends let alone if I was going to end up getting a beer myself.

To be honest I didn't even think about if they tipped or not since I didn't get a drink. I assumed they did although it would explain why the drinks were seemingly so cheap. The thing was I was willing giving my 20 away knowing very little would return at the time assuming they were going to select my brew for me too. Rick said later he would have tipped if thought I wasn't buying a beer. However, I had no direct contact with the actual bartenders.

Now what is the proper edict here? I assume I was responsible for the actual money, but the dude didn't know that. If neither of them tipped it wasn't my fault they had my money and easily could have. They were serviced not me. Both of them were soured about the thought of showing gratitude at his point. To be honest so was I. The guy was an absolute prick (you can argue we are too for going into the bar so close to closing) and I don't really think that I should be scared into giving a tip. Again for all I knew they did in the first place, the amount left told to me by the dude was news to me. Since I didn't really count it and I guess one or two dollar tip would have been good enough to pay someone to pull a lever and fill a glass so it wouldn't have been to noticable if they didn't.

We left and didn't live a dime and Rick got a dirty look from the chick bartender when we left. Maybe the dude was banging her or something. We tipped at the other places, and I had planned to had I actually handed off the cash. I also can't imagine that we were the first not to tip on two beers. Now please use my comments to let me know what the proper edict is here. Considering I never even before the incident planned to ever return to that bar. I rarely even go to South Street and there are 90 bars there anyway his threats to me didn't mean much.


The train ride home we meet some dude from Haddonfield who gave us advice on how not get out throat slit that late at night on the speed line. There was safety in numbers, and he told us he gets jumped on average twice a week by crack heads. He turned out to be bartender too and said he comes home with over $400 a night (likely what people at Irish pub bring home. I would like them to see my pay stubs if they are so unhappy) usually. He advised us to right the train into the city one block since it was the one we were boarding anyway to get a good seat. Also our lives were likely endanger staying at the one station too long. Plus he knew the cop in the car we were on. Hmm..maybe we should have all tipped him.

On an unrelated note Rick and Steve saw some dude's cock.

Summer Movie Files 103: The Stepford Wives

I never even heard of the book or original film until the buzz for this version started a few months ago. I must admit Nicole Kidman is one of my favorite actresses, and I am a huge Matthew Broderick fan who hadn't done theatrical film since a supporting role in the underrated You Can Count On Me.

The first two minutes of the film involve a peak into the highly successful professional life of Nicole Kidman who works for a major network. This gives the film a chance to playfully spoof reality television. One of the the tacky reality shows results in an attempt on Kidman's life. The hellstorm that descends on the network for being so irresponsible ends with Kidman in the unemployment line.

The movie soon shifts to the premise when Broderick (her husband) decides to quit his job too and move the family to a quiet New England town. Thankfully the kids aren't a big part in the movie at all. The town is a dream come true for men. They get laid with ease, and spend their day playing battlebots, loafing around together, drinking beer, and whacking golf balls. The women are all there to serve the men, and I kept waiting Jimmy Kimmel to show up in a cameo as the mayor of the Steptford.

Of course this place is an utter nightmare to the modern woman. The thought of dressing up nice only to sit around and sip tea is a concept of hell for today's working class women.

Frank Oz of muppet fame is in the director's chair whose makes the film visually glassy despite the sick and dark premise, similar to What About Bob? one of his more successful non-muppet projects. However, for the most part Oz just serves as the handler of this players placing the talented actors (that include a Christopher Walken, Bette Midler, Glen Glose and Jon Lovitz in he supporting cast)in situations and hope they pull of great performances. One wonders if he dozed off the days some of the Bette Midler scenes where shot, since a few of her intended biggest zingers failed miserably.

Regardless the movie is supposed to be fun and silly and it generally is thanks to the cast. Lovitz is his usual self, Midler's performance will please her fans and Close plays the typical crazy bitch you are used to seeing. It is more in the way that some play of each other and the absurd of a fantasy land where woman are basically robots build to cook and clean.

It is nice to see Kidman has some fun with a role, after a string of darker roles. It was great to see Broderick back who provides some of the dry humor fans of his work are used to. He doesn't over achieve here or take the film overly seriously and hands in a Jimmy Stewart-ish performance.

It may sound as if I am ripping this film but I am not. The old fashion mindset of the role of the sexes actors that cast ability to ham it up. Which is good since we are not clear what Oz's message is if there is one at all. It is a nice breezy film with with a few twists and laughs. Perfect lazy summer afternoon movie when you are not in the mood for anything involving a fat bearded super-liberal or Hillary Duff.

"Another Bites the Dust"

I had a long talk with my old friend Steve tonight. This was the first time we talked since Easter. He just finnished his first entire year as a teacher.

I had some big news for him, new car, new job and the death of the crew. He had some big news for me. He is getting married to his girlfriend of 5 years.

Yep. Old Steve is engaged going to get married sometime next year. So Price is married, Dan will be married soon, Brant just recently got hitched now Steve. Who's next?

"All You Can Eat Cicadas!"

Well for the people that actually have the loud bugs in their backyard they might be able to earn some extra cash by running an all you can eat buffet out of their own home.

Believe it or not people actually cook up Cicadas. Now I know most of my readers mouths are likely drooling after learning the concept of devouring ugly looking bugs. However I should warn you before you all chow down to read THIS article.

And Friends Don't Let Friends Eat too many Cicadas.

"Calling All Cicadas"

S I kept reading all these articles the last few months about "The Summer of the Cicadas." They are these bugs that apparently live underground for 17 years or so only to emerge for a summer to hang out, make lots of noise and get their freak on.

Now the impression I got from all the hype was that I would be stepping over large piles walking to my car everynight and I would be driven mad by the deafening sound of their mating call.

AOL has icons for the cicadas and David Letterman even did a top ten about the lovable bugs last week. All hyped up!

Now am I the only one who hasn't seen one damn Cicada yet in the summer of cicadas? Okay sure summer doesn't officially start till noon today(Monday), but they say once the ground hits 65 degrees they should start crawling out and having their party. I fairly sure it is warm enough for them to imerge.

Well its warm enough and where are the damn bugs? I don't see them, hear them, or no anyone really that has seen them. I did a google search and found some charts that don't have them here till 2013, apparently they were here in the mid-90s.

I also got to see some really good pictures of the, and I know that I have seen them in my back yard before. They climb out of their old body and fly away. I have seen their exo-skeleton attached to my screen in porch.

I guess the difference this year is there is supposed to be tons more and they mate so it gets really loud at night. Supposedly they sound like a UFO when they all start their matting call at once. Whatever that means.

I know I likely have some of my facts wrong here. Has anyone seen these creatures? Is it going to be even more noticeable this summer or is it just typical media over-hype?

Is sitting outside this summer in a lawn chair wearing a summer of the cicadas shirt a waste of my time? Is it too late to cancel the order and get my money back before the shirt ships? Does anyone want to have a cicada party this summer?

All Grown Up

So this past Saturday Ryan, Chris Arter and his girlfriend and myself went to Polly's in Voorhees.

That doesn't sound like a real exciting day, but guess who drove. Yep. Thats right Chris. Chris got his permit this summer, and Ryan was nice enough to let him use his car as learning tool.

Chris did a fairly good job aside from having to ask where the gas pedal was and "bumping" a curb upon leaving the parking space Christ did pretty good.

I am so proud of Chris he is really growing up. He followed and obeyed every traffic law in the ride from Somerdale to Voorhees.

When we pulled up his mom and dad were pulling out, and we had to play it off like Chris wasn't driving. I hope he wasn't grounded or anything.

"Not THAT Hot?"

I watched some of The Best Damn Sports show tonight on comcast mainly because Roenick is guest hosting this week. One of the guests on the show (that it seems is rarely about sports) was Nicole Richie, who was promoting the Simple Life 2.

Of course all the guys were creeply half hitting on her. Now I never really watched The Simple Life let alone it's sequel. But am I the only one that thinks that not only is Nicole Richie is much hotter than Parris Hilton, but they are both overrated? People go nuts over these girls and I just don't understand it.

I mean most of their pictures they have of them to promote the show are horribly air brushed. I am not saying they are totally busted, but certainly not something to get that nuts about.

"Father's Day Tragedy"

I got a cellphone call about 40 minutes before my shift was going to end from home, and my parents knew I was going to home for dinner. I knew almost right away that something was up and possibly bad news awaited me on the voicemail. So I ducked into the bathroom to check my voice message. My uncle Ray had collapsed at his work and was rushed to the hospital.

By the time I was out the door my parents were at the hospital in Cumberland County. By the time I had fought the rush hour traffic to get around the corner from my house he was gone. My mother told me he was gone, and I could muster a word. Besides being a smoker and have in diabetes, from he didn't have any real heart problems. He however was VERY stubborn about taking his medicine for his blood presure and refused to give up caffine. He was one of those guys that didn't really want to go to the doctors till he was drug there.

Still it was a total and utter shock to me to lose my uncle who was only 61, and younger than my father. I can't even imagine what my cousin Sean who is a year older than me is going through.

One prepares themselves to lose family members in life, but you usually don't prepare yourself for the unexpected. Just as much as I don't know what writing about this on my blog is going to accomplish it just doesn't make sense to me at all.

My Uncle Ray was my god father and was the husband of my father's sister. Now my Uncle Ray wasn't always overly enthusiastic about family gathers but you knew he loved his family. He couldn’t go 4 minutes without talking about his son. No matter what it was. He was somewhat quiet, but one of those people that would open up if you started talking to him. So I wasn’t always REALLY close with him, but I did go on a vacation with him when I was 16. I have known him since I was in diapers, and see him for every major holiday.

I have just been just utterly overwhelmed by the news. My aunt and him were really close, so I worry how she will take the loss. This coming on the heals where my half brother Rick resurfaced and everything was going well. I have just never been blind sided by the death of a family member.


I talked to him at a Memorial Day cook out a few weeks ago. Everything seemed fine. We talked about Sean (his son) getting new jeep, and how my uncle had given up watching professional sports, shopping for a new carand various other topics. It is still hard to imagine that he is gone.


Again I don’t what writing about this is going to do, just like I don’t know what to say to my aunt, and cousin. I guess death is part of life, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t really suck. With Father's Day coming up on Sunday it just makes it suck even more.

"Same Old Outlet"

My friend and former co-worker Steve called me up a few weeks ago. When I returned his call I was coming home early from the office of my current job while he was out on a break.

He was actually out in the parking lot of my old job at the Sears Outlet. So since I pass it sometimes on my way home I stopped by. We talked for awhile, and it was strange being back in that parking lot. Thankfully I don't have to actually go into the building anymore and haven't since my last day I worked there.

Steve told me that all the part time employees at the Outlet Louise who had been there since the store opened 10 years ago, the long time employee and popular Rosa, Arnette who had just came back from sick leave, this kid Josh I worked with for over a year and everyone else considered part time had been laid off. Well not exactly laid off, but not given any hours.

You see its a dirty trick my old work did not really laying people off or firing them when they didn't want them around. THey just simply said they had no hours for them. So the people would eventually quit since they had no source of income, or get pissed and just get another job. This way the Outlet could attempt to side step giving any kind of payment package that people that get laid off usually are entitled too. Not to mention it making it really tough to get unemployment.

I guess it is legal, but it certainly is pretty low class a move.

"True Colors"

A while ago I was asked why I consider myself a Moderate (I call myself one on my blog title) and what exactly I considered a moderate.

Well I thought about it and thought about it, and for the first time I realized why Drew was so pissed about being called a liberal. Well I wouldn't consider myself a liberal since I voted for Bush in 2000 among countless other reasons. Also I don't want to call myself a conservative, since that has a negative stigmata it seems. People don't want to hear what I have to say and think I want everyone dead but white heterosexual males. It gets even worse when they find out I actually believe in GOd, because they start telling me what a cook Pat Robertson is.

It usually doesn't help much to tell them I think he is off his rocker, because if people hear me say I am a conservative they automatically figure the have me pegged for every political issue across the board. Which is just idiotic. So. That Is really the reason. I mean most people will figure since I am generally for gay rights that I would be liberal not conservative. I am not going to go down the list.

A good example of why I would never want to fall under the blanket statement of liberal is the aftermath of Ronald Reagan's death this past weekend.

Well while I am out since is the first time I am addressing the issue I should at least make my thoughts public. Well the Gipper was the first President that was in the White House while I was on this green Earth. I clearly was more interested in the autobots than I was the Gipper's presidential reign during the 1980's so all I have to work from his articles and people that were old enough to care what was going on.

Like him or not, Reagan did manage to bring this country together on a lot of things, and certainly calmed down what was fairly wild two decades for this country and in some ways brought US back proud nation. He played a large role in the fall of the Berlin Wall, and you could argue handled the Cold War quite flawlessly.

Well the liberals who are usually filled with much hate and hell bend on ripping people like Ronald took the time after the President finally passed away (a blessing actually for the long suffering man)took a chance to well, um rip him full of hate. Now okay I am not saying just cause a guy dies you should pretend like you like the man. I am not saying people that wrote article nitpicking his presidency are anti-American. Although I would like to say I have seen one too many of those articles this past week.

However, there are people out there that are taking farther than the political what really happened with Iran debate that are just being plain nasty. It is just the typical mindset the countless hypocrites that proudly call themselves democrats.

Of course I am not saying that every democrat is a terrible person. But check this photo out. If you can't read it, it says Reagan In Hell with flames around his head. What the hell? How utterly awful.

What infuriates me to know end it that these jackasses with this hateful disgusting sign are the same people that would likely want to run me out of town for being nonchalant about if the Shoe Bomber was bruised a little more than needed.

How can these people be the same people who think I am a monster for saying the Shoe Bomber deserved an extra shot to the gut.

I'm not going to lump people like Drew into this horrific group of people. I imagine that these people are just so filled with hatred for their own pathetic lives with out an once of rational thought that this is the best they could come up with.

There are several awful things being said about him in letters to papers that are just name calling him all kinds of names. Why are liberals such hypocrites when it comes to loving thy neighbor? So it's basically love murders, terrorists, and rapists, but hate everyone who has different political ideas than you. Hate them with all of your heart for not thinking the way we tell you everyone should think.

So here is the logic from people like these jackasses.
Don't dare laugh after the Shoe Bomber getting a little roughed up after trying to litter the earth with parts of innocent lives But the Commander in Chief of our country for 8 years should burn in hell for all of time.

There is evil in the World, like your Hitler, or your Osama, but Reagan was neither.

"Tucker Gets a Brand New Ride"

Well this might be a little late to blog about, but for those of you who don't know THE TEMPO retired this past Saturday.

I rode that car from my first year of CCC through Rowan, my internship, two jobs and many years. It was the car that drove me around during the crazy election of 2000, 9/11, to my graduation, to meet Liza at her work for the first time, took me on various trips to the beach, and really was the car for a lot of my formative years for whatever that is worth.

However, the TEMPO was starting to pudder more and more and I knew it was time to send the TEMPO into retirement. So we parted ways last weekend and I was lucky enough to get the same amount of money I paid my brother for it several years ago. Ironically my brother is on at least his 2nd car since than.

Now the whole process of getting a car is about equivalent for most people to going to 10 Dentists in one day since I am highly disinterested in cars and it is just generally a painful experience. I don't know if there is something wrong with me being a guy and all, but cars never interested me in the least. Just not a car guy.

If I walked out my door and one friend (lets say Rob) said:
"Hey Keith there is a giant ant carrying a really big crumb across your front lawn!"

..and Dan K said

"Check out this Viper!"

I can't honestly say I am checking out the Viper first. It is also likely I might even tell others who weren't there about the ant before the car. Anyway I ended up getting '04 Ford Focus. It's pretty sweet, but I still can't find the damn thing in parking lot.

It feels fairly cool to drive a new car which I already managed to put close to 200 miles on.

Final Cup Finals?

Hockey sure is in a lot different place than it was 10 or so years. Just take into consideration that the Cup was just raised in Tampa Bay. Who would have thought that 15 years ago?

The Lightening beat the Flames in game 7, which with the exception of a third period flurry from the Flames was decided fairly early.

The Stanley Cup will be able to get tan, but not without dark clouds looming over the league. The champagne isn't even warm yet, but it is now officially the moment all hockey fans have dreaded. The moment of truth of how serious the NHL is about playing next year. The moment that was learn if the players union is as idiotic and greedy as it appears.

It couldn't come at a worse time. Media coverage of the Sport has declined considerably this year. Locally the Philly Inquirer only had a top sliver on the front page, the Courier you had to flip to the sports pages only to find it really small at the bottom of the front of the sports section. Highschool baseball ranked above it. The Daily News dedicated only half the sports cover to it, and AOL news ignored completely as far as I know. The sport really needs some young talent to put the sports world on it's ear.

As a hard core hockey fan I watched the finals for the most part mainly with my hockey buddies Rick and Joe. Sure there were some thrills and spills, but it wasn't anything memorable unless you are a of either team. Don't get me wrong it was nice to see Dave Andereychuck get a cup, but he is no Ray Borque. I would much rather see JR drink from the cup.

To make matters worse during game 6 the Flames managed to slip the puck past the Bolts netminder. However it wasn't till the replay was showed on ABC that it was realized. The puck dropped and the goal was never reviewed. Now I watched the game with Rick and Liza and all three of us clearly saw white between the puck and the goal line. Sadly the game went OT and the Flames lost forcing a game 7 that they also lost.

The days that followed the NHL tried to do the Jedi mind trick on the fans and media. Sort of as if they were all reprogrammed by Gary Bettman the next game the ABC crew said how wrong they were to say it was a goal. I imagine that the actual angle we saw that night is now residing some where at the bottom of Lake Ontario.

The NHL is at a crossroads and they need to lock the two parties in a room till they work their differences out. Lord Stanley's Cup may be seeking retirement in sunny Florida.

What do most people think? Is it just a bunch of meaningless strike talk or the NHL likely to resume some time around the Sopranos Season 5 premiere? If at all?

"Take a Seat Smarty"

Somewhere in South Philly there is a group that meets. They are called the "So Close Club". They are filled with all the loved players of all the Philly teams that have fallen short for almost a quarter of a century. Tonight they induct a new member.

Mcnabb walks to the podium.

"Good evening. Welcome to the So Close Club. Before we get started with the induction I would just like to make a few announcements. First off there is plenty of Campbell's chunky soup to go around so help yourself after the speakers. Also be kind to our bartender tonight, Mitch Williams. He really needs the money. Also stop by and see our Deejay for tonight Randall Cunningham if you wish to hear the theme from Rocky 15 times tonight."

Randall stands up, "Hey everybody"

Everybody "Hey Randall Cunningham!"

"Lastly Bonnie and Carl Lindros have requested we keep it down because Eric is cranky if he doesn't get his nap. Before we start let's take a look at this slide show provided by Comcast Sportsnet. Of course if you have the DISH it might be the first time you ever saw these images"

The Slide show starts playing Sara Mclaughlin's I will Remember You.

::shot of Mitch Williams giving up a home run::

::: shot of the Eagles getting beaten at the Vet::

::::Shot of Lindros sprawled out on the ice not long before the FLyers blow a 3-1 games lead in the conference finals::

Before the next image comes up the door opens and the dark room is illuminated. In the light stands the Answer Allen Iverson with a his "Dawgs".

"The program was starting at 7: 30 sharp!" Donvan snaps.
"If you go came to rehearsal yesterday you would know that!"

AI cocks head to the side.

"rehearsal!?!?! What you talkin' bout rehearsal? Rehearsal?!? Rehearsal? I'm da MVP! Check dis out alrght? I were to be here on time but my ride is all busted up. All broke down and sh*t. I even parked in the damn handicap spot so I aint have to walk across the damn parking lot. And you are talking about rehearsal?!"

Suddenly his "Dawgs" start eating the buffet laid out before its time.

"The corn I picked myself isn't done yet! It not time to eat!" Yells Keith Jones.

Suddenly Dave Brown, Claude Boivin, Sandy McCarthy, Simon Gagne and John Kruck march up to the AI's friends and try to restore order. Gagne takes a swing at AI, misses and still manages to shatter his wrist.

"You ain't got de balls to take me on!" AI says to Kruck.

"Bring it on bitch!" Kruck says.

Suddenly everyone has their shirts pulled over their heads and a fight breaks out. However the Philly PD shows up just in time before it gets out of hand. AI is taken out in cuffs.

"Is I told you the cops had a conspiracy against me! Damn police always trying to get Iverson! Just wait till Mayor Street finds out!"

"Sorry for the interruption" MCnabb continues.
"Why don't we just introduce our new member to the so close club. In the tradition of just falling short Smarty Jones choked in Philly fashion and failed to get the triple crown. Ladies and gentlemen SMARTY JONES!"

Smarty takes the microphone.

"I would just like to thank the fans for their support. I just ran out of gas I guess. I did win two races, but I know how the fans are really hungry for a championship since no one has won one in over 20 years" Smarty said looking all sad with his ears down.

"We have to won a championship in the last 20 years!" yells a man from the back.

"Shut up Kirby Law!" says Everyone.

Smarty finishes his speech and meets up with Flyers Captain Keith Primeau in line at the buffet. Keith puts his arm around the depressed horse.

"You know there was much debate if you were Buck County or a Philly sports player, but I think you really proved yourself to be part of the Philly family. You really earned yourself seat in the Philly sports world you are going to fit right in!", said Keith.

"Well on the bright side I get to hump lots of girl horses!"Smarty exclaimed.

"That's one up on me. My entire sport is falling apart. I can only hope Jonesy hires me to serve corn at the new ball park. All my teammates like Kappy and Timander are not only leaving the NHL but the country." Keith responded.

As they moved up in line Smarty looked at all the tables that were filled with dozens of past Philly athletes.

"Who are allll the big shots?" Smarty asked as he grabbed himself a bunch of hay.

"Well that table is the VIP the REALLY close table. There are the 1987 Flyers. Look there's Tim Kerr, Peter Zezel, Dave Poulin, and Mark Howe. Next to them is the '93 Phillies with Darren Daulton, Krucker, Inky, Dykstra, and Marino Duncan. All part of Philly's tradition of coming oh so close." Keith said.

"Didn't the Sixers get close a few years ago?"Smarty asked all confused.

"Well yeah, but I guess the writer of this story can't name anyone that played on that team." Keith was looking over his shoulder while in line at the buffet and didn't realize he dropped a meatball on the floor. It kept rolling and went right between Hextall's legs.

The Flyers captain then showed Smarty the scapegoat table where all the coaches that the Flyers fired in the past few years. Smarty than asked why two seats were vacant.

"Oh that seat is for Billy Barber and that one is for Craig Ramsey they are too busy winning a Stanley Cup." he explained.

Keith then walked Smarty over to his table. He walks away mumbling something about how the poor powerplay isn't his fault. He sat down next to JR who keeps asking him if the won game 7 or not.

Smarty's eyes widen when he saw who his company was.

"Buddy Ryan...Chris Gratton, Shawn Bradley, Hershey Hawkins, Tommy Soderstrom. Oh my GOD this is the D-List table!"--Smarty Cried out.

"I am such a loser! This is the lowest point of my life!" Smarty started crying and put his holves over his eyes.

"We sure do suck in this town!" Said Howard Eskin who walked up to say hello. "I think a little bling-bling will cheer you up!" Howard puts on his gold chains and fur coat.

"Call me man we can hit the town later. Everyone loves me!"


"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Smarty yells with his holves in the air.

"Thank's for coming out everyone!" says McCnabb.

"Welcome Smarty. Don't forget fans there is always next year!"

Everyone laughs.

Sopranos Wrap Up: Long Term Parking

Wow, what a week for blog writers.

Well in case you forgot two weeks the next to last Sopranos ran. They finally wrapped up the Adriana plot line and had her whacked by Silvo.

She caught by the FBI covering up a shooting at her club. So the FBI turns up the heat and tells her she must wear a wire.
She tells Chris that she has been flipped for years and he almosts beats her to death. Betting on hearing Chris say he wants to blow Tony's brians out the other day she tries to get him to leave the wiseguy life.

It doesn't work. Chris tells Tony and they have her whacked. Big episode, but we all saw it coming.

Meanwhile Johnny Sacks is really pissed about TOny B, and Tony S. refuses to tell him where he is. Things are really heating up. My prediciton is that Johnny Sacks is getting whacked tonight.

Sucks after this there isn't anything good to watch to end my weekend. Looks like DVD mights for awhile I guess.

Anyone else have any thoughts for the end of the season?

Smarty or Stanley?

Well the Calgary Flames could win the Stanley Cup tomorrow night on home ice. The small market team that could, might get to keep Lord Stanley's Cup till the cataclysm comes if the NHL locks out.

A lot of Flyers fans simply aren't tuning in to the finals since the orange and black came oh so close to winning the cup. Now I am watching it (though I missed a game and parts of others) its fairly entertaining hockey. However it just is anti-climatic for me since I have no emotional investment in the outcome of the game. Sure I want to Flames to win, but I won't be crushed if they lose.

Joe and Rick are just hockey fans, so I really don't know how they can deprive themselves of the different experience there is to watch a team in addition to the league. Just so much better to pick a team and follow, instead of just being an outsider. Anyway does anyone here remotely care about the Cup Finals this year?

What about Smarty? Tell me your plans for the big Smarty weekend. Do you have a Smarty Party to attend? Where will you watch the race? Will you even watch the race?

Will all this Smarty is from Philly talk come back to haunt the poor horse? Will he be sucked into the curse and choke? If Smarty wins the streak isn't over. The streak will continue till at least November (but judging by this week the Phils are in no shape to end it) but if he loses the triple crown I will be convinced that there is not only a streak, but a curse.

"Mountains Out of Cherry Hills, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Discounted Beer"

If you haven't seen the story yet, I guess I should fill you in. The Coastline in Cherry Hill (where Price's wife works. I heard she was actually on ACTION NEWS about this. Wonder if she will return phone calls for a comment for Tucker's World) is being taken to court by some dude who thinks lady's night is discrimination. Read this:


"The case began in June 1998, when a man complained to the state after he was required to pay a $5 cover charge on Ladies Night at the Brace Road business, while women entered for free. Men also paid full price for drinks, while women received a discount."----from the Courier-Post

Note to Crew Blog Readers Some Material Not Posted on the Comments at that site is after the repeat.

Our legal system should be jack ass proof. Just like when radar zappers used to go off when driving through fast food places. It just something that shouldn't happen.

Come on do honestly think this person was being or felt discriminated against? Please. What is next axing discounts for seniors at ShopRite? Banning give-a-ways at Phillies games for kids? Under that idiotic logic you might as well.

Please this is a PROMOTION not DISCRIMINATION! Men benefit from having nights (usually the traditional off nights) to bring women in.

The courts don't need to be be tied up with this garbage. If this jackass really wanted to make a point why couldn't he try to lower car insurance for males in the state of the NJ?

This makes a mockery of the judicial system and our state.

How could he possibly get money out of this? I really hope not. He is clearly doing this to get rich, and it will just make lawsuits like this more common.

Lady's night is a good thing, that isn't meant to turn guys away. Its total bull.

This guy and his stinking lawyer should be tossed in the Cooper River. We should all be so lucky to live this man's life when this is his biggest problem in life actually having to spend money while going out.

The 2nd thing that went through my head when I heard this story after thinking that his guy is a jackass, was I wonder what Drew thinks. I thought to myself, even Drew couldn't defend this guy. Sadly he seems as though he is going to defend him.

Come on Drew this is just wrong.

"The local nightclub owner vowed Wednesday to fight a state decision that his Ladies Night promotion discriminates against men.

"I'm going to appeal it because it's wrong," said Chris Mourtos, who runs the Coastline bar and restaurant. "I'm outraged.""-------also from the Courier-Post

Price we should make up T-shirts with some clever sayings on it to stick it to this Garden State if it goes any farther.

Flames Girls

Well the Stanley Cup Finals are now tied at 2 games a piece. I was going to write about it, but its late so insead I will provide my readers a link that has taken the hockey world by storm.

Okay you won't see this webpage being talking about by Barry Melorse or Gary Thorne, but lots of people in hockey news groups are talking about it. Someone posted this link in the FLyers news group a few weeks ago.

The site is Flames Girls where female fans of the team get their pictures taken as the "go wild". Some of these girls look like they are just leaving the game. They all sure do love their Flames though. If the Flames when God only knows what the parade would be like.

If you want to check out what the buzz is about click on FLAMES GIRLS. Unless of course your 18.

Memorial Day Quest

After all the bad press the US solders got over their treatment of Iraqi prisoners. I decided for Memorial Day I would seek pictures of US soldiers doing good in Iraq.

I wanted to show that for all the bad stuff that nabs ratings on network news and sells newspapers there is a lot of aid and good going on over there. There are a lot of US soldiers that deserve to have their good deeds put on the front of papers. How many people saw the pictures of the Iraq soldiers being mistreated? Everyone. How many see pictures of Iraqis getting food or aid from US soldiers?

I don't know the answer to the last question, but I just spent 25 mins looking for a picture to link which was the original purpose of this article. However I couldn't find any. None. Just all negative stuff.

If anyone has time I would like some positive articles about Iraq or even better images of troops doing positive work over there link them on the comments section. I know that there is a lot of good happening over there that never gets
reported. Link them up and let us see how many we can get.


Thanks for all the troops living in dead that have protected this country.

Happy Memorial Day readers.

Summer Movie Files 102: Troy

It seems epics are the in thing in Hollywood again.

Troy's male dominate cast gives most the screen time to Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Peter O'toole, and Eric Bana. The women aren't given much to work with. Although the actress that plays Helen is fairly hot.

The movie chugs along during the first half and the majority of the dialogue is fairly pedestrian. A good part of the drama in the first act of the film comes in Orlando Bloom's storyline. Bloom who was never required to act in the Lord of the Rings fumbles almost everytime the picture leans on him. His performance is way below everyone else's it hurts the film. Take for a example the scene on the boat early in the film when Bloom is talking to his brother (played by Bana) his eyes dart around as if he is looking for his cue cards. A few other times it appears that he is just spurting out lines he memorized the night before.

Now if there were more scenes like the exchange bettween O'toole and Pitt the movie would have been awesome. Troy isn't a bad film by any strech of the imagination it just teeters on greatness falling to the other side more often than not.

The strengths of the film lay in the action scenes (although I hate the CGI of people running since people actually running will always look better) including a few one on one matches bettween key characters. This is what the movie promised in is marketing and it certainly delivers.

The movie also tones down the mythology making the characters that were supposed to be Gods, or semi Gods more like icons and beloved warriors and heros. If you didn't have any outside research I doubt you would have picked up on any of it. This might really piss some people off. Not me though
Don't get me wrong the movie was fun at times and I didn't hate it. I just wasn't overly impressed and think the actors saved the film.

During the movie there are many quotes about remembering names in the future when looking back upon an era. I doubt Troy in the history of movies.

Then again it is just a movie so if you want to be swept away for a few hours I am sure there is a lot worse out there.

"Kappy Shocker"

In the week that followed the Flyers being ousted from the post season it was made fairly public that the Flyers would buy out the contracts of John Leclair and Tony Amonte. This was move made mainly because of the pending lockout and an attempt to trim pay roll. Not to mention the fact that neither player put numbers up worth their salary in the post season.

However, the Flyers might have their pay roll lowered even more much to their disappointment in this case. Sami Kapanen, who was a large part of the Flyers postseason success playing defense and being generally one of the hardest nosed players during the run might have played his last game as a Flyer.

After the Flyers parted ways Kappy flew home to his native Finland. A couple sources told the Philly Inquirer this weekend that he will likely not return. Considering he never won a cup and at only 30 (he turns 31 next month) it is surprising that he would hang up the skates already. Or at least leave the NHL.

No word if he plans to play overseas, but people close to him think he already made up his mind. Flyers fans are hoping he just is still stinging from the elimination game last week, and will eventually have a change of heart.

If he dosen't return he will join Michael Renberg and Peter Foresberg on a list of players who have left the NHL for their native lands at the end of this season.

Meanwhile the finals are heating up with the Flames taking a 2-1 lead in the series. I never got around to it but I did call the Flames to win the cup over the bolts.

Coming Soon:
The Legend of Corn Boy
Another Classic Movie Review