"Thankful"
I am Thankful for the following things:
Girls who wear tight pants have them unbuttoned at the top and roll them down.
Jay who is my bestest best friend in the whole wide world
Eggnog (straight)
Discounted Wings Night at Bars
My Imaginary Girlfriend (she really loves me)
That fact that SHreik is on HBO right now.
Starview and even though I have not been there a lot lately.
I know it will always be my home away from home.
The Muppets have a new movie on Friday night.
That Price was discharged from the Marines so he can hang out every weekend.
I am thankful for my readers..both of them.
Don't eat too much. Behave and EAT TURKEY THEY DESERVE TO DIE AND BE EATEN
Thursday, November 28, 2002
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
“ Global Lovin’ ”
::Club music playing…its getting’ hot in here lets take off all our clothes!::
Ever wonder if your sex life is in the doldrums? If reading Tucker’s World is the highlight of your day than perhaps, that is true.
Well some England Condom company wants us to feel even more pathetic (or at least me) because they did a survey of how often people get their freak on. If you are a Briton (thats what the call people from England) and only get laid less than 149 times a year than you are below average in the ass getting department. But they are not the best lovers out there! Keep in mind these are averages.
These wild sex freaks are only outdone by couples in France (167) [damn!], the Netherlands (158), Denmark (152) and Canada (150). I was surprised to see that the Canadians got it on so much. I wonder if Avril took the survey or not. It was conducted online which means...something.
Where did Americans come come in at? A mere 130 times a year. I think that is a disgrace and perhaps a slanted survey. Plus I think I am partly to blame for bringing down the average. Lets as Americans go out there and DO IT MORE…my readers I want you to go out there and screw, screw, screw. We need to bring that average up! America pride…tell that girl..or guy…tonight on the biggest bar night of the year that your DOING IT for America!
Id ask for surveys to see how often my readers get lucky, but that would result in Tucker’s butt being kicked, and perhaps a high suicide rate for my sexually frustrated readers. Well I have to go now and finnish pealing a label off my beer.
p.s.
for a sneak peak at the Flyers new 3rd Jersey which will be used for Black Friday go here
http://board.spawn.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=6;t=028021
thanks to Rick for the heads up.
::Club music playing…its getting’ hot in here lets take off all our clothes!::
Ever wonder if your sex life is in the doldrums? If reading Tucker’s World is the highlight of your day than perhaps, that is true.
Well some England Condom company wants us to feel even more pathetic (or at least me) because they did a survey of how often people get their freak on. If you are a Briton (thats what the call people from England) and only get laid less than 149 times a year than you are below average in the ass getting department. But they are not the best lovers out there! Keep in mind these are averages.
These wild sex freaks are only outdone by couples in France (167) [damn!], the Netherlands (158), Denmark (152) and Canada (150). I was surprised to see that the Canadians got it on so much. I wonder if Avril took the survey or not. It was conducted online which means...something.
Where did Americans come come in at? A mere 130 times a year. I think that is a disgrace and perhaps a slanted survey. Plus I think I am partly to blame for bringing down the average. Lets as Americans go out there and DO IT MORE…my readers I want you to go out there and screw, screw, screw. We need to bring that average up! America pride…tell that girl..or guy…tonight on the biggest bar night of the year that your DOING IT for America!
Id ask for surveys to see how often my readers get lucky, but that would result in Tucker’s butt being kicked, and perhaps a high suicide rate for my sexually frustrated readers. Well I have to go now and finnish pealing a label off my beer.
p.s.
for a sneak peak at the Flyers new 3rd Jersey which will be used for Black Friday go here
http://board.spawn.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=6;t=028021
thanks to Rick for the heads up.
Monday, November 25, 2002
No emotion...no composure…we are heading south”----------- Flyers Center Jeremy Roenick
“The Orange and Pink”
Perhaps that title might be a bit harsh or a knee jerk reaction to the 6-0 debacle the Flyers suffered during Hockey Night in Canada last Saturday night. Seeing as where the Flyers have one of the best records (points wise) in league. Also the lost ended a 5 game unbeaten streak. But it was a modest one seeing as where 4 of the games were kiss your sister ties. Although in Lima Beanz’s case that is not too shabby of a deal.
There are signs of trouble and potential for the team to come apart at the seems…yet again. For one a good deal of the ties, the Flyers failed to put the puck in the net as they did with the greatest of ease at the start of the season. They are lucky to get 2 goals. Simon Gagne has two goals and many players are hitting dry spells already. In addition, the games have been uninspired, and they lack any kind of drive. This results in hockey games about as entertaining as this weeks Sopranos.
“This was the product of bad things etching their way into our game every night, and it bit us in the fanny…Every aspect of our game was not there…Its been creeping up. We didn’t do anything well”
the Flyers leading scorer John Leclair remarked after Saturday nights game.
What bad things you ask? Well for starters they let up two power play goals and their penalty killing has been on a downward spiral. They are 3 for their last 61 for their power play……yes that’s right…3 for their last 61. The last guy that won the Power Play payoff just moved into Dan K’s apartment complex and he retired. Oh yeah and the biggest disgrace of all is that the leafs were stilling hitting with 2 minutes left in a 6-0 tilt, and the Flyers didn’t bother to throw any hits let alone fists. They could have at least acted like they cared. The fans were more embarrassed than the players. Its time to inject this team with some drive before the apathy virus kills another season.
The same thing happened this time last year, and the Flyers picked up Donald Brasher who jump started them for a little bit. Than the team derailed again, but this time supposedly the players will be shipped out of here. If the continues to sputter look for a minor move before the holiday trade freeze, or if they really go south a blockbuster trade in January. Brendle(sucks), McCgillis(coach hates), and Recchi I could see being ousted. No more excuses. No more…the goalie is just hot…the coach sucks…Lindros made us to do it…we are not the ones with cancer…blame the guy who’s wife just died…the team has to get the special teams going again and play with an ounce of heart and perhaps they can stay on top of their division. Weds. they get a chance to stay king of the hill again the penguins who are a close 2nd.
“We are not playing with a passion” Mark Recchi…..
No Shit Sherlock and when you here booooo this season you know its not to support Brian Boucher.
____________________________________________________________
“Here a Trap There a Trap, Everywhere a Trap, Trap"
Sigh… I fell for it ..that the league would actually crack down on the clutching and grabbing this season. I thought Garry Bettman was serious about policing the refs. However, like every other season the trap, the clutching and grabbing the ruined the game in the 90’s is sneaking right back in.
Little by little teams are getting away more with holding up their opponents in the neurtal zone. The game is slowing down again. Just sit back and look for it. It has not reached the point it was when Super Mario left the game….or gotten to the point it did last season. However its increased Id say 40 percent since the puck dropped on the season in October. Many players are grumbling about it. However if you go over board like penguins forward Marc Bergevin (former Whaler) did…the league will shut your mouth.
“It’s a farce…15 games it lasted….its embarrassing…the same way the NHL has been the last two years…This league’s a joke. I honestly thought it was going to change…unbelievable. Bettman yapping his mouth off…that brings fans back?” said the disgruntled Penguin.
So the NHL fined him. I guess I can understand cause he disrespected the commish, but he had a valid point. I guess he could have done it behind closed doors. However getting it in the papers makes the league look bad, so I think it was worth the fine. Than again its only Bergevin…id like to see Mario or some one with some power public grip…and Mario has before. One of the main reasons of the crack down was to keep Mario skating.
Okay so we had more players going to the penalty box than hours Ryan spends with Regan in a given day, but the players would eventually learn their lessons and not clutch and grab. But if the whistle doesn’t blow,..they would be stupid not to try to get away with it. Simple as that. Worse case we have lots of power plays which would result in more goals.
“The Orange and Pink”
Perhaps that title might be a bit harsh or a knee jerk reaction to the 6-0 debacle the Flyers suffered during Hockey Night in Canada last Saturday night. Seeing as where the Flyers have one of the best records (points wise) in league. Also the lost ended a 5 game unbeaten streak. But it was a modest one seeing as where 4 of the games were kiss your sister ties. Although in Lima Beanz’s case that is not too shabby of a deal.
There are signs of trouble and potential for the team to come apart at the seems…yet again. For one a good deal of the ties, the Flyers failed to put the puck in the net as they did with the greatest of ease at the start of the season. They are lucky to get 2 goals. Simon Gagne has two goals and many players are hitting dry spells already. In addition, the games have been uninspired, and they lack any kind of drive. This results in hockey games about as entertaining as this weeks Sopranos.
“This was the product of bad things etching their way into our game every night, and it bit us in the fanny…Every aspect of our game was not there…Its been creeping up. We didn’t do anything well”
the Flyers leading scorer John Leclair remarked after Saturday nights game.
What bad things you ask? Well for starters they let up two power play goals and their penalty killing has been on a downward spiral. They are 3 for their last 61 for their power play……yes that’s right…3 for their last 61. The last guy that won the Power Play payoff just moved into Dan K’s apartment complex and he retired. Oh yeah and the biggest disgrace of all is that the leafs were stilling hitting with 2 minutes left in a 6-0 tilt, and the Flyers didn’t bother to throw any hits let alone fists. They could have at least acted like they cared. The fans were more embarrassed than the players. Its time to inject this team with some drive before the apathy virus kills another season.
The same thing happened this time last year, and the Flyers picked up Donald Brasher who jump started them for a little bit. Than the team derailed again, but this time supposedly the players will be shipped out of here. If the continues to sputter look for a minor move before the holiday trade freeze, or if they really go south a blockbuster trade in January. Brendle(sucks), McCgillis(coach hates), and Recchi I could see being ousted. No more excuses. No more…the goalie is just hot…the coach sucks…Lindros made us to do it…we are not the ones with cancer…blame the guy who’s wife just died…the team has to get the special teams going again and play with an ounce of heart and perhaps they can stay on top of their division. Weds. they get a chance to stay king of the hill again the penguins who are a close 2nd.
“We are not playing with a passion” Mark Recchi…..
No Shit Sherlock and when you here booooo this season you know its not to support Brian Boucher.
____________________________________________________________
“Here a Trap There a Trap, Everywhere a Trap, Trap"
Sigh… I fell for it ..that the league would actually crack down on the clutching and grabbing this season. I thought Garry Bettman was serious about policing the refs. However, like every other season the trap, the clutching and grabbing the ruined the game in the 90’s is sneaking right back in.
Little by little teams are getting away more with holding up their opponents in the neurtal zone. The game is slowing down again. Just sit back and look for it. It has not reached the point it was when Super Mario left the game….or gotten to the point it did last season. However its increased Id say 40 percent since the puck dropped on the season in October. Many players are grumbling about it. However if you go over board like penguins forward Marc Bergevin (former Whaler) did…the league will shut your mouth.
“It’s a farce…15 games it lasted….its embarrassing…the same way the NHL has been the last two years…This league’s a joke. I honestly thought it was going to change…unbelievable. Bettman yapping his mouth off…that brings fans back?” said the disgruntled Penguin.
So the NHL fined him. I guess I can understand cause he disrespected the commish, but he had a valid point. I guess he could have done it behind closed doors. However getting it in the papers makes the league look bad, so I think it was worth the fine. Than again its only Bergevin…id like to see Mario or some one with some power public grip…and Mario has before. One of the main reasons of the crack down was to keep Mario skating.
Okay so we had more players going to the penalty box than hours Ryan spends with Regan in a given day, but the players would eventually learn their lessons and not clutch and grab. But if the whistle doesn’t blow,..they would be stupid not to try to get away with it. Simple as that. Worse case we have lots of power plays which would result in more goals.
Thursday, November 21, 2002
"Falling Down"
If anyone stayed over night at the RiteAid in Stratford last night they might have thought Jolly Old Saint Nick was a tad early. They would have been sadly mistaken.
The noise on the roof would have been that of a potential robber. Over night (tues. night I think) a man used storage crates and a ladder to scale the drive-through wall and roof. Armed with hand drill, drill bits, a ski hat, and gloves he certainly intended to dodge security cameras and alarms. Pretty clever is he intended to break in through the roof.
Perhaps he trying to get some stocking stuffers for his loved ones. Or wanted get some pills to sell to high school kids. The prefect crime you would think in and out. Well thought out. Maybe so, but he slipped and fell off the roof plummeting to his grisly death.
Police said that an employ found his corpse laying in a puddle of blood motionless on the ground. The robber cracked his head open and died instantly. They think he fell down the steal covered roof. For those of you with a dark curiousity it is right near the one hour photo sign. No one (at least at last nights Couriers' deadline) know who he is, but he is thought to be about 45 yearsold.
Girls and Diners
I never watched the Bachelor before, but from what I hear the girl that was chosen last night is from Gloucester City. This is a big mistake considering he had the option of her and a southern girl. He could have had a southern girl wait on him hand and foot, but instead he chose a girl from South Jersey.
Apparently he did not read the 2000 Census. They stated that 4 out every 5 South Jersey girl is a bitch. 3 out of ever 5 are crazy. Amazing all those hot girls and he picks a South Jersey girl. He gets what he deserves. The only girl I knew from South Jersey didn't shave her arm pits.
Meanwhile the people who own Starview Diner have purchased the former Denny’s on the White Horse Pike. Deny’s suffered when Starview opened and people had a 24-hour place to go to. Plus some consider it offensive if you live in South Jersey and choice the diner like chain over a local establishment. The people that own Starview already own the Pub in Pennsauken, Palace Diner, and Starview II.
It is not really going to be a diner, but some sort of restaurant. I am not sure if the honey mustard will be the same there or not. Perhaps it will be the Starview for the older crowd. I have my fingers crossed that when it opens they send a happy go lucky Greek man there to drum up business. But I can’t confirm that right now. The fact that I even know any of this is evidence I have no life.
If anyone stayed over night at the RiteAid in Stratford last night they might have thought Jolly Old Saint Nick was a tad early. They would have been sadly mistaken.
The noise on the roof would have been that of a potential robber. Over night (tues. night I think) a man used storage crates and a ladder to scale the drive-through wall and roof. Armed with hand drill, drill bits, a ski hat, and gloves he certainly intended to dodge security cameras and alarms. Pretty clever is he intended to break in through the roof.
Perhaps he trying to get some stocking stuffers for his loved ones. Or wanted get some pills to sell to high school kids. The prefect crime you would think in and out. Well thought out. Maybe so, but he slipped and fell off the roof plummeting to his grisly death.
Police said that an employ found his corpse laying in a puddle of blood motionless on the ground. The robber cracked his head open and died instantly. They think he fell down the steal covered roof. For those of you with a dark curiousity it is right near the one hour photo sign. No one (at least at last nights Couriers' deadline) know who he is, but he is thought to be about 45 yearsold.
Girls and Diners
I never watched the Bachelor before, but from what I hear the girl that was chosen last night is from Gloucester City. This is a big mistake considering he had the option of her and a southern girl. He could have had a southern girl wait on him hand and foot, but instead he chose a girl from South Jersey.
Apparently he did not read the 2000 Census. They stated that 4 out every 5 South Jersey girl is a bitch. 3 out of ever 5 are crazy. Amazing all those hot girls and he picks a South Jersey girl. He gets what he deserves. The only girl I knew from South Jersey didn't shave her arm pits.
Meanwhile the people who own Starview Diner have purchased the former Denny’s on the White Horse Pike. Deny’s suffered when Starview opened and people had a 24-hour place to go to. Plus some consider it offensive if you live in South Jersey and choice the diner like chain over a local establishment. The people that own Starview already own the Pub in Pennsauken, Palace Diner, and Starview II.
It is not really going to be a diner, but some sort of restaurant. I am not sure if the honey mustard will be the same there or not. Perhaps it will be the Starview for the older crowd. I have my fingers crossed that when it opens they send a happy go lucky Greek man there to drum up business. But I can’t confirm that right now. The fact that I even know any of this is evidence I have no life.
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
"The Memo"
The FOX News Channel has gotten themselves into a little bit of a pickle. In a recent book about Bush (w) it was revealed that Roger Ailes, the head of Fox News Channel wrote Bush a memo a few days after 9/11. The memo offered some advice on what to do and how the American public would think about certain actions. Maybe he should have known better. This story has gotten liberals shaking their fists like Micheal Jackson shaking his infant child over a balcony for no reason.
Big deal everyone knows FOX NEWS is slanted for Conservatives. Just like CNN was Clintons Outlet. The people at FOX heard the outcry for an alternate take and made lots of money on it. The only difference is during Clinton's peak years people had no other options. But was it really that big a deal? From what I understand it was right after 9/11 when everyone was emotional.
Ironically and not surprisingly it was published in the New York Times. The most extremist paper ever. Talk about being one-sided. Although they don't say they are fair and balanced they like to pretend they are. They always play politics. Don’t get me wrong I think papers should bring stuff like this to the public eye for them to judge. Pretty much everyone that writes for the times are about as far left as Drew. If not farther. Such extreme radicals. Some times down right scary how socialist they come across.
Anyway Newspapers like cable news networks always have their voice. IF you don’t believe me pick up a courier-post, Phila Inquirer and a Daily News (some what fair-and balanced) in your travels today. The Inquirer will always back democrats. I’m sure they would have endorsed the TORCH. But I still like the paper. No one cares when Peter Jennings puts his two cents in constantly One the nightly news.
Did Ted Turner ever give Clinton money? Would not be surprised. Come on if Ted Turner’s CNN didn’t smother conservatives voices for many years Fox News never would have been born. Of course liberals are thinking that maybe it is fishy cause the white house might seek favors like putting people on programs. What about ABC having a former Clinton worker with no journalistic background having his own show? Could the New York Times have waited this in order to try to help CNN in the sweeps ratings? It’s a long shot, but who knows. The bottom line is he is a Roger Alies is an American Citizen and can do what ever the hell he wants.
p.s.
I hope the pickle metaphor did not offend any pickle haters
The FOX News Channel has gotten themselves into a little bit of a pickle. In a recent book about Bush (w) it was revealed that Roger Ailes, the head of Fox News Channel wrote Bush a memo a few days after 9/11. The memo offered some advice on what to do and how the American public would think about certain actions. Maybe he should have known better. This story has gotten liberals shaking their fists like Micheal Jackson shaking his infant child over a balcony for no reason.
Big deal everyone knows FOX NEWS is slanted for Conservatives. Just like CNN was Clintons Outlet. The people at FOX heard the outcry for an alternate take and made lots of money on it. The only difference is during Clinton's peak years people had no other options. But was it really that big a deal? From what I understand it was right after 9/11 when everyone was emotional.
Ironically and not surprisingly it was published in the New York Times. The most extremist paper ever. Talk about being one-sided. Although they don't say they are fair and balanced they like to pretend they are. They always play politics. Don’t get me wrong I think papers should bring stuff like this to the public eye for them to judge. Pretty much everyone that writes for the times are about as far left as Drew. If not farther. Such extreme radicals. Some times down right scary how socialist they come across.
Anyway Newspapers like cable news networks always have their voice. IF you don’t believe me pick up a courier-post, Phila Inquirer and a Daily News (some what fair-and balanced) in your travels today. The Inquirer will always back democrats. I’m sure they would have endorsed the TORCH. But I still like the paper. No one cares when Peter Jennings puts his two cents in constantly One the nightly news.
Did Ted Turner ever give Clinton money? Would not be surprised. Come on if Ted Turner’s CNN didn’t smother conservatives voices for many years Fox News never would have been born. Of course liberals are thinking that maybe it is fishy cause the white house might seek favors like putting people on programs. What about ABC having a former Clinton worker with no journalistic background having his own show? Could the New York Times have waited this in order to try to help CNN in the sweeps ratings? It’s a long shot, but who knows. The bottom line is he is a Roger Alies is an American Citizen and can do what ever the hell he wants.
p.s.
I hope the pickle metaphor did not offend any pickle haters
Monday, November 18, 2002
“What Did Tucker Do?”
It is Monday so that means its time to play what did Tucker do? (what!?!). Okay first off I would like to clear up that I AM Tucker, it is my nonsense alias. In order to appreciate the game flash back to a school district not to far away.
In the early 90s, thinks were looking good. I recall pretending I liked Crystal Pepsi and Nirvana. I also had crush on a girl in grade school for two years at least. Since I was shy back than I never made am move on girls who liked me. Even if they were really obvious about liking me. I didn’t get the nerve to make a move till after my window closed with many cute girls at school. Anyway, I only talked to her moderately in high school. But I wondered about her sometimes in the last few years. So I bump into her at BAMBOO BERNIE’S recently. She looked pretty darn good. Now its time to play the game!
After we talked for 5 minutes or so, her friend came to her and asked her want she wanted to drink at the bar. So she said went got a beer. So for my readers..try to guess how Tucker handled this. Here are some possible things that happened.
A.
Keith…er…um ..Tucker is quick on his feet. He walks up with her to the bar, and says I got it. She is happy to get a beer for free, and he buys himself some more time holding a conversation. It goes well after both parties have another beer. Eventually he figures she wants to mingle, and rejoins his friend. He is wise enough to get her number. They have plans to get together in the middle of the week.
B.
Tucker can’t think of anything good to say past the typical small talk. So he starts telling her about gay sheep. He tells her how gay sheep have different brains than their heterosexual counter parts. She seems pretty uncomfortable, and it becomes more awkward when he grabs a cocktail napkin and tries to diagram the gay brain. Finally, he tries to get her to say Osama Where Have You Been Hiding really fast. It is supposed to sound like something. It doesn’t, and the whole thing doesn’t make any sense, and is not funny. She walks away thinking he was a bigger loser than she had thought.
C.
Small talk takes place, but when she goes to the bar he just lets her go. Later that night he talks about getting her number, but never follows through. Later that night he ponders making a doctor appointment to find out if he has any testicles or not. Oh yeah, and when he goes to take a leak some random guy takes his penis out before he gets close to the urinal for no good reason. Than he proceeds to engage in a conversation with Tucker.
D.
Tucker realizes quite possibly too late that her enormous boyfriend does not appreciate the small talk his girlfriend. The man hooks Tucker with a left. Tucker remains on his feet for mere seconds in a feeble attempt to strike back. His efforts are thwarted when the guy knees Tucker in the balls. This it toped off with a bottle being broken over his head. Tucker lays in a puddle of his own blood and beer….twitching like a half dead bug. They only good thing to come out of it, is he might not be able to have kids.
E.
Fellow blogger Drew steps up to Tucker while he is chatting away. “Step aside PUMA is in the house!” he says James Bond like fashion. Tucker just stands and watches her melt wile under the spell of PUMA. Tucker decides to cut his loses and hits on a fat chick. She is one of those fat chicks who still wears clubbin’ clothes for some reason. Tucker just gets really drunk and gets her number only programming 6 out of 7 numbers into his cell phone.
F.
Everything goes well. They share a passionate kiss in the dance floor. Everyone in the crowded bar disappears to these two love birds……okay……….I can’t even continue this one…its obviously fabricated.
email me which one you think is fact
mst3keith@aol.com
or write it down on a piece of paper than throw it away
“Welcome to Comcast Country III: The Merger”
If you are lost about this topic go the archives to read the two prequels.
Comcast and AT&T have joined forces making Comcast the biggest cable company in the entire country. More crappy service, retarded techs, fussy Comcast sports net, and lots more evil.
You can’t stop them. Comcast will own the country one day. They can’t be stopped. Just try. You children will belong to Comcast.
Seriously though, the fuzzy vision is still there, and even at bars. I am not sure if people just are too lazy to complain or Comcast is still just evil. I guess I will have to watch the Flyers through my VCR for the rest of my life. Maybe one day I will write to a local paper or something.
It is Monday so that means its time to play what did Tucker do? (what!?!). Okay first off I would like to clear up that I AM Tucker, it is my nonsense alias. In order to appreciate the game flash back to a school district not to far away.
In the early 90s, thinks were looking good. I recall pretending I liked Crystal Pepsi and Nirvana. I also had crush on a girl in grade school for two years at least. Since I was shy back than I never made am move on girls who liked me. Even if they were really obvious about liking me. I didn’t get the nerve to make a move till after my window closed with many cute girls at school. Anyway, I only talked to her moderately in high school. But I wondered about her sometimes in the last few years. So I bump into her at BAMBOO BERNIE’S recently. She looked pretty darn good. Now its time to play the game!
After we talked for 5 minutes or so, her friend came to her and asked her want she wanted to drink at the bar. So she said went got a beer. So for my readers..try to guess how Tucker handled this. Here are some possible things that happened.
A.
Keith…er…um ..Tucker is quick on his feet. He walks up with her to the bar, and says I got it. She is happy to get a beer for free, and he buys himself some more time holding a conversation. It goes well after both parties have another beer. Eventually he figures she wants to mingle, and rejoins his friend. He is wise enough to get her number. They have plans to get together in the middle of the week.
B.
Tucker can’t think of anything good to say past the typical small talk. So he starts telling her about gay sheep. He tells her how gay sheep have different brains than their heterosexual counter parts. She seems pretty uncomfortable, and it becomes more awkward when he grabs a cocktail napkin and tries to diagram the gay brain. Finally, he tries to get her to say Osama Where Have You Been Hiding really fast. It is supposed to sound like something. It doesn’t, and the whole thing doesn’t make any sense, and is not funny. She walks away thinking he was a bigger loser than she had thought.
C.
Small talk takes place, but when she goes to the bar he just lets her go. Later that night he talks about getting her number, but never follows through. Later that night he ponders making a doctor appointment to find out if he has any testicles or not. Oh yeah, and when he goes to take a leak some random guy takes his penis out before he gets close to the urinal for no good reason. Than he proceeds to engage in a conversation with Tucker.
D.
Tucker realizes quite possibly too late that her enormous boyfriend does not appreciate the small talk his girlfriend. The man hooks Tucker with a left. Tucker remains on his feet for mere seconds in a feeble attempt to strike back. His efforts are thwarted when the guy knees Tucker in the balls. This it toped off with a bottle being broken over his head. Tucker lays in a puddle of his own blood and beer….twitching like a half dead bug. They only good thing to come out of it, is he might not be able to have kids.
E.
Fellow blogger Drew steps up to Tucker while he is chatting away. “Step aside PUMA is in the house!” he says James Bond like fashion. Tucker just stands and watches her melt wile under the spell of PUMA. Tucker decides to cut his loses and hits on a fat chick. She is one of those fat chicks who still wears clubbin’ clothes for some reason. Tucker just gets really drunk and gets her number only programming 6 out of 7 numbers into his cell phone.
F.
Everything goes well. They share a passionate kiss in the dance floor. Everyone in the crowded bar disappears to these two love birds……okay……….I can’t even continue this one…its obviously fabricated.
email me which one you think is fact
mst3keith@aol.com
or write it down on a piece of paper than throw it away
“Welcome to Comcast Country III: The Merger”
If you are lost about this topic go the archives to read the two prequels.
Comcast and AT&T have joined forces making Comcast the biggest cable company in the entire country. More crappy service, retarded techs, fussy Comcast sports net, and lots more evil.
You can’t stop them. Comcast will own the country one day. They can’t be stopped. Just try. You children will belong to Comcast.
Seriously though, the fuzzy vision is still there, and even at bars. I am not sure if people just are too lazy to complain or Comcast is still just evil. I guess I will have to watch the Flyers through my VCR for the rest of my life. Maybe one day I will write to a local paper or something.
Friday, November 15, 2002
“OSAMA Where You Been Hiding”
(read that out loud really fast)
Good old Osama has shown up in out lives again. The terrorist mastermind has recently released a new tape. American officials are 99.9 percent sure it’s his voice anyway. Although Tucker’s World predicted that he went the way of NJF and Bill Maher’s career. I hate to be wrong, even more so when it means that this bearded dill-weed is still prancing around the desert. I thought for sure he was killed in the attacks of Torra Borra in December of last year, that was also the last we heard of him.
The message has to be recent because he refers to October events including a series of terrorist attacks. The events referecenced include the bombing of a French oil tanker in Yemen; the explosion that killed some 200 people in Bali, Indonesia, many of them Australian and British tourists; the hostage siege in a Moscow theater; and the assassination of a U.S. diplomat in Jordan. Also if you listen really closely you can hear J Lo’s single Jenny From the Block playing quietly in the background.
What reasons would he have to release the tape now? Perhaps he wanted it was to be released in conjunction with Iraq’s response to letting weapons inspectors in his country. Perhaps this might be a red flag to show their connection is stronger than most people thought. Perhaps he is just getting jealous about all the attention that Saddam is getting. I mean Saddam just got his own video game! Where kids can go in and hunt down the Iraq leader. Maybe he wanted to merchandise with his mug on it in time for the holiday season. If anyone sees rock them sock them robots with Bush vs either Osama or Saddam please have that under my tree Christmas morning.
But seriously loyal readers (both of you) as I type this I’m getting word from one of my sources (the Drudge Report) that the FBI has issued another confidential alert. Supposedly, the threat of spectacular attacks on the US has increased. Sources say they are likely to fall under some of these categories: high symbolic value, mass casualties, severe damage to the U.S. economy, and maximum psychological trauma. Things could get really ugly, and I fear we will see another signifigant attack on our soil. Remember its confidential so don’t tell anyone shhhhhhhh….
The war with Iraq I hear will only last about 3 months or so. If they get this puppy kicked off before Santa slides his ass down the chimneys, we can wrap up in time for February sweeps. The war with Iraq is still up in the air, and anyone who thinks its over most likely has bought a protection agreement before. However many people won't fully support it till they can prove Saddam had something to do with 9/11( even some ultra liberals still wont). I am sure Bush would like to do prove it too. Colin Powell was on TV last night and said they still don’t have direct evidence linking Iraq to the attack on America. Till than Bush will be singing: some day we will find it the al-Qaeda connection…..Colin Powell, John Aschroft and meeeeeeee…la de da da da da de….
note:
the archives have hopefully been fixed for my new readers just look to the left of the screen.
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
"Hope"
The double doors fly open from the student center. I am greeted by that mid-fall sun. The sun seems reluctant to let the summer heat slip away. But it is simply no match for the crisp autumn air. Even the leafs do a little dance before landing to the ground. Circling around and drifting skyward before ending in just another pile of dead counterparts.
I try to avoid eye contact with a middle aged gentlemen dressed in a long dark overcoat. He is handing out little green books of the new testament. Not that IM anti-Christianity and like the majority of my generation, but I know I will just break my promise to myself to actually read it. It would be better if the words actually reach someone.
However, we make eye contact. I walk towards him, and he leans over and hands me one. His hair gray curled blows in the wind and he just simply nods his head.
"God Bless You"
"T-thank you sir"
I am not sure what the proper response to someone saying that to you is, but that is the best I have came up with so far. I wonder how long it will be before I break this promise. I place it in the outside pouch of my backpack. At the very least, maybe it will serve as a good luck charm. I continue walking away to the center, and not paying much attention to a table set up and a few men in army uniforms standing around it. Pretty ironic to have that next to a man with bibles I thought.
Just as I started walking away from the table. I heard a voice call me name. I looked up at the uniformed men, and had no idea who any of them are. When a black gentlemen about my age came to me, and offered me his hand I figured he was the one that called out his name. Our hands shook and his hand significantly larger than mine and could have fit around my waist.
"You go here now?!!?"
Apparently, I had a class with him back at my old college .
"Yeah for quite awhile. How long have you been in? I didn't even realize"
"I got sucked in a two years ago!" he said followed by a jubilant laugh. "Seriously..it is in my blood. My dad, my uncle, they were all enlisted. My dad even saw some action in Nam. Figure I will got out there, and get Saddam, and get my picture on TIME magazine or some shit.
Now I remember him, after hearing that laugh. You would think he would have lost some that, considered how dangerous it is to be in his field these days. Jesus..what was his name? He than motioned me over, with his large hand. He put his hand on my shoulder and appeared he was about to tell me some sort of secret.
"You know were going in December? Yeah the Iraq thing is set. We are going in."
"Yeah...I saw on the news. Hadn't figured on that early though."
"Boy, don't ya, think there is lotz you don't on the news?" he followed this up by his trademark laugh.
All I could think about the whole time was reading about how heroic he was in the paper. People trying to justify him losing his life at such an early stage. I thought about his mother hearing the news from a complete stranger and totally losing it, or worse yet from he media. His mother just collapsing to the floor. I doubt he ever even thought about anything this dark. I guess I just have a sick mind.
"So, whatcha learning here?"
"How to waste my parents money!" , I said sarcastically. We engaged in some more generic small talk, before we gave each other signals the conversation was over.
"Alright, man..I will talk to you"
"Be safe", I said I as I turned away.
I cramed my hands in my pockets and walked away. The campus kinda looks like a small colony of ants at times. People running back and forth. People just walking to class, people on skate boards, jogging, and socializing. I pass one couple holding hands. The type of couple that obviously have invested so much time, and effort into making sure their partner is the one that a break up would be disastrous. Just two humans completely depended on each other. A break up would have ment the last years were not only a waste of time, but a blockade for meeting the right person. I am not sure if I should feel sorry for them or envy them. Jesus, maybe I should have been a pysch. major.
As I continued to walk, I saw clusters of students frivolously studying. Everyone trying to fill their brain with enough information in order to pass the next test. Some having a moment on their way to something better others just doing it to make it to the next day.
I pass this beautiful Italian girl I used to have a class with. Usually we stop and talk for a little bit, but she is obviously in a hurry. We only say hello to each other. She once told me about all the volunteer work that she does. She honestly just wants to help people. She works at shelters on her own time. Amazing to someone who doesn’t like to hold the door for people.
The clouds moved in now and the sky started to gray. I slowed down to take a look at the sky, when I heard someone call my name. A girl who I had a class with last semester came bouncing down the sidewalk. She came over and gave me a big hug. She has such a youthful face and perfect cute body. She was 19 an in the prime of her sex appeal.
“Check this out!” she handed me a playbill. It was for Romeo and Juliet. Her name was there with big bold letters. I looked at it.
“I got thousands of them if you want to keep it for when I’m famous.” She said. .
“Maybe one night I will be discovered soon, and I wont ever have to open another book. Its going to happen if you want it to, don’t you think?”
“Sure” I said looking at the ground.
I wanted to tell her that the college we go to isn’t exactly the hotbed for becoming and actor and she would be better off perusing something else. Also that many people never become a success at acting. But I didn’t cause it was the cutest thing I heard in years.
We came to another building as we began to walk together.
“ You graduate in May, right?”. She said as we stood facing each other. Such spirit in her in her wide eyes.
“Yeah I do”
“That’s so awesome!.
“Yeah if anyone will hire me! I mean Christ my uncle just got laid off after being with a company for 35 years. it would be awesome if I could just get a company to hire someone like me!”
“Aww…they will .” Shes said sweetly. She could have told me the sky was red in that voice and I would have been reassured. “ But listen I have to go, but we should get together sometime”, she took a pen out and scribbled her number on the playbill. We gave a quick hug, and I got one last smell of her perfume. I never did call her.
“You will be fine!” she said as she disappeared down the sidewalk.
“ I HOPE so” I said…because sometimes I thought to myself that’s all you got.
The double doors fly open from the student center. I am greeted by that mid-fall sun. The sun seems reluctant to let the summer heat slip away. But it is simply no match for the crisp autumn air. Even the leafs do a little dance before landing to the ground. Circling around and drifting skyward before ending in just another pile of dead counterparts.
I try to avoid eye contact with a middle aged gentlemen dressed in a long dark overcoat. He is handing out little green books of the new testament. Not that IM anti-Christianity and like the majority of my generation, but I know I will just break my promise to myself to actually read it. It would be better if the words actually reach someone.
However, we make eye contact. I walk towards him, and he leans over and hands me one. His hair gray curled blows in the wind and he just simply nods his head.
"God Bless You"
"T-thank you sir"
I am not sure what the proper response to someone saying that to you is, but that is the best I have came up with so far. I wonder how long it will be before I break this promise. I place it in the outside pouch of my backpack. At the very least, maybe it will serve as a good luck charm. I continue walking away to the center, and not paying much attention to a table set up and a few men in army uniforms standing around it. Pretty ironic to have that next to a man with bibles I thought.
Just as I started walking away from the table. I heard a voice call me name. I looked up at the uniformed men, and had no idea who any of them are. When a black gentlemen about my age came to me, and offered me his hand I figured he was the one that called out his name. Our hands shook and his hand significantly larger than mine and could have fit around my waist.
"You go here now?!!?"
Apparently, I had a class with him back at my old college .
"Yeah for quite awhile. How long have you been in? I didn't even realize"
"I got sucked in a two years ago!" he said followed by a jubilant laugh. "Seriously..it is in my blood. My dad, my uncle, they were all enlisted. My dad even saw some action in Nam. Figure I will got out there, and get Saddam, and get my picture on TIME magazine or some shit.
Now I remember him, after hearing that laugh. You would think he would have lost some that, considered how dangerous it is to be in his field these days. Jesus..what was his name? He than motioned me over, with his large hand. He put his hand on my shoulder and appeared he was about to tell me some sort of secret.
"You know were going in December? Yeah the Iraq thing is set. We are going in."
"Yeah...I saw on the news. Hadn't figured on that early though."
"Boy, don't ya, think there is lotz you don't on the news?" he followed this up by his trademark laugh.
All I could think about the whole time was reading about how heroic he was in the paper. People trying to justify him losing his life at such an early stage. I thought about his mother hearing the news from a complete stranger and totally losing it, or worse yet from he media. His mother just collapsing to the floor. I doubt he ever even thought about anything this dark. I guess I just have a sick mind.
"So, whatcha learning here?"
"How to waste my parents money!" , I said sarcastically. We engaged in some more generic small talk, before we gave each other signals the conversation was over.
"Alright, man..I will talk to you"
"Be safe", I said I as I turned away.
I cramed my hands in my pockets and walked away. The campus kinda looks like a small colony of ants at times. People running back and forth. People just walking to class, people on skate boards, jogging, and socializing. I pass one couple holding hands. The type of couple that obviously have invested so much time, and effort into making sure their partner is the one that a break up would be disastrous. Just two humans completely depended on each other. A break up would have ment the last years were not only a waste of time, but a blockade for meeting the right person. I am not sure if I should feel sorry for them or envy them. Jesus, maybe I should have been a pysch. major.
As I continued to walk, I saw clusters of students frivolously studying. Everyone trying to fill their brain with enough information in order to pass the next test. Some having a moment on their way to something better others just doing it to make it to the next day.
I pass this beautiful Italian girl I used to have a class with. Usually we stop and talk for a little bit, but she is obviously in a hurry. We only say hello to each other. She once told me about all the volunteer work that she does. She honestly just wants to help people. She works at shelters on her own time. Amazing to someone who doesn’t like to hold the door for people.
The clouds moved in now and the sky started to gray. I slowed down to take a look at the sky, when I heard someone call my name. A girl who I had a class with last semester came bouncing down the sidewalk. She came over and gave me a big hug. She has such a youthful face and perfect cute body. She was 19 an in the prime of her sex appeal.
“Check this out!” she handed me a playbill. It was for Romeo and Juliet. Her name was there with big bold letters. I looked at it.
“I got thousands of them if you want to keep it for when I’m famous.” She said. .
“Maybe one night I will be discovered soon, and I wont ever have to open another book. Its going to happen if you want it to, don’t you think?”
“Sure” I said looking at the ground.
I wanted to tell her that the college we go to isn’t exactly the hotbed for becoming and actor and she would be better off perusing something else. Also that many people never become a success at acting. But I didn’t cause it was the cutest thing I heard in years.
We came to another building as we began to walk together.
“ You graduate in May, right?”. She said as we stood facing each other. Such spirit in her in her wide eyes.
“Yeah I do”
“That’s so awesome!.
“Yeah if anyone will hire me! I mean Christ my uncle just got laid off after being with a company for 35 years. it would be awesome if I could just get a company to hire someone like me!”
“Aww…they will .” Shes said sweetly. She could have told me the sky was red in that voice and I would have been reassured. “ But listen I have to go, but we should get together sometime”, she took a pen out and scribbled her number on the playbill. We gave a quick hug, and I got one last smell of her perfume. I never did call her.
“You will be fine!” she said as she disappeared down the sidewalk.
“ I HOPE so” I said…because sometimes I thought to myself that’s all you got.
Monday, November 11, 2002
"Bizarro Tucker's World"
http://www.tuckersworld.com/
This link was emailed to me by Dan K. He said he thought it was a website that I actually made for like 10 minutes. For me it took me five minutes. I felt like Homer Simpson when he found his likeness on a soap box. If you look at the website, there is a jay, a keith, and a Ryan. Apperently some of the best parties were at Ryan's. There is also reference to a town called Glassboro. Strange.
Id imagine in this world Jay and Keith are really good friends. Perhaps this Tucker likes his job. Everyone has girlfriends. No one ever talks about death. This Tucker clearly knows a lot more hot chicks than I do, and Im sure actually gets laid quite often. Dan K. swears he saw Ryan in one of the pictures. Maybe these are his new friends.
"Ding Dong Ralphie's Dead"
Well we all knew this would come one day. At least those of us that watch the Sopranos. The blood thirsty fans finally got their wish when poor ralph was strangled to death by "T". I have a friend at Comcast who actually says she got phone calls from customers asking whent he Sopranos are going to pick up.
I have to say despite the fact that I forsaw his demise before the series ended, I never thought it would have came by the hands of Tony himself. I actually kind felt bad for Ralph in his final show. It was when the plot line showed him trying to redem himself that I knew he was a going to die. That is usually a kiss of death for the guy you love to hate. He is like the Jay of the Soprano world.
I mean he didn't just die. He was chopped up! Tony was just a tad out of line, and broke the rule of bringing harm on to a captain.
Id imagine that many of Tony's captains will think it was a hit by the NYC mob. Things could get ugly the last four shows of the season. Too bad after that we will have to wait till 2010 for season 5. By that point I hope to convert the crew into a powerful mob. I'd like to be the leader but, if I still have singular im not likely to get any phone calls from my workers.
Look for a Flyers update, an entry from a guest host, and perhaps another short story coming up on Tucker's world.
http://www.tuckersworld.com/
This link was emailed to me by Dan K. He said he thought it was a website that I actually made for like 10 minutes. For me it took me five minutes. I felt like Homer Simpson when he found his likeness on a soap box. If you look at the website, there is a jay, a keith, and a Ryan. Apperently some of the best parties were at Ryan's. There is also reference to a town called Glassboro. Strange.
Id imagine in this world Jay and Keith are really good friends. Perhaps this Tucker likes his job. Everyone has girlfriends. No one ever talks about death. This Tucker clearly knows a lot more hot chicks than I do, and Im sure actually gets laid quite often. Dan K. swears he saw Ryan in one of the pictures. Maybe these are his new friends.
"Ding Dong Ralphie's Dead"
Well we all knew this would come one day. At least those of us that watch the Sopranos. The blood thirsty fans finally got their wish when poor ralph was strangled to death by "T". I have a friend at Comcast who actually says she got phone calls from customers asking whent he Sopranos are going to pick up.
I have to say despite the fact that I forsaw his demise before the series ended, I never thought it would have came by the hands of Tony himself. I actually kind felt bad for Ralph in his final show. It was when the plot line showed him trying to redem himself that I knew he was a going to die. That is usually a kiss of death for the guy you love to hate. He is like the Jay of the Soprano world.
I mean he didn't just die. He was chopped up! Tony was just a tad out of line, and broke the rule of bringing harm on to a captain.
Id imagine that many of Tony's captains will think it was a hit by the NYC mob. Things could get ugly the last four shows of the season. Too bad after that we will have to wait till 2010 for season 5. By that point I hope to convert the crew into a powerful mob. I'd like to be the leader but, if I still have singular im not likely to get any phone calls from my workers.
Look for a Flyers update, an entry from a guest host, and perhaps another short story coming up on Tucker's world.
Thursday, November 07, 2002
"Dan K.'s Wild Ride"
Well if read Dan K. Hemphill: Race Car Driver? a week ago, you know that Dan K. was about to put the pedal to the metal. Well the predictions were half right. Thankfully he is not dead, but he did crash his car. What follows is an email I got from him hours ago. I honestly thought it was a hoax, like the time he told me Eric Lindros was in a coma after a car accident. Okay Here is the e-mail. TGIF loyal readers!
I'm in pain. My neck hurts, my shoulders hurt, and my chest hurts. This is the result of driving an Indy car right into the back of another driver at 100mph. The sad part is, my prediction came true, the accident happened right before big bend on the straightaway. All of the cars had manual transmissions, the guy in front of me in the green car was about half way down the straightaway. What I didn't know at the time was that he was in 2nd gear and couldn't get the car into 3rd, so he was only going 35 or 40mph.
On the straightaway I was in 4th and had it floored, doing about 100mph. As(the) big bend came up I noticed the green car was right in front of me, he came up so quick! I smashed into the back of him, causing him to spin out of control and fly off the road. The front half of my indy car was cut off, the electrical system died, and my body catapaulted forward, causing the restraints to slam into my shoulders and chest. The car just hobbled to the side of the road. The car was majorly f**ed. The instructor said that was the first accident to happen there in awhile. Leave it up to Dan K to go overboard. I was hoping to rip around big bend at 90 or so. I didn't even make it that far.
And no, this is not a joke.
Well if read Dan K. Hemphill: Race Car Driver? a week ago, you know that Dan K. was about to put the pedal to the metal. Well the predictions were half right. Thankfully he is not dead, but he did crash his car. What follows is an email I got from him hours ago. I honestly thought it was a hoax, like the time he told me Eric Lindros was in a coma after a car accident. Okay Here is the e-mail. TGIF loyal readers!
I'm in pain. My neck hurts, my shoulders hurt, and my chest hurts. This is the result of driving an Indy car right into the back of another driver at 100mph. The sad part is, my prediction came true, the accident happened right before big bend on the straightaway. All of the cars had manual transmissions, the guy in front of me in the green car was about half way down the straightaway. What I didn't know at the time was that he was in 2nd gear and couldn't get the car into 3rd, so he was only going 35 or 40mph.
On the straightaway I was in 4th and had it floored, doing about 100mph. As(the) big bend came up I noticed the green car was right in front of me, he came up so quick! I smashed into the back of him, causing him to spin out of control and fly off the road. The front half of my indy car was cut off, the electrical system died, and my body catapaulted forward, causing the restraints to slam into my shoulders and chest. The car just hobbled to the side of the road. The car was majorly f**ed. The instructor said that was the first accident to happen there in awhile. Leave it up to Dan K to go overboard. I was hoping to rip around big bend at 90 or so. I didn't even make it that far.
And no, this is not a joke.
Time for Tucker’s World Double Header folks, and I am sick of election talk so ..you wont find anything here about it! At least not at this time. This mean there are two NEW posts. That confused people last time.
“Stages of Love”
Being no expert on love and unable to sustain any kind of meaningful relationship, I figured to break down the stages of love for all my loyal readers. This from what I gather is how it plays out.
Stage 1:
Boy meets girl. He consults his friends to see what course of action should be call her? How many days must you wait?
Stage 2: Boy becomes comfortable with girl and brings her out with his friends. He spends most of the night mauling her openly and publicly. His buddies awkwardly stand there and look all around with their beer in their hands.
Stage 3 : Boy’s cell phone doesn’t work when anyone with a penis dials it up. Boy starts getting laid on a regular basis which is and upgrade over watching sports with friends and making gay jokes. When the boy shows ups to see his buddy’s it is like when Kent Manderville scores a goal. They all cheer and hug. Everyone is smiling.
Stage 4: Boy may or not be dead. All contact is lost. His buddies decide to go on a search for him. They get sidetracked and end up at a bar and forget why they were driving around in the first place.
Stage 5:
The boy reappears, but as a unit. He is like Christopher Columbus telling this single friends about his vast discovering of coupleville. He than shows gives advice to his single friends. He tells his friends they should go to grocery stores or bookstores to meet people, because that is where people meet. I worked at a grocery store for like a year and never saw love blossom. I also used to frequent borders, and just saw people reading.
Stage 6:
The couple grow the desire to collect knickknacks and stuff made of wicker. This is the stage of no return. You friend as you know him is dead. They get a place together, and it smells like cinnamon. They have china.
Stage 7
Boy bumps into one of his friends in a mall. It is all awkward and they stand there swaying. The single friend tries to elude that he is getting laid a lot more than he is. You decide to make plans sometime. You end up over the buddy’s house only to find that your being set up with his girlfriends big boned friend.
Stage 8
Your friend who writes a web column starts to wonder if writing for the column after 1 am is a good idea.
Stage 9.
Many years pass. The happy couple gets all giddy one night and decides to go to a bar. When they get there they see all the friends of the boy now a man. They are sitting at a table watching hockey games. They have chart out in front of them and are trying to figure out their stance in a fantasy hockey league. None of them seem to have any females near them at all.
The man looks to his girl and she nods. The man pulls out a revolver and fires a shot at one of the three guys sitting there. They guy does a face dive into a plate of all you can eat wings. The blood spills all over the white fantasy league sheets. The 2nd one is shot down, but he doesn’t notice because he is talking about a Dr. Who episode he enjoys. The third guy wrestles the gun from the man shoves the barrel down his throat and pulls the trigger. It doesn’t go off. The 3 of them laugh and go to the diner together. It is seafood bisque night
“ Beached Whaler”
Kevin Dineen former Flyers Captain and whaler retired this week. He was never one of the most talented players in the league but he made up for that with heart and grit. He was one of the best players on the Flyers in the early 90s. He was one of the players that brought back to following hockey. I am very glad he did.
I recall how awkward it was for him to be coached by his dad. I remember how he never gave up even when the team didn’t make the playoffs for five years. I remember how he scored many a goal, and got the old building rocking loud. He was the last really good captain of the team, although Prims might finally fitting the role.
He spent time with the Sens, Whale, and ended with the Blue Jackets. He has already gotten a cushy office job. His leadership in the locker room with the young team .
From NHL.com. Dineen scored perhaps the most memorable goal in the history of the Whalers in the 1986 Stanley Cup Playoffs against Montreal in the Adams Division finals. He intercepted a Montreal pass in the neutral zone and then turned Canadians defenseman Larry Robinson on his way to roofing a shot over Patrick Roy.
Good Luck Kevin.
Not that your reading this. But Rey might be. So that’s good enough.
“Stages of Love”
Being no expert on love and unable to sustain any kind of meaningful relationship, I figured to break down the stages of love for all my loyal readers. This from what I gather is how it plays out.
Stage 1:
Boy meets girl. He consults his friends to see what course of action should be call her? How many days must you wait?
Stage 2: Boy becomes comfortable with girl and brings her out with his friends. He spends most of the night mauling her openly and publicly. His buddies awkwardly stand there and look all around with their beer in their hands.
Stage 3 : Boy’s cell phone doesn’t work when anyone with a penis dials it up. Boy starts getting laid on a regular basis which is and upgrade over watching sports with friends and making gay jokes. When the boy shows ups to see his buddy’s it is like when Kent Manderville scores a goal. They all cheer and hug. Everyone is smiling.
Stage 4: Boy may or not be dead. All contact is lost. His buddies decide to go on a search for him. They get sidetracked and end up at a bar and forget why they were driving around in the first place.
Stage 5:
The boy reappears, but as a unit. He is like Christopher Columbus telling this single friends about his vast discovering of coupleville. He than shows gives advice to his single friends. He tells his friends they should go to grocery stores or bookstores to meet people, because that is where people meet. I worked at a grocery store for like a year and never saw love blossom. I also used to frequent borders, and just saw people reading.
Stage 6:
The couple grow the desire to collect knickknacks and stuff made of wicker. This is the stage of no return. You friend as you know him is dead. They get a place together, and it smells like cinnamon. They have china.
Stage 7
Boy bumps into one of his friends in a mall. It is all awkward and they stand there swaying. The single friend tries to elude that he is getting laid a lot more than he is. You decide to make plans sometime. You end up over the buddy’s house only to find that your being set up with his girlfriends big boned friend.
Stage 8
Your friend who writes a web column starts to wonder if writing for the column after 1 am is a good idea.
Stage 9.
Many years pass. The happy couple gets all giddy one night and decides to go to a bar. When they get there they see all the friends of the boy now a man. They are sitting at a table watching hockey games. They have chart out in front of them and are trying to figure out their stance in a fantasy hockey league. None of them seem to have any females near them at all.
The man looks to his girl and she nods. The man pulls out a revolver and fires a shot at one of the three guys sitting there. They guy does a face dive into a plate of all you can eat wings. The blood spills all over the white fantasy league sheets. The 2nd one is shot down, but he doesn’t notice because he is talking about a Dr. Who episode he enjoys. The third guy wrestles the gun from the man shoves the barrel down his throat and pulls the trigger. It doesn’t go off. The 3 of them laugh and go to the diner together. It is seafood bisque night
“ Beached Whaler”
Kevin Dineen former Flyers Captain and whaler retired this week. He was never one of the most talented players in the league but he made up for that with heart and grit. He was one of the best players on the Flyers in the early 90s. He was one of the players that brought back to following hockey. I am very glad he did.
I recall how awkward it was for him to be coached by his dad. I remember how he never gave up even when the team didn’t make the playoffs for five years. I remember how he scored many a goal, and got the old building rocking loud. He was the last really good captain of the team, although Prims might finally fitting the role.
He spent time with the Sens, Whale, and ended with the Blue Jackets. He has already gotten a cushy office job. His leadership in the locker room with the young team .
From NHL.com. Dineen scored perhaps the most memorable goal in the history of the Whalers in the 1986 Stanley Cup Playoffs against Montreal in the Adams Division finals. He intercepted a Montreal pass in the neutral zone and then turned Canadians defenseman Larry Robinson on his way to roofing a shot over Patrick Roy.
Good Luck Kevin.
Not that your reading this. But Rey might be. So that’s good enough.
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
“Lame the Vote”
It is election day so I felt obligated to make voting a topic today. I guess that makes me a sheep, but not one of those gay ones with the different brain. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
In my social problems class we realized that 8 people were actually voting and about 27 said they were not. That’s is why my friends that we will always have a two party system and things may never change. Certainly there are enough people in this country to support a third party and silence the bitching that is done by everyman American.
Some students sat and scratched their head in bewilderment with a not so look bright look on their face. Others were jaded saying since the voting system is not based on the popular vote there is no point to vote. Of course that is not the case in the Senate Election. For those of my loyal viewers that are not aware the president is not up for re-election for another two years. That was thrown in for Chris Arter who likely already stopped reading this entry because he cares about as much about politics as I do cars. I just hope he doesn’t kill himself before leaving his current school.
What was I talking about ? Uh….Oh yeah. This one girl said she just likes to hit the little buttons. She is adorable and it was really cute when she said it. One guy in the back actually was voting republican. Because, they are all about making money! Another person claims he jumps the democratic ship because of their recent behavior. He mentioned how they the recently broke the law by entering a last minute candidate (see Feeling Minnesota). However Technically since the court ruled that it was cool. It was legal. Wrong sleazy and under handed, but legal. So me and that dude were wrong.
HORN BLASTS!!!!!!!!
Either that means the Flyers are giving someone a smack down again or its time to read a little READER MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is an email from Andrew “Puma” Vogel from Stratford. Drew writes.
When you say that the Democratic party overturned laws to get Lautenberg into the race, that is simply not true. The law said that you CAN change candidates at any time at least 51 days out from the election. That is not the same thing as a law saying that you CANNOT change candidates after that deadline. Some states (New York) have laws that say that. Other states (New Jersey) do not.
Even leaving that aside for a moment, the New Jersey Supreme Court is the highest authority for interpretting New Jersey law. The highest authority, period. As long as it doesn't conflict with the U.S. Constitution, anything they decide to do is legal, by definition. To say that Lautenberg only got on the ticket by breaking the law is just incorrect; no less incorrect than saying that 2+2=5. There is simply no room for argument on the matter. The New Jersey statute was ambiguous, the Supreme Court interpreted it to answer the question, and that's the end of the story. By all means, vote for Forrester. By all means, consider the switch unfair. But to call it illegal is factually incorrect.
I hate the US Supreme Court's decision in Bush v. Gore, but I've never said it was illegal. It was perfectly legal. It was an abomination of transparent legal reasoning designed to appoint Bush to the presidency at any price, but it was legal.
Okay. There you go. Tucker can be wrong.
However most people in our generation grew up hearing tales of Watergate, and corrupt politician after politician. Many people would rather just stick it to these fellows by not going anywhere. People think votes don’t make any difference. I can understand why. Perhaps these people could get together and support a third alternate party (The green party is getting no where fast). However most these people are to apathetic or lazy. MTV can beg to rock the vote all they want. People our age and at this point just most people generally could give a rats ass. More people are likely to vote for the next American Idole than some rich guy running for office.
I cast my vote a few hours ago. But voting republican in a state like this is pointless. I have more of a chance convincing people I am not in love with Jenna than the democrats losing this state. The same blue haired old ladies were there. Not a soul under 60 in sight. As of now Tucker’s world exit polls show that the democrats have won control of the house. Some would say I wasted 5 minutes of my life. At the very least I earned myself the right to bitch about the way things are, which is more than I can say for people who don’t vote at all.
If you want to learn more about gay sheep cut and paste
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20021104/sc_nm/science_sheep_dc_1
It is election day so I felt obligated to make voting a topic today. I guess that makes me a sheep, but not one of those gay ones with the different brain. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
In my social problems class we realized that 8 people were actually voting and about 27 said they were not. That’s is why my friends that we will always have a two party system and things may never change. Certainly there are enough people in this country to support a third party and silence the bitching that is done by everyman American.
Some students sat and scratched their head in bewilderment with a not so look bright look on their face. Others were jaded saying since the voting system is not based on the popular vote there is no point to vote. Of course that is not the case in the Senate Election. For those of my loyal viewers that are not aware the president is not up for re-election for another two years. That was thrown in for Chris Arter who likely already stopped reading this entry because he cares about as much about politics as I do cars. I just hope he doesn’t kill himself before leaving his current school.
What was I talking about ? Uh….Oh yeah. This one girl said she just likes to hit the little buttons. She is adorable and it was really cute when she said it. One guy in the back actually was voting republican. Because, they are all about making money! Another person claims he jumps the democratic ship because of their recent behavior. He mentioned how they the recently broke the law by entering a last minute candidate (see Feeling Minnesota). However Technically since the court ruled that it was cool. It was legal. Wrong sleazy and under handed, but legal. So me and that dude were wrong.
HORN BLASTS!!!!!!!!
Either that means the Flyers are giving someone a smack down again or its time to read a little READER MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is an email from Andrew “Puma” Vogel from Stratford. Drew writes.
When you say that the Democratic party overturned laws to get Lautenberg into the race, that is simply not true. The law said that you CAN change candidates at any time at least 51 days out from the election. That is not the same thing as a law saying that you CANNOT change candidates after that deadline. Some states (New York) have laws that say that. Other states (New Jersey) do not.
Even leaving that aside for a moment, the New Jersey Supreme Court is the highest authority for interpretting New Jersey law. The highest authority, period. As long as it doesn't conflict with the U.S. Constitution, anything they decide to do is legal, by definition. To say that Lautenberg only got on the ticket by breaking the law is just incorrect; no less incorrect than saying that 2+2=5. There is simply no room for argument on the matter. The New Jersey statute was ambiguous, the Supreme Court interpreted it to answer the question, and that's the end of the story. By all means, vote for Forrester. By all means, consider the switch unfair. But to call it illegal is factually incorrect.
I hate the US Supreme Court's decision in Bush v. Gore, but I've never said it was illegal. It was perfectly legal. It was an abomination of transparent legal reasoning designed to appoint Bush to the presidency at any price, but it was legal.
Okay. There you go. Tucker can be wrong.
However most people in our generation grew up hearing tales of Watergate, and corrupt politician after politician. Many people would rather just stick it to these fellows by not going anywhere. People think votes don’t make any difference. I can understand why. Perhaps these people could get together and support a third alternate party (The green party is getting no where fast). However most these people are to apathetic or lazy. MTV can beg to rock the vote all they want. People our age and at this point just most people generally could give a rats ass. More people are likely to vote for the next American Idole than some rich guy running for office.
I cast my vote a few hours ago. But voting republican in a state like this is pointless. I have more of a chance convincing people I am not in love with Jenna than the democrats losing this state. The same blue haired old ladies were there. Not a soul under 60 in sight. As of now Tucker’s world exit polls show that the democrats have won control of the house. Some would say I wasted 5 minutes of my life. At the very least I earned myself the right to bitch about the way things are, which is more than I can say for people who don’t vote at all.
If you want to learn more about gay sheep cut and paste
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20021104/sc_nm/science_sheep_dc_1
Thursday, October 31, 2002
Okay since I knew this story was coming I hyped it up a lot. If it actually lives up to the hype will be for my readers to decide. It is Sweeps month on Tucker’s world so it is time to crank it up a notch!
“Dan K. Hemphill, Race Car Driver?”
Dan K. Hemphill’s girlfriend might be crying her eyes out this weekend. No, he is not refusing to go to a wedding or a funeral with her again. However, his days on this Earth might certainly be numbered.
The chain of events that will either end being an experience of a lifetime or the cause of death on a police report started earlier this week. When he got an e-mail from his boss that simply stated:
"Hey, let me know if you want to drive a race car next Wednesday. You have to be in Connecticut at 6am.”
At first of course he thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. Dan K. will be going to Skip Barber Racing School, on one of the most popular racetracks in the country, Limerock Park in the Berkshire Mountains. Many Nascar drivers get their start here.
Dan K. will race a real Indy car like the big boys. This ain’t no street car night at Atco raceway. He is skipping that step and going right for the big leagues. His history of going over board, and showing off might be a lethal combination. Perhaps it will be the glorious start of his amateur racing career.
check out these links
http://www.skipbarber.com/images/tracks/full/LR.jpg
http://www.skipbarber.com/
“The track is 2 miles long. I could very easily crash and die… all manual transmissions, (I) haven’t driven a stick in years. If I crash I’m not making it out alive” stated the reclusive Hemphill during an instant message conversation with Tucker’s world.
The people that are running this have not heard the infamous Aldi story. Nor are they aware of his lack of will to live. However, it is dangerous enough that he has to sign a waiver.
“Worst thing is Big Bend comes after the straightaway, so ill most likely plant my foot in big bend at 140mph praying to Allah.” Continued Dan K.
“This might be Dan K's final stunt”
Previous stunts include crashing a brand new car during a test drive, and smoking out the Sterling High school parking lot on graduation night.
“I’m going to crank heavy metal in the viper as I m flying around the track
of course it will make me drive more violently”
When asked about his girlfriend's negative reaction to the news. He said he simply blew her off. You wonder if someone with little race experience might even chicken out. Not this black sheep.
“How the f*** could I turn down 100+ mph in a damn Indy car on a REAL race track? I’m going to push all of the vehicles to their limits.”
God speed Dan K. God Speed!
“Dan K. Hemphill, Race Car Driver?”
Dan K. Hemphill’s girlfriend might be crying her eyes out this weekend. No, he is not refusing to go to a wedding or a funeral with her again. However, his days on this Earth might certainly be numbered.
The chain of events that will either end being an experience of a lifetime or the cause of death on a police report started earlier this week. When he got an e-mail from his boss that simply stated:
"Hey, let me know if you want to drive a race car next Wednesday. You have to be in Connecticut at 6am.”
At first of course he thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. Dan K. will be going to Skip Barber Racing School, on one of the most popular racetracks in the country, Limerock Park in the Berkshire Mountains. Many Nascar drivers get their start here.
Dan K. will race a real Indy car like the big boys. This ain’t no street car night at Atco raceway. He is skipping that step and going right for the big leagues. His history of going over board, and showing off might be a lethal combination. Perhaps it will be the glorious start of his amateur racing career.
check out these links
http://www.skipbarber.com/images/tracks/full/LR.jpg
http://www.skipbarber.com/
“The track is 2 miles long. I could very easily crash and die… all manual transmissions, (I) haven’t driven a stick in years. If I crash I’m not making it out alive” stated the reclusive Hemphill during an instant message conversation with Tucker’s world.
The people that are running this have not heard the infamous Aldi story. Nor are they aware of his lack of will to live. However, it is dangerous enough that he has to sign a waiver.
“Worst thing is Big Bend comes after the straightaway, so ill most likely plant my foot in big bend at 140mph praying to Allah.” Continued Dan K.
“This might be Dan K's final stunt”
Previous stunts include crashing a brand new car during a test drive, and smoking out the Sterling High school parking lot on graduation night.
“I’m going to crank heavy metal in the viper as I m flying around the track
of course it will make me drive more violently”
When asked about his girlfriend's negative reaction to the news. He said he simply blew her off. You wonder if someone with little race experience might even chicken out. Not this black sheep.
“How the f*** could I turn down 100+ mph in a damn Indy car on a REAL race track? I’m going to push all of the vehicles to their limits.”
God speed Dan K. God Speed!
I was going to compile a bunch of ghost stories for today, but I was too lazy. You will have to settle for this. ITs pretty long so dont forget to scroll down and check out last nights post about the DemoRATS.
"Monster Mash"
I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
>From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
"Monster Mash"
I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
>From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
“Feeling Minnesota”
For those of you who don’t follow the political world or pick up a newspaper you missed the democratic party sink to a new low. This from a party that has inserted 78 year-old Frank Lautenberg to replace Bob Torricelli since, the torch was getting his ass kicked among political scandal. This would be cool had they not have to over turn laws (or break) just to meet their own political agenda. Also since there is no way Lautenberg, has any intention on serving a six-year term people casting votes for him either are cool with this or are totally naive. Many feel that Torricelli will eventually just be appointed anyway eventually, after last night I would not be surprised. Remember these are the people who are all about feelings.
A democratic senator Paul Wellsone was killed in a plane crash along with his wife and daughter last week. The kind of event that makes people take stock and put political BS aside. The Democratic Party even begged the republicans to cool off on the campaigning. They told Dick Cheny (he is our vice president.) to stay home because his appearance would over shadow the memorial to the late senator. The Republicans totally respected this. The lost of life is bigger than a stupid campaign.
The tribute didn’t last to long. I mean I am not saying they shouldn’t try to make it a really depressing experience, but it was a funeral. They still have no idea why the plane crashed, because the black box was not recovered. Kinda like when Ron Brown (a Clinton buddy term enemy) went down in a plane crash. The night turned into a political prep rally for the party. Walter Mondale another old man, will now run for the senate for the Democrats. He showed up last night at the democratic prep rally er memorial service. The mood was happy go lucky for the most party there were many laughs and many speeches talking about how important it is to win the election. Clinton was there yucking it up and rallying the troops.
A speaker basically told republicans of the state that they are terrible people if they betrayed their friend and didn’t dick over their political party and drum up votes for Mondale. Wellstone would want it that way! The came off completely crass, but it was nothing compared to what they did to republican Trent Lott. Whatever beef they had against him you think they would put aside seeing as where people had just been killed. Nope. They booed him even though he spent his own money and flew out there to say goodbye to a man who he respected. Gov. Jesse Ventura and many others got so disgusted and left.
To make matters worse (and a borderline violation of FCC regulations) they got 3 free hours of political air time, that republicans are not likely to ever get back. The media was completely misled (or so they say) about what was to transpire during the course of the night. I mean I know they are pressed for time with the election being next week and all, but there is no reason to exploit the dead. It is in horrible taste to turn someone’s memorial service in to a political soap box. What happened to the days of I feel your pain? They were having a blast last night! The Democratic party is more evil than the Republican party by far. I don’t know how the other became such a main stream opinion.
Upon leaving the memorial service, a republican political figure (I can’t recall who) was asked by a reporter for his rebuttal to the democratic speeches.
“Do you realize what you just asked me?” he asked the reporter.
For those of you who don’t follow the political world or pick up a newspaper you missed the democratic party sink to a new low. This from a party that has inserted 78 year-old Frank Lautenberg to replace Bob Torricelli since, the torch was getting his ass kicked among political scandal. This would be cool had they not have to over turn laws (or break) just to meet their own political agenda. Also since there is no way Lautenberg, has any intention on serving a six-year term people casting votes for him either are cool with this or are totally naive. Many feel that Torricelli will eventually just be appointed anyway eventually, after last night I would not be surprised. Remember these are the people who are all about feelings.
A democratic senator Paul Wellsone was killed in a plane crash along with his wife and daughter last week. The kind of event that makes people take stock and put political BS aside. The Democratic Party even begged the republicans to cool off on the campaigning. They told Dick Cheny (he is our vice president.) to stay home because his appearance would over shadow the memorial to the late senator. The Republicans totally respected this. The lost of life is bigger than a stupid campaign.
The tribute didn’t last to long. I mean I am not saying they shouldn’t try to make it a really depressing experience, but it was a funeral. They still have no idea why the plane crashed, because the black box was not recovered. Kinda like when Ron Brown (a Clinton buddy term enemy) went down in a plane crash. The night turned into a political prep rally for the party. Walter Mondale another old man, will now run for the senate for the Democrats. He showed up last night at the democratic prep rally er memorial service. The mood was happy go lucky for the most party there were many laughs and many speeches talking about how important it is to win the election. Clinton was there yucking it up and rallying the troops.
A speaker basically told republicans of the state that they are terrible people if they betrayed their friend and didn’t dick over their political party and drum up votes for Mondale. Wellstone would want it that way! The came off completely crass, but it was nothing compared to what they did to republican Trent Lott. Whatever beef they had against him you think they would put aside seeing as where people had just been killed. Nope. They booed him even though he spent his own money and flew out there to say goodbye to a man who he respected. Gov. Jesse Ventura and many others got so disgusted and left.
To make matters worse (and a borderline violation of FCC regulations) they got 3 free hours of political air time, that republicans are not likely to ever get back. The media was completely misled (or so they say) about what was to transpire during the course of the night. I mean I know they are pressed for time with the election being next week and all, but there is no reason to exploit the dead. It is in horrible taste to turn someone’s memorial service in to a political soap box. What happened to the days of I feel your pain? They were having a blast last night! The Democratic party is more evil than the Republican party by far. I don’t know how the other became such a main stream opinion.
Upon leaving the memorial service, a republican political figure (I can’t recall who) was asked by a reporter for his rebuttal to the democratic speeches.
“Do you realize what you just asked me?” he asked the reporter.
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Sorry for the delay in posts...for that you get a double-header. Sadly more people will read this post than watched the World Series.
“The Secret Life of Ralphie Cifaretto”
Sometimes when a tv show or a movie becomes popular and you don’t realize that some of the actors had done previous movies that you have seen. Like it took me awhile to realize that Josh Hartnett who has had much success of late, was the kid in the AWFUL Halloween H20. I didn’t realize till I flipped pasted the USA broadcast premier of the ultra-dark Nicolas Cage flick 8 Millimeter that Tony Soprano and “The Machine” were one in the same. I mean when I first tuned into The Sopranos, I didn’t even recognize him from anything.
I learned to accept that one. But I was totally blown away after reading an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer profiling Joe Pantoliano who plays Ralphia Cifartetto has been in many movies I have seen before. He appeared in such movies as Bad Boys, and the Fugitive. I guess small roles that I don’t recall. But when I read he was in last year’s Memento I could not imagine who he was in the film. Since it had such a short cast I figured he had to be Teddy. The sleazy friend of the lead character of the movie, but he was bald and looked nothing like Ralphie. Clearly the paper had mad an error.
Well I looked up on the IMDB and they were right. Apparently, he wears the best damn wig on tv. He has really short gray hair, and is almost bald. He did however really grow up in North Jersey and his step-dad might have been connected. I can’t get over that it is the same actor! I guess in a world of featherless chickens anything is possible.
“Snow Business”
Sleet is being said on my TV right now, and so is wet snow. Of course it is in regards to the Pocono’s. However, it was reported as close as Mullica Hill today. Philly might see some wet snow this weekend. The last several winters have been really mild. In fact I am pretty sure we skipped winter last year. The one snow “storm” that hit South Jersey was a distant memory when it hit over 50 degrees the next day.
This fall however seemed a bit on the chilli side, at least to this cold weather loving south jerseyan. So when I checked the Fox Philadelphia Weather page as I usually do I decided to drop an email to Rob Guarino. I did this as a loyal service to my readers (both of them) and because I am a huge dork.
Since I heard El Nino was returning after a brief hiatus for this winter I knew that something crazy was going to happen this winter. Honestly in the same article that I read in the Courier-Post they said it would be really mild, but ended by saying it could also be wet and wild. So lets see. It will either be really cold and wet or warm and dry? Well…I could have told you that. So, anyway I sent him an email asking him if the cool fall could have anything to do with a colder winter. Also to clear up what the right call was for the return of El Nino. I also pressured him to predict the total amount of snow fall in our region this winter. Something he has not done on TV or on his webpage as of yet. THEREFORE, YOU HEARD IT AT TUCKER’S WORLD FIRST!
Here is the response he wrote me.
BOTH CALLS ARE RIGHT AT THIS POINT AND YES THE FALL WEATHER IS VERY IMPORTANT TO WINTER. OCEAN TEMPS DROPPING UNLIKE LAST YEAR.
LOOK FOR 15-22" OF SNOW THIS SEASON. BELOW AVG. BUT BETTER THAN LAST YEAR.
--ROB GUARINO
FOX WEATHER
Don't expect NBC 10's John Bolaris to tell us we will be up to our eyeballs in snow this year, at least not from a Philadelphia affliate. He is leaving NBC 10 at the end of November (sweeps month of course). The popular weatherman known for banging lots of hot chicks and dating Lauren Hart (Gene Harts daughter) for 4 years made an ass out of himself a few winters ago. He predicted for the storm of the century, and all we got was wet snow and some wind and it was like 50 degrees. He literally got 3,000 death threats e-mailed to him. He will leave for NYC to be back and already might have a job at a CBS affliate. I doubt Howard Eskin can cock block him that far away.
Also my friend Duke who claims to be in touch with the weather is predicating a cold possibly snow filled winter. But we once had to convince him to use Soap.
“The Secret Life of Ralphie Cifaretto”
Sometimes when a tv show or a movie becomes popular and you don’t realize that some of the actors had done previous movies that you have seen. Like it took me awhile to realize that Josh Hartnett who has had much success of late, was the kid in the AWFUL Halloween H20. I didn’t realize till I flipped pasted the USA broadcast premier of the ultra-dark Nicolas Cage flick 8 Millimeter that Tony Soprano and “The Machine” were one in the same. I mean when I first tuned into The Sopranos, I didn’t even recognize him from anything.
I learned to accept that one. But I was totally blown away after reading an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer profiling Joe Pantoliano who plays Ralphia Cifartetto has been in many movies I have seen before. He appeared in such movies as Bad Boys, and the Fugitive. I guess small roles that I don’t recall. But when I read he was in last year’s Memento I could not imagine who he was in the film. Since it had such a short cast I figured he had to be Teddy. The sleazy friend of the lead character of the movie, but he was bald and looked nothing like Ralphie. Clearly the paper had mad an error.
Well I looked up on the IMDB and they were right. Apparently, he wears the best damn wig on tv. He has really short gray hair, and is almost bald. He did however really grow up in North Jersey and his step-dad might have been connected. I can’t get over that it is the same actor! I guess in a world of featherless chickens anything is possible.
“Snow Business”
Sleet is being said on my TV right now, and so is wet snow. Of course it is in regards to the Pocono’s. However, it was reported as close as Mullica Hill today. Philly might see some wet snow this weekend. The last several winters have been really mild. In fact I am pretty sure we skipped winter last year. The one snow “storm” that hit South Jersey was a distant memory when it hit over 50 degrees the next day.
This fall however seemed a bit on the chilli side, at least to this cold weather loving south jerseyan. So when I checked the Fox Philadelphia Weather page as I usually do I decided to drop an email to Rob Guarino. I did this as a loyal service to my readers (both of them) and because I am a huge dork.
Since I heard El Nino was returning after a brief hiatus for this winter I knew that something crazy was going to happen this winter. Honestly in the same article that I read in the Courier-Post they said it would be really mild, but ended by saying it could also be wet and wild. So lets see. It will either be really cold and wet or warm and dry? Well…I could have told you that. So, anyway I sent him an email asking him if the cool fall could have anything to do with a colder winter. Also to clear up what the right call was for the return of El Nino. I also pressured him to predict the total amount of snow fall in our region this winter. Something he has not done on TV or on his webpage as of yet. THEREFORE, YOU HEARD IT AT TUCKER’S WORLD FIRST!
Here is the response he wrote me.
BOTH CALLS ARE RIGHT AT THIS POINT AND YES THE FALL WEATHER IS VERY IMPORTANT TO WINTER. OCEAN TEMPS DROPPING UNLIKE LAST YEAR.
LOOK FOR 15-22" OF SNOW THIS SEASON. BELOW AVG. BUT BETTER THAN LAST YEAR.
--ROB GUARINO
FOX WEATHER
Don't expect NBC 10's John Bolaris to tell us we will be up to our eyeballs in snow this year, at least not from a Philadelphia affliate. He is leaving NBC 10 at the end of November (sweeps month of course). The popular weatherman known for banging lots of hot chicks and dating Lauren Hart (Gene Harts daughter) for 4 years made an ass out of himself a few winters ago. He predicted for the storm of the century, and all we got was wet snow and some wind and it was like 50 degrees. He literally got 3,000 death threats e-mailed to him. He will leave for NYC to be back and already might have a job at a CBS affliate. I doubt Howard Eskin can cock block him that far away.
Also my friend Duke who claims to be in touch with the weather is predicating a cold possibly snow filled winter. But we once had to convince him to use Soap.
Saturday, October 26, 2002
Here is a short story that I wrote a few years ago. Some of you read it back than. But as Dennis Miller used to say. It is not a rerun but an encore presentation!
A M E R I C A N MONKEYS
It seemed like the day I decided to take my own life that the weather some how knew. It was fitting what was to be my last day on Earth was one of those extremely dark days when you began to wonder if the sun still existed. I guess it didn’t even matter where I stood now. Standing in the dark, damp subway station. Finally my train pulled up and I got in. Not a moment too soon either the stench of the urine in the subway was particularly strong that night.
I took the first seat. The train was quite full for such a messy night. The only reason I was out in this mess was to say goodbye to my friend Peter. Peter and I had grown up together, although I haven’t seen him too much these days since he went to school in the city. When I got there some spaced out guy who I have met before greeted me, I think his name was Darren, or Jared, or something one of those names you don’t hear that often. He told me Peter had gone to his girlfriend’s house for the weekend. I couldn’t believe it . I couldn’t even get my most important goodbye in. To top it all off it reminded me that I was dumped a month ago. I guess I wouldn’t had been that big a deal if it hadn’t been so close to me flunking out of college. I can’t look back. I’m going to do it tonight.
Looking around the train I was on I wondered why it was frowned abound to take your own life. In fact, society would be much better off with out some of my fellow passengers. For example, the fat man two seats ahead of me. I mean this guy must have been without exaggerations 600 pounds. I don’t understand people like him, you would think when he broke 400 he would have decided to lay off the Twinkies. The man’s rolls of fat jiggled as the train moved. It was jiggling almost in perfect timing with the metal squeezing sounds the train made.
As my eyes scanned the car I found another cancer to society. Miles Peterson, I graduated high school with him. We were good friends for the first two years or so, he was acutally kind of a quiet geek type. However, one day he decided to pretend he was a bad ass. He started wearing chains, dressing differently, calling everyone YO. What really pissed me off was that everyone but Peter and me seemed to have bought it at the time. He became one of the most popular guys in school. He would tell me every Monday about the girls that he would get laid by. I never understood girls. I guess that’s why Gina left me.
I clinched a bottle of aspirin in my hand. It was shoved way down deep in my pocket. I figured that’s the way to go. It’s going to be tough enough for whoever discovers my body. No need for me to add to the horror by putting a bullet through my skull and having them not only see my dead body but my brains scattered all over the room.
When the doors opened again to let the next wave of passengers in and a fresh dose of urine air, Miles spotted me. He got up and walked towards me swinging his arms like he would turn around and hit anyone who gave him crap. Its funny I still see that quiet kid he used to be. He used to have a Ducktales lunchbox our first year of high school. Not only was it odd for a kid that age to still have a lunchbox, but to have one with a cartoon on it made it even funnier. He sat down across from me.
“How you been Yo?” he shouted loud enough to make sure everyone knew he was cool.
“ I have been”
You would think with the blatant roll of the eyes I gave him he would have gotten the hint.
“Where you working these days? he asked.
“Ralph’s market.”
“Still? What are you up to about 4 bucks an hour?” he asked followed by a fake laugh.
“About that.”
Now notice I didn’t ask him anything about his life. However, he saw fit to tell me anyway.
“I’ve been working for the Central Federal Computer Data. Its easy cash. Because, I know my shit so well. I get on the phone and sell people software and shit. I even go to their homes to help fix problems. I make commission on selling them a warranty from our company. I’ll go in there and scare the crap out of them by telling them horror stories of all the viruses going around. Not only do I get them to buy warranties and make commission, but I exploit the real dumbasses. I’ll run a disk in their computer and charge them 50 bucks telling them they are protected from all the newest viruses. Although it doesn’t even do that. It just runs through the files. Its totally meaningless.”
I started pretended in my mind to punch him and throw him into the wall of the train. I always make stuff up in my mind when I’m bored As I looked around the train I was amazed to see this incredibly sexy woman about my age sitting, alone. As Miles rambled on and on, I began to think maybe I could postpone my plans for the night and make a new friend. She had straight dark hair and a low cut red tank top on. Peter once lent me a book about how men and woman get together. The one theory was the monkey theory. That if two people were forced to stay in the same spot for a long period of time they would end up having sex. Like monkeys in a cage at a zoo. I got out of my seat while the train still moved. I figured I had at least thirty minutes until we reached Stewart Street, which was my stop. She wasn’t going anywhere. Might as well go out with a bang. I always wanted to put that monkey theory to a test.
My first move to make and impression on her wasn’t very good. I kinda fell into the seat next to her. I wondered if Miles was still talking.
Our eyes met. I had to say something other than hello. That would be pretty lame. I took notice of her wearing shorts.
“Aren’t you cold?” I asked. Although one look at her tank top gave me the answer to that question. I didn’t want to look, so I sent my eyes to look at the chair in front of me. There was a bunny sticker on the back of the seat in front of me. I just sat and looked right at it.
“Yeah well it’s always hot where I work so my boss let’s me wear shorts. She’s cool like that” I turned back facing her just to see her smile after she said that. I saw her big brown eyes widen. She has such a nice smile, that it made me feel guilty about all the sinful things I thought of her while crossing that train.
“Melissa’s my name but call me Missy” she extended her soft little hand.
“I’m James.” We shook hands. “So where do you work?”
“American Bagels you know on 45th and market?”
“Oh yeaaaah” I lied.
“Do you want one?” she asked she leaned over to get a bagel out of the bag sitting on the floor. My eyes went straight back to the bunny. I took the bagel and wrapped it up and set it on my lap for later. I wanted to talk to her, but not about me. I’m sure she wouldn’t want to hear about me going to school to become a doctor and failing. Or how everyone seemed to have better luck than I do, even guys like Miles who didn’t deserve it. Or that if this train wasn’t moving so slow, that I would be downing a bunch of pills right now.
“Where you heading?” I asked.
“Back to my apartment in Amesbury.”
“That must be so cool to be out on your own. I mean my parents drive me nuts. Everybody has it better than me. What made you finally decide to get out?”
“Actually my parents are dead”
No where in that monkey book did it mention about what to say after that.
“I’m really …”
“When I was ten my mother was killed in a drunk driving accident. My father was never the same. Six years later I came home from school to find my father lying on the kitchen floor. He was dead of a heart attack. I sat there holding him waiting for the ambulance. But I knew he was gone. I could feel it. I have some relatives down south, and a grandmother in a home. But I have been on my own since I was sixteen its been me and my Little sister. I work at the bagel place and take classes when I can. I’m not going to be there my whole life. I’ studying to become a vet I love animals”
When I first saw her I could only think about what she would look like naked. Now I couldn’t. I just thought about holding her when she was crying and holding her in sense to say it wasn’t fair that she was dealt a lousy hand in life. But its amazing when I looked at her she didn’t seem defeated. In fact, she had a look of total confidence when she told me where she saw herself. I placed my hand on hers for a second. She looked back and pointed with her head. She pointed right to Miles.
“Friend of yours?” she asked.
“Far from it”
“He comes in my work a lot. Her asks me to go clubbing with him every time. I just keep telling him no but he doesn’t listen. I told him to his face one time that I didn’t like him,but he still comes.”
Speaking of the devil. He came to us as the train had reached his station. He walked up to say goodbye. Or so I thought. He just looked at her.
“ I see you are talking to my boy Jimmy over here,” he said, hitting my shoulder. But it was the way he said it like I didn’t have a chance in hell with a girl like her that pissed me off. “Maybe I’ll stop in and see you tomorrow Missy.” As he finished that sentence missy and I both noticed the enormous piece of snot hanging out his nose. It was funny how he was trying to put me down in front of her, and he had a ten-foot booger clinging for dear life to a nose hair. When he left, we both broke into laughter. I hadn’t laughed that hard in I don’t know how long.
“Its funny most girls are into Miles big time,” I said once I caught my breath.
“Yeah there are a lot of naive girls that I could see buying into his act. I guess he sees other guys get girls who act that, and he figures he my as well pretend to be like them. Instead of actually being himself. I mean he may live a happy life with girls he dupes. But he isn’t honest with himself. I can even tell that. I guess his act is just his way of taking the easy way out.” I realized the irony of her comment as I clinched the aspirin bottle once again.
Before I knew it we arrived at Stewart station I got up. I realized what I slid on when I came over. It was little red plastic monkey, with two hook arms. It looked like it was from one of those barrel of monkeys from when I was a kid.
“Oh how cute,” she said. “ My little sister gave me them for Christmas one year. She said she liked the way that one monkey would always hold on with all his might to keep the other from falling.”
“Thanks,” I said softly. I think she thought I ment the for the bagel.
I gave her the monkey and told her goodbye. I stepped out of the train. I thought about doubling back and getting her number. Instead, I took the aspirin and threw it as hard as I could, and took a bite of the bagel. It was sweet.
A M E R I C A N MONKEYS
It seemed like the day I decided to take my own life that the weather some how knew. It was fitting what was to be my last day on Earth was one of those extremely dark days when you began to wonder if the sun still existed. I guess it didn’t even matter where I stood now. Standing in the dark, damp subway station. Finally my train pulled up and I got in. Not a moment too soon either the stench of the urine in the subway was particularly strong that night.
I took the first seat. The train was quite full for such a messy night. The only reason I was out in this mess was to say goodbye to my friend Peter. Peter and I had grown up together, although I haven’t seen him too much these days since he went to school in the city. When I got there some spaced out guy who I have met before greeted me, I think his name was Darren, or Jared, or something one of those names you don’t hear that often. He told me Peter had gone to his girlfriend’s house for the weekend. I couldn’t believe it . I couldn’t even get my most important goodbye in. To top it all off it reminded me that I was dumped a month ago. I guess I wouldn’t had been that big a deal if it hadn’t been so close to me flunking out of college. I can’t look back. I’m going to do it tonight.
Looking around the train I was on I wondered why it was frowned abound to take your own life. In fact, society would be much better off with out some of my fellow passengers. For example, the fat man two seats ahead of me. I mean this guy must have been without exaggerations 600 pounds. I don’t understand people like him, you would think when he broke 400 he would have decided to lay off the Twinkies. The man’s rolls of fat jiggled as the train moved. It was jiggling almost in perfect timing with the metal squeezing sounds the train made.
As my eyes scanned the car I found another cancer to society. Miles Peterson, I graduated high school with him. We were good friends for the first two years or so, he was acutally kind of a quiet geek type. However, one day he decided to pretend he was a bad ass. He started wearing chains, dressing differently, calling everyone YO. What really pissed me off was that everyone but Peter and me seemed to have bought it at the time. He became one of the most popular guys in school. He would tell me every Monday about the girls that he would get laid by. I never understood girls. I guess that’s why Gina left me.
I clinched a bottle of aspirin in my hand. It was shoved way down deep in my pocket. I figured that’s the way to go. It’s going to be tough enough for whoever discovers my body. No need for me to add to the horror by putting a bullet through my skull and having them not only see my dead body but my brains scattered all over the room.
When the doors opened again to let the next wave of passengers in and a fresh dose of urine air, Miles spotted me. He got up and walked towards me swinging his arms like he would turn around and hit anyone who gave him crap. Its funny I still see that quiet kid he used to be. He used to have a Ducktales lunchbox our first year of high school. Not only was it odd for a kid that age to still have a lunchbox, but to have one with a cartoon on it made it even funnier. He sat down across from me.
“How you been Yo?” he shouted loud enough to make sure everyone knew he was cool.
“ I have been”
You would think with the blatant roll of the eyes I gave him he would have gotten the hint.
“Where you working these days? he asked.
“Ralph’s market.”
“Still? What are you up to about 4 bucks an hour?” he asked followed by a fake laugh.
“About that.”
Now notice I didn’t ask him anything about his life. However, he saw fit to tell me anyway.
“I’ve been working for the Central Federal Computer Data. Its easy cash. Because, I know my shit so well. I get on the phone and sell people software and shit. I even go to their homes to help fix problems. I make commission on selling them a warranty from our company. I’ll go in there and scare the crap out of them by telling them horror stories of all the viruses going around. Not only do I get them to buy warranties and make commission, but I exploit the real dumbasses. I’ll run a disk in their computer and charge them 50 bucks telling them they are protected from all the newest viruses. Although it doesn’t even do that. It just runs through the files. Its totally meaningless.”
I started pretended in my mind to punch him and throw him into the wall of the train. I always make stuff up in my mind when I’m bored As I looked around the train I was amazed to see this incredibly sexy woman about my age sitting, alone. As Miles rambled on and on, I began to think maybe I could postpone my plans for the night and make a new friend. She had straight dark hair and a low cut red tank top on. Peter once lent me a book about how men and woman get together. The one theory was the monkey theory. That if two people were forced to stay in the same spot for a long period of time they would end up having sex. Like monkeys in a cage at a zoo. I got out of my seat while the train still moved. I figured I had at least thirty minutes until we reached Stewart Street, which was my stop. She wasn’t going anywhere. Might as well go out with a bang. I always wanted to put that monkey theory to a test.
My first move to make and impression on her wasn’t very good. I kinda fell into the seat next to her. I wondered if Miles was still talking.
Our eyes met. I had to say something other than hello. That would be pretty lame. I took notice of her wearing shorts.
“Aren’t you cold?” I asked. Although one look at her tank top gave me the answer to that question. I didn’t want to look, so I sent my eyes to look at the chair in front of me. There was a bunny sticker on the back of the seat in front of me. I just sat and looked right at it.
“Yeah well it’s always hot where I work so my boss let’s me wear shorts. She’s cool like that” I turned back facing her just to see her smile after she said that. I saw her big brown eyes widen. She has such a nice smile, that it made me feel guilty about all the sinful things I thought of her while crossing that train.
“Melissa’s my name but call me Missy” she extended her soft little hand.
“I’m James.” We shook hands. “So where do you work?”
“American Bagels you know on 45th and market?”
“Oh yeaaaah” I lied.
“Do you want one?” she asked she leaned over to get a bagel out of the bag sitting on the floor. My eyes went straight back to the bunny. I took the bagel and wrapped it up and set it on my lap for later. I wanted to talk to her, but not about me. I’m sure she wouldn’t want to hear about me going to school to become a doctor and failing. Or how everyone seemed to have better luck than I do, even guys like Miles who didn’t deserve it. Or that if this train wasn’t moving so slow, that I would be downing a bunch of pills right now.
“Where you heading?” I asked.
“Back to my apartment in Amesbury.”
“That must be so cool to be out on your own. I mean my parents drive me nuts. Everybody has it better than me. What made you finally decide to get out?”
“Actually my parents are dead”
No where in that monkey book did it mention about what to say after that.
“I’m really …”
“When I was ten my mother was killed in a drunk driving accident. My father was never the same. Six years later I came home from school to find my father lying on the kitchen floor. He was dead of a heart attack. I sat there holding him waiting for the ambulance. But I knew he was gone. I could feel it. I have some relatives down south, and a grandmother in a home. But I have been on my own since I was sixteen its been me and my Little sister. I work at the bagel place and take classes when I can. I’m not going to be there my whole life. I’ studying to become a vet I love animals”
When I first saw her I could only think about what she would look like naked. Now I couldn’t. I just thought about holding her when she was crying and holding her in sense to say it wasn’t fair that she was dealt a lousy hand in life. But its amazing when I looked at her she didn’t seem defeated. In fact, she had a look of total confidence when she told me where she saw herself. I placed my hand on hers for a second. She looked back and pointed with her head. She pointed right to Miles.
“Friend of yours?” she asked.
“Far from it”
“He comes in my work a lot. Her asks me to go clubbing with him every time. I just keep telling him no but he doesn’t listen. I told him to his face one time that I didn’t like him,but he still comes.”
Speaking of the devil. He came to us as the train had reached his station. He walked up to say goodbye. Or so I thought. He just looked at her.
“ I see you are talking to my boy Jimmy over here,” he said, hitting my shoulder. But it was the way he said it like I didn’t have a chance in hell with a girl like her that pissed me off. “Maybe I’ll stop in and see you tomorrow Missy.” As he finished that sentence missy and I both noticed the enormous piece of snot hanging out his nose. It was funny how he was trying to put me down in front of her, and he had a ten-foot booger clinging for dear life to a nose hair. When he left, we both broke into laughter. I hadn’t laughed that hard in I don’t know how long.
“Its funny most girls are into Miles big time,” I said once I caught my breath.
“Yeah there are a lot of naive girls that I could see buying into his act. I guess he sees other guys get girls who act that, and he figures he my as well pretend to be like them. Instead of actually being himself. I mean he may live a happy life with girls he dupes. But he isn’t honest with himself. I can even tell that. I guess his act is just his way of taking the easy way out.” I realized the irony of her comment as I clinched the aspirin bottle once again.
Before I knew it we arrived at Stewart station I got up. I realized what I slid on when I came over. It was little red plastic monkey, with two hook arms. It looked like it was from one of those barrel of monkeys from when I was a kid.
“Oh how cute,” she said. “ My little sister gave me them for Christmas one year. She said she liked the way that one monkey would always hold on with all his might to keep the other from falling.”
“Thanks,” I said softly. I think she thought I ment the for the bagel.
I gave her the monkey and told her goodbye. I stepped out of the train. I thought about doubling back and getting her number. Instead, I took the aspirin and threw it as hard as I could, and took a bite of the bagel. It was sweet.
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
“Jersey Girl”
There is a good chance that many of my readers (okay maybe 2 of them) have no idea that major movie stars are bouncing around in the tri-state area. Kevin Smith director of such watermark 90’s flicks as Chasing Amy, Clerks and Mall Rats, is currently making his next movie Jersey Girl in our own Garden State.
The movie which wraps production next Wednesday boasts two major Hollywood stars in Ben Affleck and J-Lo, who are apparently now GETTING IT ON! I am not sure if their love blossomed over cheese steaks or not. In addition Kevin Smith favorite Jason Lee, American Pie’s Jason Biggs (recently sighted in a Philly club), George Carlen, Liv Tyler and the fat guy from Dumb and Dumber will appear in the flick, and have been in the area to shoot parts of the film.
Most of the Jersey filming was done in Paulsboro. The town is supposed to be central Jersey though. The movie also has scene that was filmed right in the Berlin diner. The Silver looking one right on the White Horse Pike. Since the movie was to take place in the winter, the tree sitting out side was stripped of its leafs. You can actually still see it if you drive past.
Scenes in Philly are supposed to be NYC, such as the Hard Rock Café, because its obviously cheaper to film there. The people of Paulsboro were so delighted to get some press that, they named a street after Kevin Smith. As of this week there is officially a Kevin Smith Way in the town of Paulsboro.
I’m told people have been cool when people have been asking them for autographs. Sadly its about the biggest thing movie wise to have come here in a long time. This girl that writes for the Daily News became so obsessed with Ben Affleck being around, that she wrote about one time about voice mails that he left her. She also took paper space to tell him where to get soup and cheese steaks.
You will have to wait till fall of 2003 to nudge your friend and say. Hey I know that place! I have no idea what the plot is about. Maybe it is about a girl that comes back from college to work a crappy retail job and make half the garden state fall in love with her. I didn’t see any Puerto Rican cast members in the cast list though. Don’t worry loyal viewers she NEVER reads my blogg, no matter how many times I tell her to. So no harm will come on to thee!
Other movies that I know of filmed in Philly:
Rocky
Fallen
Mannequin
Mannequin 2: On the Move
Philadelphia
Witness (parts of)
There is a good chance that many of my readers (okay maybe 2 of them) have no idea that major movie stars are bouncing around in the tri-state area. Kevin Smith director of such watermark 90’s flicks as Chasing Amy, Clerks and Mall Rats, is currently making his next movie Jersey Girl in our own Garden State.
The movie which wraps production next Wednesday boasts two major Hollywood stars in Ben Affleck and J-Lo, who are apparently now GETTING IT ON! I am not sure if their love blossomed over cheese steaks or not. In addition Kevin Smith favorite Jason Lee, American Pie’s Jason Biggs (recently sighted in a Philly club), George Carlen, Liv Tyler and the fat guy from Dumb and Dumber will appear in the flick, and have been in the area to shoot parts of the film.
Most of the Jersey filming was done in Paulsboro. The town is supposed to be central Jersey though. The movie also has scene that was filmed right in the Berlin diner. The Silver looking one right on the White Horse Pike. Since the movie was to take place in the winter, the tree sitting out side was stripped of its leafs. You can actually still see it if you drive past.
Scenes in Philly are supposed to be NYC, such as the Hard Rock Café, because its obviously cheaper to film there. The people of Paulsboro were so delighted to get some press that, they named a street after Kevin Smith. As of this week there is officially a Kevin Smith Way in the town of Paulsboro.
I’m told people have been cool when people have been asking them for autographs. Sadly its about the biggest thing movie wise to have come here in a long time. This girl that writes for the Daily News became so obsessed with Ben Affleck being around, that she wrote about one time about voice mails that he left her. She also took paper space to tell him where to get soup and cheese steaks.
You will have to wait till fall of 2003 to nudge your friend and say. Hey I know that place! I have no idea what the plot is about. Maybe it is about a girl that comes back from college to work a crappy retail job and make half the garden state fall in love with her. I didn’t see any Puerto Rican cast members in the cast list though. Don’t worry loyal viewers she NEVER reads my blogg, no matter how many times I tell her to. So no harm will come on to thee!
Other movies that I know of filmed in Philly:
Rocky
Fallen
Mannequin
Mannequin 2: On the Move
Philadelphia
Witness (parts of)
Monday, October 21, 2002
You know how sometimes when you tune into a talk show you like, and there is a guest host. This is kinda like that. Im too tired, and busy to write anything today, so I have cut and pasted Ryan's thoughts on modern day life in the suburbs. It was actually a paper he did in 1999 (was it really that long ago?). Its pretty interesting though.
"Suburbia"
“Turn right at the Golden Arches and hang a left at Sal’s Pizza, go down two traffic lights, and that will bring you to Winding Way.” Are those the direction to you house? If not, I’ll bet they’re pretty close. That’s how it is in the suburbs. Middle class suburbia, which I am and always have been a part of, has become in recent years a predictable and patterned society in which almost any town in the US can be moved to another part of the country and fit right in. There are fewer and fewer distinguishing features in these suburban towns that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. I know we all have grown very accustom to our food markets, fast food restaurants, and video rental stores, but its gotten to the point to where they all seem to be in the same order and the some distance apart from each other.
Suburbs are a product of the city and country. They are a breeding ground for contact zones. Mary Louise Pratt defines contact zones as “social spaces where cultures meet, clash, and grapple with each other, often in contexts of highly asymmetrical relations of power, such as colonialism, slavery, or their aftermath as they are lived out in many parts of the world today”(Pratt 530). These zones have become so abundant in suburbia, it is almost as if there are no contact zones but just contact.
Suburbia was a new concept in the early 1950’s. It seemed to be a perfect mix of city and country. The suburbs had the food stores and restaurants of the city without the inconvenience of bumper to bumper traffic to get to them. They had the clear skies and quiet nights of the country, but had not without the occasional carnival or celebration to break the silence. The houses were just far enough apart to where you can have your personal space but close enough to where you would be able to visit your neighbor without having to travel 5 miles. They definitely had the best of both worlds. Now that they have become a world of their own, I’m not sure if those “bests” are even there anymore.
Today, it’s a little different. First, another question. How many times have you gotten lost in a development? People think it is easy to get lost in the sea of cars and buildings that is the city. They also picture getting lost on that never-ending dirt road in the country. These both are true, however, the suburbs are now just as easy to get lost in. Let’s start with where the houses are: developments. The idea behind developments is that all of the houses are designed almost identically. They all look the same! Maple St., Oak St., Washington or Lincoln Blvd., Yale or Harvard Ave., it doesn’t matter.
On the other side of my town, there is a development and I get lost everytime I go in there. It is a maze of split level houses with bushes, basketball nets in the driveway, and American flags hanging outside front doors. If I get lost in my own town, what chance do I have in another one?
Then once you get out of the development, you have to find the thrift store and Marco’s Italian Eatery. Is it two lights past Evesham Ave. or three? Do I go right at the Wawa or stay straight? These are the suburbs of today. They aren’t a bad place to live in, they are just a little monotonous. Sure, there’s a lot to do, but its all pretty much the same.
Another thing that brings out the similarity of suburbia is the seasons. With spring there is gardening. Make sure your daffodils and tulips are in the ground and ready to bloom. Memorial Day comes around and its bar-b-que time. When you really think about it, everyone is doing the same thing. Dad is grilling burgers and dogs while mom is fixing potato salad. The neighbors bring the apple pie.
Summer rolls around and it’s the town swim club for passing those long days away. As August gets under way, it’s time to get to the mall for those back to school sales. Football and soccer tryouts occupy the kids while raking leaves and painting the shed occupies the parents.
Halloween is always nice as long as no one gets lost trick or treating in their own neighborhood. Thanksgiving is a chance where we can visit our relatives in a suburb out of state and not be too impressed.
Now the days are colder and the snow is falling. Santa is at the mall, along with the rest of the civilized world and the kids are making some extra cash shoveling driveways and sledding down the hill behind K-Mart.
It is pretty common knowledge that changing schools is a nerve-racking experience. This is true but to different degrees. If a student from a city comes into a suburb to a new school, the change may be overwhelming at first. But when they come from just another suburb, the transition is much smoother.
In her article “Arts of the Contact Zone,” Pratt discusses two different kinds of cultures. There is the conqueror and there is the conquered. What forms a contact zone is the blending of these two cultures. Languages, traditions, among other customs are given and taken from both sides. Pratt uses a quote from Guaman Poma’s New Chronical and Good Government to give an example of “a conquered subject using the conqueror’s language to construct a parodic, oppositional representation of the conqueror’s own speech.” In essence, this is an example of how a contact zone is created from two cultures, a conqueror and a conquered. The common ground here is language. The Andeans dream of the Spanish bringing them gold and silver from Peru. When they end up brining nothing, the Andeans say something to express their feelings of disappointment in a “parodic” manner.
In this particular case, the result of the contact zone is negative. The Spanish were depicted as a higher power in Puman’s book. The second half, which is called “Good Government and Justice,” “combines a description of colonial society in the Andean region with a passionate denunciation of Spanish exploration and abuse”(Pratt 533). The Andeans were being decimated “at a genocidal rate” (Pratt 533).
In the case of the suburbs, however, it is positive. As time went on, views of suburban life from city and country inhabitants become somewhat negative. The stereotypes began to form. For starters, there are the snobbish, lazy twenty and thirty-somethings living at the mall and coffee shop slash bookstores. Then there’s the high schoolers with their own car (but can’t parallel park since they never have to) who drive to the mall and spend hours walking its floor without making a single purchase and sometimes not even entering a store, are among some of the many. I’ll admit that I am guilty of the latter along with a countless number of my peers. That’s what’s happening in these towns. The mall, bookstores, Taco Bell, and Blockbusters are the things to do.
With the contact zones of the Spanish and Andeans, the Spanish were the dominant culture. It is hard to say which culture is the dominant and which is the conquered when talking about the suburbs. If I had to choose, and I pretty much do, I’d say that the city has had a bigger impact than the country has. Many of a big American city’s qualities can be found in suburbia. Today, there IS bumper to bumper traffic. Ever since that multiplex cinema and new deluxe Shop Rite went up across the street from each other, there’s gridlock pretty much anytime of the day. And as far as roads go, they always need fixing. When one gets fixed, another is shut down. This creates detours, which create more traffic, which creates a mini city, if you will. Because of this, those in the country have similar perceptions of suburbians as the city residents do, but for the opposite reason, since they are on the other end of the spectrum.
Autoethnography, transculturation, critique, collaboration,
Bilingualism, mediation, parody, denunciation, imaginary
Dialogue, vernacular expression-these are some of the literate
arts of the contact zone.(Pratt 536).
Miscomprehension, incomprehension, dead letters, unread
Masterpieces, absolute heterogeneity of meaning-these are
Some of the perils of writing in the contact zone.(Pratt 536).
Pratt said this referring to literature but these terms also fit the way we live in communities. As I said before the suburbs aren’t a bad place to live in, they just have become barren. Not barren in the literal sense, but in the overall feeling they give off. They are all I have ever lived in and don’t mind them at all. I’ll probably continue to live in them as I get older. I’m sure there are many people who live in cities and in the country who will agree that there habitats are all the same. It’s just that the suburbs were the new way. They were the mixture of two extremes. Now they have just become an extreme of their own.
"Suburbia"
“Turn right at the Golden Arches and hang a left at Sal’s Pizza, go down two traffic lights, and that will bring you to Winding Way.” Are those the direction to you house? If not, I’ll bet they’re pretty close. That’s how it is in the suburbs. Middle class suburbia, which I am and always have been a part of, has become in recent years a predictable and patterned society in which almost any town in the US can be moved to another part of the country and fit right in. There are fewer and fewer distinguishing features in these suburban towns that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. I know we all have grown very accustom to our food markets, fast food restaurants, and video rental stores, but its gotten to the point to where they all seem to be in the same order and the some distance apart from each other.
Suburbs are a product of the city and country. They are a breeding ground for contact zones. Mary Louise Pratt defines contact zones as “social spaces where cultures meet, clash, and grapple with each other, often in contexts of highly asymmetrical relations of power, such as colonialism, slavery, or their aftermath as they are lived out in many parts of the world today”(Pratt 530). These zones have become so abundant in suburbia, it is almost as if there are no contact zones but just contact.
Suburbia was a new concept in the early 1950’s. It seemed to be a perfect mix of city and country. The suburbs had the food stores and restaurants of the city without the inconvenience of bumper to bumper traffic to get to them. They had the clear skies and quiet nights of the country, but had not without the occasional carnival or celebration to break the silence. The houses were just far enough apart to where you can have your personal space but close enough to where you would be able to visit your neighbor without having to travel 5 miles. They definitely had the best of both worlds. Now that they have become a world of their own, I’m not sure if those “bests” are even there anymore.
Today, it’s a little different. First, another question. How many times have you gotten lost in a development? People think it is easy to get lost in the sea of cars and buildings that is the city. They also picture getting lost on that never-ending dirt road in the country. These both are true, however, the suburbs are now just as easy to get lost in. Let’s start with where the houses are: developments. The idea behind developments is that all of the houses are designed almost identically. They all look the same! Maple St., Oak St., Washington or Lincoln Blvd., Yale or Harvard Ave., it doesn’t matter.
On the other side of my town, there is a development and I get lost everytime I go in there. It is a maze of split level houses with bushes, basketball nets in the driveway, and American flags hanging outside front doors. If I get lost in my own town, what chance do I have in another one?
Then once you get out of the development, you have to find the thrift store and Marco’s Italian Eatery. Is it two lights past Evesham Ave. or three? Do I go right at the Wawa or stay straight? These are the suburbs of today. They aren’t a bad place to live in, they are just a little monotonous. Sure, there’s a lot to do, but its all pretty much the same.
Another thing that brings out the similarity of suburbia is the seasons. With spring there is gardening. Make sure your daffodils and tulips are in the ground and ready to bloom. Memorial Day comes around and its bar-b-que time. When you really think about it, everyone is doing the same thing. Dad is grilling burgers and dogs while mom is fixing potato salad. The neighbors bring the apple pie.
Summer rolls around and it’s the town swim club for passing those long days away. As August gets under way, it’s time to get to the mall for those back to school sales. Football and soccer tryouts occupy the kids while raking leaves and painting the shed occupies the parents.
Halloween is always nice as long as no one gets lost trick or treating in their own neighborhood. Thanksgiving is a chance where we can visit our relatives in a suburb out of state and not be too impressed.
Now the days are colder and the snow is falling. Santa is at the mall, along with the rest of the civilized world and the kids are making some extra cash shoveling driveways and sledding down the hill behind K-Mart.
It is pretty common knowledge that changing schools is a nerve-racking experience. This is true but to different degrees. If a student from a city comes into a suburb to a new school, the change may be overwhelming at first. But when they come from just another suburb, the transition is much smoother.
In her article “Arts of the Contact Zone,” Pratt discusses two different kinds of cultures. There is the conqueror and there is the conquered. What forms a contact zone is the blending of these two cultures. Languages, traditions, among other customs are given and taken from both sides. Pratt uses a quote from Guaman Poma’s New Chronical and Good Government to give an example of “a conquered subject using the conqueror’s language to construct a parodic, oppositional representation of the conqueror’s own speech.” In essence, this is an example of how a contact zone is created from two cultures, a conqueror and a conquered. The common ground here is language. The Andeans dream of the Spanish bringing them gold and silver from Peru. When they end up brining nothing, the Andeans say something to express their feelings of disappointment in a “parodic” manner.
In this particular case, the result of the contact zone is negative. The Spanish were depicted as a higher power in Puman’s book. The second half, which is called “Good Government and Justice,” “combines a description of colonial society in the Andean region with a passionate denunciation of Spanish exploration and abuse”(Pratt 533). The Andeans were being decimated “at a genocidal rate” (Pratt 533).
In the case of the suburbs, however, it is positive. As time went on, views of suburban life from city and country inhabitants become somewhat negative. The stereotypes began to form. For starters, there are the snobbish, lazy twenty and thirty-somethings living at the mall and coffee shop slash bookstores. Then there’s the high schoolers with their own car (but can’t parallel park since they never have to) who drive to the mall and spend hours walking its floor without making a single purchase and sometimes not even entering a store, are among some of the many. I’ll admit that I am guilty of the latter along with a countless number of my peers. That’s what’s happening in these towns. The mall, bookstores, Taco Bell, and Blockbusters are the things to do.
With the contact zones of the Spanish and Andeans, the Spanish were the dominant culture. It is hard to say which culture is the dominant and which is the conquered when talking about the suburbs. If I had to choose, and I pretty much do, I’d say that the city has had a bigger impact than the country has. Many of a big American city’s qualities can be found in suburbia. Today, there IS bumper to bumper traffic. Ever since that multiplex cinema and new deluxe Shop Rite went up across the street from each other, there’s gridlock pretty much anytime of the day. And as far as roads go, they always need fixing. When one gets fixed, another is shut down. This creates detours, which create more traffic, which creates a mini city, if you will. Because of this, those in the country have similar perceptions of suburbians as the city residents do, but for the opposite reason, since they are on the other end of the spectrum.
Autoethnography, transculturation, critique, collaboration,
Bilingualism, mediation, parody, denunciation, imaginary
Dialogue, vernacular expression-these are some of the literate
arts of the contact zone.(Pratt 536).
Miscomprehension, incomprehension, dead letters, unread
Masterpieces, absolute heterogeneity of meaning-these are
Some of the perils of writing in the contact zone.(Pratt 536).
Pratt said this referring to literature but these terms also fit the way we live in communities. As I said before the suburbs aren’t a bad place to live in, they just have become barren. Not barren in the literal sense, but in the overall feeling they give off. They are all I have ever lived in and don’t mind them at all. I’ll probably continue to live in them as I get older. I’m sure there are many people who live in cities and in the country who will agree that there habitats are all the same. It’s just that the suburbs were the new way. They were the mixture of two extremes. Now they have just become an extreme of their own.
"Monday Morning Blues"
The alarm goes off. Your feet hit the floor. The most possible time to exist bettween you and your weekend stands in front of you. You are almost getting yourself killed for a parking spot on campus. Perhaps your going to a job you hate. Perhaps your going off to grad school. Most likely your running into traffic of some sort. Listening to your morning show of choice, trying to ease back into the work week.
But lets face it, some times life can just be mundane. Like I have and pretend I care about my customers, or that I am doing work at my internship. You know you will be asked to perform tasks you would rather not do. I know that I would rather just go home, lay down on my bed face down and close my eyes. Lay there in total slience with out a soul around and pretend I don't exist. But there is one thing that will get you through it all. And know its not beer.
IT is simply this.
http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatten.swf
When Monday blues have gotten you down. Just close your eyes, and think of these people. Think of that man with the black glasses and the beard. Think about how happy they are to be singing the Hat Baby song. Think of the haunting song. Think of the dance. Think of all the fingers pointing at the guys hat. Think of all the floating hands.
Hum the song all day. This will certainly cure the blues.
The alarm goes off. Your feet hit the floor. The most possible time to exist bettween you and your weekend stands in front of you. You are almost getting yourself killed for a parking spot on campus. Perhaps your going to a job you hate. Perhaps your going off to grad school. Most likely your running into traffic of some sort. Listening to your morning show of choice, trying to ease back into the work week.
But lets face it, some times life can just be mundane. Like I have and pretend I care about my customers, or that I am doing work at my internship. You know you will be asked to perform tasks you would rather not do. I know that I would rather just go home, lay down on my bed face down and close my eyes. Lay there in total slience with out a soul around and pretend I don't exist. But there is one thing that will get you through it all. And know its not beer.
IT is simply this.
http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatten.swf
When Monday blues have gotten you down. Just close your eyes, and think of these people. Think of that man with the black glasses and the beard. Think about how happy they are to be singing the Hat Baby song. Think of the haunting song. Think of the dance. Think of all the fingers pointing at the guys hat. Think of all the floating hands.
Hum the song all day. This will certainly cure the blues.
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